poisonwine Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years. We recently broke up for the third time. I've been stressed & depressed about losing my job and having to find another swiftly. I was emotionally attached to my job because I loved the kids and the atmosphere. I broke down in front of him last week about being depressed and he asked me why I didn't tell him. The reason why was because I didn't want to him to pull away from me. While I was on vacation he asked for space so he can figure himself out which I didn't. I should have and now I fell stupid because it would have problem have change the circumstances of our relationship. He said we broke up because we were fighting too much about his exes. I had promises before we got back together that I wouldn't do it again and it happened again. I'm human I can help that I don't like his ex mingling in our relationship. The last time I talked to him he said show me your actions speak louder than your words but, when I try to talk to him he flat outs ignores me. I do admit I have been calling an awful lot lately in the last few weeks and he's probably annoyed by me. He said he would be there for me no matter what but, he's not. I got a job interview I called to tell him he didn't answer. I don't want to give up Hope. He's usually NOT like this. He also told me at first he didn't want his stuff back but then he retracted and said he wanted his class ring back because it's expensive. He texted the other day asking for it and I said can we talk about it first and he said what for? I'm not trying to be rude or anything. I've been trying to keep in contact with him to give him his ring back but, he won't answer? He obliviously doesn't want it back that bad.. I want to get back together with him but, he's pulling away. I don't blame him I guess because I called so much in the last week. I miss him so much but, I hate that he's treating me like crap. He's always been there for me and if he's going through something I want to be there for him regardless. Should I do no contact ? Sorry it's so long. Edited May 5, 2014 by poisonwine
bb12 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Dont contact him. He needs space. If he wants his class ring, give it to him. Once he figures everything out, he will contact you. And when he does, you'll have a better understanding of what he is thinking. Giving him space may even give you time to better understand your own intentions. Just focus on your job interview--that should be your number 1 priority. Focusing on that may even show him that your priorities are in order, making you more desirable. The time he spends away from you may also make you more desirable. Focus on yourself while he figures stuff out. It is all you can do.
Author poisonwine Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 Dont contact him. He needs space. If he wants his class ring, give it to him. Once he figures everything out, he will contact you. And when he does, you'll have a better understanding of what he is thinking. Giving him space may even give you time to better understand your own intentions. Just focus on your job interview--that should be your number 1 priority. Focusing on that may even show him that your priorities are in order, making you more desirable. The time he spends away from you may also make you more desirable. Focus on yourself while he figures stuff out. It is all you can do. The thing is everything I ask him where / when do you wanna meet for this class ring he doesn't answer? So obviously he doesn't want it back that bad? Right. & thank you for the advice!
Virgin26 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 The thing is everything I ask him where / when do you wanna meet for this class ring he doesn't answer? So obviously he doesn't want it back that bad? Right. & thank you for the advice! Put the ring in an envelop and send it to him via secure mail. Then keep your distance and go No Contact. He probably lost a lot of respect for you when you were calling him non-stop. So back off and show him that you can and will live without him. No one likes a clingy doormat.
bb12 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Sounds like he doesnt really know what he wants. Just lay off for a while. It may be a couple days, weeks, or a month--but it is the only way. Forget about the ring. He will contact you when he figures everything out.
Author poisonwine Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 I'm so annoyed by my ex right now it's not EVEN funny anymore. So I broke NC to tell him that my grandfather is having surgery and to keep my family in his thoughts and prayers and He said he would. But, I feel like that's not enough. He says he cares about me but, he's not SHOWING IT. Anyways, later that night I get a text message that said. I need to leave him be right now and I asked him if he was going to come around and his reply was maybe? Before we started dating we were sort of friends. I've known him for 3 years dated him for 3 years. So when I asked him if he cares about me he replied. I'm not going to answer that question. WTF. Either you do or you don't. What should I do now? Continue no contact and give him his space to come around possibly?
Elle1975 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Sorry about your grandfather... hope he gets better. I personally don't think you should have contacted him. You're not his responsability anymore. You probably saw it as natural to reach out to him for comfort, as you did in the past, but he probably saw it as your attempt to reconnect. Yes, leave him alone. 1
KaliLove Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm very sorry about your grandfather. I agree with Elle though..it was inappropriate for you to reach out to your ex. He doesn't owe you anything. I'm sure you have plenty of other friends and family to comfort you, and of course, you can always post on LS. Best wishes to you and your family.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm so annoyed by my ex right now it's not EVEN funny anymore. So I broke NC to tell him that my grandfather is having surgery and to keep my family in his thoughts and prayers and He said he would. But, I feel like that's not enough. He says he cares about me but, he's not SHOWING IT. Anyways, later that night I get a text message that said. I need to leave him be right now and I asked him if he was going to come around and his reply was maybe? Before we started dating we were sort of friends. I've known him for 3 years dated him for 3 years. So when I asked him if he cares about me he replied. I'm not going to answer that question. WTF. Either you do or you don't. What should I do now? Continue no contact and give him his space to come around possibly? First, I apologize about your grandfather. Your thoughts and prayers will be with me. With that, what really were you expecting? You wrote him to try and get some sympathy. It's pretty cold to hear, but why write him unless you wanted that? He then responded coldly, and you kept feeding it. He is pretty much telling you off and you are still there responding. Its high time to move on from this. Contacting him is making things SO much worse. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I am sorry about your grandfather, but it was inappropriate for you to a) go to him for support and b) get angry at him when that support wasn't what you wanted it to be. You are broken up -- it's time to act broken up. Both of you obviously are not ready to be friends, so don't force it. Go No Contact and use other means of support. You put him in a no-win situation, and that wasn't fair of you.
