Hund1976 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 If someone told me they loved before I even went on a date with them I would think they were crazy. If someone told me on the third date I would think they were crazy. That shouldn't be said until after many-many dates.
blind_otter Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 How can you be in love with someone you don't know that well? Honestly I don't think I really loved my exH until after we'd been together like 2 years. But I am kind of emotionally closed off in that respect. Yes if someone said they loved me before the first date I would freak the ***** out.
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I was thinking when I call Lindsay again this weekend and if I told her I love her would that be the last time she would talk to me? Isn't this the same girl who always tells you she's going to call you back, then never does.. and the same one who always tells you she is to "Busy" to go out with you? MW.. I'm telling you.. this isn't a good idea.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Merin, I'm chuckling reading your posts because your relationship sounds alot like the one I have with my b/f. Incredible connection. Both of us have been through hell- I'm in the middle of a horrible divorce and yet he's being supportive without being pushy. At the two month mark we went to a party and afterwards went back to his house and drank some wine. He was quite tipsy and we sat on the couch and talked for a long time. Later ummmm in the heat of the moment he said, "Do you love me?" and I pretended like I didn't hear him and said, "What?" and he didn't repeat it. Then later that night he did it again. I said, "Yes, I do love you" and he said, "I love you" I think it was just too hard for him to say it first because he was scared. Earlier on he kept saying things like, "I'm scared because I'm fallling for you and I've never fallen this fast before" I'm like, "That's what I'm screaming!" At first he didn't say it much but his actions did show it. He's always telling me how lucky he is to have me and stuff like that. I'm a big actions girl. My main relationships- my mom and my STBXH- they said alot of stuff but never followed through. Sometimes it's hard for me to not think he's just telling me words too! After he felt more comfortable and such he began saying it more often, along with other nice stuff. As long as I have the actions with the words it's all good. Don't tell me you love me and then turn around and do something that shows you do not! This guy is a communicator like I've never seen. He LOVES to talk about our relationship- I've never met a guy who is into that. He feels like that was one reason his marriage failed and learned alot in counseling. One question- does your guy know how to handle it when you have a problem you just need to talk about?? Or does he want to solve it?? Here's to the good ones!
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie One question- does your guy know how to handle it when you have a problem you just need to talk about?? Or does he want to solve it?? Here's to the good ones! LOL yeah.. it's been a crazy ride.. but sooooo worth it! My BF is a problem solver.. LOL IF I'm having a problem, he wants to solve it but honestly I really love that about him.. just that he is willing to "fix it" for me if he can you know? For the first time in a really long time I feel like someone has my back (so to speak) and for me.. that is a big change. I will give him mad props for listening to my other problems that he knows and I know he can't solve.. at least he gives me the consulation of knowing he's willing to go kick some a** if it would help LOL so it makes it better for me.. He's been really amazing.. and for real.. :merin looks around: I still knock on wood everytime I say that..
Midwest guy Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Isn't this the same girl who always tells you she's going to call you back, then never does.. and the same one who always tells you she is to "Busy" to go out with you? MW.. I'm telling you.. this isn't a good idea. Is it ok to make out with a girl before you tell them you love them?
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy Is it ok to make out with a girl before you tell them you love them? MW, Whats okay for *one person* might not be *okay* for the next.. So IMO is it okay to make out/kiss before you tell a girl you love them, YES. Is it okay to tell ANYONE you LOVE them BEFORE you've even started dating, NO. The best thing here MW, is for you to find someone who wants to go out with you.. this means they call when they say they will, they actually make time and plans with you, then follow through with that. You seem like a sweet guy here.. so yeah.. don't waste your time on someone IF They truely aren't interesed in dating you. Good Luck
Midwest guy Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Merin MW, Whats okay for *one person* might not be *okay* for the next.. So IMO is it okay to make out/kiss before you tell a girl you love them, YES. Is it okay to tell ANYONE you LOVE them BEFORE you've even started dating, NO. The best thing here MW, is for you to find someone who wants to go out with you.. this means they call when they say they will, they actually make time and plans with you, then follow through with that. You seem like a sweet guy here.. so yeah.. don't waste your time on someone IF They truely aren't interesed in dating you. Good Luck Should I be mean to her if she comesback to work this summer? I mean I might ask one of her friends out right in front of her then to get back at her. Shes nice to me, but if Lin does become mean to me what is a good way to get back at her?
blind_otter Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy Should I be mean to her if she comesback to work this summer? I mean I might ask one of her friends out right in front of her then to get back at her. Shes nice to me, but if Lin does become mean to me what is a good way to get back at her? How old are you? You're already planning out manipulative games to play if she behaves in a way you dislike?
