LTR 8 yrs exgf- arguments and giggs [update]

[Seeusmile]

Hey guys i have been having a hard time.. Getting over my ex girlfriend/fiancée.... I'll try to keep this as honest and short as possible. And give time line so you know where I'm at.

 

Time-line

2014

Feb 2nd 8th year broke up went NC for 2 weeks - non stop calling me and asking to meet up. Finally I caved in had a chat to her she wanted to reconcile but I said no cause I was still mad about her breaking up with me.( she breaks up with me every year everytime at the heat of the moment and I have warned her before not to do this again cause I won't come back and we been together so long we shouldn't be doing this and more and we need to grow up.)

 

3rd week - gathered my thoughts and decided to talk to her and take up the offer of reconciling. She hit me with the curve ball and said no she had moved on and thought I didn't want to get back with her..

So here I'm left chasing her. I gave her 1 week to think about it if that what she wanted.. And went NC

 

- 1 week went passed.. Almost end of feb caught up with her again.. Had dinner at a restaurant state with small talk.. Until she gave me her reason that it's been 8 years I haven't committed (my reasons was we need to sort out our anger management so we can have a better future together) but at the end of it all. She wanted to let me go. I panic and freak out.. Grabbed her hands and went out the car and drove somewhere quiet.. I couldn't believe what I heard and I done something outrages and I proposed to her to give her what she wanted...

She said yes I was happy that she did but same time in my heart t was the wrong thing to do..

 

-2 weeks past march 13th she wanted to talk... And basically told she wanted to break our engagement cause she didn't want to be lying to me and she is still quiet hurt about are arguments and feels like nothing will change and will get back to our usual ways. I was quiet devastated but same time I respected her decision

I can sense there still feeling there from her end but she is still holding on to the negative thoughts that nothing will change.. And doesn't want to give it a chance to make it work at the moment..

 

She is basically saying go and move on and meet other women.. And from her end she wants to meet other guys and see what it like out there cause she been only with me for 8 years and she wants to compare me to other guys to how good I really am... I understand and respected her decision but I stood up for Myself and I told her yeah you can do that but don't get me wrong I don't plan to wait around for you.. And if I find something that worth giving it a shot ill dedicate my whole being to that person and she knows how I am due to being with me for such a long time.

 

We are a good couple most of our times are happy and meet each other half way.. And we both take care of each other..

 

But her - she is really stubborn

And me - I'm sensitive

that's where the issue starts.

 

As of now... I'm trying my very best to maintain NC.. I been going out having fun with the boys and meeting other women ( nothing serious made sure I told them what I want) but At the time she making it very difficult for me.. She wants to stay friends cause apparently this is her way of dealing of being stronger and getting over me.. but also open to reconciling if we maintain contact.

 

How do I proceed of moving on and healing same time maybe getting back together again in the future?

Edited May 7, 2014 by Seeusmile

[FredJones80]

How do I proceed of moving on and healing same time maybe getting back together again in the future?

 

I really feel for you Seeusmile, I'm attempting to get over a 10 yr relationship. Apart from the divorce forums there aren't a lot of LTR threads around here, not many that pass the 4-5 year mark anyway.

 

I don't understand how she can blame it on you not committing and then never want to be with you again? Is she hooked up on the idea of marriage or marriage to you.. there is a difference.

 

I agree she shouldn't be ending it every year, year on year after 8 years and I'll bet (because I went through something similar) that because of this constant breaking up and making up that one of the reasons you can't or haven't committed is because of this very reason, you get to a point you feel stable and then split up, how can you commit when your relationship seems so fragile so much of the time. You basically don't want to marry to divorce a year later.... correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I know you've wrote from your own perspective which is always slightly biased but it appears you're doing most of the leg work to keep thing together most of the time.

 

The way I look at your (and my own situation) is if they're prepared to give up 8 (and 10) years then let them.

[Seeusmile]

I hear you man.. Most of the relationship here that I've read 2yrs to 4 yrs..

