Biscous Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Dicey situation here and I can honestly say I've never been in this situation. I have a female friend that I've known for over a year. I've always been attracted to her, we clicked, very funny together, we've had deep conversations, etc. The thing is she was married. I always thought that IF she was single that I would pursue her and get her. She knew I was attracted to her but at the same time she knew I respected her boundaries. How time changes things. I haven't been in regular contact with her since December because of work and life, we went from seeing each other 3-4 days a week (and working out..she's a gym rat) to seeing each other once ever two weeks to once a month. I also got involved with someone briefly and that did not work out. I had dinner tonight and find her so happy to see me, complimenting me on my looks, etc. She drops a bomb on me: she is getting a divorce from her husband she's been with since she was 17. She is 32 now and I still find myself attracted to her. I did not flirt but when I'm around her I usually draw myself into that with her. She invited me to go to an expo with her this weekend so I'm going. How to pursue her though I don't know. How should I handle things?
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 'getting a divorce' means what exactly in her case? Do they still live together? Did she file already? I would keep it friendly only till she is out and officially divorced.
Author Biscous Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 'getting a divorce' means what exactly in her case? Do they still live together? Did she file already? I would keep it friendly only till she is out and officially divorced. I think, being that she isn't a US citizen, is the reason why the divorce may drag out a bit further. She told me she has been 'out' of the relationship mentally for two years though.
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 She told me she has been 'out' of the relationship mentally for two years though. Yeah right...... Do not be gullible. In 2 years she will still say she's been mentally out of the relationship for X time. Her divorce is not final, she still lives with husband = She is a married woman.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 dont get over anxious or even thinking up all kinds of crazy thoughts yet for a lot of reasons. She could be just thinking of you as a friend regardless of what you think she knows about your feelings towards her. She could be just trying to reconnect as well since things are ending so to have her friend to hang out with. It could be a number of things but the MOST important thing you need to keep in the forefront of your mind and any other place that has you thinking moves need to be made now she is starting the Divorce process, is that she is NOT divorced yet. This is all the beginning stages. While she may appear ok on the outside, a split in a relationship has many up and downs and back and forths. You need to hold those thoughts and feelings close to your chest for now. She needs to get through this divorce and come out standing on her own two feet before you think about pursuing anything with her. Not only for her well being but your own. Too many times, people think they are over a marriage, relationship, divorce whatever, and they get in to a relationship to find out what a not-so-good idea it was, especially when they are recently out of a relationship. I have known some that have been out of the relationship for a year or more and they still have trouble dating or getting to a point of forming a good relationship with someone. I am glad this girl you crush on may be available soon, but stand down and be patient. Know when you need to do what you need to do. Just be there for her now.
Assasda Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Seems like youre already there. Just play it cool and dont try to force anything
BearMox Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Undoing 15 years of growing together with somebody takes time. Its a personal preference I believe. Some people date on their way out of relationships, others are slower. I can't comment if one way is better than another. My hunch is someone isn't ready (read: knowing themself) until they are separated, had a finalized divorce and were on their own two feet doing their thing -- settled into a new home and lifestyle.
Author Biscous Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Yeah right...... Do not be gullible. In 2 years she will still say she's been mentally out of the relationship for X time. Her divorce is not final, she still lives with husband = She is a married woman. When someone breaks up or ends things, one person is usually mentally out of it meanwhile the other person this comes all of a sudden because they did not read the signs. She is already talking about moving and dating to me. It seems like she has been thinking about this for a while. dont get over anxious or even thinking up all kinds of crazy thoughts yet for a lot of reasons. She could be just thinking of you as a friend regardless of what you think she knows about your feelings towards her. She could be just trying to reconnect as well since things are ending so to have her friend to hang out with. It could be a number of things but the MOST important thing you need to keep in the forefront of your mind and any other place that has you thinking moves need to be made now she is starting the Divorce process, is that she is NOT divorced yet. This is all the beginning stages. While she may appear ok on the outside, a split in a relationship has many up and downs and back and forths. You need to hold those thoughts and feelings close to your chest for now. She needs to get through this divorce and come out standing on her own two feet before you think about pursuing anything with her. Not only for her well being but your own. Too many times, people think they are over a marriage, relationship, divorce whatever, and they get in to a relationship to find out what a not-so-good idea it was, especially when they are recently out of a relationship. I have known some that have been out of the relationship for a year or more and they still have trouble dating or getting to a point of forming a good relationship with someone. I am glad this girl you crush on may be available soon, but stand down and be patient. Know when you need to do what you need to do. Just be there for her now. For sure. I just feel it is a bit odd to invite me and contact me close to 5 months later and say let's go out of town together just you and I, oh and let's split a hotel room. Seems like youre already there. Just play it cool and dont try to force anything Thank you. Undoing 15 years of growing together with somebody takes time. Its a personal preference I believe. Some people date on their way out of relationships, others are slower. I can't comment if one way is better than another. My hunch is someone isn't ready (read: knowing themself) until they are separated, had a finalized divorce and were on their own two feet doing their thing -- settled into a new home and lifestyle. Certainly. I believe 15 years is a long time. There were many conflicts, but she kept it disclosed. I noticed for the past year that she was doing separate activities, she hung out with myself and had other friends separate from her husband, and she eventually told me that her husband wanted children but she was 'unsure'. Later she told me that she was just 'finding herself'. I know what that means and I felt that she would divorce, just not all of a sudden. I also just thought she may remain married. Nevertheless I respected boundaries and I pursued other women that were available.
Recommended Posts