First heatbreak, after a 4 year relationship.

[FredJones80]

I'm sorry you're still hurting

For me it seems like it's getting worse and worse as the days go on.

 

Yep, up and down, up and down.

 

Who know what mood the day will bring

 

Or even better.... multiple moods changing through out the day!

 

Oh the joy

[Sunbathe]

Yep, up and down, up and down.

 

Who know what mood the day will bring

 

Or even better.... multiple moods changing through out the day!

 

Oh the joy

 

Have definitely experienced this! It's going to be a long road to recovery for sure :/

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Have definitely experienced this! It's going to be a long road to recovery for sure :/

 

The best part about recovery is you control your own happiness. You dont have to rely on anyone else to make you happy. Just takes time.....how much time depends on you.

[Sunbathe]

The best part about recovery is you control your own happiness. You dont have to rely on anyone else to make you happy. Just takes time.....how much time depends on you.

 

I agree. Although I'm trying to be happy and keep busy, yet he is still almost always on my mind.

[Elle1975]

I agree. Although I'm trying to be happy and keep busy, yet he is still almost always on my mind.

 

Mmmh yes.. that's why zquil is my best buddy. If not I spend hours awake in bed. Or wake up at 2am, which is just as bad since i get up at 4.50am...

[Sunbathe]

Mmmh yes.. that's why zquil is my best buddy. If not I spend hours awake in bed. Or wake up at 2am, which is just as bad since i get up at 4.50am...

 

Yikes! Lack of sleep definitely takes a huge emotional and physical toll. Thankfully I have been sleeping okay (granted I usually wake up a few times a night anyway), probably because I'm simply too exhausted to stay awake after thinking about him all day. But every single morning I wake up with the worst anxiety that literally makes me so nauseous I start dry heaving. No fun

[Elle1975]

Yikes! Lack of sleep definitely takes a huge emotional and physical toll. Thankfully I have been sleeping okay (granted I usually wake up a few times a night anyway), probably because I'm simply too exhausted to stay awake after thinking about him all day. But every single morning I wake up with the worst anxiety that literally makes me so nauseous I start dry heaving. No fun

 

Yeah I bet it's no fun at all. Gotta love those vivid dreams too!

[Sunbathe]

Yeah I bet it's no fun at all. Gotta love those vivid dreams too!

 

Yeah those are the best.

[Elle1975]

Yeah those are the best.

 

If you want I can lend you my dipsh*t neighbor who is acting up yet again as I type, that will put a cherry on your dream cake. The dude is in his 20s and always waits till after 10pm to bang around. He's lucky I can't find the noise ordinance of my town. I'll call the police station tomorrow, lets see how his student visa likes him after that.

[Sunbathe]

If you want I can lend you my dipsh*t neighbor who is acting up yet again as I type, that will put a cherry on your dream cake. The dude is in his 20s and always waits till after 10pm to bang around. He's lucky I can't find the noise ordinance of my town. I'll call the police station tomorrow, lets see how his student visa likes him after that.

 

Hahaha I think I will have to pass on that offer... you can keep him. Fortunately I haven't had to deal with obnoxious neighbors as my apartment is not part of an apartment complex. Just me and my roommate's kitties this week!

[Always Pondering]

I'm sorry you're still hurting

For me it seems like it's getting worse and worse as the days go on.

 

I promise you it'll get better!

 

It was absolutely devastating at first, then it started getting rocky, then it felt like it was getting worse and worse. So I believe it's natural for it to get more difficult before it gets easier. About a month or two ago though it got way better out of nowhere.

 

It's a heck of a roller coaster that a ton of us on LS are going through but there is an end to it somewhere!

[Sunbathe]

Speaking of vivid dreams, I had one last night in between some very disrupted sleep. He realized what an idiot he is and wanted to get back together. And then I woke up...

 

I laid in bed this morning and thought about how I really lost him long ago, when he started checking out of the relationship. He hardly wanted to kiss or cuddle anymore or spend any time with me. What time he did spend with me or kisses he did give me were not genuine. We hadn't had sex for quite some time. He was already living his life separate from me, he just hadn't told me yet. All while I was there for him, laying in bed with him, talking him down while he cried and talked about how unhappy he is and that he doesn't know if he can ever find happiness. He never would have gone to therapy if I didn't push him toward it. When we broke up, he sincerely thanked me for that push. Strangely enough, him talking to a therapist is what led him to gain the courage to end things. Such irony.

