Diana94 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm new and wanted to join because I've been reading posts for a while and they've really helped me. Everyone seems so understanding and supportive on here so I thought I would give it a shot. So my ex and I broke up a week ago after two years, and I have just been torturing myself with so many questions. First of all, he broke up with me because he said that he just has so much going on in his life and that he doesn't think he should be with anyone right now because he need to fix other things going on. He was sobbing and crying and told me that he wishes there was a way he could keep me but he can't. He also told me that he wishes he could just bump into me somewhere once he has everything figured out and we would start all over (which really messed with me). I've asked him if there was someone else and he said no. I also asked if we would be together in the future and he said "I can try but I'm not committing to anything". Right after we broke up he asked to keep in contact and be friends but I initially said no because I would always want more, and then he started crying so I agreed to try. After the break up I admit I did some begging and pestering, but he's told me that he cares about me but that I should let go. I've been asking myself why I have to let go if he said before that there was hope for us being together in the future. The big thing that bothers me is that I wanted to come by and get my things before I went home for the summer (junior in college), but he wants to exchange when I come back in the fall over lunch. I kept begging and telling him no because I know that seeing him after the summer when he's possibly over me would kill me and set back any progress I made to moving on. He's deadset on after summer because "we will be less emotional" He won't mail anything either because "it will be better to meet in person". So I'm always asking myself why he would want to meet over lunch so soon after a break up, and why he says that he loves me but doesn't know about giving us a chance in the future. We have NEVER been just friends. He knows this. So why would he try to be friendly only 3 months after a break up? He's not talking to me right now because the last time we talked I was so crazy that he said he would talk to me in a week so we can both calm down. However, why does he want to keep in contact after a week when he knows that I love him and want to be with him. Is he just messing with me? I really want to ask him these questions but I know that it's not the best idea. Sorry for writing so much! It's just been all I can really think about
nutcheesy Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 The worst kind of break up would be one who strings you along. I had almost the same situation. She broke up with me (2 months ago) but still wants to meet me and say she loves me and there's no one else like me. She surprised me after by saying she fell for a friend of hers, and they are dating now. It could be different from your case, but dont be too shock if he tells you there's a third party, or he could be looking for a rebound right now. He is confused right now as well.. but he have already made up his mind. You being there and pestering him will only firm up his decision. I held on for a long time for a whole month then went No Contact, probably what everyone on LS will tell you to do. Go no contact, start focusing on yourself. It's tough, one of the hardest thing im going through with life now but i believe i'll get through this. First, you need to stop texting/calling him, then you need to stop stalking his online social medias, then you need to stop hoping for him to return. It's a long process. If he love you enough, he wouldn't gave up on you.
Strength in Healing Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Listen to me. What I'm going to say is going to hurt, but it will free a part of you in time. He found someone else. Everything he is doing and saying may have pieces of truth, but overall is a front and a lie. You aren't alone. I dealt with this exact same situation. So many of us, as you are soon to find out, have. You deserve better though than someone willing to lie and do this to you. You have value, you are unique and you have something special to offer someone. Do not settle for his lies, and don't believe them, either. Hardly ANYONE ever admits to leaving us for someone else, until you bust them. This isn't about you, and something you did or didn't do. This is about a failure, a weakness within him. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 There is no point in asking him anything. He probably couldn't give you the truth because he probably doesn't know himself, 100%, what exactly is going on inside his head. Agree most definitely. My ex never gave me an answer either, a combination of answers coupled with some massive confusion. I don't really think she knew one specific reason and as you say in your guide, it changed depending on the day. I'm still not convinced she even knew herself that splitting up was 100% the right thing to do, perhaps 99%, but not 100% Thanks for the NC guide btw TaraMaiden, it has been most helpful.
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