italianjob Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 You misread my meaning as showing them this thread would not be the beginning of trouble. What I meant was that you may already be at the beginning of more trouble where this incident may be only the tip of the iceberg, and may need more advice from us going forward. Advice that would be compromised if you showed this thread to either of them. I agree on this. Something doesn't sound right. I agree with you..very very true:-) I'm thinking about filing for a divorce to be honest about it..because I got done talking about this with my other friend and he said that "if they had the audacity to do that in front of you imagine what could have happened if you weren't there" and I do think that he was spot on about that..what do you think?? Does this other friend know the guy who was visiting? The way he worded that sentence, it sounds almost like he wanted to alert you on something going on he knows about.
italianjob Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I think you can't discount the fact that there was alcohol involved in this event, and it is possible that the drinking caused everyone to go farther than they might have otherwise. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, that's just what it does. However, that doesn't excuse anyone's behavior. I agree with those who said that your friend isn't a true friend if he routinely flirts with your wife in front of you. The situation between the two of them seems questionable based on what you have posted here, and it is entirely possible that more has been going on than you know. I would put a stop to it, one way or another. Either talk it out and tell your wife that this is unacceptable behavior, or leave. The choice is up to you. It usually means that filters are off. If you're not wasted drunk, alcohol doesn't make you gang up on somebody saying things you don't think, it just lowers your filters so that you say things you actually think but wouldn't have said. 2
road Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 She said that she did not think anything of him and she didn't even remember what happened for the most part?? Does your wife sell used cars for a living?
road Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 You said he is your best friend? He shouldn't have agreed with her behavior that night. He should have stopped her. Go and talk to him, show HIM that thread and tell him you expect him to act differently. You mentioned she doesn't remember that it happened. probably because she was drunk. But there is you friend here. Does he remembers? Because there's a chance that part of it was happening in only your had, and you're a little exaggerating. I've learned that when you ask 2 spouses about what was said in a certain argument, you will get 2 totally different answers. About the all time worse advice. Show that "friend the door". Dump him he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
road Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I agree but why do you think showing them this thread would be the beginning of trouble?? Is your IQ that low that it can not be measured? You still want to show this thread to the friend that wants to bang your wife. You just cut him out of your life without giving him a reason. End of story.
Friskyone4u Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 You've gotten good advice but once you demand tell her this friendship with you POS friend is ending, that is when you really need to be in vigilant mode. If there is something more to this, and I think most of us think there is, they will then go underground with the communication. This is not that hard. The more pissed she gets the better because the pressure will force her into a mistake: I would not finesse this friend of yours, or ex friend. You owe him no niceties. I would tell him flat out he disrespected you person in your home, that you intend on getting to the bottom of what you suspect, and that he better cut out the contact with your wife. I totally disagree with the nice approach. I believe you get in their face
Imajerk17 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) I was wondering if anyone had any advice on my situation .I invited my best friend over for some drinks with my wife and I , things started out fine with the usual banter of laughing and joking with each other , but as time progressed and drink started to kick in I felt more and more like an outsider in the conversations and the banter between my wife and my best friend started getting more sexual innuendo orientated , this bothered me and when I tried to get in on the conversation my wife put me down sexually and although she put it across as a joke this hurt me , I have noticed many times before that my wife and my best friend seem to get on very well but tonight I felt very uncomfortable with things that were said , anyway to cut a long story short when my friend left I decided to talk to my wife about todays events , I told her that I felt like crap with all the flirting going on and asked her if she found him attractive. Perhaps I should never have said anything as this went down like a lead balloon and we ended up having a massive row. Was I wrong to say anything to her ? Do you think that perhaps I came across as accusational ? Any help would be greatly appreciated...thanks I read the rest of your thread too, even though I was tempted to stop at the bolded, as that already said a lot. A very big part of your wedding vows is respecting and honoring one another, and disrespecting you in front of another man as your wife did is her breaking her vows. I'm not even considering whether she actually physically cheated with your "best friend" as what she did in front of you was horrible enough. Although I definitely would not be surprised if something physical had already happened. I really hope that you do not let this topic die with your wife until you are satisfied with her answer and you feel this was resolved to your satisfaction. And if she will not do this, then I do hope you file for divorce. Edited May 11, 2014 by Imajerk17
Author caliborn82 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Hi, firstly I would like to thank all that replied to my thread . Well heres an update on my situation , today my wife and I sat down and had a talk regarding the nights events , she was in tears about the things she said and assured me that what was said that night was only in jest and she would never intentionally do anything to hurt me , she admits that she drank way to much and that she loves me and only me and I have to say I believe her , she knows she was wrong with things she said and didn't realise that it was hurting me and just assumed that I realised it was just harmfull banter and has asked me to nip it in the bud if it ever happend again , to be fair I probably wasn't in the right frame of mind before we started drinking wich probably didn't bear well for the rest of the night , I probably read more into it than I should have. As for me asking her if she was attracted to my friend she assures me that nothing could be further from the truth and i am all she will ever want ,We have been with each other for over 5 years , our sex life is fantastic and I love her with all my heart , she is my world , my life and I could see in her eyes that she is telling me the truth , I recon I jumped the gun a bit and should have spoken to her in the light of day when she was sober rather than drunk.....we made up last night and i'm really happy and was stupid to have even thought that she would fancy another (But just between me and you all who read my situation) I'm STILL going to keep an eye out for her and NOT throw the divorce option out the window (just yet) .....thanks for all the comments good or bad and a happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers including any Fathers out there who plays both roles:-) 1
bigman1 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I don't know, but self-deception is a hard thing. Not wanting to believe something is no reason not to believe. I am sorry to say that I anticipate hard times in the future for you. Good luck to you, but damn. something I say to my kids, I will modify and say to you. When they tell me something that only makes sense if you ignore everything else, I ask them to put it in a sentence and tell me if it makes sense. Put everything that you just wrote on this thread into a sentence and tell me, does that make sense to you? If you have to keep adding qualifiers, then the answer is no.
Jonah Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 First things first: she needs to give up the booze forever. No, they both do. without the alcohol it would never had happened. Lose the alcohol and the shady chumps won't hang with you anymore.
Author caliborn82 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 No, they both do. without the alcohol it would never had happened. Lose the alcohol and the shady chumps won't hang with you anymore. Yes I'm gonna have another talk with my wife about her drinking again tonight
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