Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Is there a fine line between this? The girl I've been seeing is saying she is really busy lately. I'm cool with that as I have been really busy with work myself. However, I am interested in this girl and am finding ways to make time for her. In fact, I want to see her and have a conversation about what she sees/feels about us but I haven't seen her in about 2 weeks. She stills texts me but not nearly as regularly as before. I've had a few phone calls go unreturned during this time. If you are interested in someone, do you at least try to make some time to see him/her? I get that she's busy, we all are, but I don't get the feeling she is putting in the same amount of effort as I am. Do you think I should cut the cord and move on if she isn't willing to put the effort in? Link to post Share on other sites
LustAppeal Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I think you should bring this up with her. She might have a legitimate excuse, she might be loosing interest in you, she could be trying to take things slower, or she might be having commitment problems. You'll never know until you find out, and you'll never find out until you have a heart to heart conversation with her. (Note: Do it in person) Sometimes commitment can be difficult for people in a newer relationship, they may not realize how important to you it is for them to make time and see you. Saying that, if you two are at a stalemate after the discussions, maybe you're just not compatible in that area. If that's so, YOU decide if you can live with it or move on and be with someone who can and will make time for you. It all comes down to self values. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hey I'm in a somewhat similar circumstance. I'm a busy professional - just started a new job 5+weeks ago. She just moved 2+ weeks ago and started a new job 2+ weeks ago. We're busy. I get it - but there's a level of interest you hit that forces you to say hey - I'll make it work - whether it's a relationship, a hobby you love, a career or job you long for, etc. I feel like I put all the work in. First off I don't know all the details - how long you've been seeing each other, how much you've seen each other, how far... yada,yada,yada. I wouldn't "cut the cord". I'm getting to same place too so this advice is as much for me as it is for you. Cutting the cord doesn't do you or her any justice or fairness. You need to express your feelings. If you can't do it in person - you feel too uncomfortable or you're just not able to see her - then do it via text or email. Tell her how you feel, how much you like her, and how much it bothers you. And tell her you either would like to have this conversation in person (if you can't see her) or that you at least needed to get it out there (if you feel uncomfortable with it). See how she responds. This would be a good way to judge her reaction to things in the future. Yes, there is a fine line. But, relationships are two-way streets that require nuture and attention and an honest airing of feelings. You owe it to you and to her to avoid letting it linger or just ending it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 I think you should bring this up with her. She might have a legitimate excuse, she might be loosing interest in you, she could be trying to take things slower, or she might be having commitment problems. You'll never know until you find out, and you'll never find out until you have a heart to heart conversation with her. (Note: Do it in person) Sometimes commitment can be difficult for people in a newer relationship, they may not realize how important to you it is for them to make time and see you. Saying that, if you two are at a stalemate after the discussions, maybe you're just not compatible in that area. If that's so, YOU decide if you can live with it or move on and be with someone who can and will make time for you. It all comes down to self values. Good Luck! I've been trying to have this convo now for two weeks. She just hasn't made the time to see me. That's my dilemma. I don't want to walk away without bringing up the topic of where we are. I don't need to always be around someone I'm dating either. I enjoy my personal space as much as the the next person. But I do enjoy making time to see someone I am interested in. I guess it is possible she just isn't interested. And I do understand she may not ever say that's the case if she does not want to make time to see me. Frustrating... Link to post Share on other sites
LustAppeal Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Things like this can be overly frustrating, and moving on can leave allot of "what ifs." But when it comes to making time for someone two weeks is a long time. In all honesty this would be a red flag for me. I could give you all the recommendations in the world, but no one knows what's on either of your minds. If I were in your shoes I would first phone her or leave a message telling her to get back to you. Tell her you want to talk in person, do it with a happy energetic attitude so she doesn't prep for a breakup. If she asks tell her neither of you have made the time to talk about what they want within a relationship. If she continues to avoid you... trust your gut. How long have you two dated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hey I'm in a somewhat similar circumstance. I'm a busy professional - just started a new job 5+weeks ago. She just moved 2+ weeks ago and started a new job 2+ weeks ago. We're busy. I get it - but there's a level of interest you hit that forces you to say hey - I'll make it work - whether it's a relationship, a hobby you love, a career or job you long for, etc. I feel like I put all the work in. First off I don't know all the details - how long you've been seeing each other, how much you've seen each other, how far... yada,yada,yada. I wouldn't "cut the cord". I'm getting to same place too so this advice is as much for me as it is for you. Cutting the cord doesn't do you or her any justice or fairness. You need to express your feelings. If you can't do it in person - you feel too uncomfortable or you're just not able to see her - then do it via text or email. Tell her how you feel, how much you like her, and how much it bothers you. And tell her you either would like to have this conversation in person (if you can't see her) or that you at least needed to get it out there (if you feel uncomfortable with it). See how she responds. This would be a good way to judge her reaction to things in the future. Yes, there is a fine line. But, relationships are two-way streets that require nuture and attention and an honest airing of feelings. You owe it to you and to her to avoid letting it linger or just ending it. How would one go about saying my feelings through a text? Surprisingly, I feel more comfortable doing in person. But if I were kind of forced to do it in a text, how does that all go down? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Things like this can be overly frustrating, and moving on can leave allot of "what ifs." But when it comes to making time for someone two weeks is a long time. In all honesty this would be a red flag for me. I could give you all the recommendations in the world, but no one knows what's on either of your minds. If I were in your shoes I would first phone her or leave a message telling her to get back to you. Tell her you want to talk in person, do it with a happy energetic attitude so she doesn't prep for a breakup. If she asks tell her neither of you have made the time to talk about what they want within a relationship. If she continues to avoid you... trust your gut. How long have you two dated? It's been a little over two months of dating. Mostly just going out to eat, watching movies, going out with friends, etc. I really do enjoy her company and we seem to have a lot in common. I really want to have this conversation with her to at least know what's going on. The what ifs would be even more frustrating if I were to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Two weeks is a long time. What is she busy with? Is she working or a student? what makes her so busy every minute of every day of the week? Link to post Share on other sites
