misspaperwait Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Okay so it's been 3 years sense my ex and me split and I am missing intimacy severely lately. I won't do the casual thing, it's just not me but I miss being held, kissed, touched, ect and I'm having a hard time finding ways to cope! I never thought I would be single so long but sadly it doesn't look like that's going to change any soon and I'm hating being alone right now, just the little things like having someone to share your bed with, things I never realized I would miss so much! Has anyone else been experiencing this? any thoughts on how to cope with this total lack of love and affection while I'm looking for someone new?
VanessaVanessa Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I would like to know the same thing. Although it hasn't been as long for me because I have been single for just over half a year but those types of things are starting to influence me too. It's weird though, because in general I've never been used to being surrounded by (or being treated with) noticeably affectionate people, so I am actually kind of accustomed to a lack of closeness even though I don't want to be. I guess it is because I got a taste of what it was like. Sometimes I wish I didn't because then I would be a lot more indifferent. Also I am not for casual type of things either. I don't know if I made any sense but I will see what others say about how they cope Edited May 7, 2014 by VanessaVanessa
learning_slowly Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Do you really want intimacy with somebody you don't feel for? I know girls that have done that then they end up falling for the guy because he was better than nothing. Your life = your choice. As for " in the meantime " , love yourself, you'll probably do it better But for cuddles etc, get a gay friend? I think you just have to deal with it. 1
CarrieT Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 When I was single after a long time and craving physical affection like the OP, I turned to Craigslist for anonymous sex, NSA, etc. It didn't work. What I really wanted was the "morning after" intimacy versus the "night of" sexual escapade. Too many regrets in all the one-night stands I had just trying to get close to another human body...
Author misspaperwait Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 That's pretty much exactly it VanessaVanessa, my ex was my first for everything (first kiss, first date, first sexual partner) before him I had always been single and never really thought much about it lol we dated for 10 months before he broke up with me via text 4 days before Christmas. Before you enter the dating scene you don't realize all the things you're missing out on the problem is that when it doesn't work out you've had a taste of what it's like to be with someone, loved by someone and fall asleep in their arms and it's really hard to go back to being alone after all that lol 2
Itspointless Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Dealing with the lack of affection is something you have to learn. Take long warm showers, go to the sauna, cuddle with animals. Perhaps a family member has dogs you sometimes can take for a walk and play with.These kind of thing help a bit, espcially if you do not like sex without love like me. 1
STM206 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 That's the truth! When you don't know what it's like to be in love, you still get through your life day to day as a loner. Once you get a taste for it and lose it - your whole identity and world is shifted. I miss the intimacy so much, not even the sex but the hugs, cuddling and kisses. I too tried to hook up with a random guy and I couldn't even go through with it, I stopped because my mind wasn't in it. 7
Author misspaperwait Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 That's how I am too, I won't do casual sex, I need to have that love connection first which is part of makes it so hard because none of my friends are like that so their suggestions are always stuff like "oh just go a bar and pick someone up for the night!" And I'm just not like that. I was raised in a Christian household, I'm still a Christian and I have no interest and sleeping with people I don't know let along love and no one seems to get that! It's in incredibly frustrating to be honest lol 1
L1ght Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I'll tell you how you end up dealing with it. You get sick of waiting for your ex to love you, you realise that nothing you can do will make them care and such things are completely out of your control. The world keeps spinning, your ex carries on living and you are just standing still. Surely it becomes about Pride doesn't it? Surely the fire in your belly ignites and the voice inside your head screams at you to not let someone who doesn't care about you dictate how you feel and your quality of life? Rise above it. Our ex's are not better than us. We were fine before we met them and we'll be just fine after them. No better time than to be strong than right now...so be strong and close off those emotions towards your ex because the only thing they are doing right now is holding you back from living your life. Edited May 7, 2014 by L1ght 2
Author misspaperwait Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 I know my ex and I aren't getting back together, do I miss him? Sure but I know damn well he wasn't healthy for me, he had me smoking, toking and drinking by the time our relationship ended. I've known him sense I was 11, he's an amazing friend but a horrible boyfriend lol I've done the mourning, the anger, the endless questioning and the never ending analyzing trying to understand and I'm ready to move forward I just haven't met anyone yet! 1
chir Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I do know how it feels and i am so afraid of being alone.. Is scary to know is difficult to find someone who love u as much as u love them. 1
chir Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I was just trying an online social website. .gosh is Terrible... All the guys is looking for sex... I am so losing hope. .
chir Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I deleted the application anyway.. i know i am attractive. .and will get sex easily.. but i want true old fashioned love. And i think.. It almost like a myth now.
