Mary Oak Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Here is a question. If your ex tried to reconcile, after a few years, and you felt you may want to try, depending... What answers would you need? What questions would you ask? 1
STM206 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Very interesting question. Let me grab my scroll real quick. 1.) Why did you REALLY leave in the first place? 2.) How would I be able to trust you to not abandon me again a few years down the line when things are a little rough? 3.) Why the change of heart? Why NOW? 4.) Did your partner decide to leave you and you're feeling around for "2nd best"? 5.) Do you feel any remorse for jumping ship? 6.) Are you willing to go see a therapist with me so we can work through whatever it is that needs to be worked through? 7.) Did you honestly know from the moment you left that you probably made a mistake? I'll think of more! 6
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 This is what you call dwelling. You need to stop with these types of scenarios. Creating threads and then pondering on the responses. You're feeding it. It keeps you stuck, romancing and idealizing the make believe in your head. 5
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Here is a question. If your ex tried to reconcile, after a few years, and you felt you may want to try, depending... What answers would you need? What questions would you ask? I know this is a hypothetical question so I'll answer... 1) It didn't work out with your last bf so you want me back, how do you think that makes me feel? 2) What's your reason for wanting to get back with me and why has it taken so long? but... I don't know if this is even realistic? I guess it depends the reasons for the original break up and as others have said if both of you have matured or learned to deal with those reasons. I personally think once "years" have passed then its gone. Unless you accidentally bump in to each other physical and hit it off again there is very little chance of them looking you up out of the blue to give it another shot... that is if you don't live close enough to bump in to each other. So I think the chances are more timing and luck rather than tracking you down. After 2-3 years you both could be slightly different people.
STM206 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 This is what you call dwelling. You need to stop with these types of scenarios. Creating threads and then pondering on the responses. You're feeding it. It keeps you stuck, romancing and idealizing the make believe in your head. Good point but I think it's natural to have these scenarios play out, our mind does wander into that realm. It's actually soothing to know that other people out there have those thoughts as well, because naturally you start to feel like you're crazy.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Good point but I think it's natural to have these scenarios play out, our mind does wander into that realm. It's actually soothing to know that other people out there have those thoughts as well, because naturally you start to feel like you're crazy. Yes, it's normal to have these scenarios come to mind and it's fine to let it come to mind but starting a thread and feeding that futile and useless thought isn't allowing progession instead it promotes stagnation. Imagine if this thread went on 20 pages long for a week. OP would be eating it up and focusing on that scenario in his head. It's fine to think about it but push it away and accept it's a break-up and deal with the NOW. What's at hand. Not waste emotion on "a few years from now"...you don't even know what you're going to have for dinner tomorrow. When you start to dwell, don't feed it. Focus your thoughts on something else. Go get busy. Create threads that are going to help you not keep you stuck. 4
love1336x Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 For my recent ex.... Was it all for sex? How do I know you won't pick your friends over me again? Do you still heavily love sports? Do you have a better job? Is your father dead? (hateful evil man) Are you barking up my tree because you haven't found somebody who will deal with your bull?
learning_slowly Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Should the question not be: if your ex tried to reconcile after 2-3 years, and you considered it, do you have a life? I think about my ex too much, but really if you have not moved on after that amount of time, you need to reevaluate your life and why somebody would want to be with somebody like that. If you improve yourself, hopefully you'll get somebody who is worth the effort and who you deserve, not a retry at somebody that split with you. Of course, there may exceptions to every rule, but 2-3 years with no contact!
No Limit Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Are you high? Are you drunk? Did you have a heart attack recently? Don't really know what answers I should expect. I'll give it some thought and then write again, guess it doesn't mind to put some more light to my 0%-return-tolerance. But truth be told, I have little faith in words. I think he'd have to come up with something pretty amazing. I'll go into that blue corner in my head and figure something out though. Edited May 9, 2014 by No Limit
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