seeker1984 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm new to this site and I'm sure a post about this had already been on here a hundred times but recently i found out my ex got engaged to his gf of about 7 or 8 months.....i was with him for a year and a half. We had a tumultuous relationship, towards the last 6 months of it he kept telling me he was going to marry me and he was saving up for a ring but he admitted later after he dumped me he was never planning to marry me he wanted to break up with me but didn't know how so he lied, his family and friends never liked me and he follows what they say, we were both 28 at the time. I just feel sad, i know he wasn't the type of man i wanted, but i get sad thinking why couldn't he have been this great man with me? He was on a dating site within 24 hrs of breaking up with me. He met his fiancee on the site and told her he loved her within a couple weeks as he did me.....now months later he gave her a pretty ring and promised himself to her, i told him I'm happy for him i try to be kind even tho he told her and his family let her know how horrible i was to him....i just feel like i was the training wheel gf and now she is benefiting from what i taught him....he even told me that he won't do the same things to the next one that he did to me....i just don't understand why he did all these scummy things to me and I'm here alone and he gets to have his happy ending after all the bs i put up with. Maybe I'm just mad at myself for not having some self respect and value for myself enough to walk away.....I'm ****ing jealous and mad and sad.....uhhh sorry for the pity party
Smilecharmer Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Never stay in drama...it won't end well for you. She got someone that you know is not a good person, consider yourself luckier than a Leprechaun. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 If it was tumultuous as a dating relationship, it would have been worse as a marriage. He was ready to get married. You just weren't the one. It's not a reflection on you; it's just that you two weren't a good match 1
Author seeker1984 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 I'm just bitter and being hard on myself. :/
learning_slowly Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 People are chemistry sets. He could even change for the other woman because their chemistry does that. In my experience it takes a lot for people to change. Would you want to be married to somebody who could dump you in a bad way. How long do you think it will be before there is a divorce? That's why when being dumped, you should keep your dignity. Chances are they will be at a stage where they will wish they had been different and probably want you. But by then you will have moved on. Don't worry about being bitter, just don't dwell in it. Get happier times and happier people in your life. Smile on purpose, whenever a bitter thought enters your head and think about something good. Eventually tge bitter thoughts will be replaced
Zapbasket Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 No, no, no. People are NOT chemistry sets. Why is your ex bf saying all this hurtful stuff to you? That right there shows a major lack of class, at BEST. I have been in three long-term relationships, two with men I genuinely loved, one with a man I thought I loved at the time but realized years after the fact that I never loved. I'm telling you: I was the SAME in all three relationships. The expressions of my love were the SAME. Whatever shortcomings there were to how I loved or behaved in my relationships were MINE, carried from one relationship to the next, and NOT the "chemistry" of the relationship. Yes, it's possible that a person is not ready for the commitment of marriage in one relationship, and then in the next relationship has developed individually to a point where s/he IS ready. That is true. I can whine that my first and longest relationship (5 years) did not result in a marriage, but the truth is, I myself was not ready to get married at that time. It had nothing to do with that guy being the "wrong" guy--if he was "wrong," that was a separate issue. Honestly, if your ex were so happily engrossed with his fiance, he wouldn't be saying all that hurtful stuff to you. And I feel sorry for his fiance, having to meet his family and suffer through talk about how badly YOU treated her bf. (I doubt seriously that even happened; sounds like another thing your bf said to hurt you deliberately.) I'm just saying: things may not necessarily be as they seem. People don't change their stripes; they really don't. And it doesn't sound like your ex has changed his, otherwise he'd be able to muster some grace about his past relationships, because he'd have recognized HIS role in their demise and that brings about a humility that makes vindictive comments impossible to muster. 3
Author seeker1984 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 He likes to play both sides or did on the past. O he and his family really did tell her all about me, i know if i start dating someone again and the fist thing i hear us how crummy their ex was or their own family letting me know about it....I'm walki.g away. when we had Lil tiffs he would run to his mom and sister and id get to be the bad guy......idk i hope he has changed idk tho she might get a taste of what i had to put up with....will i Chose to put up with
Zapbasket Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 she might get a taste of what i had to put up with....w/ She will. And if they make it down the aisle, it will KILL their marriage. i Chose to put up with Good that you added this. You didn't "have" to put up with anything. 1
Author seeker1984 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 I really wish i would have made better choices, damn i was stupid
STM206 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm sorry but to "fall in love" with someone 2 weeks after you met them on a dating site sounds like it's doomed from the start. It sounds like he rushed way too quick into the next possible relationship he could find for reasons unbeknownst to you and probably himself. People who overlap/swing from vine to vine eventually reach out for a vine that is just a little to far out of reach - therefore they fall and when they do, they seriously have to reflect and look inward for why they haven't actually commited to one particular person. Hold your head up, even though it's easy to, try to avoid blaming yourself for the downfall - remember this. "YOU stuck around until the end, THEY jumped ship when the tides became a little too rough" 2
Author seeker1984 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 After everything I'm still wondering if he still runs home to his mommy if th ****ey have a arguement.....good why did i not leave him sonnet for doing **** like that.....the
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