Podna Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 How much jealousy is too much? I would like to get you ladies to tell me how much jealousy is too much. I will give you some examples of things that have happened to me in my relationships and perhaps you can tell me if I am overly jealous or not. And maybe if you’re in a really helpful mood you can give me some guidelines of your own. 1. My girlfriend of perhaps 2 years goes out of town for her job with her boss (who is a male and calls her all the time). They are gone about a week, during which time it was very hard for her and I to keep in touch, but we called each other every night, except one. On this particular night she “goes out” to a club with some of the people she had been working with, and her boss. Now I don’t really become upset about this until the day after she gets back when she gets a bouquet of flowers from her boss saying, “For a job well done!, LOVE YA, TOM”. Now I see this card and get really pissed! I confront her about all this “love ya,” business and she assures me it was meant totally platonically which for some reason I didn’t believe. I thought perhaps it was platonic to her, but not to him. My reaction: I go to her boss at work about 3 days later. I tell him that if someone does a good job for him he gives them a raise. No more of this flowers and “love ya” ****! I was quite forceful and made sure he understood my position on the whole thing. No violence or implied violence took place, just clear understanding. She got no more flower or cards (that I am aware of) and as far as I know never knew what I did. Was I wrong? 2. My girlfriend of maybe 8 months at the time is with me at a social gathering of friends at a local bar. She runs into an old friend she has known since high school but has not seen in many years. They hang out at another table with her girlfriends and chat and talk. Everything is fine. I leave for a while with a bud of mine and when I came back I find her with her shoes off and getting a “foot massage” from her ‘ol friend, giggling having a great time! (It looks more like tickling to me) My reaction: I catch him by himself and make sure he understands that he is never to touch my gf in any way, shape or form ever again. No violence took place but he understood that violence and perhaps death would/may occur in the feature if he ever touched her again. (Would I have ever killed him? NO. Of course not! Did I enjoy making him think that I might? YES) I confront my gf and tell her that her actions were totally inappropriate, and I expected her to keep all of her cloths on (shoes included) when dealing with anymore of her old fiends. If she needs her feet rubbed I would gladly help her out! She said I was overreacting. Was I? 3. My girlfriend goes out to the club with her other girlfriends all the time. I used to go with her, but the problem is I can’t dance. She loves to dance like nobody I have ever known! When I went out she would danced with her girlfriends some, but would soon come back and sit with me for a time while her friends had fun. I felt like a drag, getting in the way of her fun, so I quit going out to dance with her. I just let her go out with her girlfrineds so she could have fun uninterrupted. I really didn’t mind it because her friends where all really level headed people and kept a look out for each other. Well one day a guy I know tells me about her dancing with a buncha dudes at the club doing all that grinding and crazy dry humping business. She had only danced with her girlfriends every time I had been out with her, so I just assumed the same rules applied when I wasn’t there. (my mistake) My reaction: I confronted her about the “bump and grind” crapola and she didn’t try to deny it. This pissed me off even more for some reason. (Not really sure why) She said it was just how people danced nowadayz and that I shouldn’t take it personally. I asked her why it was that she never danced like that when I was watching? She didn’t really have an intelligent reply. I told her that she had violated my trust, and from now on she could go to the clubs with me (at my leisure) so I could make sure she didn’t fake **** some club dude on the dance floor. Was I out of line? Let me make it clear that I don’t tell my girlfriends who they can call and what friends they can have. Most times my jealousy isn’t really directed at my girlfriends at all. My anger is usually directed at the men. I know how most men think and most men are predatory. So when I have stuff like this happen in my relationships I feel a little trespassed upon and want to kick in some heads. Does that make me a bad person or just really protective? Thanks everybody, your opinions will be greatly appreciated!
P1xie Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Podna My reaction: I go to her boss at work about 3 days later. I tell him that if someone does a good job for him he gives them a raise. No more of this flowers and “love ya” ****! I was quite forceful and made sure he understood my position on the whole thing. No violence or implied violence took place, just clear understanding. She got no more flower or cards (that I am aware of) and as far as I know never knew what I did. Was I wrong? To me that is borderline psycho! You don't go to your girlfriend's work place without her knowledge or permission and make a scene like that!!! You can be jealous all you want but dude that is over the edge! My reaction: I catch him by himself and make sure he understands that he is never to touch my gf in any way, shape or form ever again. No violence took place but he understood that violence and perhaps death would/may occur in the feature if he ever touched her again. (Would I have ever killed him? NO. Of course not! Did I enjoy making him think that I might? YES) I confront my gf and tell her that her actions were totally inappropriate, and I expected her to keep all of her cloths on (shoes included) when dealing with anymore of her old fiends. If she needs her feet rubbed I would gladly help her out! She said I was overreacting. Was I? You have me almost afraid to reply. Terrorizing the guys that are involved is not going to help the problem and it's going to make your g/f at least I would be fearful of you. Let me make it clear that I don’t tell my girlfriends who they can call and what friends they can have. Most times my jealousy isn’t really directed at my girlfriends at all. My anger is usually directed at the men. I know how most men think and most men are predatory. So when I have stuff like this happen in my relationships I feel a little trespassed upon and want to kick in some heads. Does that make me a bad person or just really protective? No you just make their friends disappear.
Author Podna Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 To me that is borderline psycho! You don't go to your girlfriend's work place without her knowledge or permission and make a scene like that!!! You can be jealous all you want but dude that is over the edge! I think that's a little harsh. I go to my girlfriends work all the time. I talk to her boss all the time. She worked in a small office and it is not unusual for me to come up to her work and see her boss and talk to him all the time. I didn’t threaten him or anything. I don’t really remember what I said but I never made him afraid of me and I certainly didn’t “make a scene” I just walked into his office, closed the door, sat down and had a chat. I really don’t think I am a psycho because of that. You have me almost afraid to reply. Terrorizing the guys that are involved is not going to help the problem and it's going to make your g/f at least I would be fearful of you. As for the guy at the bar… Well I thought that I may have been out of line on that one, I have to admit. But he knew she was with me, and I would not put my hands on a woman that I know is with another guy. I see your point however. I did use some strong language with him. He just looked like such a scum ball. I enjoyed making him squirm. I guess it’s clear from your replies that you think I am too jealous and “borderline psycho”.
Numb Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 I see nothing wrong with it except that maybe your girlfreind enjoys making you act this way to a point, she is someone to talk to also not just the guys. You have to remember it takes two to tango. But I really see your point and no boss should say "I love you" to a female employee that is with someone. Just my .02
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