rhimix Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 My ex broke up with me about a month ago. The break up was really messy and at the time I was really upset and came here to cope but the break up has really been a good thing. I feel a lot better and looking back I realized what a bad relationship it was for the both of us. Anyway, when my ex broke up with me he said he wanted to stay friends. I declined, and requested we go into no contact. As of this weekend we will have officially not spoken for a month. Part of me wants to just keep him in the past, but this summer we are both moving to the same city (I will be there for an internship, he is going with a program through our college). Normally, I wouldn't care but all the people that we know out there are more or less the same people. I don't want people feeling like they have to take sides with us or can't invite both of us to things because we haven't been speaking. Therefore, I want to tell my ex I want to be friends after the no contact period is up. And by friends I mean just on good terms, don't need to regularly talk or hang out. I don't really know how to initiate that. Do I send him a text saying exactly what I'm thinking or should I just start out with a friendly "Hey, how are you?" Also, not even sure if this is the greatest idea. It's just bad timing. My ex was a complete narcissist (he even admitted to this) and I'm 100% positive that if I reach out to him first he will convince himself that I am trying to get us back together, which is the last thing I want. Just don't really know how to handle this situation at all.
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I wouldn't if I were you. "The breakup was messy." That and you maintaining NC for a month, and feeling good, are enough a reason to keep this guy out of your life. If he is a narcissistic person, all the more reason to keep him away. After all...You feel good now, don't you? Stay strong. Be a strong woman and bear this. 1
Elle1975 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 My ex broke up with me about a month ago. The break up was really messy and at the time I was really upset and came here to cope but the break up has really been a good thing. I feel a lot better and looking back I realized what a bad relationship it was for the both of us. Anyway, when my ex broke up with me he said he wanted to stay friends. I declined, and requested we go into no contact. As of this weekend we will have officially not spoken for a month. Part of me wants to just keep him in the past, but this summer we are both moving to the same city (I will be there for an internship, he is going with a program through our college). Normally, I wouldn't care but all the people that we know out there are more or less the same people. I don't want people feeling like they have to take sides with us or can't invite both of us to things because we haven't been speaking. Therefore, I want to tell my ex I want to be friends after the no contact period is up. And by friends I mean just on good terms, don't need to regularly talk or hang out. I don't really know how to initiate that. Do I send him a text saying exactly what I'm thinking or should I just start out with a friendly "Hey, how are you?" Also, not even sure if this is the greatest idea. It's just bad timing. My ex was a complete narcissist (he even admitted to this) and I'm 100% positive that if I reach out to him first he will convince himself that I am trying to get us back together, which is the last thing I want. Just don't really know how to handle this situation at all. Don't text. Go with the "hey how are you", walking by with a smile, and walking.. away. Basically stay civil but detached. What a score!
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 My ex broke up with me about a month ago. The break up was really messy and at the time I was really upset and came here to cope but the break up has really been a good thing. I feel a lot better and looking back I realized what a bad relationship it was for the both of us. Anyway, when my ex broke up with me he said he wanted to stay friends. I declined, and requested we go into no contact. As of this weekend we will have officially not spoken for a month. Part of me wants to just keep him in the past, but this summer we are both moving to the same city (I will be there for an internship, he is going with a program through our college). Normally, I wouldn't care but all the people that we know out there are more or less the same people. I don't want people feeling like they have to take sides with us or can't invite both of us to things because we haven't been speaking. Therefore, I want to tell my ex I want to be friends after the no contact period is up. And by friends I mean just on good terms, don't need to regularly talk or hang out. I don't really know how to initiate that. Do I send him a text saying exactly what I'm thinking or should I just start out with a friendly "Hey, how are you?" Also, not even sure if this is the greatest idea. It's just bad timing. My ex was a complete narcissist (he even admitted to this) and I'm 100% positive that if I reach out to him first he will convince himself that I am trying to get us back together, which is the last thing I want. Just don't really know how to handle this situation at all. You are answering your own questions. You said you feel better and was a bad relationship and you know he will think you are trying to get back togeher. So WHAT PURPOSE IS THERE TO BE FRIENDS?!?!?! So you might seem him in social settings. So what? If it comes down to that, just pull him aside and just tell him you dont want things to be weird and it will be fine from there. I would advise heavily against whatever you are planning on doing. 2
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Don't re-initiate contact. You're getting there, you're doing well. Don't give him an excuse to boost his ego. You don't have to even speak to to him at the social functions. It's hard to be discourteous, and ignoring someone goes against our nature if we are polite people. But remember, he threw you away. You owe him nothing, and though it might be awks, so what? Better that then slicing open old wounds. 1
flitzanu Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 really feels like you're looking for a reason to reach out. you've created an entirely hypothetical situation that is long in the future and may or may not ever happen. there's no reason to reach out, and if you see him in person, then just be courteous, you don't have to "clear the air". 2
KaliLove Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 1. Why would you want to be friends with a narcissist? 2. No Contact doesn't have time limits to it. 3
Author rhimix Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 You guys are right. Forget him. Not going to text him at all! 4
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 If in the new city you bump into him accidently, you can & should be cordial but that is "hello. See you. Gotta go" & not much more.
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