LustAppeal Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Two months... That'd be a red flag for me to move on bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 It's been a little over two months of dating. Mostly just going out to eat, watching movies, going out with friends, etc. I really do enjoy her company and we seem to have a lot in common. I really want to have this conversation with her to at least know what's going on. The what ifs would be even more frustrating if I were to walk away. As I see it you are not going to walk away from her, she is already walking away and when someone wants to get out of your life.....you let them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Two weeks is a long time. What is she busy with? Is she working or a student? what makes her so busy every minute of every day of the week? She is a teacher so things have been with the end of the year approaching. She is also going through the process of buying a house. Other than that, I don't know of anything else. The red flags are certainly getting bigger with each passing day. I can only do so much calling, texting, and planning dates without any response before walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 She is a teacher so things have been with the end of the year approaching. She is also going through the process of buying a house. Other than that, I don't know of anything else. The red flags are certainly getting bigger with each passing day. I can only do so much calling, texting, and planning dates without any response before walking away. Stop contacting her. If she is interested in you she won't forget about you just like that right? You have done enough now is time to let it rest. The way I read it you were casually dating and no exclusivity yet? If so do not 'confront' her, or ask her for some explanation, she doesn't really owe you any, you are not in an official relationship. When you casually date people will fall off and on of your radar. You go on with your business and date around. If she gets back to you good, if she doesn't then you'll be too busy to notice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Stop contacting her. If she is interested in you she won't forget about you just like that right? You have done enough now is time to let it rest. The way I read it you were casually dating and no exclusivity yet? If so do not 'confront' her, or ask her for some explanation, she doesn't really owe you any, you are not in an official relationship. When you casually date people will fall off and on of your radar. You go on with your business and date around. If she gets back to you good, if she doesn't then you'll be too busy to notice. I think that's the best course of action at this point. I'm actually tired of making the attempts. Made another one tonight and got nothing in return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I think that's the best course of action at this point. I'm actually tired of making the attempts. Made another one tonight and got nothing in return. When you say you got nothing do you mean she is ignoring your communication or she keeps on saying she is busy? If she is ignoring your text or calls that is highly disrespectful. It takes 2 seconds to reply to someone 'sorry, busy, will get back to you soon or next week, or will get back to you at the end of school' Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 The end of the school year plus buying a house (identified as one of the biggest life changers) could explain some of the distance but not if the problem started 2 months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Well thankfully, she put an end to it today. Got a text message while I was at work saying she is too busy for anything and she's sorry it isn't going to work out. So glad I took it much slower with this one and didn't allow myself to get attached. Ending it with a text message is a little tacky IMO but I'll move on without any of the sadness associated with a woman leaving me. On to the next one! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 The end of the school year plus buying a house (identified as one of the biggest life changers) could explain some of the distance but not if the problem started 2 months ago. They've been dating two months, the problem has only been for two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 She just wasn't that into you. People make time for what matters most to them. And I agree it's a no-class move to break it off via text. No big loss here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 She just wasn't that into you. People make time for what matters most to them. And I agree it's a no-class move to break it off via text. No big loss here. Yup. "I'm too busy" is a nice way of saying their just in to you. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Feel for you. Texting is not a way to handle this! At least it's early on. I feel the same way - the woman I'm seeing can't give me a straight yes/no on getting together before she leaves next week for travel. So, I'm putting my foot down and not letting her do something surprising. Not that we've been seeing each other for years, but at 3 months of dates, she's either interested or not. If she can't she can't and that's understandable - but if she's interested she needs to end it - if she is, then she needs to tell me what's going on even if she's uncomfortable with it (not details per se, but just say hey - my famil is .... fighting over my mom because she's sick or my friends is thinking about getting a divorce...) and that would be enough for me. Anyway - good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) Deleted. I didnt read that she ended it Edited May 8, 2014 by ktya Updated info in thread Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I know that when i start saying I'm busy, i am just not that interested. Sometimes busy *is* a valid excuse, but at least the calls/texts need to be there. I hadn't seen the guy I'm seeing in almost 4 weeks. Why? Because i was away, then he was too busy before going away, And last week he was working 14h days, 4hs away from me. It was only this week that became feasible to go see him. But we texted/called all the time during those weeks. If that's not happening, then s/he is just not that into you! Link to post Share on other sites
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