skela Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The guy that I have been seeing told me that sometimes he gets scared because I'm too nice to him. He's never had anyone that treated him so well and with so much respect and it makes him feel like running away sometimes. Said he used to women who are demanding and not as respectful. Has anyone else ever encountered this. Do guys prefer b*tches?
Eivuwan Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The guy that I have been seeing told me that sometimes he gets scared because I'm too nice to him. He's never had anyone that treated him so well and with so much respect and it makes him feel like running away sometimes. Said he used to women who are demanding and not as respectful. Has anyone else ever encountered this. Do guys prefer b*tches? No, guys don't prefer bitches... It seems he had been treated badly in the past and is afraid that this isn't real. 1
HappyLove Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Yes! Men love CRAZY! Look at the boards if you don't believe me. The great guys here are in the most ridiculous relationship usually with someone who is bat **** crazy! Men LOVE CRAZY! 3
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Some people spend so much time around dysfunction it is what's normal to them. They don't know what to do with nice. You can be too nice, i.e. a doormat. Don't do that but it is OK to care for and nurture the important people in your life. 2
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The being afraid part is an excuse in my eyes, soon you will hear him say he's not ready for a relationship. When you've been through difficult relationships and you finally meet a wonderful person you are ecstatic! not afraid. 3
Kamila Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Not crazy crazy, but a bit 'unpredictable'. Predictability kills attraction, and that is very important for a guy. You have to be a bit of a challenge, and vice versa. A naughty side to the nice girl, you could say. That's what gets them into you, i guess. From experience, i've learnt that guys tend to give you much more attention when you act like you couldn't care less, be less available, busy. Now, whether that attention is positive or not, that's another debate, some don't like it because they think you're being 'difficult'. But that's not my problem.
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Sorry I could not edit my last post. I meant to add: = typical of a man a little into you but not enough.
mr_dave Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Not crazy crazy, but a bit 'unpredictable'. Predictability kills attraction, and that is very important for a guy. You have to be a bit of a challenge, and vice versa. A naughty side to the nice girl, you could say. That's what gets them into you, i guess. From experience, i've learnt that guys tend to give you much more attention when you act like you couldn't care less, be less available, busy. Now, whether that attention is positive or not, that's another debate, some don't like it because they think you're being 'difficult'. But that's not my problem. That's not true for me at all, but of course I don't speak for all guys. Games are for girls who haven't grown up yet. If a girl I'm interested in seems like she couldn't care then what's the point? Attraction, courting should be a mutual thing, not the guy tucking his balls between his legs and begging you for a chance... 4
Author skela Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 The being afraid part is an excuse in my eyes, soon you will hear him say he's not ready for a relationship. When you've been through difficult relationships and you finally meet a wonderful person you are ecstatic! not afraid. Hmmm...that's something to think about. He is very attentive, caring and affectionate and great communicator. Says he wants to see where things go and that he feels that he could fall for me and that really scares him because he is afraid of being hurt. His ex-wife had an affair. Said he's not used to someone looking after his needs and nurturing him. I am not a doormat though. If something is not working for me I speak up and let him know.
Author skela Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 How long has he been out of a relationship? He's been divorced for 2 years. Has dated during that time. No serious relationships
gaius Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The ex-girlfriend I think about the most bailed on my one birthday when we were together. I ended up having to go to her and guilt her into buying me something and to go to dinner. If that gives you any idea of where nurturers go on my totem pole.
AdrianCrawley Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The guy that I have been seeing told me that sometimes he gets scared because I'm too nice to him. He's never had anyone that treated him so well and with so much respect and it makes him feel like running away sometimes. Said he used to women who are demanding and not as respectful. Has anyone else ever encountered this. Do guys prefer b*tches? No, they don't, they are just wondering about the hidden agenda of one who is TOO nice.
mammasita Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The being afraid part is an excuse in my eyes, soon you will hear him say he's not ready for a relationship. When you've been through difficult relationships and you finally meet a wonderful person you are ecstatic! not afraid. Unfortunately I agree with this /\. Men always speak the truth at the very beginning and we ignore them or choose not to listen or think they'll change.... This sounds like the all too familiar prelude to: 1) he's not ready for a relationship 2) you're too good for him 3) he doesn't deserve you Etc etc etc 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Men like crazy and unavailable. When you're too nice to a guy it makes you seem like a doormat, the guys feel overconfident and don't get a sense or feel of a challenge, he'll also tend to become lazy and disinterested because you're willing to give but not so much receive...makes it seem like you don't realize or recognize your own self-worth, so some men might exploit that or think you're just kind of easily manipulated and they worry they'll take advantage of that. They might also feel a sense of responsibility and guilt when they're just looking for fun and dramatic, it's easier to hurt and use the women that are b!!!!tches than just someone who is just nice, open and respectful and generally a good person, so now you're making the guy feel guilty because now he has no justifiable reason to cut you lose or mess around with you. If I were you I would definitely stop dating the guy, you probably think that's jumping to conclusions but he's shown his cards IMO. I wouldn't put my money on him sticking around in the end, this guy has a history of chasing unavailable women and you're not that. 1
AdrianCrawley Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Men like crazy and unavailable. Are there many who think as you do ? That might explain whats wrong with the two genders loving each other, instead of fighting each other. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Are there many who think as you do ? That might explain whats wrong with the two genders loving each other, instead of fighting each other. What does this have to do with what I think? It's what men generally do and chase after.