 

But in actuality what I really lost was the illusion of someone caring about me and being there for me. This doesn't change the fact that the pain is deeper than I would have imagined with him being physically gone.

 

From the looks of social media, he hasn't been mourning or thinking about me at all. He doesn't miss our 4 year relationship at all. Such a difference from when we said our goodbyes. He was a sobbing mess, kept telling me he has always cared about me. Kept hugging me and saying I love you. Perhaps a last ditch effort to alleviate some of his guilt, who knows. He has always carried with him a very heavy conscience. The last words spoken were him saying "I hope we can be friends some day. We will talk soon." and later a text that said "Goodnight <3". Radio silence from him since then, but he is suddenly more active than he had ever been on twitter and facebook, posting about all of the friends he is constantly with and all of the things he is doing.

 

I finally gained the courage to delete him off of facebook.

[considerthis]

Hey OP.

 

A few years ago my 5 year relationship ended. We had lived together as well, she was the dumper. I've read through your thread. Like you, in the first week, I strangely felt fine. This is very common because you are in shock/denial and your body releases chemicals that keep you from feeling too much in the first week.

 

Then it gets worse. Much worse. Mornings are terrible, with only some relief in the evenings. I had severe anxiety and fell into a depression, but I refused any drugs/alcohol. You might want to consider an anti-anxiety. It's the one thing I might have changed if I could go back.

 

Months went on and I felt like things were getting worse. Months 2-6 were awful. Everyday I posted on LS that I wasn't healing properly. Even people on this forum (bless their hearts) would lose patience with me sometimes.

 

I have managed to keep no contact after we broke up. That is the one thing I cannot recommend enough, is that you stop checking in on him.

 

The best thing someone said in another post to you on this thread is that if there is any chance of you getting back together, it will be years from now after you have grown/changed a lot (hint: by that time you won't be obsessed with getting back together anyway). But back then, this advice gave me a goal to work towards - get my s**t together so that in a few years, I will be awesome and she might want me back.

 

It's going to take a lot of time, and don't let anyone rush you. It's going to hurt like hell. Even after 6 months I thought of my ex almost every second of the day. Everything reminded me of her. Being around friends often made me feel worse, and, like you, I felt lonely. I moved to a different City and knew no one.

 

At the ten month mark, a girl asked me out, and that helped my healing along. The dating went nowhere, but it was a step.

 

Around the same time (10 months on), I remember waking up in the morning and going pee then getting back into bed. And that was the first 30 second stretch since the break-up where I did not think about my ex first thing in the morning. I was so excited.

 

Anyway, the whole process of recovery took about 2 years. About a year to get over those gut-punching feelings about the ex, and then another year to recover from the loneliness and depression. Keep in mind that you might not go through this added hell that I went through in the second year.

 

You will get over him. I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever.

[Sunbathe]

Considerthis: Thank you for taking the time to share your own breakup/recovery story.. I'm sorry to hear that your recovery took 2 years. Youre very strong for getting through it and I hope you're doing well now

 

I hope I do not take 2 years to bounce back from this, but I would not doubt if that is the case. I definitely do not want to go on an anti-anxiety medication, as I was on one years ago and I didn't like how it made me feel. I have the next two months off from work and school so I'm going to see how I feel at the end, and if I feel worse off I think I will seek out free counseling through my university.

 

There are several guys that I know of who are interested in me (one who texts me every day), but I can't even think about dating right now. I mean the thought of having someone there to cuddle with to ease the pain sounds lovely, but I think it would just make me feel empty and miss my ex even more. There is truly no replacement for him in my heart.

 

I cannot wait for the day where I wake up and don't think about him. Besides the longing I feel for him, what hurts the most is that he isn't even thinking about me at all.

[FredJones80]

I mean the thought of having someone there to cuddle with to ease the pain sounds lovely, but I think it would just make me feel empty and miss my ex even more. There is truly no replacement for him in my heart.

 

Nooooooo.

 

Don't do it, you'll be running away from your emotions, you have to go through this process.

 

Stay strong

[Sunbathe]

Nooooooo.

 

Don't do it, you'll be running away from your emotions, you have to go through this process.

