Mo_Do Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I want the ladies take on this.. If you think your first date goes well with a guy - do you reach out to let him know, or wait for him to ask you out again? I've had a coupe "so-so" first dates (meetings, really) over the past couple weeks that I (as a guy) didn't really feel afterwards so I didn't bother hitting the girls up for a second date - and I never heard from them either. Others will usually tell me during the date they'd like to meet again or send a text a couple hours after saying they had a great time. I guess I am a little bothered by the fact that a couple ladies may be waiting for my text and here I am giving them the fade treatment without really knowing that I am lol
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 For a regular first-coffee-date I usually will get a message from the man thanking me for meeting him and he'll propose we do it again.... so yes, I would say I usually wait for the guy to contact me.
Author Mo_Do Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 For a regular first-coffee-date I usually will get a message from the man thanking me for meeting him and he'll propose we do it again.... so yes, I would say I usually wait for the guy to contact me. Ugh... not what I wanted to hear
AncientEchos Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 As long as you didn't make a big deal by telling them how much you wanted to see them again, I wouldn't worry about it. After only one date or meeting, no further contact is a loud and clear indication of no interest. I've had it happen to me, never disrupted my life or really bothered me in any way. You are just two people whose paths crossed for one very brief moment in time. I doubt the ladies are worrying very much about it after only one meeting.
Author Mo_Do Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 As long as you didn't make a big deal by telling them how much you wanted to see them again, I wouldn't worry about it. After only one date or meeting, no further contact is a loud and clear indication of no interest. I've had it happen to me, never disrupted my life or really bothered me in any way. You are just two people whose paths crossed for one very brief moment in time. I doubt the ladies are worrying very much about it after only one meeting. That was what I was thinking - unless there was some "golden rule" in which the guy has to make the move for the 2nd date.
todreaminblue Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I let the guy know when the date has finished ill say thanks i had a really good time and to give me a call ...if he doesnt call......or text ....i just wait until he does....if he doesn't i move on...really haven't had a guy who hasn't wanted to see me a second time, the guys i have had a good time with...guess they enjoyed being with me too... deb
Ruby Slippers Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I like assertive men, so I let him follow up to plan another date. If I didn't hear from him, I'd assume he wasn't interested. 2
guest572 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I usually don't give much away after a single date as I need a day or two to reflect on how it went and whether i want to see him again. Even if it is an amazing date! I'm a bit insecure so i guess i like to wait for him to ask me again so I know he is keen. If he doesn't i will ask him within a week or so.
crederer Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 generally speaking it's up to the man to follow up, just as it is for him to initiate the first date. I didn't make the rules, I just live by them.
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 That was what I was thinking - unless there was some "golden rule" in which the guy has to make the move for the 2nd date. Yes there is a golden rule, the man makes contact for a second date. Every single woman I know go home after a 1st date and wait for the guy to show his interest. Some women will initiate contact for a second date but it's not the general rule. I have been on 1st coffee dates and the guy was highly interesting to me but I still waited for him to show his interest in a second date. Just do it...
AncientEchos Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 That was what I was thinking - unless there was some "golden rule" in which the guy has to make the move for the 2nd date. Generally speaking, I will wait for the guy to call for a second date, but if he doesn't want a second date I am fine with silence. So, we have the golden rule, but only use it if you want to see the lady again. If not, I think its okay to not contact again after a first date. If you go on a few dates, then it becomes rude to just disappear, but after only one date you are both still strangers. The first date was to determine if you wanted any further dates with each other.
Chocolat Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 If it's a meeting, I wait to hear from the guy. If it's an actual date, I will typically text to say thanks for a nice [whatever] (assuming this was the case).
organizedchaos Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 If it's a meeting, I wait to hear from the guy. If it's an actual date, I will typically text to say thanks for a nice [whatever] (assuming this was the case). Thank you. Is it so hard for a woman to do that? The guy asked you out initially, likely paid for the date. Even if you're not feeling a connection a simple acknowledgement/thanks is the polite thing to do.
stateofgrace Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 If it was a great date, I have no problem shooting a text to the guy saying "Hey, thanks for the date I had a great time, looking forward to seeing you again! :)" ONLY if I know for sure he was interested. However, it is nice to get a text from the guy too. I've had both happen. I do think that if the date went well and if you're interested, a nice text is a must. Don't leave a girl hanging if you're genuinely interested, but don't give a girl false hope if you're NOT interested. I'm the kind of person, after a first date, where if I didn't see it going anywhere, I cut off contact. I know I should say "Sorry I just don't see this working out" but I don't..lol but yeah, I'm a big advocate of the text after a great first date!
PegNosePete Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 As long as you didn't make a big deal by telling them how much you wanted to see them again, I wouldn't worry about it. Eh, why not? If a woman made a big deal of telling me how much she wanted to see me again then I'd be over the moon. As long as I also wanted to see her again, of course! 1
Babolat Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Yes there is a golden rule, the man makes contact for a second date. Every single woman I know go home after a 1st date and wait for the guy to show his interest. Some women will initiate contact for a second date but it's not the general rule. I have been on 1st coffee dates and the guy was highly interesting to me but I still waited for him to show his interest in a second date. Just do it... This is my golden rule too. It's nice though, if a woman sends me a simple text like "I enjoyed meeting you" and/or "I had a nice time". The woman I recently met on OLD did this, though I had already planned to contact her anyway.
Poppygoodwill Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I don't follow any gender rules. If I like the guy adn want to see him again, then I will let him know one way or the other. I've never understood women sitting by teh phone waiting to be called, and all the while they might be moaning about what torture it is, or how guys never call, etc etc. Nothing wrong wiht a text or short email to show your interest. It doesn't mean you're chasing him, anymore than a signal from the guy means he's stalking you. That said, and from my perspective, if these gals didn't make any sign on the date that they'd like to see you again, and nothing since, I'd assume it's mutual and forget about it. In any event, if you contact them now and they ARE interested, then you've just opened the door only to slam it again by telling them you're not actually into them, you just didn't want to be rude. Awkward.
AncientEchos Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Eh, why not? If a woman made a big deal of telling me how much she wanted to see me again then I'd be over the moon. As long as I also wanted to see her again, of course! Hahaha! Either or both sides making a big deal out of seeing each other is great, provided both people want to go out again! I took the OP's post to mean he was worried about no follow up contact with a couple of women he just wasn't into. It appeared he was a bit worried they may be doing nothing but sitting next to the phone waiting for him to ask them out again.
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