InSearchOfLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm not sure this counts as a breakup, since we weren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend. But I've also never had a serious relationship, so I don't think I know very much on the subject! We (he's 29, I'm 23) were dating for about three months and spent a few weekends away. Although I live about two hours away from him, I saw him about once a week. I'm leaving in less than a month, and he knew this as soon as we started dating. He is also supposed to be leaving for a different city in a month. Last weekend, he posted online that he went on a date with someone else. I was very hurt (because we had agreed we were sexually exclusive and I had told him about a month ago that it was too challenging for me to continue to date new people because I'm leaving). So I told him I couldn't continue seeing him (since the idea of being a placeholder for someone better repulsed me) and I didn't want to hear from him again because I deserve more respect. After I told him this, he decided to tell me the 'truth'; that "if [i wasn't] leaving he would have asked [me] to be exclusive because [he] really likes [me]. But [he] swore [he'd] never do distance again." I told him that if his feelings were really that strong he would have said something before now and it wouldn't have mattered. And I reiterated that I didn't want him to contact me. The more I think about it, the more sad, hurt, and perplexed I feel. Do guys ever change their mind when they 'lose' a good thing and try to get it back? or would a guy ever change his mind on dating someone over distance and realize he's letting something good go and act on it? Or does he just not see me as having that type of potential? And why tell me the 'truth' now? It just doesn't make any sense. I know he's going away this weekend and I can't help but wonder if his friends would tell him he's a fool for letting me go.
Elle1975 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm not sure this counts as a breakup, since we weren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend. But I've also never had a serious relationship, so I don't think I know very much on the subject! We (he's 29, I'm 23) were dating for about three months and spent a few weekends away. Although I live about two hours away from him, I saw him about once a week. I'm leaving in less than a month, and he knew this as soon as we started dating. He is also supposed to be leaving for a different city in a month. Last weekend, he posted online that he went on a date with someone else. I was very hurt (because we had agreed we were sexually exclusive and I had told him about a month ago that it was too challenging for me to continue to date new people because I'm leaving). So I told him I couldn't continue seeing him (since the idea of being a placeholder for someone better repulsed me) and I didn't want to hear from him again because I deserve more respect. After I told him this, he decided to tell me the 'truth'; that "if [i wasn't] leaving he would have asked [me] to be exclusive because [he] really likes [me]. But [he] swore [he'd] never do distance again." I told him that if his feelings were really that strong he would have said something before now and it wouldn't have mattered. And I reiterated that I didn't want him to contact me. The more I think about it, the more sad, hurt, and perplexed I feel. Do guys ever change their mind when they 'lose' a good thing and try to get it back? or would a guy ever change his mind on dating someone over distance and realize he's letting something good go and act on it? Or does he just not see me as having that type of potential? And why tell me the 'truth' now? It just doesn't make any sense. I know he's going away this weekend and I can't help but wonder if his friends would tell him he's a fool for letting me go. He knew you were leaving when you started dating. Some people have the capacity not to fall in love. Can't say it's a guy thing, or a woman thing. Anyway.. he didn't get attached. To be honest, I will never do LDR again either. So I can relate to him in that matter. I also think that he's just not into you, not as much as you are. Without more details, I can't be sure.. but he is dating someone else, as you told us. That gives me a pretty solid clue. So, to answer your question, I really don't think he will "change his mind".
Author InSearchOfLove Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 He knew you were leaving when you started dating. Some people have the capacity not to fall in love. Can't say it's a guy thing, or a woman thing. Anyway.. he didn't get attached. To be honest, I will never do LDR again either. So I can relate to him in that matter. I also think that he's just not into you, not as much as you are. Without more details, I can't be sure.. but he is dating someone else, as you told us. That gives me a pretty solid clue. So, to answer your question, I really don't think he will "change his mind". Thanks for the response. I appreciate it. It was a first date with someone else. I thought we were growing close, i.e. he talked about wanting to make a few visits to see in new city and my visiting him in his new city. He wanted to know how long I'd be there and what my plans are for the next few years. And everything else seemed to be falling in place (strong intellectual connection, affection, interests, etc). I really thought we brought out the best in each other. I guess I just always thought that if you really thought someone might have a place in your life, distance for a year would be easy to overcome. Especially since there is already distance between us.
Elle1975 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Thanks for the response. I appreciate it. It was a first date with someone else. I thought we were growing close, i.e. he talked about wanting to make a few visits to see in new city and my visiting him in his new city. He wanted to know how long I'd be there and what my plans are for the next few years. And everything else seemed to be falling in place (strong intellectual connection, affection, interests, etc). I really thought we brought out the best in each other. I guess I just always thought that if you really thought someone might have a place in your life, distance for a year would be easy to overcome. Especially since there is already distance between us. All I can say is that I can relate to you as well. It's heartbreaking. Especially when you had plans and hoped for a future together.
Author InSearchOfLove Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Why do people say they won't do LDRs? Do they regret those decisions?
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