Blastoplast Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) Quick back story - we dated for 7 months, everything was great then out of the blue she broke it off with me about a month ago. She just said she wasn't sure she liked me for the right reasons and that she didn't quite have the feelings she thought she would have after that amount of time. I've never had a girlfriend quite like her, everything was as close to perfect as you could get other than the lack of commitment. I think one of the deciding factors leading up to our break-up (mutual understanding, not messy at all) was that we're both very busy with work and school and throw in a 2 hour round trip to see each other it can make it difficult. I saw her out this Sunday and we ended up hanging out most of the day. There was no awkwardness, and we were laughing and chatting it up like nothing ever happened. I get a text later that night about 30 minutes after I last see her saying how she submitted a resume to a job she had been mulling over for a while and how it was nice to see me again and how great of a person I am. I didn't respond, but then 2 nights ago she sends me another text asking if I was awake and I did respond this time, and we go back and forth for about a half hour. Nothing much really, but she was asking whats new and mentioned how good I looked and what I look forward to now that I just turned 30 years old. Another thing she mentioned was how she's as happy as I am when she's not bogged down at work for 12 hours I don't know... she's a really level-headed person, but she did leave the door open for a reconciliation saying that she wouldn't lead me on in any way, and that she would let me know if she wanted to get back together. I have this gut feeling that she's missing me after how good of a time we had on Sunday. I guess I'm just looking for any advice on how to handle this... Should I remain friends with her and not remain pushy -- just hang out once in a while and show her what she's missing, or should I keep my distance with low contact and let her initiate? I just don't want to blow this because we really were amazing together, everybody around us saw it and were really rooting for us to be together -- I think she just over-analyzes things. Thanks for your time and any feedback! Edited May 8, 2014 by Blastoplast
No Limit Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 She left suddenly? She was meeting with someone else. She suddenly re-established contact? Her new guy didn't turn out to be as good as she thought he would. No, I wouldn't really wait for this. Cease contact to full no contact. Move on. 2
Author Blastoplast Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 I'm positive it's not another guy in her life, more a fear of commitment on her part. I got another few texts from her on Thursday night when she drove past a venue (I play music for a hobby) and thought I was there, wishing me a good night -- talk to you later etc. She's specifically said she wouldn't let me on, and that I would know if she wanted to get back together. When I talked to one of her friends the same night too, she said that my EX talked about me quite a bit (how great I am and how good I was looking) during the day. I really feel that we never had a chance to spend enough time each other -- with our LDR and work schedules. I had never even seen this woman before in my life and we started dating immediately, and again it was great chemistry from the start, but I do feel that a little more time to get to know each other would have helped more. I don't know people, any other insight? I feel like I should remain in contact and try to win her back. If I didn't feel so strongly about her I wouldn't care, but I think she's feeling the same way. *Also note, I have plenty of other options out there -- but I really think this woman and I are a great match and I thinks she's 100% worth fighting for or I wouldn't even be posting here.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Your mentality on this is completely wrong. First of all, it's up to her to win you back, not you to win her back. She dumped, she fixes. There's nothing for you to "blow" because you didn't cause this situation in the first place. And you fight for the relationship during the relationship, not after it's over. It's up to her to do the heavy lifting. You sitting there waiting around isn't the least bit attractive. You made a good impression when she saw you -- sucking around and being readily available will erase that impression. She dumped you because of what she felt was a lack of attraction. That's not something that will be solved by you "fighting" and being readily available. If anything, you'll just reinforce it. Let the positive impression you made marinate and keep moving forward. It's up to her to run after you and catch up -- it's not up to you to stand around like a pud and remind her that you are still there for her. She knows that. 1
Author Blastoplast Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Ok thanks! I think you're spot on about the positive impression, this past Sunday together had no awkwardness and I was very comfortable around her so that played into my hand. A close friend of hers said the same thing as you too about her having to chase me, that her initiating contact is good as the power is more in my favor then. I'll lay low and keep doing what I'm doing, it's just hard when I get multiple texts from her over the course of the past week, an e-mail saying this reminded me of you etc.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Ok thanks! I think you're spot on about the positive impression, this past Sunday together had no awkwardness and I was very comfortable around her so that played into my hand. A close friend of hers said the same thing as you too about her having to chase me, that her initiating contact is good as the power is more in my favor then. I'll lay low and keep doing what I'm doing, it's just hard when I get multiple texts from her over the course of the past week, an e-mail saying this reminded me of you etc. You've been around a while, so you know what a breadcrumb is. That's all those texts are, breadcrumbs. Don't make the rookie mistake, especially since you aren't a rookie, of confusing a breadcrumb for a meal. They don't mean a thing. She told you herself that if she wants you back, she'll let you know. Take that at face value.
Author Blastoplast Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Yeah I know... she's just such an up-front person, I don't know why she'd on one hand say "I won't lead you on", but then send me those texts.... Women
Simon Phoenix Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Yeah I know... she's just such an up-front person, I don't know why she'd on one hand say "I won't lead you on", but then send me those texts.... Women In her mind she's not leading you on. She's being friends.
hoping2heal Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 To be honest, all I got out of this post was that she really likes you...as a friend. If a woman tells you the feelings aren't there, you have better luck churning oil from a block of concrete. She seems to really think highly of you as a person, but she realizes the feelings that extend beyond platonic are not coming and she doesn't want either of you to waste any time. 2
luvshaq Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 You said things were close to perfect, but you were together for only 7 months. It sounds like the honeymoon phase wore off.
Recommended Posts