In our situation it's somewhat different due to that fact that it's 8 to 10 years.. It's like being married already..

 

How long have you BU for now?

[FredJones80]

How long have you BU for now?

 

Nearly 5 weeks and 2 and half weeks NC.

 

How long have you been split and NC? I tried looking through your post again but couldn't grab that info.

[Seeusmile]

It went well NC for 3 weeks after proposal after i cave in.. Now

LC.. Been broken up since march 13 at the moment just managing my emotions and keeping busy..

 

My ex gf and her best best friend checks up on me and here and there randomly andI also receive late nights calls but I make sure i only reply with a txt msg the next 48 hrs writing 'Is something the matter?' Then don't reply anything after that even if she wants a small chat.

Edited May 8, 2014 by Seeusmile

[Seeusmile]

Hey guys I been on LC with an ex gf that I'm trying to get back.

Today I was waiting for a friend in the city while grabbing a coffee when I saw my ex gf on a casual date.. Damn I wish I didn't see her and my heart rate went crazy. She spotted me and to her suprise she quickly separated herself from the other guy.. They weren't holding hands or anything but u just know they were having a date.

 

Anyway she approach me awkwardly and i made sure to remain calm.. I kiss her on the cheeks and said hello and I didn't mention anything about her date. She ask me what i was doing and told her I'm meeting up in a bar with some friends and going to a bday later on.

I told her you have a good night and she parted and she kept looking back at me.

 

When she left I was in panic and shaking but same time when I saw the other guy I'm thinkng why the hell did she down graded he looks like a geek and I'm 10 times better looking than this guy(not trying to be up myself)

But anyway when I got the bar I was soo pissed I orders whatever drinks to get me numb and socialise with every hot girl I can get my hands on.

 

Later in the evening 11:30pm I received a msg from the ex gf telling me she was so suprised bumping into me etc etc breadcrumbs..

Now what do I do from here... Today is her bday my friend said just send her a belated happy day and what else do I do? Go NC right away?

 

We are supposed to meet up on Tuesday for a catch up but soon as I experience this I don't know what to do.

[Babolat]

Now what do I do from here... .

 

Go back to the bar and do a few shots, calm down, and then come back and give us the backstory.

[tlegend]

Hey guys I been on LC with an ex gf that I'm trying to get back.

Today I was waiting for a friend in the city while grabbing a coffee when I saw my ex gf on a casual date.. Damn I wish I didn't see her and my heart rate went crazy. She spotted me and to her suprise she quickly separated herself from the other guy.. They weren't holding hands or anything but u just know they were having a date.

 

Anyway she approach me awkwardly and i made sure to remain calm.. I kiss her on the cheeks and said hello and I didn't mention anything about her date. She ask me what i was doing and told her I'm meeting up in a bar with some friends and going to a bday later on.

I told her you have a good night and she parted and she kept looking back at me.

 

When she left I was in panic and shaking but same time when I saw the other guy I'm thinkng why the hell did she down graded he looks like a geek and I'm 10 times better looking than this guy(not trying to be up myself)

But anyway when I got the bar I was soo pissed I orders whatever drinks to get me numb and socialise with every hot girl I can get my hands on.

 

Later in the evening 11:30pm I received a msg from the ex gf telling me she was so suprised bumping into me etc etc breadcrumbs..

Now what do I do from here... Today is her bday my friend said just send her a belated happy day and what else do I do? Go NC right away?

 

We are supposed to meet up on Tuesday for a catch up but soon as I experience this I don't know what to do.

 

It goes from "saw her on a date, she later texted breadcrumbs" into "we're supposed to meet up on tuesday".

 

Um, that's a big leap. Sounds like you need to check check yourself and show that you need to be the same guy she saw on the date. Someone who doesn't NEED her to go along just fine in your life.

 

If you want to win her back...show her just how awesome of a person you are. If it was meant to be, it will be. If she doesn't recognize how awesome of a person you are, I'm going to guarantee another girl will.