 

Stay strong

 

Don't worry, I'm not going to!

[considerthis]

Considerthis: Thank you for taking the time to share your own breakup/recovery story.. I'm sorry to hear that your recovery took 2 years. Youre very strong for getting through it and I hope you're doing well now

 

I hope I do not take 2 years to bounce back from this, but I would not doubt if that is the case. I definitely do not want to go on an anti-anxiety medication, as I was on one years ago and I didn't like how it made me feel. I have the next two months off from work and school so I'm going to see how I feel at the end, and if I feel worse off I think I will seek out free counseling through my university.

 

There are several guys that I know of who are interested in me (one who texts me every day), but I can't even think about dating right now. I mean the thought of having someone there to cuddle with to ease the pain sounds lovely, but I think it would just make me feel empty and miss my ex even more. There is truly no replacement for him in my heart.

 

I cannot wait for the day where I wake up and don't think about him. Besides the longing I feel for him, what hurts the most is that he isn't even thinking about me at all.

 

Just to be clear, the second year was more about loneliness and depression with life in general, not so much about my ex. So if you have a good support system you might not suffer through the second year that I did.

[Sunbathe]

Just to be clear, the second year was more about loneliness and depression with life in general, not so much about my ex. So if you have a good support system you might not suffer through the second year that I did.

 

I'm not so sure if I do to be honest with you. I am well liked and have many friendly acquaintances who I can do things with on occasion, but I don't have any super close friends. For whatever reason I've always had trouble making a best friend. :/

[IHavNOclue]

I just ended things with my guy of 5 years and I am going through the same things. We broke up probably 4 times over the past two years, always over his drinking issues. He always promises to change and we reconcile..only to drop the ball on me AGAIN. I keep falling for his promises and it is like a merry-go-round.

 

Back in Sept we broke up "for good" then his dad died in December so we ended up somehow back together. Then on our 5 year anniversary in March he went missing for a couple days. No one knew where he was. I was like.. seriously? AGAIN?? Broke up. Recently we talked again and things were possibly headed back to getting back together. He is in Therapy. But then he has done the same damn thing three more times to me and finally Thursday he told me not to text him anymore. I won't. Everytine we go through this I have to start back on square one of hurt and pain. Like right now I am in the vomit stage.

 

Even worse there is a girl on Facebook that is is new "best friend/sister" (right) that calls/texts him constantly to make sure he is ok and they like each others post no matter how mundane. I finally asked him straight up if she wants him and he admitted that yes she does but he is not into her. (whatever) She lives in New Jersy and wants to move to Nashville BC her relationship with her husband is over. She wants to move in with him "till she finds a place". I have a male roommate that he wasn't happy about so he is considering letting her to show me how it feels. (I am in no way attracted to my roommate..it really is a brother type relationship… no kidding. )

 

Right now I cannot imagine life without my boyfriend. He is everything I ever wanted when he is sober but he doesn't see things the way I do and thinks I either accept him as is or hit the road. He is making me crazy. I also can't fathom him with this bitch. Oh.. the icing is she is 31 and he is 42. Im the oldest woman he has ever dated at the ripe old age of 41. He doesn't want kids.. has never been married. Things she will someday want. Right now she likes to party so I am sure they will have a great time for a while. He never would completely commit to me till my kids are grown. He didn't want us to live together.

 

I told him I see their future. She will be engaged to him within a year and probably pregnant. I hope they will be very happy… but I know they won't. He will continue to drink..probably even more.. and she will move on. Besides.. he needs "help" in the sex dept. here lately with all the drinking he does.. and BP meds. He's gained 20 pounds this past year and always in a foul mood. Don't ask me why I care if he goes. I don;t understand it myself. I just think of our happy times we had and want that guy back.

Edited May 27, 2014 by IHavNOclue
misspelled word.

[Sunbathe]

While cleaning out our bedroom today, I found some more things that he left behind on accident. I decided that I am going to go ahead and contact his mom next week to find out if she would be willing to pick them up from my house. Also, I am curious to see what she is going to say if we meet up. His mom thought of me as a daughter and I'm sure she misses me. I am also under the impression that she thinks the breakup was mutual, as my ex told me that the only thing he said to her is that we broke up because "things just weren't working". I'm by no means going to demonize her son, but if she happens to ask me what happened between us, I'm not going to hesitate to tell her it actually wasn't a mutual decision.

