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Does online dating work? What has been your experience?

nyny123

By nyny123
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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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I been doing online dating on and off for a couple years now and haven't had much luck. I only met very few men online and I'm at the point where I don't want to return to online dating ever again and trying to meet people in real life. The hard part about that I don't how to approach men with confidence.

stateofgrace Member

stateofgrace

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I've had amazing experiences with online dating, as well as total flops. It's hit or miss. My last long-term relationship of three years was with a guy I met online and he was awesome. It didn't work out, but that happens. I mean, there are definitely some creeps out there that are out for a lay, however, there are also just legit people like us that are looking to meet people outside of their regular lives, or are too shy to approach people, or are too busy to go out and meet new people! I'd recommend it, I've met a lot of interesting people this way! You just have to be cautious about it, that's all!

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AdrianCrawley Established Member

AdrianCrawley

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I been doing online dating on and off for a couple years now and haven't had much luck. I only met very few men online and I'm at the point where I don't want to return to online dating ever again and trying to meet people in real life. The hard part about that I don't how to approach men with confidence.

 

You get the same as you would get in real life.

 

What do you mean "with confidence". What kind of confidence do you need, as long as the guys are the ones doing the approaching and you just have to agree or not ? :confused:

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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I have found it a very fun and successful way to meet people.

You get out what you put in. If you have a great profile and great pics then you will get good success.

If you have a lousy profile and bad pics then you'll meet with disappointment and frustration.

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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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You get the same as you would get in real life.

 

What do you mean "with confidence". What kind of confidence do you need, as long as the guys are the ones doing the approaching and you just have to agree or not ? :confused:[/quote

 

Yes that's true. I want to be able to approach guys without being scared.

AdrianCrawley Established Member

AdrianCrawley

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Yes that's true. I want to be able to approach guys without being scared.

 

Are you asking how to handle the possibility of being rejected ?

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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The overwhelming majority of my dates from online have been positive. I've been lucky, I guess. I'm dating a fabulous woman from one of the sites now.

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stateofgrace Member

stateofgrace

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Yes that's true. I want to be able to approach guys without being scared.

Don't be scared!! Honestly, the way you have to look at it, is that you don't know any of these people, and what's the worst thing that could happen if you message someone? They don't respond? They say they're not interested? So what? You move on to the next potential prospect!

 

If you're meaning you're scared to approach guys in person, well that just takes some practice to gain some confidence! Honestly, like I said above, you just have to look at it as, what's the worst case scenario here? If you approach a guy, the worst case scenario is that he isn't interested. You might be embarrassed, but then you just brush it off! It happens! That's the only way to put yourself out there!

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bene Established Member

bene

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I know OLD gets a lot of bashing here but for me it is an important source of actually meeting people who I wouldn't otherwise meet.

 

I don't get approached on the street, there are not many candidates at work and my close circle of friends is mainly women. My hobbies are also not very suitable for finding men, I really don't meet new guys in a ballet class or reading a book at home. I have never understood the threads about how EASY dating is for women because I think I am at least cute and I don't look scary but it is very rare for a man to approach me in real life. Maybe it is less common where I live because people tend to be more introverted here.

 

Once you meet face to face it is not OLD anymore, it is a relationship with an actual person with its ups and downs.

 

At the moment I am down but I am willing to give it another shot. It is of course exhausting to find the ones I would click with. Meeting people who you wouldn't otherwise meet can be both positive and negative because some people you don't meet with a reason.

 

So for me it is a source of contacts. Of all the actual dates, people have been completely "normal" and not some special species :)

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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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Are you asking how to handle the possibility of being rejected ?

 

No its not that. I want to know how I can go up to someone and start a conversation. I'm kinda shy

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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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Don't be scared!! Honestly, the way you have to look at it, is that you don't know any of these people, and what's the worst thing that could happen if you message someone? They don't respond? They say they're not interested? So what? You move on to the next potential prospect!

 

If you're meaning you're scared to approach guys in person, well that just takes some practice to gain some confidence! Honestly, like I said above, you just have to look at it as, what's the worst case scenario here? If you approach a guy, the worst case scenario is that he isn't interested. You might be embarrassed, but then you just brush it off! It happens! That's the only way to put yourself out there!

 

Yes that's what I meant to approach a guy in person. Thank you.

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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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I know OLD gets a lot of bashing here but for me it is an important source of actually meeting people who I wouldn't otherwise meet.

 

I don't get approached on the street, there are not many candidates at work and my close circle of friends is mainly women. My hobbies are also not very suitable for finding men, I really don't meet new guys in a ballet class or reading a book at home. I have never understood the threads about how EASY dating is for women because I think I am at least cute and I don't look scary but it is very rare for a man to approach me in real life. Maybe it is less common where I live because people tend to be more introverted here.

 

Once you meet face to face it is not OLD anymore, it is a relationship with an actual person with its ups and downs.

 

At the moment I am down but I am willing to give it another shot. It is of course exhausting to find the ones I would click with. Meeting people who you wouldn't otherwise meet can be both positive and negative because some people you don't meet with a reason.

