ithilelleth Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I am new to this forum and I registered in the hope that I can discuss a problem that became now very deep for me and to hear other people's opinions, because I can't deal with this problem alone and at this point can't visit a therapist. I'd try to keep a long story short. A bit of a background info. I have a good social level. I don't sleep around with men even though I have lots of chances to do this and had multiple relationships one of which was constantly on and off for many years, which hurt me deeply, because there the boy was constantly leaving me for other girls and not really treating me ok. Other than that in all other relationships there was no infidelity issues and very good treating. The problem is with my current relationship, which is a very serious one. We are together from one year. He is from a lower social level than mine. He treats me very good and with the things he does for me it shows that he loves me even thougt after all I don't feel it so. For many months he couldn't stop bragging to me that he had many women in his life and that he slept with a lot of women. He was telling me stories of how he ****ed them with lot's of details, like even how he ****ed with a tampon in and so on and how he ****ed a transsexual. Needless to say this was hard for me to swallow as I never wanted to know such things and never asked to know this. On top for many months he couldn't stop talking with his ex telling her he loves her, with women he ****ed or women which he tried to make more than friends. Since I stormed out at one point, he totally changed about it all - stopped bragging, deleted his ex and these whom he slept with, gave me his passwords and was showing how sorry he is. But it is kind of too late as he brainwashed me with that ****ing with other women and interested he showed. I believe he is sorry, but it is a few months since then and I can't make sex with him, because I associate every move with the details of the stories he told me about. I am disgusted from him. I really need help about this. He put so many pictures in my mind I think this can't be undone. I became depressed. I was accepting all for many months as it is until he got over the border. He was even telling sweet names which he never heard before, but heard them from me, to other women. I know he is sorry, he would correct himself, but I can't touch him anymore after all he put in my mind. Please advice!
harrybrown Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 So sorry you are having this experience. If you can't get over what he said and did, the good thing is you are not married to him. You may want to read about the 180 and use this to stop this relationship. I do not see you getting over this.
Clay Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 It honestly sounds like he never really respected you let alone himself. It wasn't until you stormed out. It is hard to get past this type of behavior especially if you have experienced in before. I think you need to make a decision about what you really want now. Either you can get passed this with him and move forward or to breakup and move on. I am not sure I would want to be involved with someone who talked to highly of there sexual experiences with other people. Clay
Spark1111 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 to have a man describe his sexual exploits in fine detail either points to points to be won in a competition or as a pinnacle of accomplishment to his partner..... ....is the height of machismo or insensitivity or both. Cruel, truly. if you could rebound with your own sexual exploits, or daily flirtations would crumple this his low self-esteem to bits.... Got any? because some times, you have to fight fire with fire. To try to impress you with his sexual conquests is a poor, poor, attempt to impress you and to make himself important enough to keep you. Wrong, wrong, wrong. What does he do, offer, to show he RESPECTS you? fing other women is Not it.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 The guy is a douche - Dump him. A respectful and kind hearted man doesn't say the stuff he has said and discuss in details about his past like that. Yuck! You deserve better. 1
Davey L Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 It is vulgar and insensitive and I am not surprised you are no longer wanting to be intimate with him. It is one thing to be open about one's past (to admit, for example, that he had many sexual partners in his youth) and quite another to brag about the details like this. In the future he could be bragging to others about what he got up to with you. Do you want that? I would suggest that you do not do what has been suggested above and reduce yourself to his level; instead maintain a level of personal integrity and do not give details of anything you may have done in the past. Consider whether you really wish to continue with this man. He sounds a little childish. 1
fellini Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 There is a novel about these feelings that might be of interest to read: Before She Met Me, by Julian Barnes. Tells the story of a man obsessed with the previous relationships his current wife has had, (or may have had) and how he cannot get past them. Im not going to tell you if your guy is loveable or not. That seems completely inappropriate in this forum. I know what? one paragraph of who he is written by someone in pain? Perhaps in response to the judgements that the posters above have already offered you can ask yourself a simple question: If he hadn't bragged to me all about his sexual exploits, would I want to be with him? Good luck with your problem. I hope you find peace and happiness
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm not so sure that it's his past that bugs you but that it was tawdry AND he was crass enough to brag about it. After a certain point, every body has a past. However, certain behaviors can be deal breakers. You are allowed to have your own standards. If he's not meeting them, he is not the guy for you. You certainly can't maintain a commitment with a man who disgusts you
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