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy Should I be mean to her if she comesback to work this summer? I mean I might ask one of her friends out right in front of her then to get back at her. Shes nice to me, but if Lin does become mean to me what is a good way to get back at her? MW, You don't need to be mean to her, you just need to leave her alone. When she comes back to work over the summer or IF you see her out somewhere, treat her like a FRIEND.. a casual friend you've talked to sometimes.. Honestly I don't think you asking one of her friends out is going to make her mad MW.. she see's you as a FRIEND, the 2 of you haven't dated, and it doesn't seem she's interested in doing so.. so ONLY ask her friend out IF you're really interested in taking her out. IF this girl becomes an assclownette to you, then blow her a** off, stop all contact with her and leave her alone.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Well, BF wants to fix the problems too and that's cool- IF they can be fixed. Sometimes I just want someone to listen and hold me. True, I'm a emotional nightmare lately except for our relationship. Going through the divorce, being broke, dealing with the STBXH, the kids being upset- yada yada. Plus, I lost my best friend in the world that I've had for 11 years. She just can't stand up to everyone and say "You know what? I love her and she's my friend" It's too easy to go along with the crowd- stbxh- her hubby and x's family. That is one thing that is hurting me so much. I've never had a relationship this great. I've had some that came close but not this great. He feels the same way. One of my other friends jokes about how rotten we are for each other. We are- it's hilarious. He said last night he'd only seen me upset twice and the first time he was scared because I was mad at him (we had one spat) and then this last time when I was upset about how much the attorney was going to cost me. He said everything will be okay and all that stuff but you know how that goes. He says things like how incredibly lucky and blessed he is to have me in his life and how I made him think that all of his dreams might could actually come true. I can't believe how lucky I got either. I spend a big percentage of my day completely LOVE sick. From a marriage where my husband couldn't be bothered with me unless it had to do with sex to someone who wants to be a true partner. Amazing!
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Well, BF wants to fix the problems too and that's cool- IF they can be fixed. Sometimes I just want someone to listen and hold me. True, I'm a emotional nightmare lately except for our relationship. Going through the divorce, being broke, dealing with the STBXH, the kids being upset- yada yada. Plus, I lost my best friend in the world that I've had for 11 years. She just can't stand up to everyone and say "You know what? I love her and she's my friend" It's too easy to go along with the crowd- stbxh- her hubby and x's family. That is one thing that is hurting me so much. I've never had a relationship this great. I've had some that came close but not this great. He feels the same way. One of my other friends jokes about how rotten we are for each other. We are- it's hilarious. He said last night he'd only seen me upset twice and the first time he was scared because I was mad at him (we had one spat) and then this last time when I was upset about how much the attorney was going to cost me. He said everything will be okay and all that stuff but you know how that goes. He says things like how incredibly lucky and blessed he is to have me in his life and how I made him think that all of his dreams might could actually come true. I can't believe how lucky I got either. I spend a big percentage of my day completely LOVE sick. From a marriage where my husband couldn't be bothered with me unless it had to do with sex to someone who wants to be a true partner. Amazing! Yay for you Hang in there...
Hund1976 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Should I be mean to her if she comesback to work this summer? I mean I might ask one of her friends out right in front of her then to get back at her. Shes nice to me, but if Lin does become mean to me what is a good way to get back at her? I really doubt if she would even care if you did this, she might actually be happy and think to herself "well maybe he'll stop calling me now if he goes out with this other girl. And talking about ways to get back at her sounds pretty scary. Please get over this girl. In the meantime here's what you should do. Go to somewhere with lots of people everyday, a club, the mall, a park, the supermarket, anywhere. And don't leave until you talk to three girls or more. Eventually you'll meet someone that likes you.
