greenbee81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 So my ex gf cheated on me and we broke up, about 3 weeks ago. They were seeing each other for weeks before our breakup. We shared an apartment for 1 year and have been together for 3 years. I've since moved out and living with a friend (old coworker). But before that, like an idiot I begged and begged for her to come back and she said 'I need time'. So I gave her some time and eventually stopped contacting her. I wish I knew about this site at the time, I would of just let her go the moment I found out and saved face.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Don't be so hard on yourself. It's difficult to make the right and rational decision when you are hurting. And I am sure it hit you from out of nowhere. You know for now. And that "I need time" is short for let me check and see how things go with this guy and if it doesn't, I'll then be back. Move on. NC. 3
lauri Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 So my ex gf cheated on me and we broke up, about 3 weeks ago. They were seeing each other for weeks before our breakup. We shared an apartment for 1 year and have been together for 3 years. I've since moved out and living with a friend (old coworker). But before that, like an idiot I begged and begged for her to come back and she said 'I need time'. So I gave her some time and eventually stopped contacting her. I wish I knew about this site at the time, I would of just let her go the moment I found out and saved face. Hey - welcome to LS. Do not beat yourself up over this. We have all been there and done things we wish we didn't, but we didn't know better and couldn't control our emotions. Anytime you are going through a rough time post on here. Also, don't worry about "saving face" with someone who cheated on you. If anything, I'm proud of you for not contacting her anymore. You have done the right thing and took the right steps forward. 2
Author greenbee81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Thanks everyone. It's just so hard you know? I'm happy that others here understand my pain.
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Don't be so hard on yourself. It's difficult to make the right and rational decision when you are hurting. And I am sure it hit you from out of nowhere. You know for now. And that "I need time" is short for let me check and see how things go with this guy and if it doesn't, I'll then be back. Move on. NC. Sometimes I think you're a right b*****d for what you say, but 99% of the time you're just being totally honest and correct. Appreciated.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Thanks everyone. It's just so hard you know? I'm happy that others here understand my pain. Of course, it's hard. I've been cheated on twice. It's bad enough you're being rejected by getting dumped but icing on the cake with a cherry on top, the person has now betrayed you. I felt it harder to get over, because the betrayal was another aspect to the break-up that I had to come to terms with. You're not alone. And with that, I attest that you will make it through! You just have to be mindful that it was not about you. Don't devalue yourself and never feel that you caused the person to stray. It's a shortcoming that's on them, not you. And you have to be strong and stay NC. I bet she will be back when it goes down the toilet but don't falter on NC. Stay the course. You'll get through. 3
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 But before that, like an idiot I begged and begged for her to come back and she said 'I need time'. So I gave her some time and eventually stopped contacting her. You've dodged a bullet, she cheated on you, she isn't worth it. This made me laugh, examples of begging after being dumped (source: No Contact: Why to Do it and How) “You wanna break up because we’re not compatible? Tell me what, I’ll change anything about myself!" “You wanna break up with me cuz you wanna see someone else? No problem, date both of us!" Its so irrational but many of us have done it. 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Sometimes I think you're a right b*****d for what you say, but 99% of the time you're just being totally honest and correct. Appreciated. Yikes! I apologize if I come off like a bastard sometimes. I don't intend harm nor do I have intent to inflict more pain. Maybe there's a gentler way to convey honest and correct! Duly noted!
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yikes! I apologize if I come off like a bastard sometimes. I don't intend harm nor do I have intent to inflict more pain. Maybe there's a gentler way to convey honest and correct! Duly noted! Not sure what that meant either...
Author greenbee81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Well I broke NC few days ago jjust to respond to hher email. She lied about her weekend with her mom (I know it was new guy), so I simply said 'glad you had a great weekend, take care) and that was my last response to her I plan on not contacting her or responding to anymore. So tempted to check my spam folder (where I put her email address) but I will be strong.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Well I broke NC few days ago jjust to respond to hher email. She lied about her weekend with her mom (I know it was new guy), so I simply said 'glad you had a great weekend, take care) and that was my last response to her I plan on not contacting her or responding to anymore. So tempted to check my spam folder (where I put her email address) but I will be strong. The best thing OP, is to block her. You're going to be tempted to check email, hope for email, check text, hope for text -- then get derailed when you find a text or an email or when she calls you. If you truly want to get over this, block her. She cheated on you and is treating you like a backup. There is no going back. 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Not sure what that meant either... That's the first time I've ever been called a right bastard in how I deliver advice! 1
Author greenbee81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I have her number blocked on my phone. Could I block her from my email completely instead of just spam?
