I am finding it harder to be optimistic

[you_can_not_see_me]

I got a rejection recently that stung me good, but I was trying to stay positive and try to date other girls.

 

But I am just finding it harder and harder to stay positive, every time I feel like there might be something between me and a girl it leads to disappointment.

 

I think I am a decent looking dude, I really do, I try to be as objective as I can about this and I still I see a good looking dude. But then why am I having such a hard time with all this. The logical, rationalizing part of my brain tells me I could have just had a string of bad luck, and there is no saying what happens next, but then I can't help but feel like that's all bull**** when I am faced with another situations where its clear the girl is not interested:(

 

today I was chatting with this girl all optimistic and all, but after a while she just didn't seem all that talkative, and instinctively I felt like that was a sign of disinterest on her part so I decided I had had enough and left her. This girl was nothing to me of course, This was only the second time I saw her, but the case just makes me feel like my situation is hopeless, like this is how its going to always end up being.

 

Yes, I don't approach girls that often, and my rejections are in the single digits, but I just feel that its become so predictable, that every time I do approach a girl its going to lead to disappointment, so much so that I think its safe to bet on it now.

 

I just don't know how to stay positive and keep at it at this rate.

Edited May 7, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me

[AdrianCrawley]

The right girl will come at some point into your life. For the time being just do something else.

[you_can_not_see_me]

The right girl will come at some point into your life. For the time being just do something else.

"The right girl", right girl for who? The concept of a "right girl" is bull****, if there was a right girl, then why do people breakup and divorce so often? Compatibility is overrated, everyone is somewhat compatible with each other, attraction is what makes the difference.

 

I have also waited way way too long. I am done waiting. Waiting only works for girls cause they are approached, it won't work for a guy.

[soccerrprp]

I don't know you, but the ONLY thing you talk about is how you look. If your personality is less than captivating or interesting, girls won't stay for long. You have to be an adonis for girls to blindly stay with you while dismissing any personality flaws. So, other than you looking "good", what else do you bring to the table?

[Gaeta]

It's like that for everyone, not just you, till you meet someone and it clicks on both sides. Some it takes longer than others, it's very random. I have been actively looking for 3 years and I am more than a decent woman. I got a complete package to offer but so far I have only been Miss. right now, not Miss. Right. It's the same BS for everyone till it works.

[you_can_not_see_me]

I don't know you, but the ONLY thing you talk about is how you look. If your personality is less than captivating or interesting, girls won't stay for long. You have to be an adonis for girls to blindly stay with you while dismissing any personality flaws. So, other than you looking "good", what else do you bring to the table?

I appreciate your post, Sure I suppose I can occasionally come off as a bore, but I am not sure that is the cause of my plight, I feel like at least in the initial stages physcial attraction is king, and people who don't find someone attractive just rationalize it by saying they don't like the guy's personality, but in reality its the lack of physical attraction.

 

 

I may be a cautious guy who doesn't display particularly adventurous behavior, But I do have social skills, I have a decent number of friends, if personality was the issue, then why has it not held me back in getting friends?

[soccerrprp]

I appreciate your post, Sure I suppose I can occasionally come off as a bore, but I am not sure that is the cause of my plight, I feel like at least in the initial stages physcial attraction is king, and people who don't find someone attractive just rationalize it by saying they don't like the guy's personality, but in reality its the lack of physical attraction.

 

I may be a cautious guy who doesn't display particularly adventurous behavior, But I do have social skills, I have a decent number of friends, if personality was the issue, then why has it not held me back in getting friends?

 

Yes, physical attraction is important to a point, but you have to have more for a long term relationship to develop and exist. It is always easier to make platonic friends than romantic interests. People use different criteria for the two. I may like you as a "friend", but that doesn't mean what attracts me in that respect will do anything for me when looking for a romantic interest.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Yes, physical attraction is important to a point, but you have to have more for a long term relationship to develop and exist. It is always easier to make platonic friends than romantic interests. People use different criteria for the two. I may like you as a "friend", but that doesn't mean what attracts me in that respect will do anything for me when looking for a romantic interest.

I don't care about long term relationships right now, I just want to date and ****, and for that physical attraction is everything. I also disagree the only difference between who works as a friend and who works as a romantic partner, is physical attraction in my opinion, That's why I don't believe my personality is what is holding me back.

[you_can_not_see_me]

It's like that for everyone, not just you, till you meet someone and it clicks on both sides. Some it takes longer than others, it's very random. I have been actively looking for 3 years and I am more than a decent woman. I got a complete package to offer but so far I have only been Miss. right now, not Miss. Right. It's the same BS for everyone till it works.

by chance are you talking about long term relationships or just dating? Somehow (I may be wrong) I get the feeling you are seeing people you just aren't in a full blown relationship.

 

I don't need a relationship right now, I just want to go out with girls. and I am not getting any of that.

[soccerrprp]

I don't care about long term relationships right now, I just want to date and ****, and for that physical attraction is everything. I also disagree the only difference between who works as a friend and who works as a romantic partner, is physical attraction in my opinion, That's why I don't believe my personality is what is holding me back.

 

Okay. It's my experience that I care little or nothing about one's physical characteristics when I'm interested in a platonic friendship. I don't doubt that there are those who are shallow enough to select only the better physical specimen even for friendship, but I would argue that that is not the case.

 

You've already convinced yourself that you're good looking....then what is it?

