Author Sunbathe Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Just woke up from a nap and I was having a bad dream about him. It was just our typical interaction towards the end of our relationship, him being distant and me waiting for more and left wondering where we stand. In my dream I was asking him when he would be home from work, and he couldn't tell me. This reminds me that I had bad dreams about him fairly often throughout our relationship. This happened more so in the early years, and began to happen less often toward the last year. Whenever I wanted to tell him about a weird dream I had he would always joke around "what did I do to you this time?". It really happened that frequently. I always wondered why I had these dreams. Of course I had pleasant dreams about him too, but the bad dreams really got to me. Why would I have these dreams about him when he had always been a good person? Why would I have bad dreams about him when he had been a relatively good boyfriend up until the last year?
FredJones80 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I always wondered why I had these dreams. Don't worry too much, I guess you can dream about insecurities. My ex dreamt I cheated on her with her sister and was even in a bad mood with me for it Heh, it never happened.
Author Sunbathe Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Don't worry too much, I guess you can dream about insecurities. My ex dreamt I cheated on her with her sister and was even in a bad mood with me for it Heh, it never happened. Yeah, you're right. I just tend to question these things being a psychology student and all. I know I shouldn't but I've looked at my ex's twitter a few times and he keeps tweeting very depressing song lyrics and about how he can't sleep.
Author Sunbathe Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Well I'm all packed up and I leave for a short vacation bright and early tomorrow morning. A much needed getaway.
Author Sunbathe Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I'm not doing so well at all. I miss him so much and have been dreaming about him almost every night. I sincerely feel like I will never find someone I love as much as I love him... like I'm always going to compare any other guy to him. I tried to have fun on vacation but all I could think about was how much I wish I could have experienced it with him. It still doesn't feel real that he is gone. I am really struggling, and I feel alone.
nightbird101 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I know exactly what your going through. My Fiance broke our 6 year relationship off. Like you this was our first relationship and we were living with each other. My advice...and it sucks and is near impossible and I'm sure your gonna get it a lot from others...but go NC. I failed to do that 2 months later I'm back to square one and feeling the utter pain. Keep strong and good luck
Author Sunbathe Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Nightbird, I'm sorry to hear about your break up and hope you are healing well. NC is very hard. I keep checking his twitter even though I know I shouldn't... and we have many mutual friends so I often see stuff about him through them even though I wasn't necessarily looking for it. I texted him once a couple of days ago, no "I miss you" but just talked about something I saw during vacation that he would have loved and that I wished he could have seen it. I didn't think he would reply and of course he hasn't. It's so lonely without him here to talk to. While I do have friends, I don't have anyone I am super close to that I can really be with to fill this giant void. He was my best friend and I feel pretty alone right now.
Tally123 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Sunbathe, I am sorry to read what you are going through, but know there are lots of people who feel the same as you do and you are not alone! It has been 6 weeks nearly since my bf and I split up. I have ok days and I have not so ok days, but it is getting easier. It will get easier for you too. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after, but soon you will realise you have gone a whole day without crying over him, or a whole day at work without crying once, or a whole day without crying on the way home from work...That is what is happening to me at the moment. But don't get me wrong, sometimes it comes crashing back down, but then I have another "good" day. I too like you would check his twitter and facebook/whattsap, you name it anything. But I had to stop for myself, I couldn't face it anymore, so have deleted him off of all media outlets. You need to delete him from everything. It is hard, trust me I know, but what is the alternative? I totally understand the feeling of you wont meet anyone like your ex, wont love anyone as much, I am feeling the same. But well, when you think about it logically - that can't be true can it? Have you any close family members you can confide in? Remember post here when you are feeling lonely as there are some great people on here that can help and give great advice. Tally
Author Sunbathe Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Tally: My mom and I are very close and she had been helpful but doesn't really know what to say anymore besides "you have to move on" which isn't very realistic when coming out of a 4 year relationship. It's not so easy to just move on right away. We only officially broke up a little over 2 weeks ago. I have friends that I can spend time with and do stuff with, but I just don't have anyone that I have a deep intimate connection with and I am really hurting without that.