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yikes! I apologize if I come off like a bastard sometimes. I don't intend harm nor do I have intent to inflict more pain. Maybe there's a gentler way to convey honest and correct! Duly noted! Don't apologise, my statement was in jest only. Sorry that doesn't come over well in "text" I was more trying to pay you a compliment for being correct and blunt. 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Don't apologise, my statement was in jest only. Sorry that doesn't come over well in "text" I was more trying to pay you a compliment for being correct and blunt. No worries! It was funny I thought but I wanted to be clear that I meant no harm. And thank you for the compliment! 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I have her number blocked on my phone. Could I block her from my email completely instead of just spam? Yes, you can block on email as well. I can do it on my gmail and hotmail accounts. 1
Author greenbee81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 She screwed me over so bad, why do I still love her? When will this feeling go away?
flightplan Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 She screwed me over so bad, why do I still love her? When will this feeling go away? That depends on you. I'll give it to you straight with no sugar coating bull****. This is gonna hurt, and it's gonna hurt for a while. Just accept it. This is no longer about her. This is totally about you. Don't think for a second you can find relief from the pain from the one who caused it. Don't go begging, pleading, crying, etc. Man the **** up, hug the cactus and deal with it. It's going to ****ing suck. Having said that... you're going to find out what you're made of. As corny as it sounds, you're about to embark on a journey of yellow submarine proportions. Embrace it, and suck it up like a sponge, because, rarely does an opportunity come along that will push your envelope and forge a new found sense of who you are. You'll go through one month, three month and six month stages. It does get better, but you are going to be a different man than you are right now. If you're strong enough to maintain no contact, you'll get through this a lot sooner. You will drag out the pain if you don't. Your choice. Hang in there my friend. 1
Zahara Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 You love her eventhough she cheated because you still have an emotional attachment to her. It doesn't just go away just because they've wronged you. It's going to take some time before you start to feel relief. Took me about 6 months to feel the ability to feel good about my days. But everyone is different and what you do during NC is what helps you move forward. I'm sorry you're hurt. I understand how you feel. There's no quick fix. Unfortunately, in order to get to the other side, you first have to feel the pain. 1
Author greenbee81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Well I will not contact her anymore. I just want to know why I still feel for her, I am logically repulsed by her actions. This isn't my first breakup, but the worst one.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 She screwed me over so bad, why do I still love her?? Meh, love is kind of an illusion. The only person you need to really 'love'... is yourself!! You probably were just codependent on her (as I was). You felt happiness when around her. You took pleasure from being with her and doing things together. This is really not love. Start doing a little reading into the subject and many things will come to light!! The feeling will begin to go away when you realize that you can only count on yourself for true happiness, and women (partners) will come and go. End existential response 1
Author greenbee81 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks everyone! We did have to contact for financial purposes (closed lease on apartment), she seemed upset that I wasn't grieving (just wasn't showing it), and she asks in upset tone 'so are you moving on?', I said 'yes, I'm moving on' and left. She then later emails me saying she's sorry and that I find happiness...
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 she asks in upset tone 'so are you moving on?', I said 'yes, I'm moving on' and left.... Really! How entitled! What, was she hoping to hear you beg some more. The nerve.
jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I wish I knew about this site at the time, I would of just let her go the moment I found out and saved face. I wish I knew about this site a long time ago.
Mr.Pine Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 So my ex gf cheated on me and we broke up. like an idiot I begged and begged for her to come back and she said 'I need time'. Am I missing something here? The beeyotch cheated on you and you begged for her back. Are your cojones in the lost and found or are you just a self-esteemless schmuck? Who begs a chick back who cheated on them? Some of the stories on this site boggle my mind. 1
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