Author BetrayedH Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I think you moved on too quickly with a girlfriend, to fill the void, or have righteous victory, or the comfort level of a light relationship. I'm worried you are going to hurt this girl, like I used to worry about Woggle screwing things up with his awesome wife, because of residual stuff. Hope Woggs doesn't mind the reference. BH, how long have you gone ...on your own completely? I ask because to know one's self you have to be okay with one's self, then when you master yourself, you know how to share with another truely, without fear. Or I could be completely wrong. Anyway, glad you left a toxic situation. Who mourns a bad thing? Well we do until we realize that we were stupid to do so, because our life is supposed to be great. BH, its okay to have a super great life. I dare you. Plenty of truth in this post. I can't argue that it would have been optimum for me to have waited. I think my thought process at the time was that I wasn't going to let my exwife take away so much as one more thing. It's hard to say what will come of this relationship. We both have former spouses and I can say that we're both pretty determined not to repeat many of our previous relationship mistakes. It's refreshing to have both people committed to that effort and willing to be introspective. We talk openly, a lot. It's a 180 from my marriage. I do have to say that I've made a sort of internal commitment not to drag my relationship with her into LS. I signed up for this but she didn't so I'm doing my best not to volunteer her, if that makes sense. She knows all about the place; if she ever wants to chime in, that's her choice. Regardless, I hear your concerns and respect them. The subject is frequently top of mind, as are those thoughts of having a super great life. I'm trying to find a balance. Thanks for your post. 4
NotCamelot Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Hey BetrayedH, it's good to hear things are going well. Too bad we have milestones tied to bad remembrances.....but..at least they are history. Just passed the two year mark on May 17th. . I understand what you mean about not-remembering. I am glad it's not the first waking thought everyday. I never thought that time would come. I had not checked in here since early in March. It's nice to see some good news! Congrats to you! 2
drifter777 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Plenty of truth in this post. I can't argue that it would have been optimum for me to have waited. I think my thought process at the time was that I wasn't going to let my exwife take away so much as one more thing. It's hard to say what will come of this relationship. We both have former spouses and I can say that we're both pretty determined not to repeat many of our previous relationship mistakes. It's refreshing to have both people committed to that effort and willing to be introspective. We talk openly, a lot. It's a 180 from my marriage. I do have to say that I've made a sort of internal commitment not to drag my relationship with her into LS. I signed up for this but she didn't so I'm doing my best not to volunteer her, if that makes sense. She knows all about the place; if she ever wants to chime in, that's her choice. Regardless, I hear your concerns and respect them. The subject is frequently top of mind, as are those thoughts of having a super great life. I'm trying to find a balance. Thanks for your post. I think the "normal" narrative about rebound romances are that they are a bad thing. This may be true in some cases, but that may lie in the definition of "bad". To me, nearly anything a BH does to regain his emotional equilibrium is fair game. Obviously, hitting his WW or otherwise abusing her is a bad thing so lets leave that out of this conversation. How can you hurt your current GF? Deciding you want to move on? Is it using someone to fall into romantic love with them and have a hot, passionate relationship with them for a period of time? And then when that burns out you decide to move on? This happens all the time and, in fact, is the norm for most people until they find the one they want a LTR with. This woman helped you get through a horrible time in your life. You both needed physical and emotional intimacy to help you heal. What could possibly be "wrong" with all of this? Do you have to marry her in order for some people to think it is ok for you to move into this relationship so soon? I'm Zen enough to understand that life is very difficult, and a person will have a difficult time finding any happiness if they don't accept this fact. But no one gets to tell me how to pursue my happiness or define what it means to me. I have not lived by myself for longer than a month or so in my 50+ years of life. I don't like my own company enough - so what? Judge me if you want, but I'd rather be happy - my definition - than right. 2
Owl Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 But no one gets to tell me how to pursue my happiness or define what it means to me. Drifter...on many things, we've disagreed. On this...I think we agree. If you're happy where you're at, no one else has the right to say a damn thing about it. And that applies for almost anyone who posts here...the only exceptions I could condone would be for those who have created their happiness by betraying or participating in the betrayal of someone else. 3
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