 

So for me it is a source of contacts. Of all the actual dates, people have been completely "normal" and not some special species :)

 

Well the thing is I don't see many guys in the county I live in on the dating site I'm on. The ones that do message me live far or I don't find them attractive

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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No its not that. I want to know how I can go up to someone and start a conversation. I'm kinda shy

 

Do you have friends you can go out in a group with?

 

First of all its a confidence booster. Second, you have a safety net. If you want to try talking to a guy, and the whole thing backfires, your friends can pull you away and say you have to go. Easy out.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Its never worked for me.

 

 

Although yesterday I went on a bit of an OK Cupid binge, and the stars must have aligned. I'm talking to about 8 girls now. One girl seems really down to earth and acknowledges we communicate well, but she is recently hurt and I'm going to try and just be her friend for now, because she clearly needs some one positive around her.

 

Most of them will fizzle out though, because that's how it works.

 

I'll let you know if anything changes.

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normal person Established Member

normal person

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I've never had any problems with it, in fact it's made my life a lot more fun and interesting than it would have been otherwise since I've started.

 

For people in general, I think OLD works if you don't simply expect to make a basic profile and have that be "enough." It'd be nice to present yourself as is but reading through here, it appears plenty of people do that to no avail. I don't think people consider what other people want to see or read in a profile or want in a person. They write trivial, throwaway facts about themselves ("I like to travel and hang out with friends") and are somewhat incapable of making themselves appear like an attractive person who stands out in a crowd.

 

Here's what I think based on the common themes I've picked up on:

 

People who are successful with OLD typically:

- Have a visibly attractive quality that they know how to display (looks, intelligence, career, ambition, humor). Something other people want.

- Are able to display some form of personality that isn't generic or trivial

- Have a good degree of self-awareness and are able to pick up on how they're perceived

- Live in a decently populated area

- Are intelligent enough to figure out the nuances (there needs to a be a clear picture of your face, don't message people "hey", etc)

 

Based on what I've read, it seems to me people without success tend not to do this stuff.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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OLDing is a HUGE waste of time! Works for very FEW people. Even once you get the date guy shows up barely looks like his pics, overweight, recovering alcoholic. Then even if you get an ok guy he has GIGS and is still looking for the better option. Like I said WASTE OF TIME!

 

You're much better off trying to meet a man IRL. That means putting yourself out there more. Going to openings and events around town. What I've learned is that you should let the guy approach you because no matter how many guys swear they love it. You will be seen as desperate and they won't be that into you. As a woman all you need to do is somehow let the guy know your interested. That means smile at them, if they are talking to you be friendly. Basically a men wants the green light to pursue you and feels he won't be rejected if they try. So if you see a guy your interested in make sure to look him in the eye and SMILE that's a biggie. Even just say hi to them but let them do the approaching. That's what I've gathered so far. I'm very shy with guys I'm interested in so I know it can be very hard to do something that seems so simple.

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Mo_Do Established Member

Mo_Do

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I've met around 20 girls from OLD just in the past few months - most don't work out.

 

3 dates a week was becoming a huge chore, so I've now made my requirements greater for them (they were already pretty high) as one date a week with someone I truly want to meet will be far better than meeting a bunch of girls that basically agreed to meet up after a few messages.

 

I've learned that if she's sputtering for conversation online, then she'll be no better - or worse in person. If she's feisty online, she'll be a loud mouth in person etc.

 

You really need to watch for signs - and the ones I really connected with online I got along with the best in person, go figure.

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stephy567 Member

stephy567

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I've only tried OLD once and was on Okcupid for a couple of months. It was very overwhelming and depressing at first because of the number of messages I would get (mostly from men I definitely was not attracted to), which happens to a lot of women. FYI I'm 32 and live in Los Angeles. I would basically look through the messages I got and reply to those I was interested in, would "rate" men I was attracted to hoping to get their attention so they would message me or get the mutual match notification, look through the men that had rated me positively and message them if I was interested, or very very seldomly message a guy I was attracted to but had not messaged or rated me.

 

So, I took a more reactive approach I guess. I found this gave me more confidence because they expressed interest first and then the only thing I would be worried about was that they might somehow thing I didn't match up to what my profile made me out to be. I kind of went crazy with it and went on several dates a week for a couple of months. It was fun, but pretty draining. Through the weeding out process before we met (going out with guys who had detailed profiles, lots of pictures), I found that the reality of most of the guys I met matched what I thought they would be like. I didn't go on a lot of second dates though just due to lack of great chemistry or whatnot. I also found that OLD was kind of tough emotionally on me because some days I would feel pretty good about myself and that I had a lot of good options (thus reflecting on me positively) and other days I would feel like no one I was interested in was interested in me (reflecting on me negatively). I wasn't prepared for this. It's also hard to stop looking (this happens to guys and girls) and I find that if there is someone you're interested in, it's important to try to stop looking so that you can give it a chance, otherwise, it's too easy to think oh, there will always be another option and then you'll just end up going on endless first dates. In the end, I found a guy I'm very happy and compatible with and we're seeing where things go (just FYI, this was one of the guys that had messaged me first and I responded to because I was interested).

