Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Well as many of you already know me and my BF have been together for 2 months.. when we started seeing each other it was decided almost immediately that we would date exclusively. Between my BF and myself we would both make for good therapy canidates in issues of trust/committment/fear of loving another person.. BUT we've both been working on over coming those issues.. He has given me a lot to think about.. he got me things to keep at his home so I don't have to bring all my crap there every time I stay with him, he has brought some of this things to my house and keeps them there, he has the keys to my house, I've met his little people, he knows mine, I've met his Dad and friends, he's met my family and friends.. and we always have a good time no matter what we're doing.. so good to go. Saturday night.. we went out with some of my friends had dinner, then to a club and had drinks and danced.. closed the place down.. well I hadn't had as much to drink as he had and felt okay so I drove us home (to his house) on the way there he said to me "I really love you Merin.. and that scares me" I told him "You know I love you too" he said he felt that from me.. then he said to me "I love you and would give you anything.. I've got your back like that.. this is scary for me.. and I'm not going to tell you all of the time that I love you, but know that I do" Sunday Morning.. I didn't mention this convo to him and he didn't bring it up again.. when I left on Sunday afternoon, he walked me to the door and said "Thank you for an amazing weekend.. just for being who you are" I wanted to tell him I really love him a lot.. but didn't.. I don't want to freak his butt out Honestly.. isn't it more the way someone shows you they love you, then it is in just saying so? What do you guys think?
alicia24 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Merin I am so happy for you. Isnt great to know that you are loved. I agree with you in that it means way more to be shown love than to hear someone say those three little words. Anyone can say it, but when your significant other shows that they love you, its way better than those measly little words. Good luck with your relationship.
Barby Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Honestly.. isn't it more the way someone shows you they love you, then it is in just saying so? What do you guys think? Yes because words sometimes can be just that "words" but if they show you with their actions that they love you, well it confirms what they say and then you know it's true. IMHO! And too cool that he told you he loves you! (((Claps for Merin))) I'm so happy for ya!
Lil Honey Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Merin: Everyone is different. Some people are good with words, some aren't. There are folks that are better at showing than talking, much like there are people for working in cerebral jobs and others for working in hands-on jobs. I think that if YOU understand what his actions mean . . . and you can live with not hearing the words . . . then that's a good thing. It's all about each person getting what they need. And I don't mean in a selfish way, but in a giving way (but I'm sure you know that). LH
Author Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Barby Yes because words sometimes can be just that "words" but if they show you with their actions that they love you, well it confirms what they say and then you know it's true. IMHO! And too cool that he told you he loves you! (((Claps for Merin))) I'm so happy for ya! Thanks Barby! LOL You've kinda been right there watching this whole thing between me and him going on.. and really, I'm probably the happiest I've ever been with Josh.. He has shown me in so many ways that he loves me, and it's meant a lot to me.. but yeah it was kind of reassuring to hear those words as well.. but again, more important to me that he shows me... Thank you as well Alicia.. Yes it is a good thing to know you're loved.. but even better to feel you're loved.. thanks again girl
Author Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Lil Honey Merin: Everyone is different. Some people are good with words, some aren't. There are folks that are better at showing than talking, much like there are people for working in cerebral jobs and others for working in hands-on jobs. I think that if YOU understand what his actions mean . . . and you can live with not hearing the words . . . then that's a good thing. It's all about each person getting what they need. And I don't mean in a selfish way, but in a giving way (but I'm sure you know that). LH I do know what you mean.. my BF is an amazing person, and seriously I really like who he is.. but maybe more than that I like who I am when I'm with him.. does that make sense? He had done a lot to show me how he feels.. and I came from a different relationship where the guy TOLD me all of the time how much he loved me.. but I didn't feel it.. so I didn't believe him. I don't need to hear it all of the time.. again I NEED to feel it.. but yeah it was nice to hear anyway. Thanks girl
johan Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I don't always practice what I preach on this, but... If you feel it, and you know it's real, say it. I think if you can't even say that freely in a relationship, there would have to be about 1000 other communication problems as well. Sometimes you have to figure if that's going to freak him out, then let him go freak out and come back when he feels better. If you love him you love him, no sense in hiding it. Don't have little contests trying to wait for the other person to say it first. Just take the high road and say it. Sometimes my girlfriend times the end of our conversations so that she knows I'll have to say it first. Maybe it makes her feel good, but it's sort of a cheap little trick.
Author Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by johan I don't always practice what I preach on this, but... If you feel it, and you know it's real, say it. I think if you can't even say that freely in a relationship, there would have to be about 1000 other communication problems as well. Sometimes you have to figure if that's going to freak him out, then let him go freak out and come back when he feels better. If you love him you love him, no sense in hiding it. Don't have little contests trying to wait for the other person to say it first. Just take the high road and say it. Sometimes my girlfriend times the end of our conversations so that she knows I'll have to say it first. Maybe it makes her feel good, but it's sort of a cheap little trick. I know you're right Johan.. and I did actually wait for him to tell me this first I could feel from him how much he cares about me.. and it's probably part of the reason I stopped myself on more than one occassion in telling him.. I think for him telling me how he feels was scary because it's like once it's out there.. it's true and it can't be taken back.. makes it more real.. does this make sense? As I said me and My BF could be case studies in Fear of allowing someone to get close.. LOL but obviously yeah.. we're working on it. BUT You're also right.. that it's okay to say it.. and if he freaks out a little.. I also trust that he will come back and be okay.. he knows I love him.. he gets that, and he feels that from me.
