BoysOfSilence Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) Hi all, I’m new here and I’ve been going through this forum a lot. I liked the interaction and how everybody is here for anyone. I hope someone would help me with my issue too. Last year on September, I meet this girl who was a friend of my friend. She was beautiful, smart and attractive. I developed a small crush on her. I told my friend to tell her if she wouldn’t mind to give me her number and all that, she agreed. We started chatting through Whatsapp, after that we were really great. One day she called me telling me that we should go out because she isn’t feeling well and we did. We talked a lot; we got to know each other better. She told me that her ex. was trying to get back with her but she said that she doesn’t want to. She said she is attracted to me and we should make out and I said ok and we did. The next day, she tells me that she’s seeing someone, I was surprised and felt bad and talked to her about it. She said it’s not official and she is just at the beginning and isn’t loyal and I shouldn’t worry much because in time I’ll get over it. Bull**** of course. After that, I found out that this someone she’s seeing is her ex. I cut her off completely because I felt like **** to be honest after what she did. One month later, she contacts me and tells me that she hates me for cutting her off and because I’m an idiot, I apologized. We agreed to stay friends and everything was going great and she told me that she broke off with her BF and how she has issues and I should always give her excuses and never get upset and understand. Even though I still liked her, I didn’t initiate anything and I told her nothing I was a friend and nothing more. Later, she tells me that she wants to have sex with me but I shouldn’t let her because she can’t control it. Started telling me things like I’m always on her mind and she always think about me. She sounded like she really like me. We started having sex, she told me she likes me a lot, she told me she misses me; she told me she loves me. I told her I did too. I fell for her, hard. I thought we were really great. One day, she tells me that she’s travelling for two weeks with her family. When she did, we talked every day and whenever she felt like ****, I was there for her, comforting her. She told me that she scared of hurting me and doesn’t want to lose me and what would I do if everything would end between us. Too many red flags? . Then, suddenly, she acts distant and cold. Whenever I tell her that I miss her or love her she would just ignore me. I asked her “what’s wrong?” she replied “it’s not you, it’s me. I’m going through a tough time lately and I want to do it alone”. Red flag. I gave her time of course. A day later she talks to me saying how she misses me and loves me and all that and everything was back. Then again she acts cold and distant, but this time she broke it off by saying ” Last night I talked to my ex and that call put me back in place, I’ve been feeling bad these few days. I was thinking about you and how things have been going fast. I know you have feeling for me and I feel you but this is not going to go as far as a relationship. I’d kiss you and have sex with you but that’s all there is. I still want to talk to you every day, go out, and have fun. I hope you understand and not get upset because there is really nothing to be upset at”. I told her I understand and if she’s happy with her ex. then that’s all that matter. She got angry at me for not understand and for thinking that she would go back to him and do something like that to me. I apologized and started being distant because rejection isn’t an easy thing. Whenever I text her she would take hours to reply and wouldn’t return my calls. She would always get angry at me for not texting after that and stating that she lost me. From what I see from her social media is she is with someone else. I was hurting so bad from what she did to me so I decided to cut her off again and go strict NC. I deleted her and blocked her from all social medias and then she texts me “Hi stranger”, I ignored her and then the next day, which was yesterday, she texts me “I can’t believe that this is who you really are. I’m done trying with you.” I don’t understand? Why would she say such a thing to me? Am I such a bad person? I’ve done everything for her, I made her happy. What does she mean done trying? She hasn’t tried anything. She didn’t call. What does she mean by “done trying”? Sounds to me that she wanted to cut me off but didn’t want to feel bad about it and this was an opportunity for her. I promised I would never let her go but to be honest I find it impossible to stay close to her as all I can see is that she’s playing games. I don’t understand how she blames everything on her issues and wants me to be okay about it and not get upset because “she’s emotionally not stable” as she claims. Seeing her with someone else really hurts the way she treats me really hurts too. I feel like ****, worthless and stupid for falling for her. I would appreciate any reply and what is she thinking about and if I’m in the right track. What if she comes back? Sorry for the long post. Edited May 8, 2014 by BoysOfSilence
feelinggood Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm sorry that you have to go through all the drama. And you have pretty much answered most of your doubts. Step back, and look at this whole thing from a third party's perspective. So...much...drama......... Ask yourself, even if she does come back to you, do you want to live your life with all these drama? I understand if she tries but in this case I don't see any trying at all on her side, except trying to lure you in with her body and using your feelings to feed her emptiness. My advice? Stay away and remain NC till the end. There was nothing serious between both of you, and her treating you like this? No, you definitely don't deserve it. Run!!!