Edited by stephy567
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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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Its never worked for me.

 

 

Although yesterday I went on a bit of an OK Cupid binge, and the stars must have aligned. I'm talking to about 8 girls now. One girl seems really down to earth and acknowledges we communicate well, but she is recently hurt and I'm going to try and just be her friend for now, because she clearly needs some one positive around her.

 

Most of them will fizzle out though, because that's how it works.

 

I'll let you know if anything changes.

 

Good luck!!

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nyny123 Established Member

nyny123

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OLDing is a HUGE waste of time! Works for very FEW people. Even once you get the date guy shows up barely looks like his pics, overweight, recovering alcoholic. Then even if you get an ok guy he has GIGS and is still looking for the better option. Like I said WASTE OF TIME!

 

You're much better off trying to meet a man IRL. That means putting yourself out there more. Going to openings and events around town. What I've learned is that you should let the guy approach you because no matter how many guys swear they love it. You will be seen as desperate and they won't be that into you. As a woman all you need to do is somehow let the guy know your interested. That means smile at them, if they are talking to you be friendly. Basically a men wants the green light to pursue you and feels he won't be rejected if they try. So if you see a guy your interested in make sure to look him in the eye and SMILE that's a biggie. Even just say hi to them but let them do the approaching. That's what I've gathered so far. I'm very shy with guys I'm interested in so I know it can be very hard to do something that seems so simple.

 

I like it when men do all the approaching lol. I prefer it that way.

Dallers Established Member

Dallers

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I joined plenty of fish last night. For the last 24 hours I have been speaking to the most interesting girl I have ever met. Date booked in and it was all by chance.

 

You just have to stop dwelling on the fact that you will never find anyone and just keep looking and not giving up. When they are the wrong one, accept it quickly and try again.

 

Online dating has become the norm. But you need to grab their attention in the first message.

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bu2002 Established Member

bu2002

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Just some tips on profiles after my experience

 

Pictures

 

Guys

- Need one clear facial shot

- Need one fully body shot

- Need one shot of you in a classy social setting

- Need one shot of you doing an activity

- A picture with a sister/mother doesn't hurt, just make sure it's captioned.

- Selfies indoors are not attractive. The lighting sucks and will make your face look fatter

- Lighting, Lighting, Lighting. Try and get all pics outdoors.

 

Girls

- Same as guys except the activity picture. I think versatility is more important, so shots with you in different attire. Men are visual

- If you're using a girls night out picture, crop out your friends

- photos with stupid faces, you might think it's funny, but guys don't think so

- if you're including a picture of your pet, make sure it's an activity you're doing with your pet. Including JUST a picture of your pet without you isn't cute. You are marketing yourself towards other guys, not other females (assuming you are hetero)

 

Profiles

Use Examples to tell your story

Instead of "I like to travel", say "My ideal vacation spot would be sitting on a beach off of Greece....". Instead of "I like to cook", "I put my culinary skills to use by making a (insert a favorite meal you like to make)"

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Just for fun, if you want a stereotypical female profile, make sure you meet or include all of the following.

 

 

At least one picture of you flipping off the camera.

At least one vacation photo.

At least photo of you standing on top of an elevated land mass.

At least one beach photo.

At least one selfie.

 

List yourself as Bisexual.

Fill your profile out with something like "Just ask"

List all the things you don't want in the most condescendingly angry way possible.

List shopping as a hobby.

Make sure you throw in a dig about only looking for "real" men who have their sh*T together.

 

 

 

There you go! ;)

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nomadic_butterfly Established Member

nomadic_butterfly

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To be honest the online dating scene and changed dramatically in the past 11 yrs. Met my first love online.

 

You just have to be prepared for most of the dates not to work out, but I'm the type that is selective about meeting up in the first place, so if we don't connect romantically in person, but we have a great vibe and enough in common, we become friends. Some of my closest friends I've met online.

 

Now-a-days in the instant gratification society we live in, the people I know with the most success as of late is the people just looking for a superficial hook-up, FWB situation.

 

I think a lot of dating sites are now watered down and practicing trickery in many ways i.e. putting up profiles of inactive members, emailing you "matches" whom you do not fit the description of what they are looking for racially, etc. And these are paid sites.

 

I don't go out much and I am on two paid sites. I thought paying would up the quality but so not the case. Even eHarmony has changed tremendously since the last time I was on it 3 yrs ago.

 

Start off with the free sites and you're pretty much living on a prayer from there. Maybe also join interest groups on Meetup.com. Maybe speed dating as well.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Posted
Although yesterday I went on a bit of an OK Cupid binge, and the stars must have aligned. I'm talking to about 8 girls now. One girl seems really down to earth and acknowledges we communicate well

If you're getting to that stage on the OLD saite then you're doing it wrong.

Why haven't you met all 8 of these girls already?

Go for the MEET... make it real ASAP. That is why they are fizzling out... that's not "how it works", that's the obvious result of your lack of action to transform the OLD chatting into a real life meeting.

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