Bruce Leigh Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Seen an old friend from years ago, we grew up together, worked together and we talked about old times, talked about girlfriends/wives, past and present. Anyway, he always likes to bring it up, he was the envy of our group growing up as he was 16 and his first sexual experience was with a woman who was in her early 30's. She " took him under her wing and showed him the ropes ", his words, not mine. She was a sexy woman no doubt. This is generally accepted but with the genders reversed, a man who is in his early 30's and the girl is 16, this would be widely condemned as a dirty old man taking advantage of a young girl. Is this one of those double standards that have to be accepted??
MrStinky Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 This is normalized pedophilia. Yes, it is a double standard 2
snappytomcat Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 yeah I never understood it either,the last couple of years there has been teachers who have gotten caught having sex with students,and the excuse is the teacher is a nice looking blonde,and only gets a slap on the wrist,and teachers license taken away,but a male teacher would do jail time,only that case back in the 90s I believe her name was marykay laternou,and she got a warning,but couldn't stay away from the particular student,so she did do prison time,but I think they are together now,and even have a kid together 1
carhill Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 In Mary's case, Fualaau was 12 at the time and she was in her mid thirties. Apparently theirs was a 'meant to be' thing considering he got her pregnant both in and out of prison and they later married and apparently are still together a decade later. IMO, the double standard, even if in perception rather than law, will always exist because men are the killers, the aggressors, the penetrators, hence society, and especially children, must be protected from men. Women, not so much. That's the prevailing perception. Mary got her BP2 dx, was shunned, spent some time in prison, has a total of six kids and is now my age roughly and living a relatively peaceful life with her much younger husband. Is she a former rapist denied social recognition and acceptance forever? No, she's the lady who got Entertainment Tonight to publicize the wedding to the boy she had sex with as a 12-13 year old and it made national news. That's how it works! 2
Phoe Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I wasn't aware that this was even a double standard. Nobody I know would find a 30 year old woman sleeping with a 16 year old boy acceptable. I didn't know ANYONE actually found that acceptable. It's news to me! 11
Candy_Pants Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yuck. I'm nearly 30 and having sex with a 16 year old BOY sounds disgusting !! 1
Author Bruce Leigh Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I wasn't aware that this was even a double standard. Nobody I know would find a 30 year old woman sleeping with a 16 year old boy acceptable. I didn't know ANYONE actually found that acceptable. It's news to me! Ask any of your male friends would they have liked it if happened to them when they were 16-18. You maybe surprised by their answers.
Candy_Pants Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Ask any of your male friends would they have liked it if happened to them when they were 16-18. You maybe surprised by their answers. Now THIS, I believe. But, if you asked me at 16 if I wanted an older boyfriend (30) I would've said hell yes!! But not if it meant sex.
Author Bruce Leigh Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Yuck. I'm nearly 30 and having sex with a 16 year old BOY sounds disgusting !! We both matured quite early, pretty much done all our physical growing by 16 yrs, we looked older than our age, him more so. He was 5'10-11 and lets just say he was blessed down below, listening to and overhearing some of his exes over the years
Targetlock Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 16!! lucky git, that is too young though and yes that is a double standard. 1
Phoe Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Ask any of your male friends would they have liked it if happened to them when they were 16-18. You maybe surprised by their answers. If the topic of your post was meant to be "16 year old boys would like this", then I missed that completely. Sure, plenty of 16 year old boys would think it's awesome. My impression was that the topic was about the social acceptability of it happening. Which, I don't believe anyone finds it socially acceptable. Other than those 16 year olds who would like it. 3
Author Bruce Leigh Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 If the topic of your post was meant to be "16 year old boys would like this", then I missed that completely. Sure, plenty of 16 year old boys would think it's awesome. My impression was that the topic was about the social acceptability of it happening. Which, I don't believe anyone finds it socially acceptable. Other than those 16 year olds who would like it. But grown men do believe it to be socially acceptable, as they probably wished it happened to them at that age. I have heard of these teacher cases in the US courts, one or two are popping up in the UK now. I wonder what gender these judges are that hand out these sentences? But the US courts are all over the place regarding sentencing for many crimes anyway, from what i have heard and read about.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Look, you're in the UK so I'm sure you heard of the case of the twenty one year old woman who had sex with an eight year old boy for over two years when she was in her teens, right? She got a slap on the wrist because the judge felt that she had been embarrassed enough by the ordeal not to deserve prison time. This woman is a rapist, plain and simple and there is not one person in their right mind who would consider and eight year old anything but a child.....and yet, it seems many people still think the woman is nothing more than a misguided soul. Had the roles been reversed of course and an adult male had been having any kind of sexual relationship with an eight year old female, he would've have quite literally been burned at the stake. To say a witch-hunt would have followed would be an understatement. So, yes there is a double standard and given all the cases in which we've seen female teachers "having sex with" (see: raping) underage male students and basically getting away with it, you'd have to be a fool to deny it exists. 1