Chi townD Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yep! this girl is bat sh*t crazy! Move on from her. That last statement was to guilt trip you. Nothing more than that. "Done trying with you" I don't get either. You called and texted her and she would take hours if not days to get back with you. So, I have no idea what HER definition of "trying" is. Dude, you deserve better than this. From day one, you were always the back up plan. Time to be number one for a change.
elseaacych Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Dude. Whoa. No. Whatever's going on in that girl's mind, trust me, you want no part of that. What's done is done. You've let yourself be strung along for long enough. Don't beat yourself up about it. There are loads of better people out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve. Time to shut it down, pick yourself up, and move on. You can do it.
Author BoysOfSilence Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Thank you all for the replys I guess she's a lot of drama. She's been texting me that she's going to send back the puppy I gave her as a gift. She knows I can't keep him! This is really annoying giving back gifts I gave her!! What do you guys think I should do? Thanks again.
Downtown Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 “She’s emotionally not stable” as she claims. BOS, if drug abuse and a hormone change (e.g., pregnancy) can be ruled out, the two remaining common causes of emotional instability are bipolar disorder and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Significantly, you are not describing the typical traits of bipolar. I therefore suggest you read about BPD red flags to see if most sound very familiar. I list them at 18 Warning Signs. I also provide a more detailed explanation of how to spot those red flags in my posts at Rebel's Thread. If those descriptions ring some bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. I feel like ****, worthless and stupid for falling for her.That's just a feeling. Don't believe it. If your exGF has strong BPD traits, it likely would have been very difficult not to fall for her. BPDers (those with moderate to strong traits) are VERY easy to fall in love with. Indeed, two of the world's most beloved women -- Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana -- both had full-blown BPD if their biographers are correct.
Elle1975 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Hi all, I’m new here and I’ve been going through this forum a lot. I liked the interaction and how everybody is here for anyone. I hope someone would help me with my issue too. Last year on September, I meet this girl who was a friend of my friend. She was beautiful, smart and attractive. I developed a small crush on her. I told my friend to tell her if she wouldn’t mind to give me her number and all that, she agreed. We started chatting through Whatsapp, after that we were really great. One day she called me telling me that we should go out because she isn’t feeling well and we did. We talked a lot; we got to know each other better. She told me that her ex. was trying to get back with her but she said that she doesn’t want to. She said she is attracted to me and we should make out and I said ok and we did. The next day, she tells me that she’s seeing someone, I was surprised and felt bad and talked to her about it. She said it’s not official and she is just at the beginning and isn’t loyal and I shouldn’t worry much because in time I’ll get over it. Bull**** of course. After that, I found out that this someone she’s seeing is her ex. I cut her off completely because I felt like **** to be honest after what she did. One month later, she contacts me and tells me that she hates me for cutting her off and because I’m an idiot, I apologized. We agreed to stay friends and everything was going great and she told me that she broke off with her BF and how she has issues and I should always give her excuses and never get upset and understand. Even though I still liked her, I didn’t initiate anything and I told her nothing I was a friend and nothing more. Later, she tells me that she wants to have sex with me but I shouldn’t let her because she can’t control it. Started telling me things like I’m always on her mind and she always think about me. She sounded like she really like me. We started having sex, she told me she likes me a lot, she told me she misses me; she told me she loves me. I told her I did too. I fell for her, hard. I thought we were really great. One day, she tells me that she’s travelling for two weeks with her family. When she did, we talked every day and whenever she felt like ****, I was there for her, comforting her. She told me that she scared of hurting me and doesn’t want to lose me and what would I do if everything would end between us. Too many red flags? . Then, suddenly, she acts distant and cold. Whenever I tell her that I