jt27 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I am so sorry you are going through this. But like others have said, you are not alone. Not feeling so great today. It hurts the worst in the mornings. I can totally relate to this. You wake up and it automatically hits you realizing they are gone. I wake up after dreaming about almost everynight and I actually see her face on the pillow next to mine. It's gut wrenching. I have forced myself to get out and do things such as excercise, happy hours, etc and even therapy which is really helping and I highly recommend it. Just try your best to do something, anything and know there are many many people that can relate and have made it through to the other side.
jt27 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Don't worry too much, I guess you can dream about insecurities. My ex dreamt I cheated on her with her sister and was even in a bad mood with me for it Heh, it never happened. My ex constantly dreamt about me cheating on her. She would act weird towards after for most the day. It never happened but it makes me question her insecurities even more.
FredJones80 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 It never happened but it makes me question her insecurities even more. Heh. you've got a point there, a lot of times you dream about things you've thought about in the day. Constantly thinking about your ex in the day? nine times out of ten you'll dream of them. I think your ex had some security issues. Either that or they say what cheaters accuse you of, they are up to themselves. Sunbathe nice to see you still hanging in here, keep posting and keep your chin up.
jt27 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I think your ex had some security issues. Either that or they say what cheaters accuse you of, they are up to themselves. It was without a doubt a security issue. It happened throughout our relationship even in the beginning. As we discussed before, it may have been an attachment issue. Funny how she was so afraid that I would break her heart, that the opposite happened. 1
Author Sunbathe Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 JT, I have considered going to therapy but the story of my relationship feels like a long and confusing one, and I wouldn't even know where to begin to start discussing it. It feels too exhausting to even think about everything sometimes. Of course the ex is almost always on my mind though, and everything reminds me of him. He is a huge part of who I am, we had been together through some of the most important times in our lives. I wonder if he is hurting and if he is thinking about me at all. I wonder what his friends and family are saying about our breakup. His family loved me and his father even at one point said that he would love to see a future between us. I want him to find happiness but at the same time I want him to be miserable without me. 1
sly_fly1 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 the best thing you can do right now. is act like you dont care. i know its hard, but i swear the results are amazing, it maynot bring your partner back. but it will balance the weights and emotions leaving you with 50 percent of the stress instead of 100/ do your own thing. and dont worry about your other half, yeah they could sleep with some one, they could date some one. but so can you.you already know how much they loved you. just because they dumped you does not mean it disappears over night. if your ex partner wants to roll the dice let them, but they will be sure to get snake eyes.
Author Sunbathe Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Just saw one of his tweets about what a "wonderful night" he had. All while I'm dreaming about him every single night and wishing he was here with me. It really really hurts. I'm miserable. I keep thinking about how he is going to meet a girl some day and be able to give her everything that he just couldn't give me and that hurts deeply.