Midwest guy Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 I really doubt if she would even care if you did this, she might actually be happy and think to herself "well maybe he'll stop calling me now if he goes out with this other girl. And talking about ways to get back at her sounds pretty scary. Please get over this girl. In the meantime here's what you should do. Go to somewhere with lots of people everyday, a club, the mall, a park, the supermarket, anywhere. And don't leave until you talk to three girls or more. Eventually you'll meet someone that likes you. Well this weekend I might call her and see if she wants to go to a soccer game. Since she likes soccer this might be a last shot at getting her out then.
Hund1976 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Well this weekend I might call her and see if she wants to go to a soccer game. Since she likes soccer this might be a last shot at getting her out then. Well good luck, but if she tells you no or makes some excuse please take that as her saying she's not interested in you and move on. If she likes you she will go with you.
Midwest guy Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 Well good luck, but if she tells you no or makes some excuse please take that as her saying she's not interested in you and move on. If she likes you she will go with you. True.
MassiveAtom Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Honestly.. isn't it more the way someone shows you they love you, then it is in just saying so? AW CRAP! You found a boyfriend! Merin! That's great Merin, really. You know, If this fella SHOWS more than TELLS, I say he's worthy of you. Be careful to stay aware of what he shows you, and don't let your perspective be swayed by externals. 2 months is a little fast for me. right now heck 2 years is a little fast, but you know, You go gurl! With all my best, MA
Author Merin Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom AW CRAP! You found a boyfriend! Merin! That's great Merin, really. You know, If this fella SHOWS more than TELLS, I say he's worthy of you. Be careful to stay aware of what he shows you, and don't let your perspective be swayed by externals. 2 months is a little fast for me. right now heck 2 years is a little fast, but you know, You go gurl! With all my best, MA From the bottom of my heart MA.. Thank you, it means a lot. He has shown me a lot MA.. and even with all of my issues of NOT FALLING backwards that no one would catch me.. I trust him like that, and for me.. thats huge. He is good to me.. don't get me wrong, I still have my fears and sometimes my gaurd up.. but I'm learning all over again here and once again for some reason, I trust him. If nothing else I've learned that it isn't what someone tells you, pretty words are great to hear.. but they mean nothing when the actions don't follow.. I get scared MA.. I get anxious and nervous and sometimes wait holding my breath that something bad is going to show itself here.. (Damn that bag gets heavy at times LOL) but.. I'm learning. Trusting another person is scary.. it's like learning to write or read all over again.. and sometimes I don't understand the langauge know what I mean? Your wound(s) are still very fresh my friend.. but when you're ready to fall backwards again you will know when that is, and I know as well that your instincts will be sharp enough to feel pretty damn certain the person you fall backwards with will be there to catch you.. until then.. Love to ya MA.. hang in there:) Merin~
Mz. Pixie Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 Okay, I had to update to this thread.... I know I accused him yesterday of not knowing what to say to me when I'm upset. Well, yesterday- he GOT it big time during a conversation and I just was speechless. We were talking about everything I'm going through with finances and how the kids are frustrated because they want me to spend money on them I don't have. I know he wants to marry me- we've talked about it but I don't want to jinx it. He's careful to always say, "When you're ready- no rush" We had this great conversation where he was like, "Once the divorce is final and said and done and we decide when we're ready we will be living under one household and money will not be a issue for you. It will be 100 times better than it is right now. You will also have someone in your life who wants to be with you and spend time with you and be a partner to you in every way. If we want to take the kids somewhere there will be money to do that. Just hang on, we will get there!" He said alot of other things about how I won't be struggling anymore and have all the burden on me and how he will carry it for me. I was just awestruck and a lump formed in my throat. I almost cried. I couldn't say a word. Later I texted him "Sometimes I am just overcome at how lucky I am" Now, if I could only stop myself from being so dang scared. Sometimes it overtakes me like a panic attack and I want to run run run!!! I just try to hold my breath until it passes!