Keenly Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Whether you realize it or not, you are playing with his feelings and using him as an emotional crutch. He said he'd do what you asked, but that's not enough for you? He's your ex.... what do you want from him?
mammasita Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 He's your EX. As everyone has said, I'm very sorry about your grandfather...... But again.......he's your ex, he owes you absolutely nothing and you being pissy about his response is, unfortunately, ridiculous. I hope you can see that. Please move on and lean on your family and true friends for support.
Author poisonwine Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 I'm trying to stick to no contact but, when I called everyone else he was the only one available. I know it was pretty wrong and stupid for me to try and force us to be friends when he probably isn't ready. It just frustrates me when we broke up before we did pretty well with remaining friends until we tried to pick up our relationship again. I want us to try and be friends on its own time. Day by day. I've been there for him through all his family issues when we were and weren't in a relationship. I just thought he a would do the same. :/
Elle1975 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm trying to stick to no contact but, when I called everyone else he was the only one available. I know it was pretty wrong and stupid for me to try and force us to be friends when he probably isn't ready. It just frustrates me when we broke up before we did pretty well with remaining friends until we tried to pick up our relationship again. I want us to try and be friends on its own time. Day by day. I've been there for him through all his family issues when we were and weren't in a relationship. I just thought he a would do the same. :/ That was when you guys were not in a relationship. Now you have history I don't really buy the no one was available, but ok. You cannot be friends with an ex when there are feelings involved. And I am not talking about you only, him as well. He asked to be left alone, that's that. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm trying to stick to no contact but, when I called everyone else he was the only one available. I know it was pretty wrong and stupid for me to try and force us to be friends when he probably isn't ready. It just frustrates me when we broke up before we did pretty well with remaining friends until we tried to pick up our relationship again. I want us to try and be friends on its own time. Day by day. I've been there for him through all his family issues when we were and weren't in a relationship. I just thought he a would do the same. :/ Well, once you get into a romantic relationship with someone the dynamic changes. The stuff you did as friends before you became romantically involved is completely different because your dynamic was completely different. You need to let him be. 1
Author poisonwine Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 The thing is we've done this before broke up and tried to be friends and it worked. I guess he just like I am aren't completely over each other. Somehow we always find our way back to one another. I keep thinking maybe additionally to our breakup there's something else more going on {family etc} I'm going to leave him be ( no contact) and let him come back to me if he wants to be friends. Thanks everyone for their advice.
emi Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Why you think he gonna pray for your grandfather? I dont think he cares tbh
Author poisonwine Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 He's not obligated to pray, no but I would think you would pray for someone else's family member when they are sick. Out of respect becausr you would wan someone to do the same for you.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 He's not obligated to pray, no but I would think you would pray for someone else's family member when they are sick. Out of respect becausr you would wan someone to do the same for you. That's kind of a ridiculous stance. Even if he did care, maybe he isn't very religious and doesn't pray. You shouldn't impose your standards of conduct on others. 1
KaliLove Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 That's kind of a ridiculous stance. Even if he did care, maybe he isn't very religious and doesn't pray. You shouldn't impose your standards of conduct on others. This..and also..how can you know if someone is praying for something or not anyway? You have no way of keeping track. So why does it matter anyway? 1
Author poisonwine Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 That's kind of a ridiculous stance. Even if he did care, maybe he isn't very religious and doesn't pray. You shouldn't impose your standards of conduct on others. This..and also..how can you know if someone is praying for something or not anyway? You have no way of keeping track. So why does it matter anyway? Actually, HE is very religious. I think I know him a little better than any of you. Maybe he isn't religious and doesn't pray.. I'm not imposing my " standards of conduct " on him. He sent me a text and told me that he would keep my family in this thoughts and prayers. Obviously you don't understand when you ask someone to pray for your family, It helps the family feel at ease that someone else is praying that whatever is going on will (heal, get better etc)
KaliLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Regardless, he is your ex, and it was still inappropriate for you to reach out to him.
Author poisonwine Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Regardless, he is your ex, and it was still inappropriate for you to reach out to him. I understand that yes I should give him space and let him contact me but, we are normally there for each other when personal issues are going on.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I understand that yes I should give him space and let him contact me but, we are normally there for each other when personal issues are going on. But you normally aren't broken up when that happens. You need to adjust to the new reality instead of clumsily trying to force the old one.
Author poisonwine Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 But you normally aren't broken up when that happens. You need to adjust to the new reality instead of clumsily trying to force the old one. Actually we have been broken up and still kept in contact constantly, There for one another. I'm seriously thinking there's something else more going on but, he holds it all in and doesn't tell anymore until last min.
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