miss her or love her she would just ignore me. I asked her “what’s wrong?” she replied “it’s not you, it’s me. I’m going through a tough time lately and I want to do it alone”. Red flag. I gave her time of course. A day later she talks to me saying how she misses me and loves me and all that and everything was back. Then again she acts cold and distant, but this time she broke it off by saying ” Last night I talked to my ex and that call put me back in place, I’ve been feeling bad these few days. I was thinking about you and how things have been going fast. I know you have feeling for me and I feel you but this is not going to go as far as a relationship. I’d kiss you and have sex with you but that’s all there is. I still want to talk to you every day, go out, and have fun. I hope you understand and not get upset because there is really nothing to be upset at”. I told her I understand and if she’s happy with her ex. then that’s all that matter. She got angry at me for not understand and for thinking that she would go back to him and do something like that to me. I apologized and started being distant because rejection isn’t an easy thing. Whenever I text her she would take hours to reply and wouldn’t return my calls. She would always get angry at me for not texting after that and stating that she lost me. From what I see from her social media is she is with someone else. I was hurting so bad from what she did to me so I decided to cut her off again and go strict NC. I deleted her and blocked her from all social medias and then she texts me “Hi stranger”, I ignored her and then the next day, which was yesterday, she texts me “I can’t believe that this is who you really are. I’m done trying with you.” I don’t understand? Why would she say such a thing to me? Am I such a bad person? I’ve done everything for her, I made her happy. What does she mean done trying? She hasn’t tried anything. She didn’t call. What does she mean by “done trying”? Sounds to me that she wanted to cut me off but didn’t want to feel bad about it and this was an opportunity for her. I promised I would never let her go but to be honest I find it impossible to stay close to her as all I can see is that she’s playing games. I don’t understand how she blames everything on her issues and wants me to be okay about it and not get upset because “she’s emotionally not stable” as she claims. Seeing her with someone else really hurts the way she treats me really hurts too. I feel like ****, worthless and stupid for falling for her. I would appreciate any reply and what is she thinking about and if I’m in the right track. What if she comes back? Sorry for the long post. You have been way too nice. People say "nice guys finish last", or nice girls, doesn't matter. It's not about being an @sshole to get the girl, it's about setting boundaries. What she means to do by saying "i can't believe that's who you really are" is "hey, what's happening here, you're supposed to be my toy and do what I want you to do". Eh? Do you want to be that guy? I'm guessing not. So.. be a man. Be nice to women, be respectful, but set BOUNDARIES. Don't be a fool, don't be a doormat. And yes, doing NC is the right thing to do. You asked for my opinion.. she's a class A b*tch. Spend your energy, money, and affection on someone who will appreciate you.
Author BoysOfSilence Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 BOS, if drug abuse and a hormone change (e.g., pregnancy) can be ruled out, the two remaining common causes of emotional instability are bipolar disorder and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Significantly, you are not describing the typical traits of bipolar. I therefore suggest you read about BPD red flags to see if most sound very familiar. I list them at 18 Warning Signs. I also provide a more detailed explanation of how to spot those red flags in my posts at Rebel's Thread. If those descriptions ring some bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. WOW..Most of them ring a bell actually. I'd like to know more about it .
Author BoysOfSilence Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 You have been way too nice. People say "nice guys finish last", or nice girls, doesn't matter. It's not about being an @sshole to get the girl, it's about setting boundaries. What she means to do by saying "i can't believe that's who you really are" is "hey, what's happening here, you're supposed to be my toy and do what I want you to do". Eh? Do you want to be that guy? I'm guessing not. So.. be a man. Be nice to women, be respectful, but set BOUNDARIES. Don't be a fool, don't be a doormat. And yes, doing NC is the right thing to do. You asked for my opinion.. she's a class A b*tch. Spend your energy, money, and affection on someone who will appreciate you. Thank you Elle, You're right. I'm feeling much better now from all the support.
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