unoelo1 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Sunbathe, I really feel your pain. My fiancé of 6 years (first love) broke up with me out of the blue a month and a half ago (bad case of GIGS, we were both very young when we got together), and I felt everything that you are describing in your posts. Every day that I checked our old bank account, I saw he was spending money on fun activities like the zoo, bowling, the casino, you name it, every day he was doing something fun and exciting and every day I would sit there thinking gee he must be having the time of his life without me, all the while I was hurting deeply because I still love him, and think of him every day. Then after three weeks he called me up to tell me that even though he doesn't want to be with me right now, he loves me a lot and misses me every day. So there you go, it may seem like they have forgotten about us, but it's hard to forget someone you shared years of your life with. And, like you, the thought of my ex finding someone else to share his life with kills me. But you have to really force yourself not to care, as sly_fly said. Cut him out of your life completely, I know it's hard believe me, I spent almost every day with my guy for 6 years and it was hard to justify cutting him out of my life just like that. Resist the urge to check social media, resist the urge to send text messages, and resist the urge to ask mutual friends about him. As soon as you have absolutely no idea what he is up to, you will start to feel SO MUCH better! I still love him with all my heart, and of course I still have days where I want to cry (the mornings are the worst for me as well, it hits you like a ton of bricks). I think I will continue to feel this way for a while, and so will you, but the thing that's really helping me feel better every day is forcing myself not to care. Every time my ex pops into my head, I tell myself that I deserve so much better than to be his second choice, because after looking back on everything I did for him, I know I'm a catch, and so are you! You said yourself that his family loves you. My ex's mum loved me so much that after the break up she told me she would like to keep in contact with me. You and I are now measuring sticks for any future girlfriends that our ex's may have, it'll be hard for other girls to measure up. Another thing that I believe helps one to move on is the fact that there is ZERO chance of reconciliation with your ex unless you have completely moved on. It ends up being a win-win situation, because there is a slight chance that he will eventually realize his mistake and come crawling back to you (which could be years down the track), and if he doesn't, you will have moved on anyway so by the time you realize he's not coming back you won't even care anymore. I feel for you, it feels like the worst pain that you could ever endure (to be honest it's put me off being in anymore relationships for a few years!) but hang in there, we all go through this and in the end we come out of it as better people. I know you're miserable now, I still feel the misery, but you have to realize that at this point there's nothing more than can be done to change his mind. Let nature run its course, if it's meant to be, it will.
Author Sunbathe Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Unoelo: It sounds like we have quite a bit in common! I suspect my ex has GIGS as well, although I am unsure because our breakup wasn't exactly out of the blue... he had been contemplating whether or not he wanted to be with me for a over year. Also he is not trying to keep me on the back-burner, he has gone completely radio silence without seemingly a care in the world. I've seen pictures of him thanks to mutual friends and he is out partying with friends having the time of his life. Nice to see how much our 4 year relationship truly meant to him. It makes me feel so worthless. I know I need to delete him off of social media to move on but I'm not sure I feel ready for that step quite yet. What makes it even worse is this guy completely acknowledges what a catch I am, what a sweet girl I am, and that any guy would be lucky to have me. He told me I deserve better. I don't know whether he actually means this, or if he is saying this to make himself appear nicer so he can feel less guilty. Apparently I'm not enough of a catch for him to keep me around though. Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me Edited May 22, 2014 by Sunbathe
Author Sunbathe Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Also, I need some advice. I still have some of my ex's things that he forgot and I don't want to hold onto them. Would it be inappropriate for me to text his mom and ask her to pick them up from my house one day when she gets out of work? Would this be an awkward situation for her and I?
FredJones80 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 friends and he is out partying with friends having the time of his life. Nice to see how much our 4 year relationship truly meant to him. It makes me feel so worthless. This picture might cheer you up :- http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YL0MMC1vMvk/T1BrAfHFCuI/AAAAAAAAACo/xtPmvfeZru8/s1600/True.jpg There are lots of similar ones... not really sure how true it is though because I was sad from the first day, not partying 3
Author Sunbathe Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 This picture might cheer you up :- http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YL0MMC1vMvk/T1BrAfHFCuI/AAAAAAAAACo/xtPmvfeZru8/s1600/True.jpg There are lots of similar ones... not really sure how true it is though because I was sad from the first day, not partying Hahaha I've seen that before. I don't think it's gender specific, I think it depends entirely on who was the dumper and who was the dumpee. Do you think I should contact his mom to pick up his forgotten things or would that be inappropriate?
unoelo1 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I would love to answer that question but I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to contacting my ex's mum! In the meantime, our situation seems very similar, if you want to talk further send me an email [email protected] (I think I'm too new here to be able to send PMs).
Author Sunbathe Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Hurting a lot today. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and 2 weeks since we've talked. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Hurting a lot today. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and 2 weeks since we've talked. 7 weeks BU here and 5 weeks NC, still ****ing sucks Sorry. 1
Author Sunbathe Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 7 weeks BU here and 5 weeks NC, still ****ing sucks Sorry. I'm sorry you're still hurting For me it seems like it's getting worse and worse as the days go on.
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