irc333 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I've noticed from time to time about spouses who get back together with their ex's. Sometimes it's even their ex spouse. Aren't ex's "EX's" for a reason? Do you think people do this because they've tried dating, found out dating sucked for them, and then they just ran back to someone who they were most familiar with (but yet can't stand to be in the same room with them?)
IdontPlayanyGames Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I think theres probably a few different reasons. 1. Whatever attracted them to that person in the first place they still find attractive. I still think my ex is pretty hot. 2. Its easier then dating someone new. People find comfort in familiarity. Why go through the trouble of getting to know someone new when you can always call an ex? 3. people like to romanticize stuff. Everyones been guilty of it. You break up with someone and all you choose to remember are the good parts. I think a lot of people get back with their exes because they choose to only remember the good times and they see it as some kinds of hollywood love story where they get back with their true soulmate after being apart for so long. 4. A lot of people never lose their feelings for their ex. Dating isn't as black and white as people try to make it seem. And i think most people always have some kind of feelings for their exes. When you get to really know a girl and every part of her its hard to just shut her out forever. We all try, but those of us with less self control can't help but eventually go back to that person who made us happy. Even if we were miserable for most of the relationship, the happiness is what stands out most in our minds once that person is gone. I think everyone is guilty of getting back with their exes for one of the reasons above. But i also think that everyone should have the self control to really evaluate their relationships from an objective point of view to decide if getting back with their ex is really the best thing for them. 2
Author irc333 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 What prompted this is that I know a good male friend of mine that started dating a woman that dumped him to get back with her ex SOON after she signed her divorce papers. I hear he's still fawning and carrying a torch for her and even heard they are trying to attempt things again....but feel that there is some kind of betrayal there...I don't think I'd take that woman back if I were him. I think theres probably a few different reasons. 1. Whatever attracted them to that person in the first place they still find attractive. I still think my ex is pretty hot. 2. Its easier then dating someone new. People find comfort in familiarity. Why go through the trouble of getting to know someone new when you can always call an ex? 3. people like to romanticize stuff. Everyones been guilty of it. You break up with someone and all you choose to remember are the good parts. I think a lot of people get back with their exes because they choose to only remember the good times and they see it as some kinds of hollywood love story where they get back with their true soulmate after being apart for so long. 4. A lot of people never lose their feelings for their ex. Dating isn't as black and white as people try to make it seem. And i think most people always have some kind of feelings for their exes. When you get to really know a girl and every part of her its hard to just shut her out forever. We all try, but those of us with less self control can't help but eventually go back to that person who made us happy. Even if we were miserable for most of the relationship, the happiness is what stands out most in our minds once that person is gone. I think everyone is guilty of getting back with their exes for one of the reasons above. But i also think that everyone should have the self control to really evaluate their relationships from an objective point of view to decide if getting back with their ex is really the best thing for them.
crederer Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Not necessarily, no. It depends on the reasons. I wouldn't get back with an ex mainly due to my ego more so than anything else, to be honest.
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I think theres probably a few different reasons. 1. Whatever attracted them to that person in the first place they still find attractive. I still think my ex is pretty hot. 2. Its easier then dating someone new. People find comfort in familiarity. Why go through the trouble of getting to know someone new when you can always call an ex? 3. people like to romanticize stuff. Everyones been guilty of it. You break up with someone and all you choose to remember are the good parts. I think a lot of people get back with their exes because they choose to only remember the good times and they see it as some kinds of hollywood love story where they get back with their true soulmate after being apart for so long. 4. A lot of people never lose their feelings for their ex. Dating isn't as black and white as people try to make it seem. And i think most people always have some kind of feelings for their exes. When you get to really know a girl and every part of her its hard to just shut her out forever. We all try, but those of us with less self control can't help but eventually go back to that person who made us happy. Even if we were miserable for most of the relationship, the happiness is what stands out most in our minds once that person is gone. I think everyone is guilty of getting back with their exes for one of the reasons above. But i also think that everyone should have the self control to really evaluate their relationships from an objective point of view to decide if getting back with their ex is really the best thing for them. Yes, good points. There is often something a little more sinister going on too. People who get back with their exes and ignore why they broke up with them in the first place may also be emotionally or psychologically damaged. Many of these people have lower self-esteem, are co-dependent, depressed and have less understanding of boundaries, obsessive and poorer decision makers even to the point of ignoring what and how their relationships affect others around them (selfish or myopic). They also tend to be a more cynical. Another thing that I find interesting is that there is some "desperation" of sorts involved. Some or many of these people want "desperately" to prove that the failed relationship was a fluke and that all the energy he/she put into was not for nothing. So, they go back to it in the hopes of "saving" it and in the wake, perhaps, showing the world that it was wrong... such people, in my opinion, are not healthy to date. Their poor decision making in relationships spills over in their normal, daily lives. You date them at your own risk. 1
