robaday Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I broke up with someone a month ago after seven months together. We didnt have problems (as in arguing, jealousy or anything really we got on good). For me though I am having a crisis in my own life - employer is making me redundant and with that I will lose my visa. It was a shock when they told me this and its spun my confidence and security out of the window. Figured I couldnt be there for her, and also didnt want to waste her time. In addition she was piling pressure on me and getting insecure and on top of everything else, felt like I was carrying the world on my back - there was a workplace bullying case against my manager, a harrassment charge against someone else and I was moved offices by a psych I work with for my own sanity. The breakup was amicable - I liked her and cared about her and didnt want bad terms but have also left her alone because I want her to find someone who can be the one for her. However she keeps contacting me. At first I was fine with it. She wanted to meet and I said we needed more time. Then she emailed me the next day saying she has things she needs to say to me. Again I said we need a period of time before we can be friends, its too fresh at the moment. Now she has written asking to work it out. I feel absolutely awful. It took all my strength to break it off as I really cared about her and Im trying to get on with my life. I still care about her but I really need to get my life in check and sort everything out once and for all. How can I let her down gently but firmly??
Elle1975 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I broke up with someone a month ago after seven months together. We didnt have problems (as in arguing, jealousy or anything really we got on good). For me though I am having a crisis in my own life - employer is making me redundant and with that I will lose my visa. It was a shock when they told me this and its spun my confidence and security out of the window. Figured I couldnt be there for her, and also didnt want to waste her time. In addition she was piling pressure on me and getting insecure and on top of everything else, felt like I was carrying the world on my back - there was a workplace bullying case against my manager, a harrassment charge against someone else and I was moved offices by a psych I work with for my own sanity. The breakup was amicable - I liked her and cared about her and didnt want bad terms but have also left her alone because I want her to find someone who can be the one for her. However she keeps contacting me. At first I was fine with it. She wanted to meet and I said we needed more time. Then she emailed me the next day saying she has things she needs to say to me. Again I said we need a period of time before we can be friends, its too fresh at the moment. Now she has written asking to work it out. I feel absolutely awful. It took all my strength to break it off as I really cared about her and Im trying to get on with my life. I still care about her but I really need to get my life in check and sort everything out once and for all. How can I let her down gently but firmly?? Well, you could always agree to meet with her, in a public place. Coffee shop, etc.. Be nice but firm. And dont feed her a "it's not a good time" or "never say never". Crush her hopes, respectfully, but firmly. If after that she keeps contacting you, block her. I know it sounds cruel, but she needs to grieve, heal, and move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Just say no and then cut off contact. You have to be direct and firm -- trying to be "nice" about it just fuels false hope. You can't pussyfoot around this, you have to tell her that it can't happen and then you have to block her from contact. It may seem "mean", but it's better for both of you in the long run.
jalfy Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 ^^ yes tell her firmly that it's over. Don't give her false hopes like 't may be possible in future'. Ex did it to me and it ended up quite badly.
BC1980 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Don't meet up with her. You need to be very firm with her and tell her you are cutting off contact for her own good, which is true. You won't respond to her anymore. It's truly the kindest thing you can do.
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