Need some insight... Another fights with same mistakes - need to vent

[hellischrome]

Sorry, it's long, but I need some help. So, as some of you know I've had a pretty rocky relationship with my BF for a year and a half. Things are slightly better now than a year ago, but we still fight over the same things: he is not affectionate enough, therefore I push too much.

 

The problem is that he says he is "tired" and doesn't have patience anymore. At the beginning, during an argument he would try to calm down both of us and be strong and say -it doesn't matter, is just a small stupid argument-. Now when we get into a fight we get to a point where is always too late to realise he already lost it. He said we had so many fights that he goes from 1 to 100 in half second because he can't be patient anymore. Sometimes is just like he is not fighting anymore. I also have the idea that when I will finally have the courage to walk, he will be incredibly relieved.

 

At the moment he is on the other side of the world for work/vacation. The first 4 days went really well, he was home more often and he would message me quite a lot. In the last two days he was out all day with no internet and basically sent me 1 or 2 texts, answering after 6, 8 hours. Starting tomorrow he will be in another country for work and won't be able to call me or text me often as well, for one week.

 

In the last two days he has been a bit more distant, and not even once in 1 week since he left, he said I miss you or love you or whatever. Today I asked him if he misses me, and he said yes, and I asked why, and he said because on my mobile I came across a picture of your a**. He uses nice nicknames, which is fine and makes me feel good, but I know I am not his first and last thought, and that hurts. He forgets to send good morning and good night often, and doesn't realise that with 8 hours time difference sometimes is really tough.

 

So on Monday he told me - I am sorry, we will talk tomorrow when I will have an internet connection -, then on Tuesday morning - We will talk tonight-. I woke up really early to be able to talk to him when he was home... and he fell asleep. When he finally woke up I was still waiting, and told me I was worried and if all was OK since he was a bit disconnected in the last two days (and he saw his ex two days ago, so I was scared he could be thinking all sorts of bad things). He started being really annoyed and said I just complain, and said that just after 48 hours I couldn't help saying that something was wrong. I replied that I just needed more affection as he was away, and he said I can only complain and I can't say things, and I say and do wrong things.

 

At that point I got really upset and started crying and he didnt say a word until I started talking again after 5 minutes. In the end somehow we managed to talk about something else, but I know that these things really pull him away, and I can't help pushing when he tries to pull. I am just so sad now, I know that in the next days he's gonna think what he usually thinks everytime this happens: we are not meant for each other and he made a mistake. Now I wish I didn't say anything so this wouldn't have happened and I would have proved myself to be able to stay without him.

 

Now I am at work (I got here 2 hours late) and can't focus on anything. I just need to talk about it but my friends are sick of hearing about this stuff.

 

Help.