Author irc333 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 However, as a real estate agent, she's been listed as the "top tier" in her office in her agency. *Shrug* Go figure. She does exceptional career-wise, just poor dating decisions. Yes, good points. There is often something a little more sinister going on too. People who get back with their exes and ignore why they broke up with them in the first place may also be emotionally or psychologically damaged. Many of these people have lower self-esteem, are co-dependent, depressed and have less understanding of boundaries, obsessive and poorer decision makers even to the point of ignoring what and how their relationships affect others around them (selfish or myopic). They also tend to be a more cynical. Another thing that I find interesting is that there is some "desperation" of sorts involved. Some or many of these people want "desperately" to prove that the failed relationship was a fluke and that all the energy he/she put into was not for nothing. So, they go back to it in the hopes of "saving" it and in the wake, perhaps, showing the world that it was wrong... such people, in my opinion, are not healthy to date. Their poor decision making in relationships spills over in their normal, daily lives. You date them at your own risk.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 It's hard for some people to accept defeat. And for many, a failed relationship is the epitome of personal defeat. So, when and if the opportunity presents itself to get a do-over, some people will quite literally jump at the chance. Having a selective memory makes the process that much easier of course. Once you start only remembering how good she made you feel after a bad day, or how great he was in bed, and ignore the fact she also cheated, or he was also a lazy slob, getting back together doesn't sound so bad after all. 2
angel.eyes Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Most people I know have had a significant break in their LTR at some point along the way. They took a step back, worked through it, and resumed their relationship with great success. My best friend, for example broke up with her then boyfriend a year into their relationship. A year later they got back together, he proposed, and they got married. They're coming up on 11 years of wedded bliss, and have always both been emotionally healthy people. That's a pretty typical scenario. My boyfriend and I had a significant break as well. Both of us have lots of options. Heck I went on a date that night with a great guy who cold approached me an hour after we broke up (one of several who asked that day). It's usually not desperation and lack of choice that brings you back together. There are generally other things at play. Even during our breakup discussion, we acknowledged how much we meant to each other, and how great we thought the other person was. And no, selective memory and rose-colored glasses were definitely not at play when we opted to resume things. 3
Author irc333 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Just curious, did you dump a guy who had emotionally invested time in you to get back with your ex? Most people I know have had a significant break in their LTR at some point along the way. They took a step back, worked through it, and resumed their relationship with great success. My best friend, for example broke up with her then boyfriend a year into their relationship. A year later they got back together, he proposed, and they got married. They're coming up on 11 years of wedded bliss, and have always both been emotionally healthy people. That's a pretty typical scenario. My boyfriend and I had a significant break as well. Both of us have lots of options. Heck I went on a date that night with a great guy who cold approached me an hour after we broke up (one of several who asked that day). It's usually not desperation and lack of choice that brings you back together. There are generally other things at play. Even during our breakup discussion, we acknowledged how much we meant to each other, and how great we thought the other person was. And no, selective memory and rose-colored glasses were definitely not at play when we opted to resume things.
SadNLonley Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 It's hard for some people to accept defeat. And for many, a failed relationship is the epitome of personal defeat. So, when and if the opportunity presents itself to get a do-over, some people will quite literally jump at the chance. You are so right. I feel I failed. Hate the feeling. Since the breakup have thought so many times what I would do different. I'd jump right back into it. Having a selective memory makes the process that much easier of course. Once you start only remembering how good she made you feel after a bad day, or how great he was in bed, and ignore the fact she also cheated, or he was also a lazy slob, getting back together doesn't sound so bad after all. Also, if you didnt have a bad relationship to begin with and didnt have any real big flaws, you do only see the good things. Its a comfort. Dating is very uncomfortable to me and it seems no one can compare to my ex. Makes it much easier to run back if he'd allow it. He is currently experimenting with the whole dating thing. Guess its not so bad for him.
Author irc333 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Also, if you didnt have a bad relationship to begin with and didnt have any real big flaws, you do only see the good things. Its a comfort. Dating is very uncomfortable to me and it seems no one can compare to my ex. Makes it much easier to run back if he'd allow it. He is currently experimenting with the whole dating thing. Guess its not so bad for him. I guess is this is why I keep seeing on online dating profiles, constantly, "If you're still hung up on your ex...don't bother!!"
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