 

I'm feeling pretty lonely today.

 

How is it fair that you give so much of yourself to someone, love someone so very much, and they can turn around and cut you out of their life as if you never even existed at all?

[Greeneyegemini]

Hey Sun, I know how you feel.

 

My relationship was much shorter, only 9 months. I can't imagine how hard it'd be if it were longer. I just know at 27, with all the guys I had been with....i truly felt this guy was my "soul mate"....if that even exists. We connected on so many levels, had so many awesome times. Told me "Hey I love you" Last Sunday morning. Then BAM the next day he wants to break up. He said he believes it's what God wants him to do and that God is blessing his decision. Ugh. Be happy you didn't make a huge fool out of yourself like I did. Begging. Tons of texts/calls. Quite embarrasing. I was on day 8 of NC and broke down today and texted him....no reply. That kills the most. One day you have all of their love, then the next they act like you don't even matter. Can a person really lose all their feelings overnight?

 

What helps me the most is knowing I'm not alone. Everyone in here is going through the same pain. And it WILL get better...as they say. It hasn't for me yet but i'm still only at a week broken up. I suggest watching the movie "swingers"....it's a good post-breakup movie to take your mind off of everything.

[beembm]

Sunbathe,

I feel your heartbreak so so bad. I'm so terribly sorry for everything you are going through. I am a woman but I was your ex in this situation (as you saw in my post) and I'm sorry to say I can relate to every little bit that you guys went through - the confusion, the possible depression (my ex also thought that was causing everything and was holding on to hope that I would get better), the back and forth.

 

 

I don't know anything about you or your ex really, but I really want to caution you against KNOWING that he's fine. Social media can be very deceiving and sometimes people post happy pictures and posts, just to try to feel better, but we all know it doesn't usually work.

 

 

I have a feeling he is probably in worse shape than you think, especially considering the full year he spent vacillating about what to do and whether to let you go. Like I said, I have no idea, but if he's going through anything like what I am, then he's VERY confused, and very depressed, and regretful, and just unsure of what to make of anything.

 

 

That probably sheds no light and doesn't make you feel any better but I just feel so badly for you because I know the pain you are going through because I know I caused my ex the same pain. It kills me to think about.

 

 

My ex is engaged(!) after dating this girl for 2 months, and we have only been broken up for 4 months! So even though this news kills me, maybe it can give you some hope that you will move on?

 

 

I don't know. I'm just so sorry for your pain. Feel free to message me if you need support!

[Sunbathe]

beembm: Thanks for taking the time to post! I supposed he could just be putting on an act that he is fine, but I'm not so sure knowing how he is. He is a big believer in that you can create your own happiness no matter what, and he tries to live life with no regrets. I removed him from social media so what I am seeing are mutual friends posting pictures and videos with him included in them, not even aware that he is in them. I see genuine smiles and hear genuine laughing.

 

But thank you for your empathy. I empathize with you a whole lot too, as I empathized with my ex despite how much he has hurt me. Also, I am willing to bet your ex has not moved on after only 4 months. She could very well be rebounding, and simply caught up in the fact that someone is making her feel loved when she is internally still very hurt and lonely. It takes a lot longer than 2 months to get to know someone, so their relationship likely isn't built on any real solid foundation. Take comfort in that. But also prepare yourself for the possibility that her new relationship could continue on to flourish. Either way, you need to take some time to yourself to figure out what it is that you want and what makes you happy.

[Sunbathe]

Happened to stumble across an old picture of us and I'm feeling pretty weird right now. I look at him in the picture and I feel uncomfortable... he feels like a stranger to me. It's been almost 3 weeks since I last saw him or heard his voice. I'm feeling pretty detached and like he is so far away, but at the same time I'm feeling sad and lonely. And I do miss him. So confusing, ugh. I don't really know what to make of how I feel, I just feel so utterly weird.

[Sunbathe]

Back in my hometown for the next 8 weeks, no work and some summer sun ahead! Feeling pretty lonely today though. I have been texting this guy from work for the last month, and today he decided that we can't talk anymore. He wants to date me and I am of course not ready for that, I just enjoy flirting with him and am interested in pursuing a friendship only at this point. We texted every single day and it was a nice distraction from my break up at some points. I'm feeling pretty alone right now :/