BriInWonderland Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 It's been 10 days of no contact (yes I'm counting, yes it's not a long amount of time) but I'm hurting so much. We actually broke up 6 weeks ago but he wanted to stay friends so we kept in contact. Last week we got into an argument about how he treats me because he doesn't respond to my messages and only likes to tell me how happy he is with his new life without me, but when I talk about my happiness he kinda just ignores it. Well after our fight he called me a "deaf dimwit" and was really mean to me. Granted I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone, I guess I shouldn't have? And he told me to "Eff off" I don't think it's totally wrong to ask that questions.... but based on his answer I decided that he probably is. So he messaged me the next day and told me to listen to Tedtalks on happiness and success and I never responded. And he hasn't messaged me since. We've been on a 9 day vacation so I know he doesn't have work, and he's been posting comments and talking with people on Facebook and I feel so unwanted and sad and miserable. I guess I should face the facts that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't even care about me huh? It's so hard to do. What did you guys do? Is it wrong to get a rebound? I'm scared if I get a rebound and he wants to come back it'll ruin my chances. I also know that looking for a rebound is bad but it wouldn't hurt to go on a few dates with people, but I'm scared. I'm a mess, and I don't know what to do and "letting go" seems to be the most impossible thing for me right now...
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Snap out of it right now! Don't let anyone speak to you like that! He's being cruel to you because he's moved on, and now you are a nuisance! Go straight to hard NC and never contact him again! Do not get a rebound RS. Spend some time on working on yourself, you need to get some self esteem and evolve. Only when you are happy will you attract quality people - it won't happen while you're being needy and desperate! 1
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I've just read some of your other posts. Many people have given you a lot of good advice! Help yourself; go NC immediately and start the road to healing. Take up these fine peoples advice and stop picking at this wound from the past - because he is in your past now. Accept it and work on yourself. Do things that make you happy. I know you're lonely far from home, so you must push yourself out and meet new people. Don't go straight into another relationship, you haven't healed, and you risk hurting someone else plus making yourself feel crappy!
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I agree with SpiritualAlchemy, go NC has hard as it is. No matter what you think of him with his replies he isn't really considering your feelings, if he cared about you he would be understanding even though you've split up. I personally wouldn't get a "rebound" because its not in my nature, if it is in yours then that is up to you, but if not, don't force it, you'll probably feel worse. Keep your chin up.
Summerrose2013 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I was in a similiar situation. Exchanging 'friend' emails with my ex, but it wasn't just friends for me, I missed him and wanted him to admit he's made a mistake, which I realise now he will never do, and I could tell he was still cold with me, so the light finally dawned and I've not replied to his last message. I'm putting my energies elsewhere. I'm saying YES to every invitation I get. I don't have enough friends so I'm working on that - I'm joining a bike club, a meditation group, and an exercise class. And I've had a date - it made me feel good - Im not getting into a RS again yet, but whats the harm of a coffee or dinner date? It a) boosts your self confidence and b) gives you something different to think about. I posted a great link to a NC book on another thread, please check it out. This is what finally kicked me into touch to maintain NC.
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I was in a similiar situation. Exchanging 'friend' emails with my ex, but it wasn't just friends for me, I missed him and wanted him to admit he's made a mistake, which I realise now he will never do, and I could tell he was still cold with me, so the light finally dawned and I've not replied to his last message. I'm putting my energies elsewhere. I'm saying YES to every invitation I get. I don't have enough friends so I'm working on that - I'm joining a bike club, a meditation group, and an exercise class. And I've had a date - it made me feel good - Im not getting into a RS again yet, but whats the harm of a coffee or dinner date? It a) boosts your self confidence and b) gives you something different to think about. I posted a great link to a NC book on another thread, please check it out. This is what finally kicked me into touch to maintain NC. Thank you! I did the same and I haven't replied to the last message he sent. I just can't believe he hasn't contacted me! He never went more than two days without sending me a message. He mostly just liked to tell me how happy he was but it was still something. I don't have many friends either since I just moved to Japan but I'm working on it! I don't intend on getting into a RS because I know my hearts not ready but I wouldn't mind a confidence boost, it's nice to hear someone say I'm pretty. I'll check out the link. I know NC is better but it's hard when he's my main link to home. That and he owes me 1,600 dollars....
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 It has been two weeks of no contact (as of today) and it really does get easier, I've been meeting new people, keeping myself busy and generally doing alright. I was out on Saturday night when he text me "Have you been crying at work?" I don't work with him, I don't have anyone who is in contact with him, and I haven't been crying at work. I didn't respond to the message and I don't know if I should? I want to make a snappy comeback like "why should I?" Or something like that. Our relationship didn't end on bad terms, we were still talking almost everyday until we had a really big fight and I decided I didn't want to talk to him for a while so I just never replied to his last message. I just don't understand why he would do that? Does it mean anything? Thanks always for your advice...