AdrianCrawley Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 What does this have to do with what I think? It's what men generally do and chase after. Of course it is, that's why girls try to be bitches, men think they're all like that, then when a nice guy meets a nice girl, they treat each other like **** 'cause the girl thinks she has to be bitchy to be liked and the guy thinks he's gotta be a jerk. Ain't it marvelous ? There is a line between being normal and being a bitch, just as there is one between being nice and being too nice. When someone is too nice, you'll automatically wonder what's wrong with her, why is she like that and what is she after. But, anyway, let's rephrase. I think women like emotionally unavailable jerks. So... I just have to be a jerk and treat them like ****, 'cause I think that's what they want. I mean, why love a woman when you can just wipe your shoes with her ? See how that goes ?...
Kamila Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 The guy that I have been seeing told me that sometimes he gets scared because I'm too nice to him. He's never had anyone that treated him so well and with so much respect and it makes him feel like running away sometimes. Said he used to women who are demanding and not as respectful. Has anyone else ever encountered this. Do guys prefer b*tches? There is a marvelous article of 'The Rules Revisited' and the topic is The 'Importance of Personal Boundaries'. Basically, it's not about men loving bitches, but men loving women who have strong personal boundaries. It's not about 'playing games', but 'saying no' when a man tries to invade your personal space. Read it and try to apply it to your everyday life, it helped me a lot. 1
bolase Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) This is very true and why I got so crushed being dumped by a guy I work with and dated for 3 months last year, who is still in love with his crazy long-term ex. i told him he was still into her, he said no he was falling for me, then dumped me a month on saying he couldn't give me anything. She still invites him to meet her, pretends to kiss him and walks off, and sends him naked pictures of himself occasionally, just f***s with him generally. We're both late 20s He still looks at me guiltily and largely ignores me at work, we don't even banter any more and I initially wanted to be his friend, but somehow he must think hes too good as he ignores me WHILE often making comments at work about how he's a weirdo, or bad at xyz, doesnt have a girlfriend because of abc. What's funny is this gets to me even though I still attract guys who are more attractive and mature and don't have substance abuse issues, I dont see myself as below him at all. I am reserved at work now, I hold back when hes in the room. I just hate him for the way I feel when I'm around him, and his being so tragically in love with a girl who is crazy and wasting his time really. When I'm around him I feel "not crazy enough", like, I wasn't able to keep his attention even though I have enough quirks and interests and open up quickly. Perhaps its just him not being over his ex (we dated 3 months after his 3 year rel ended). I am relocating for work in 2 months but Ninja, what should I do to free myself from these feelings and what should I do when it comes to being around him? Men like crazy and unavailable. When you're too nice to a guy it makes you seem like a doormat, the guys feel overconfident and don't get a sense or feel of a challenge, he'll also tend to become lazy and disinterested because you're willing to give but not so much receive...makes it seem like you don't realize or recognize your own self-worth, so some men might exploit that or think you're just kind of easily manipulated and they worry they'll take advantage of that. They might also feel a sense of responsibility and guilt when they're just looking for fun and dramatic, it's easier to hurt and use the women that are b!!!!tches than just someone who is just nice, open and respectful and generally a good person, so now you're making the guy feel guilty because now he has no justifiable reason to cut you lose or mess around with you. If I were you I would definitely stop dating the guy, you probably think that's jumping to conclusions but he's shown his cards IMO. I wouldn't put my money on him sticking around in the end, this guy has a history of chasing unavailable women and you're not that. Edited May 8, 2014 by bolase
AJinlove Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 By reading the replies to this thread I see there are too many immature people dating nowadays. There is only one way to know what he meant and that is asking him straight; ask him and you will find your answer. It could simply be that he is just a guy, and we men sometimes just say what we feel without filter, without any second meaning.
AdrianCrawley Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 By reading the replies to this thread I see there are too many immature people dating nowadays. No shìt...
Author skela Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 By reading the replies to this thread I see there are too many immature people dating nowadays. There is only one way to know what he meant and that is asking him straight; ask him and you will find your answer. It could simply be that he is just a guy, and we men sometimes just say what we feel without filter, without any second meaning. I did ask him and he said no one he has ever been with has treated him in the nurturing way or with the respect that I do. It makes him afraid that because I'm so nice he will end up hurting me and makes him want to run away but he is going to go with the flow and see how the relationship goes.
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