kiterider12 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 This might be very backwards from a social stand point. But this girl/ friend that i really like has recently gained weight. Since i have known her shes been on the way too skinny side. then suddenly she got to a normal body weight not at all fat but very healthy looking. shes been complaining that shes gained a ton of weight, but by anyones standards shes perfect now. Do i tell her? I want to tell her so she doest loose weight she doesn't have. Oh any suggestions on how to ask her out would be great. I been wanting to for months but dont wana be shot down by a friend.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Just tell her she's fat, she'll probably fall in love with you over it trying to validate her self worth. There's nothing you can do to change a woman's perception of herself, it's in her own head...doesn't matter what you think, or he thinks, and they don't typically just want one mans' attention they want validation from men as a whole, it's an unidentifiable number because there is none, but they want to notice heads turning and eyes gawking and guys approaching as they casually strut away pretending they don't notice unless you are very good looking, then you should smile or try to talk to her. But you're her friend, you're not the hot guy at the beach or wherever else, if she expresses concern about her weight just tell her you think she's perfect the way she is and other's think the same way, she looks better than you've ever seen her...you're her friend right? The thing is she's probably going to fall for a guy she thinks is really good looking or feel she doesn't deserve and then she'll just beat herself up over how she looks and how she doesn't deserve him, and the guy that does that best is the guy she'll likely stick to, not a nice guy like yourself. If she ends up with the wrong guy he'll recognize her insecurity and treat her like crap, and you'll ask why why why is she with him and not you when you think she's so perfect and you'd be happy to have a girl like that...yadda yadda, unfortunately if you want a shot at this girl you're going to have to be more aggressive and not so complimentary....compliments just don't work unless you're a charming good looking guy, this isn't the movies, well in that context it is but your words of positive reinforcement aren't going to get you anywhere by being infatuated or into a girl unless you're lucky enough to be the right type of guy/and -or she is desperate...hey maybe you'll get lucky and she'll give you a shot since she's feeling so bad about herself, it's not necessarily uncommon. Whatever you do, do something rather than sit on your hands...that's the difference between guys who get friendzoned and those who do not often times.
Versacehottie Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Tell her she "is looking really good". If she asks for clarification, tell her you like her shape. I don't really think you have to say the "now" part. Whether it's a gain or a loss of weight, most girls are acutely aware of this. If she doesn't have body image issues, after a few of these comments, she may "get it" and decide that more guys are into her at this weight and she will stay close to this weight (or try to). If she has body image issues or eating disorder, well then no real positive comment you say will work--she is going to do what she wants to do & will be irrational about the reality. That said, it is her body. So I would just offer appreciation when you see it the way you like it. That's really all you can/should do. As for your interest in her, just flirt with her and ask her out informally. Plant seeds of stuff she is interested in or you both are and ask her if she wants to go with you. Make it sound casual but keep the flirting up. Things will likely progress from there if her feelings are mutual, you will get some signs. ps if you end up dating her/as her bf, how much you like her body at this weight will probably have a bigger influence on her (if she has normal body image). And by normal body image I mean, it is fairly normal for girls to say they feel/look fat even when they don't or at a higher weight that guys are attracted to--especially if she is young or immature. She may be just looking for reassurance or be insecure. 1
Assasda Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 from reading this, sounds like youre already "friendzoned" if you have to think about this
crederer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I don't know how old you are but I'm gunna give it to you straight. Girls don't want a guy that is super nice and tells them everything they want to hear. Yeah, they may want that but not from a guy they see as a partner. Don't be a "yes man" and all that jazz. Sounds like this particular one sees you as a friend in the first place (no girl is going to confess their insecurities to a person they see as a crush and want to date, they'll hide all of that until safely and secure the relationship).
MuffMan6969 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Just tell her she looks so much better after putting on so much weight, and she would even look better with no clothes on....She will probabably be flattered...
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 There is absolutely no point in telling her what you think. It's not going to make her start liking you. Save that stuff till you're dating her.
MalachiX Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Girls don't want a guy that is super nice and tells them everything they want to hear. Yeah, they may want that but not from a guy they see as a partner. Don't be a "yes man" and all that jazz. Yes but it's possible to be charming and pay a compliment without coming off as too eager to please and a "super nice guy." People are attracted to confidence and charm is largely the ability to be confident while being nice (and doing so in a clever way). I had a friend who once was bemoaning that she gained a few pounds. I told her, "it's kind of a shame that the fashion industry has created this anorexic version of beauty. It makes women second guess the kind of curves that men have always found really sexy." That wasn't a line I was coming up with, it's something I legitimately believe, and it clearly made her feel better. I certainly wasn't friend-zoned because of it (quite the opposite, it was kinda clear she had a crush on me but I actually didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship; not because of her weight but because our personalities didn't quite sync up for romance).
running4life Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Honesty...mention her curves...eyes...hair...what stands out to you besides weight
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Understand something. Whlle you may like how she looks now, SHE does not. So do not mention her weight outright. Do complement her. Tell her she looks hot or sexy or beautiful or whatever but don't put any qualifiers on in & do not compare her to what she looked like before.
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