Author Bruce Leigh Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I try not to follow the news so much these days, too much negativity. I was the complete opposite a few years ago, going to sleep with a news channel on and my TV on a timer. Had to google the story http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1033111/short-jail-sentence-for-woman-who-had-sex-with-child For anybody who is interested in the story you mentioned. Speechless after reading about it now to be honest. 1
ASG Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Now THIS, I believe. But, if you asked me at 16 if I wanted an older boyfriend (30) I would've said hell yes!! But not if it meant sex. Really? At 15 I was sleeping with a 25yo... It's not quite 30, but yeah... And I actually dated another 25 year old that year (but we did not sleep together, it was a short thing) And yeah, older boyfriends were always the thing to aim for! And mine were always older. 18 at 13, 21 at 15, 25 at 15, 23 at 17... But yeah, it is a double standard. And although, as you can see by my dating history, I don't think all guys who sleep with/date underage girls are pervs, I just fail to understand what a 30 something will have in common with a 12 year old. Late teens though... it could be different. People mature in a different way and I was advanced for my age, definitely looked older. Obviously I was still a kid, but so were the 20 somethings I was dating! Edited May 9, 2014 by ASG
RedRobin Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I've never met a 'normal' man or woman who had sex at a young age with a much older person. Those who did often ended up on drugs, abusing alcohol, lots of promiscuity... So, I believe it should be discouraged for both young men and women. As far as it being a double standard, sure. Many more men ARE rapists, killers, and pedophiles than women. The negative effects of young men being sexualized at a young age are ignored and overlooked due to society's emphasis on sex in general, and men in particular 'getting some' in order to prove their manhood. It's messed up. 2
Candy_Pants Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Really? At 15 I was sleeping with a 25yo... It's not quite 30, but yeah... And I actually dated another 25 year old that year (but we did not sleep together, it was a short thing). Yes, really. I was a virgin and was constantly getting dumped for not "putting out" by my older bfs (2 or 3 years older). After I was 19 I went MUCH older (42) and that was an absolute disaster. I don't think it's appropriate (not to mention legal) for anyone over 18 to date under 18. So yeah, if my 15 year old son or daughter wanted to date a person older than 18, hell no would that happen. 1
dragon_fly_7 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Yes, that's another double standard and an ugly one. A man or woman in their 30's should be charged equally for having sex with a minor. I would be freaking out if my 12 year-old brother was talking about having sex with a much older woman and immediately look for the authorities. Actually I think I would even have rounds with that woman; woman to woman that is lol. He is a virgin off course and hopefully he keeps it that way till it's with a gf who he loves and cares about and he's at least 18+ years old. 1
ASG Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Yes, really. I was a virgin and was constantly getting dumped for not "putting out" by my older bfs (2 or 3 years older). After I was 19 I went MUCH older (42) and that was an absolute disaster. I don't think it's appropriate (not to mention legal) for anyone over 18 to date under 18. So yeah, if my 15 year old son or daughter wanted to date a person older than 18, hell no would that happen. Age of consent is 14/16 where I'm from, so I was basically legal (and didn't have sex with the 18yo bf until after I was 14). My mom was fine with most of it. We'd had the safe sex/get on the pill talk when I was 14. But she made it clear she did NOT want to know whether I was actually having sex or not. Just that, if I was, I made sure I was safe. I can understand your point of view though. It just happened completely differently in my life. Not just with me, but with all my girl friends, who were the same age I me, we were all dating much older guys, so it seemed normal.
Candy_Pants Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Ah, well if it's legal in your country I can't say sh it!! In my country the age of consent is 18. My parents were NOT okay with me having sex at 14. I couldn't even wear colored granny panties. Birth control was never discussed. I was frequently abused and called a slut, whore, etc. for things that were very innocent (and I was a virgin). Besides that I didn't want to have sex. Not until I met my first "real" boyfriend at 16. Even then we waited nearly a year to be intimate. I was always cautious around males, especially older men. I distinctly remember feeling "nasty" when they'd look at me a certain way.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I've never met a 'normal' man or woman who had sex at a young age with a much older person. Those who did often ended up on drugs, abusing alcohol, lots of promiscuity... So, I believe it should be discouraged for both young men and women. As far as it being a double standard, sure. Many more men ARE rapists, killers, and pedophiles than women. The negative effects of young men being sexualized at a young age are ignored and overlooked due to society's emphasis on sex in general, and men in particular 'getting some' in order to prove their manhood. It's messed up. I think that it might be more traumatizing for a girl than a boy...Lets face it, women arent often seen as creepy and predatory...In the same way guys are...Even when they are the ones that pursue...(id think in most of these cases the woman is the "aggressor"... So maybe in this case, its a double standard by its definition, but the two scenarios are rarely comparable... But what the hell do I know?... TFY
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