Atticus9292012 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I have been seeing this guy off and on for a good while. I have feelings for him and I am pretty sure its not mutual. I really just want to get this off my chest and move on. I need to walk away for good. I have already shed too many tears over it, but walking away has just been hard. We have a lot of mutual friends and go to the same places. I find myself around him even when we're not on a date, etc. I am about to take the bar exam for the second time.....yes I failed it judge me. Anyway, I decided I wanted to clear the air about my feelings and then completely cut this guy out of my life for awhile. Since I am going to be so covered up with studying I figured it would be the perfect way to forget him and I won't be around socially for awhile. Well, I texted him yesterday explaining I wanted to see him before I disappear into bar exam land. He replies that he just is soooo busy right now and can't do it in the time frame I suggested (next couple of weeks). I got really offended. My feelings were at the moment: I don't care how busy you are, you can carve out a little time for someone if it matters to you. Well, he wanted to see me last night. I had my son. I couldn't do last night. He then suggest me going and having a drink with him on Friday with a bunch of our friends. I was really iffy about this since the conversation I want to have is not a public conversation. He begged me over text message to come out in several texts this Friday. I finally told him that I want to talk to him about something and I really don't want to do it at a bar with our friends around. Friday is also my birthday and my plans were kind of up in the air still so I didn't know if I would even be available to come out. I basically was like if I run into you great. If I don't oh well. He never responded. Should I have agreed to see him Friday? Am I wrong in my feelings about this?
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 The guy is emotionally unavailable to you. What's the need to meet and make a speech about clearing the about your feelings? I have a feeling this is you last ditch effort to provoke a reaction from him before you go into hiding. And you were being passive aggresive, and that was driven by your emotions. He couldn't give you alone time and you huffed and puffed and said whatever. I'm not sure what air you're clearing but seeing that he's not invested, if you have to make your speech, just take him aside and do it. 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Why do you feel the need to do this face to face? The only reasons I see why is: 1. It's an excuse to see him 2. You want to make it a big deal to get a reaction out of him You saw this man *on and off* You know he doesn't share your feelings He made you cry more than he had to You don't need to go to confession with this guy and explain from A to Z why you are checking out, he knows exactly why you are. Next time he contacts you pick up the phone, tell him you wish to stop seeing him and contacting him. Good luck , good buy. You are not too hard on this guy, you are too soft. 1
TXGuy Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I think it is a little strange that you want to go out of your way to schedule a meet with this guy to tell him you don't want to meet up with him. You were offended that he couldn't make time to meet you in the next couple weeks when the purpose of the meeting was to tell him you didn't want to hook up anymore? That seems strange to me. From your post it was obvious he isn't into you. Before you made a big deal about meeting up, it sounded like a self-solving problem. If you didn't try to see him, it didn't look like he would try to see you. Things just fizzle out and problem solved. I don't think you should go out of your way to see him on your birthday to 'end' things. Especially not on a Friday night with a bunch of mutual friends. Alternatives include: - just stop chasing him. It doesn't sound like he is trying to hold onto you. If he asked, just decline. After a couple tries, he will stop asking. - send him an email or text to give him a heads up they you are done being his fwb (be as pleasant as you want to be about it). It doesn't sound like the guy is going to care enough to be upset it came electronically. 1
Author Atticus9292012 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I didn't necessarily want to meet up with him to tell him I didn't want to see him anymore. I wanted to meet up with him to tell him how I feel about him, There are a lot of other things I didn't go into in my post....For instance he told a couple of our friends he has feelings for me and I just got a divorce and have been very back and forth with him about things myself. I felt like I needed to hear from him whether he said those things, but I guess actions speak louder than words, right? If he really had feelings for me, I don't think he'd be so hot and cold about it.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I didn't necessarily want to meet up with him to tell him I didn't want to see him anymore. I wanted to meet up with him to tell him how I feel about him, There are a lot of other things I didn't go into in my post....For instance he told a couple of our friends he has feelings for me and I just got a divorce and have been very back and forth with him about things myself. I felt like I needed to hear from him whether he said those things, but I guess actions speak louder than words, right? If he really had feelings for me, I don't think he'd be so hot and cold about it. I believe in your past thread(s) you mention that he said he was not ready for any type of relationship. Is this the same guy? If it is, there is no need to keep harping about your feelings. He knows how you feel. And if he was all into you, he'd be taking every opportunity to want to see you. You tell him you are about to dissappear due to bar exams and you'd like to see him and he puts you down on a 2 week wait list. Just focus on your bar exam. You failed once and you want to do the second time around right. Prioritize yourself and your goals. 2
ktya Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Spare him the dramatic conversation. For some reason I notice that women always love to "end" relationships with a dramatic conversation about how bad the guy makes them feel/not making them happy/not committed to the relationship enough / etc. but when guys try to get a conversation to get some closure women cluster together and leave the poor guy hanging. Sounds like this guy sees you as a FWB/Casual partner and expects to have fun with you or not see you at all. Your conversation seems to be leading into the no fun zone and his radar is detecting that so he would rather meet you in a group setting.
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