STM206 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It has been two weeks of no contact (as of today) and it really does get easier, I've been meeting new people, keeping myself busy and generally doing alright. I was out on Saturday night when he text me "Have you been crying at work?" I don't work with him, I don't have anyone who is in contact with him, and I haven't been crying at work. I didn't respond to the message and I don't know if I should? I want to make a snappy comeback like "why should I?" Or something like that. Our relationship didn't end on bad terms, we were still talking almost everyday until we had a really big fight and I decided I didn't want to talk to him for a while so I just never replied to his last message. I just don't understand why he would do that? Does it mean anything? Thanks always for your advice... I think it's a lead in question because he's probably been crying at work.
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 It has been two weeks of no contact (as of today) and it really does get easier, I've been meeting new people, keeping myself busy and generally doing alright. I was out on Saturday night when he text me "Have you been crying at work?" I don't work with him, I don't have anyone who is in contact with him, and I haven't been crying at work. I didn't respond to the message and I don't know if I should? I want to make a snappy comeback like "why should I?" Or something like that. Our relationship didn't end on bad terms, we were still talking almost everyday until we had a really big fight and I decided I didn't want to talk to him for a while so I just never replied to his last message. I just don't understand why he would do that? Does it mean anything? Thanks always for your advice... p.s (I had previously posted this in the wrong place)
Chi townD Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I wouldn't respond. He's fishing for and ego boost. What does he expect? You to be a big pile of blubbering goo? By the way, LOVE Japan! I really miss me some Yakitori! Have some for me will ya! 1
Zahara Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I was out on Saturday night when he text me "Have you been crying at work?" I just don't understand why he would do that? Does it mean anything? When you've fed his ego by chasing him and suddenly you dissappear, douchebags like this one will come around sniffing to find out why you've stopped chasing. They do this to reignite your interest and get back to where they need you to be. That is what it means. Remember when you asked him if he was dating anyone else, and his response to you was to Eff Off. Literally in your head, keep repeating that. 3
lauri Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 When you've fed his ego by chasing him and suddenly you dissappear, douchebags like this one will come around sniffing to find out why you've stopped chasing. They do this to reignite your interest and get back to where they need you to be. That is what it means. Remember when you asked him if he was dating anyone else, and his response to you was to Eff Off. Literally in your head, keep repeating that. I would never ever say eff off to a girl - not even my ex who put me through hell. In the end, you should try to be someone who is more classy and will treat you with a lot of respect. Remember, its not about how they treat you when things are good. I judge someones character is by how they react and treat others when things aren't going the way the expect.
Zahara Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I would never ever say eff off to a girl - not even my ex who put me through hell. In the end, you should try to be someone who is more classy and will treat you with a lot of respect. Remember, its not about how they treat you when things are good. I judge someones character is by how they react and treat others when things aren't going the way the expect. I didn't mean for her to say that to him but to say it in her head whenever he pops up! I don't condone speaking to someone that way either. If a guy spoke to me that way, that would be the last time he speaks to me.
lauri Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I didn't mean for her to say that to him but to say it in her head whenever he pops up! I don't condone speaking to someone that way either. If a guy spoke to me that way, that would be the last time he speaks to me. My apologies, I must have not articulated myself correctly lol I didn't mean that...I meant try to be WITH someone who is more classy. I meant swapped shoes with her ex I would have never said that to her. I agree with you completely...respect is everything and you have to uphold yourself worth.
Strength in Healing Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I slipped a few times. My ex was bipolar and had borderline personality disorder. Anyone who has been in one of those situations know when it's dark it's dark. Telling each other to f off was one of the lighter notes in the song.
