After a few dates, I told her this wasn't working. Do I have a right to be upset?

[sigurpol]

Okay, earlier this year I got a hold of a girl that I got to know when I was in college. We both had a bit of an "online presence" in both of our worlds, so she seemed to be happy to hear from me and we set a date to grab drinks.

 

The first date went well and we decide to see each other again for coffee which also went well. We went to the movies another time, an after handful of other get-togethers, we crossed that "first kiss" line. Cool.

 

Back story on me: I have terrible anxiety and just a handful of other personal problems that I go through. Used to be on medication but I stopped it because I felt I could handle things on my own. Saw a therapist for a while, just something as maintenance. Every so often I'll go back, to keep myself in check.

 

Some of my personal problems started to get in the way for me and after canceling a date we had, I explained to her my problem and that I was sorry for it being an inconvenience. Something I'm working on. Her response was kinda brash, telling me that I am very disrespectful and she will NOT be ignored in the future. I refused to respond to it because the entire thing was negative anyway.

 

She apologized a day later and said that she was sorry but no more "monkey business" on my end.

 

I explained that I thought it was best that we parted ways since this is already becoming an issue. No response until a few days later when she texted me a novel. I never replied since I already said it was best we went our separate ways.

 

Since then, I've laid pretty low from the dating scene because I know I'm not in the right 'mood' for anyone right now. I work, I have my friends and hobbies, I go out when I have a day off. Simple stuff. However this entire time, there have been very passive aggressive jabs at my name in the online world. I ignore all of them because it's silly.

 

Then just now, I'm going through my feed once getting home from work and the girl in question has her own website. Women's studies, equality stuff. She keeps up with a lot of it and I've read it from time to time, she's very smart and it's well written. But this "weeks issue" is her dating life. She wrote that she has changed the names to protect the "douches" that she has been on dates with, but has given them nicknames instead. I'm quite certain of them is me.

 

I'm not going to launch an attack on this, but... does anyone else find this ridiculous? I understand bitter feelings and not getting what you wanted. I also understand that life isn't fair for everyone (even in this case, for me) but I found this to be an entire other level of immaturity.

[Pasttense]

It's is very common for people who have blogs, websites to discuss what is going on in their life. And people have always discussed their dating life with their close friends. So as long as she changed the name you have no reason to be upset.

[OhThatGirl]

No. You don't have a right to get upset.

 

Why? You flaked on her. Let "personal problems" become an issue that resulted in you saying you should go your own ways, when she responded with "a novel" (which you fail to even mention what she had to say) you didn't respond at all.

 

So yeah. You pretty much blew her off.

 

You don't get to be upset that her experience of the situation was you being a "douche" because afterall, that was her experience.

 

It really seems like you weren't all that into her. It's hard to believe if you had a good connection you wouldn't respond when she wrote "a novel" (in which I'm guessing she disclosed a lot of feelings.)

 

I may be way off here, but it actually sounds as though you were a bit selfish about your feelings. It sounds as though she was hurt that you cancelled plans. It sounds like she didn't necessarily handle it well but essentially told you she wanted to continue seeing you without any issues getting in the way. And yet what comes of it is that you blew her off, didn't respond, and felt more comfortable saying that anxiety and personal issues were just too much for you to be able to handle while seeing her.

 

From her side, see how that could be hurtful?

[Omei]

I agree you kinda blew her off twice.

[Ruby Slippers]

She sounds a little crazy to me. Lacking tact, sensitivity, and class. I'd stop following her online completely. Put her in the past.

[Omei]

Did you truly explain to her your problem as to why you couldn't follow through with the date? Why is that ? Can you tell us in depth? Im curious what you said to her.

[mangetout]

No she is not out of order. That's her experience she had with you so she is entitled to call you whatever she wants.

 

 

You clearly dumped her after getting your kiss ( or more like sex).

 

 

I would suggest you sort out your personal issues before messing people about.

[Smilecharmer]

We have to take responsibility for handling our stuff, anxiety, depression,etc. You don't get a free pass to treat someone poorly just because you have issues. I don't know if you live in a cave or what, but everyone has a tad bit of anxiety or depression or OCD or mental illness these days. You flaked and she wasn't amused. Blogging is her therapy. At least she changed your name.