Author Merin Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Okay, I had to update to this thread.... I know I accused him yesterday of not knowing what to say to me when I'm upset. Well, yesterday- he GOT it big time during a conversation and I just was speechless. We were talking about everything I'm going through with finances and how the kids are frustrated because they want me to spend money on them I don't have. I know he wants to marry me- we've talked about it but I don't want to jinx it. He's careful to always say, "When you're ready- no rush" We had this great conversation where he was like, "Once the divorce is final and said and done and we decide when we're ready we will be living under one household and money will not be a issue for you. It will be 100 times better than it is right now. You will also have someone in your life who wants to be with you and spend time with you and be a partner to you in every way. If we want to take the kids somewhere there will be money to do that. Just hang on, we will get there!" He said alot of other things about how I won't be struggling anymore and have all the burden on me and how he will carry it for me. I was just awestruck and a lump formed in my throat. I almost cried. I couldn't say a word. Later I texted him "Sometimes I am just overcome at how lucky I am" Now, if I could only stop myself from being so dang scared. Sometimes it overtakes me like a panic attack and I want to run run run!!! I just try to hold my breath until it passes! Sweet.. I'm happy for you girl.. Fear drives us all from time to time.. and thats okay. I swear I always knock on wood, say a hail Mary and all that every time I tell anyone how amazing my BF is.. LOL because I don't want to jinx it or for it to change.. so yeah.. I know what you're saying.
Midwest guy Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Good article. http://www.getgirls.com/tips395.htm Don't Come on Too Strong This week I want to warn you about a guaranteed way to scare single women off. What is it? It's called the, "I Love You Too Soon Method." Let me explain how this failure with women tactic will drive women away from you. In the beginning you start calling them names like, sweetheart, darling, or honey. (Don't call any woman these names in the beginning of dating someone - they are reserved for when you have established a relationship. Women don't like to be called these names by someone they don't know yet). Then after only 2-3 dates you tell the girl that you love her. Trust me guys, love takes time to develop. It just doesn't happen after only 2-3 dates. What you've really fallen in is lust, especially if she is pretty and or has a beautiful body. Also, women are more cautious in affairs of the heart. They want to take time to get to know you before committing to an exclusive relationship. So, when you profess your love for them so prematurely, they just want to run. They feel like you are putting too much pressure on them so early in the relationship. Coming on too strong early in a relationship is too overwhelming for her and she is going to want to dump you. Some good advice is to take things slow and let love develop on it's own pace and time table. Don't rush her or it will backfire by scaring her away.
CoolAunt Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Honestly.. isn't it more the way someone shows you they love you, then it is in just saying so? Damn skippy, it is! It seems you two are falling in love. It's the prize that keeps up going back for more even after heartbreak. Enjoy it, Merin. PS: I haven't read the entire thread, so if the story changes, please excuse me. I have a bad case of foot in mouth disease.
Author Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Author Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by CoolAunt Damn skippy, it is! It seems you two are falling in love. It's the prize that keeps up going back for more even after heartbreak. Enjoy it, Merin. PS: I haven't read the entire thread, so if the story changes, please excuse me. I have a bad case of foot in mouth disease. Thank God all is still good for us! Thank you CA.. He is such an amazing person, and wierd thing.. I didn't intend to like him so much... never mind fall in Love with this guy.. doh! You're right.. it is the prize.. no matter how elusive it seems to be at times (especially for me? lol) he most definately has me coming back for more.. only this time.. *shiiiiittt crossing my fingers* it will be healthy and good for me.. and for him. Thanks Girl
CoolAunt Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Thank God all is still good for us! Thank you CA.. He is such an amazing person, and wierd thing.. I didn't intend to like him so much... never mind fall in Love with this guy.. doh! You're right.. it is the prize.. no matter how elusive it seems to be at times (especially for me? lol) he most definately has me coming back for more.. only this time.. *shiiiiittt crossing my fingers* it will be healthy and good for me.. and for him. Thanks Girl Your welcome. And YAY!!! I'm glad it's still going well for you two. People share so many sad heartache and loneliness stories at this and other 'Net boards. We need to hear the happy love stories so we don't lose hope. So, thank you, too!
MassiveAtom Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin only this time.. *shiiiiittt crossing my fingers* it will be healthy and good for me.. and for him. Merin, Go ahead, Fall backwards. I am so sincerely happy for you that I might even be able to glean some of the heart evident in this post, and use it to build a bridge with my x for the sake of my girlies. Grab that prize! as always, MA
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