[todreaminblue]

you have to know that girls struggle too, just like i understand that guys struggle getting rejected i think getting stung isnt anyones idea of a good time......what i do know is what you wrote about waiting...... is correct because a girl could wait forever for a guy to build up enough courage to ask for a date and she just may wait for a while......but eventually you get tired of waiting for a guy to ask and you date guys that have courage........if you are that type of girl or better yet woman who likes guy with guts.....bit of a fighter guy who can take defeat with the wins....i much prefer to eb with a guy who has a bit of fortitude ....well more than me anyway.......i am actually shy ...but i am not shy once i get to know them, i stand up for others....and i go out with guys who would stand for me.......if a guy has guts enough to ask me out then thats normally the guy i date....i have only asked out a guy without knowing ....twice in my life

 

 

i know this is the age of women being equal and more like men......i dont need to be a man in a relationship i prefer to just be me......and i tend to feel about guys who dont ask a woman out to be a little boyish..this is my experiences that i base this on...it is a distinguishing characteristic for me...i do understand shy guys being scared .....i loathe rejection too.but most women i feel wont wait forever..and women will go out with guys who ask.....but if they don't......they might not think of them that way.....

 

 

so ask ...take the risk no matter the outcome..eventually a woman will say yes...you will be respected for asking anyway....if they are good women ..and best wishes.........deb

[you_can_not_see_me]

Okay. It's my experience that I care little or nothing about one's physical characteristics when I'm interested in a platonic friendship. I don't doubt that there are those who are shallow enough to select only the better physical specimen even for friendship, but I would argue that that is not the case.

 

You've already convinced yourself that you're good looking....then what is it?

You misunderstood my point about friendship, I said that friendship (real friendship, not acquaintances) relies on compatibility of personality, and someone whose personality is good enough to have plenty of friends is likely to have a good enough personality for romantic situations as well, only thing that remains is whether the other person finds him or her attractive.

 

The thing that bothers me so much is that I don't know if there is some huge discrepancy between how I see myself and how girls see me. I could think I am the most attractive guy in the world but if girls don't find me attractive I am screwed.

 

I regularly see girls who seem interested in me, but when I actually ask out one of these girls, they always have boyfriends and I am rejected. Random guys have told me I am a decent looking dude (no homo), but no girl has done so, at least none have told me personally.

[you_can_not_see_me]

you have to know that girls struggle too, just like i understand that guys struggle getting rejected i think getting stung isnt anyones idea of a good time......what i do know is what you wrote about waiting...... is correct because a girl could wait forever for a guy to build up enough courage to ask for a date and she just may wait for a while......but eventually you get tired of waiting for a guy to ask and you date guys that have courage........if you are that type of girl or better yet woman who likes guy with guts.....bit of a fighter guy who can take defeat with the wins....i much prefer to eb with a guy who has a bit of fortitude ....well more than me anyway.......i am actually shy ...but i am not shy once i get to know them, i stand up for others....and i go out with guys who would stand for me.......if a guy has guts enough to ask me out then thats normally the guy i date....i have only asked out a guy without knowing ....twice in my life

 

 

i know this is the age of women being equal and more like men......i dont need to be a man in a relationship i prefer to just be me......and i tend to feel about guys who dont ask a woman out to be a little boyish..this is my experiences that i base this on...it is a distinguishing characteristic for me...i do understand shy guys being scared .....i loathe rejection too.but most women i feel wont wait forever..and women will go out with guys who ask.....but if they don't......they might not think of them that way.....

 

 

so ask ...take the risk no matter the outcome..eventually a woman will say yes...you will be respected for asking anyway....if they are good women ..and best wishes.........deb

How can you say this? how do you know a girl will eventually say yes? I can ask a thousand other girls out and every single one can reject me, there is no gaurantee of any form of success what so ever. Sure statistically its likely that one will say yes, but no one knows for sure. I might be unlucky enough where all the girls I ask out happen to not like me.

 

 

I can handle not being with a girl I like, that part of rejection I can deal with time after time, what I can't deal with is the unknown it causes, the not knowning when I will eventually succeed, and not knowing what went wrong, and lastly not having any control

Edited May 8, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me

[soccerrprp]

Ok. But I'm telling you that the dynamics are different. I have met some women who would dare to regard their exes as "good" guys or "friends" or even platonic friends as good guys, but an objective person would view them as an a-hole. All I'm saying is that your friends are not looking at the same exact personality traits as a potential romantic interest.

 

Have you ever asked a girl what she thought of your looks. You may be right. Perhaps you're overstating your attractiveness.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Ok. But I'm telling you that the dynamics are different. I have met some women who would dare to regard their exes as "good" guys or "friends" or even platonic friends as good guys, but an objective person would view them as an a-hole. All I'm saying is that your friends are not looking at the same exact personality traits as a potential romantic interest.

 

Have you ever asked a girl what she thought of your looks. You may be right. Perhaps you're overstating your attractiveness.

ok, there might be a little difference when its a friend vs a romantic partner, but whatever. I am a cool guy and I think my personality is awesome, maybe I can be more spontaneous but that's it.

 

Of course I haven't asked a girl about my appearance, aside from being too proud to do that, girl's opinion wouldn't be all that reliable. Even if they didn't find me attractive they would lie and say I looked good so I don't feel bad. Guys though don't bull**** a person as much, some random dude has little reason to lie about **** like that.

[cif]

You're trying with the wrong women. Most will bolt when they hear NSA sex. You need to find the leftovers for purposes stated above.

[you_can_not_see_me]

You're trying with the wrong women. Most will bolt when they hear NSA sex. You need to find the leftovers for purposes stated above.

what the heel is NSA sex? lol

[you_can_not_see_me]

do you mean "no strings attached" sex. I don't tell girls I just want sex, how would they know I was just in it for the sex?

 

Plus I am not against a relationship, its just not my priority right now! if it happens I m ok with it.

 

If anything I usually take things way too slowly.

Edited May 8, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me