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I do know what you mean.. my BF is an amazing person, and seriously I really like who he is.. but maybe more than that I like who I am when I'm with him.. does that make sense? Yes. It makes perfect sense. That's what it's all about, IMO.
Author Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Yes. It makes perfect sense. That's what it's all about, IMO. Thanks Girl.. I think it's what it's all about too.. or at least what it should be about.
UCFKevin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I thought you were going to list the lyrics to "More Than Words."
Barby Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I thought you were going to list the lyrics to "More Than Words." That is a decent song...(off topic I know, I'm sorry)
SadAndLonely Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 My boyfriend and I were talking about saying "I love you" last night, and he said, "I read in an email once, and this is true, that if a man says he loves you, unless he says otherwise, assume it still holds." That made me laugh. He's not terribly romantic, but I know he cares for me and loves me, and I've relaxed the death grip on needing to hear it.
Author Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I thought you were going to list the lyrics to "More Than Words." If I was going to choose a song that best described my dating life.. God knows it wouldn't be "More than Words" Maybe.. uh.. "I did it all for the Nookie" JK JK JK
babybear Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Honestly.. isn't it more the way someone shows you they love you, then it is in just saying so? Hey girl! Glad to hear things with your guy are going so well. The first time my bf told me he loved me, I was in complete shock b/c I didnt expect it. Well, I didn't say it back for 2 months or so, until one day it finally slipped out - I totally wanted to believe it when I said it. Anyway, I think my reaction freaked him out alittle, b/c he stopped saying it for awhile! To make a long story short, I'm sure your guy means it...but maybe he actually said it a little earlier then he wanted to and he probably didn't want to blurt it out drunk. Maybe he's wondering if he said it too early, if you feel the same, or if he freaked you out...and you know, its SCARY!!! It becomes the real deal after that. I think once you guys can both say it to each other, you guys won't ever stop! I don't have the MOST romantic bf in the world, but sometimes in his sleep he'll start hugging me super tight and telling me he loves me over and over. It's the cutest thing in the world. The first "I love you" is the hardest....just give it a little time. G-luck! And always let the guy say it first!!!!! Babybear
Stylin22 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 If you think about it...Saying it is just reassurance. Anybody can do that, it's definitely in the actions where the true meaning of the phrase lies. I look at the fact that you are both committment-phobic and yet he has gone out of his way to make you comfortable with his peeps as well as his home. I think you mean it when you talk about the type of person he is....It's good, enjoy this one cause I think you got yourself one of the few and far between types...aka a good one!
CurvyGurl Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 I think a man can say "I love you so much' and not really mean it. He knows how to sound convincing. But a man can't ACT in love-- not for two months straight. I don't think a man can convincinly act wonderful-- he just is.
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Stylin22 If you think about it...Saying it is just reassurance. Anybody can do that, it's definitely in the actions where the true meaning of the phrase lies. I look at the fact that you are both committment-phobic and yet he has gone out of his way to make you comfortable with his peeps as well as his home. I think you mean it when you talk about the type of person he is....It's good, enjoy this one cause I think you got yourself one of the few and far between types...aka a good one! Thank you Stylin LOL You're right.. it is what he shows me not what he tells me that has made me feel comfortable with him.. it isn't the "I Love you's" that really makes me feel that way.. a good example of this was last night.. I was getting ready to go to his house.. and like a typical Merin Move, I locked my freakin keys in my car I called Josh to let him know I wouldn't be over right away since I needed to figure out a way to get them out or call a locksmith.. as soon as I told him what happend, he said "Be right there" I told him I could just call a locksmith.. he was like "Hell no! I'll be right there and get the car unlocked.. you figure out where we're going to dinner" LOL I told him I would take him to dinner on me for him getting my keys out.. he said "No way, I want to help you Merin and I don't mind.. I offered to take you out for dinner and that is still the plan" He got my keys out.. he took my sorry butt to dinner LOL and when we were driving back to his house he said "Damn I love being with you.. You always make me laugh and I love that about you" LOL so yeah.. just that one sentence lets me know, he's about me and that is so damn cool! Few and Far between.. that he is! BABYBEAR.. Thank you girl! I know exactly what you're saying.. CG.. I also agree.. people cannot continue to be something they're not for long.. 2 months and he's STILL the person I met.. only getting better.. so keep your fingers crossed for me
_Saffy_ Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 erm merin...........does ya guy have a brother ?
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ erm merin...........does ya guy have a brother ? Actually he does have a brother.. but uh.. he's married DOH!
Midwest guy Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 I always wonder how long should you wait before you tell a girl you love her? Is it like the 3rd date? If you tell her you love her before the first date would a woman think thats stalkish?
_Saffy_ Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I always wonder how long should you wait before you tell a girl you love her? Is it like the 3rd date? If you tell her you love her before the first date would a woman think thats stalkish? if a guy told me he loves me before the first date, hell, there would be no first date.
Midwest guy Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ if a guy told me he loves me before the first date, hell, there would be no first date. I was thinking when I call Lindsay again this weekend and if I told her I love her would that be the last time she would talk to me?
Author Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I always wonder how long should you wait before you tell a girl you love her? Is it like the 3rd date? If you tell her you love her before the first date would a woman think thats stalkish? Tell someone you Love them BEFORE you ever get a date.. uh.. N !!! Even 3 dates.. is pushing it.. Bottomline really.. there shouldn't be a "time line" on when to let someone know you Love them.. BUT BUT BUT.. DID I SAY BUT? NO, NEVER, EVER BEFORE A FIRST DATE.
_Saffy_ Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I was thinking when I call Lindsay again this weekend and if I told her I love her would that be the last time she would talk to me? i think you would probably be dining alone if you told her that you love her.
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