Valentines day pain

[DesertSun]

I have a question. I have been dating someone for nearly a year, we live together and things seem great. The other day, a Valentines day gift arrived for my boyfriend from a female friend of his who I am uncomfortable with since I know he has taken trips with her prior to our dating and once early on in our dating (he went to Jamaica with her one month after we dated and I only found out about that much later)

 

I am honestly hurt by this gift and I voiced this to him. He claims they are just friends and if it were her he wanted it would be her he would be with. He said that his heart belongs to me and that he cannot control her sending things. I want to know what should be done and if I am right to be upset about this. I want him to send the gift back and let her know that he is living with me and no longer feels it is appropriate that they have a relationship that involves gifts etc. I just feel hurt and wronged that this happened. She lives 3000 miles away from us thankfully but I just feel very uncomfortable with this. I feel like this gesture has cheapened the holiday and I just don't even want to do anything for it as I am hurt.

 

Any words of wisdom?

[tiki]

Since when was Valentine's Day for "friends"?

 

If anyone tells her, have him tell her, don't do it yourself.

[DesertSun]

I agree he should be the one to handle it but I just feel like it cheapened what should be a romantic holiday and I just feel numb

[HotCaliGirl]

This is my first day on this website and I am so relieved that I am not the only one that gets screwed over and hurt by men... If your boyfriend TRULY loves YOU and cares about your feelings - he will either:

 

1) repack the gift and include a note stating that he will only accept a valentine gift from you and mail it back to her

OR

2) put it in the trash can in front of you and convincingly tell you that it means nothing to him.

 

How could he accept an object that he knows hurts you so much? That is UNACCEPTABLE and you should NOT keep quiet about it. If he doesn't put an end to it now, expect to receive Easter baskets, birthday presents, Christmas gifts from this past ladyfriend of his - where would one draw the line if he is accepting a VALENTINE'S gift from her! Valentine's = Love and if you are his love, then there is no place for her in your lives... I'm sorry he is not initiating a proper resolution to this...

[allina]

I understand how you feel but then in a way I also think you are being silly. He is with you, you say things are great so it shoulden't matter that a friend sent him a gift. The only thing that would not be ok here is if he attempted to keep you in the dark about getting the gift, or if he wouldn't show you what it was. Asking him to send it back is a little rude. However I would expect that he told her (a long time ago) that he has a gf he is living with.

[DesertSun]

I am not sure that he has told her that I am there or not. I didn't even know he was in any contact with her. This particular one resurfaces time to time and in the very beginning he lied about her, so I just am not comfortable that after coming to get past it and trust him, here she is again. That is more the bother than the thing itself, it is the fact that maybe he did not tell her and maybe he is leaving her hang on because he might want to be with her still and is unsure. Who knows. He and I have no commitment, we are not engaged or married so that leaves me to believe that perhaps he isn't telling her that I am around.

 

I am more hurt by the fact this particular woman keeps surfacing in our time together. I know he is with me, but if he truly is why would he still be tagging her along..

[allina]

That explais it a little more, because really I think the bigger problem is rather he knows he is taken, and his intentions not the gift. Have you asked him about this?