Author misspaperwait Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Online dating is hard and in my opinion not really worth it in the long run lol I tried it for a while but like 98% of the men that messaged me wanted nothing but sex or just plain creepy stuff. The guys I messaged either wouldn't reply or would turn out to be immature, drug users, regular drinkers or something to that effect. I'm honestly not as picky as I sound I just want a man, not a boy and there's a huge difference as I've learned. The ex was a heavy pot user and smoker, I was willing to over look those things until he started to skip shifts at work so he could stay home, get baked and play video games with his stoner friends. I may be a totally capable independent woman but that doesn't mean I don't want to be taken care of sometimes too, I want to be your significant other, not your mother. 1
L1ght Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Online dating is hard and in my opinion not really worth it in the long run lol I tried it for a while but like 98% of the men that messaged me wanted nothing but sex or just plain creepy stuff. The guys I messaged either wouldn't reply or would turn out to be immature, drug users, regular drinkers or something to that effect. I'm honestly not as picky as I sound I just want a man, not a boy and there's a huge difference as I've learned. The ex was a heavy pot user and smoker, I was willing to over look those things until he started to skip shifts at work so he could stay home, get baked and play video games with his stoner friends. I may be a totally capable independent woman but that doesn't mean I don't want to be taken care of sometimes too, I want to be your significant other, not your mother. online dating is an interesting thing but personally I think that in MOST situations it shouldn't be taken too seriously until two people have actually met in real life. Its also a relatively new concept and still too easy for people to hide details about their real life from the people they are starting an online relationships with. So much risk is involved with it because a person can pretty much live a double life online that is not a true reflection of who they actually are. Things like video messaging through Skype are a step in the right direction as a person can't hide their appearance or communication skills/personality on such apps but it still doesn't stop someone from lying about what they actually do in life on a day to day basis(like if they actually have a job or sit on their ass all day doing nothing). I do love the way that its so easy for people all over the world to share and connect but IMO online dating still has a long way to go before its a fullproof way to meet new lovers. Perhaps when online dating websites do better screening and ID checks it will move further in the right direction? I wouldn't know because I've never actually used an online dating website though I have had a few minor online romances here and there along the way through general social media apps and like I've already said there comes a point where you realise you have started a relationship with someone that you don't know enough about yet. Maybe that's why people find it exciting....so much mystery, risk and intrigue is involved in it.
jbelle6 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 It's only been a few days this time but times before I would go and get pampered with a facial or a massage, I know it's not sex but it feels nice and I feel prettier after and just like I did something for me. I just couldn't sleep with someone randomly that I don't know deeply. I have been in abusive relationships and am too scared of men to just meet someone for that.
Author misspaperwait Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 I live out in the country so going for pampering really isn't an option but I have been spending a lot of time with my pregnant mare she's due any day now! 1
pteromom Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I live out in the country so going for pampering really isn't an option but I have been spending a lot of time with my pregnant mare she's due any day now! Do other things that bring you tactile pleasures... warm bubble baths, lying in the sun, yoga.. things that make you feel sensual and connected to yourself. No, it is not the same as being touched by someone, but at least it will get your mind off it.
Charlie Harper Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 As a guy It might surprise you but I am in the same boat, have lots of woman friends and some of them are available and really pretty, and yes I really want to steamroll some of them BUT, Ill get attached and since I am quite vulnerable now, I am in "need" of some understanding, love and company, I think a lot could get outahand real quickly no matter how much I try. Specially when your experience tell you you haven had a ONS that haven't ended in "something else". Now I am Running like crazy I ran a half marathon last saturday, went walking to a park on Sunday, and basically I am working and exercising like crazy.... It has worked for me, also buying clothes helps.... but that is a natural thing to women... LOL Good luck!
todreaminblue Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I actually think that humans are meant to crave touch and affection.....it is why and how we know how to give that in a relationship for that relationship to survive..........so missing it is natural you just supplement when you dont have that warm soft body next to you or you are in process of finding that warm affectionate some body...... i think getting in touch with your spiritual side helps....and having outlets where you get to give affection and get it back unconditionally from animals, friends family etc.......strays find me...maybe they know i need an outlet or i have affection to give......and i do give it and i get so much back........feed people ......that helps me...i like feeding people......i like making hopefully satisfying meals that people enjoy its my way of feeling fulfilled...and i make fruit punch on special occasions........and the appreciation received is a form of grateful affection from friends and family....when i actually stop feeding people i know how sad i am......and you make new friends feeding people.....people love food and are affectionate to food and cooks....lol.....wanna hiug a chocolate bar now....ok im a kidding i know eating a chocolate bar as big as my head is a quick fix.....but it tastes so good.........have just realised i have no chocolate...:0)..gonna hug a goofy rottie instead.........deb.....
Author misspaperwait Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 haha Charlie Harper.. Great name xD but for the record I rarely shop for clothes haha baking supplies and video games? yes but not clothes very often haha todreaminblue: We have a lot of animals here haha 2 dogs, 3 cats, 2 horses but soon three when Lady finally drops her foal and my crested gecko Leonard haha I spend a lot of time with them, lots of affection been brushing Lady a lot lately because she really enjoys it. I write, draw, sing, bake, cook and sew quiet a lot as well lol I'm not working right now because of a knee injury that's still in the process of healing but I like to fill my time the best I can, I find it easier to deal with loneliness if I keep myself busy.
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