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 When you've fed his ego by chasing him and suddenly you dissappear, douchebags like this one will come around sniffing to find out why you've stopped chasing. They do this to reignite your interest and get back to where they need you to be. That is what it means. Remember when you asked him if he was dating anyone else, and his response to you was to Eff Off. Literally in your head, keep repeating that. I do tell myself everyday as much as I can but I still miss him so so much. I must just be a glutton for punishment. The day that would have been our anniversary is coming up and it just so happens to be his birthday too. Honestly I never planned on doing NC and I did it after the fight because he said those things to me. I was just hoping he'd treat me better as a friend or at least realize that he really would miss me if I were gone. Although part of me thinks that the reason for the breakup was because of my constant complaining, I also thought that it was the grass is always greener thing. He's in the job I helped him get with the money I lent him to get here and now that he's here he doesn't need me or care about me. It hurts so much, everyday is a fight with myself to not message him and not unblock him from FB I just wanted respect ya know? But I realize it's never coming....and I'll love him for a while. I keep telling myself he'll come back...even as a friend...but it doesnt look like it. I'm sad and lonely and I really want someone to fill the gaping hole he's left but no one can satisfy it
Zahara Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) It's normal to miss him and love him. You did have a relationship with him, there was an emotional attachment. It doesn't go away overnight. With that, it still doesn't justify revisiting this guy -- really, do your friends call you a deaf dimwit? Do they tell you to Eff Off when they don't want to hear from you? And if he couldn't treat you decently when you were with him, why would he want to treat you any differently now when he's completely done with it? He is not your friend. After a break-up we cling so tightly to this "friend" notion -- why -- because that's the last possible tie to the ex, the last possible hope to still have a foot in the door. Stop. He is not your friend. I know you want respect but if you don't respect yourself, why should he? The man tells you to f off and calls you a deaf dimwit and you want to be friends and you kept engaging with him. Where's the respect you have for yourself? No one can fill the gaping hole. If you place that responsibility on others to fill your voids, you'll always place yourself in a situation of vulnerability because you cannot depend on anyone but yourself. And after a break-up, there is no choice but to salve and soothe that void on your own. You can't reach to the one that is hurting you to comfort you. Edited May 14, 2014 by Zahara 1
Author BriInWonderland Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 I don't know how to deal with this NC thing it hasn't really made me feel better. His birthday is coming up on Monday and it was also supposed to be our anniversary and I just can't get him off my mind. NC was broken maybe two weeks ago and he commented on the fact that I blocked him from Facebook (wasn't too happy) and said that's why he hadn't been messaging. Then he left as soon as he came back. We have to meet Wednesday for a work training it'll be the first time since March that I've seen him and I don't know what to do. Even now I miss his laugh and his smile and get that nervous feeling in my stomach when I know I'm going to see him. I know everyone goes through breakups and most people on here probably have it harder than I do. But I feel so lonely and so unwanted and unloved. What do I do? 1
David87 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 You know information about him that means you're not in NC. Everytime you miss him laugh and all the other thing you said you miss about him , think that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. . . He doesn't need you, why do you need him? I don't want to be rude but you still love a guy who wants nothing to do with you ..... And don't even think about wishing him Happy birth day. 2
Author BriInWonderland Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 I don't don't know anything other than work things (we're coworkers) so it's unavoidable. His birthday and our anniversary coincide. I know he doesn't want me or care and the obvious answer is "why want someone who doesn't want you?" But that doesn't help at all.
bubblesbursted Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Hi there First of all there is nothing wrong in missing the person you once loved. It just proves you are capable of emotions. And to start with, your situation is similar to mine. BU happened 5 months ago. I went NC but my birthday was 2 months post BU. In addition to this, our anniversary which was last month. I know it gets hard on these days. Trust me. You said you are co-workers , so its not possible to go full NC. But you can atleast try. Try to avoid him as much as possible. Also, you said he wasnt happy about the fact that you blocked him on facebook. Does that mean you are still in contact with him? If so, Stop at any costs hun. Exes are considered exes because all they do is mess with our heads. I know you feel hurt and alone but you aren't. We are here for you. Try to distract yourself. Thats one of the things you should do! Read, dance heck even go out. You are single for gods sake. Trust me, It gets better. Been here.
Author BriInWonderland Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Lately it has just been super hard I don't even really know why. I'm actually terrified of seeing him because I know being away from him will hurt again. Right now we live in different cities and we are about 3 hours away so I don't ever run into him. It's so hard to live in a place that inspired your relationship in the first place. At what point will it get better? I can only distract myself for so long before I get depressed again. =(
biddybud Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Oh sweets, I really feel for you. It must be hard working with this bloke, but you need to cut yourself some slack and see that you are doing it- feel empowered by that move. As for NC- it's hard and rough, but it does help.... there's no analyzing over "is this what he mean't/ didn't mean". I'm currently in the midst of heart ache- the mornings are the hardest for me.... waking up and it hitting me all over again, the realization again "He didn't want me, so he got rid". I'm in 11 days NC, honestly, don't feel any better for it, but I know I will. I lived 27 years without him quite happily and the next however many years will be even more amazing as now I have no block in where I want to be, go, do. Think of that, think of your life now and the many opportunities you'll get and choose to do. Scary and exciting, just what life should be. I'm sending you positive vibes, you will get through this, in the next few years these dates will not mean anything to you, you will have new dates to think of and remember, one's that you'll have in your life, for the rest of your life. Keep going, even if you don't feel strong, because I promise you will sooner than you think. 1
Author BriInWonderland Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 So despite my better judgment I still messaged him and told him happy birthday and he didn't even reply with a "thanks" granted I text him at like 3AM but still. Even though I know how he feels about me I still secretly hope he'll realize he misses me and that he'll wanna try again. I can't believe he didn't even reply. I don't want to see him on Wednesday at all.
umirano Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Why do you wish a guy who's so aggressive and mean to you a happy birthday? Every other man on this planet has been kinder to you, no?
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