DALIFAN Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I'm really curious about this and hope you guys are able to provide me with some insight. I am currently in a relationship with a man I am completely in love with. However the relationship has been requiring a lot of conscious work and communicating. We've only been together for 7months now and as beautiful as our best moments have been, we've had our "rough" patches, where things didn't have the harmonious flow. I know communication is extremely important and I've tried. But my boyfriend, unfortunately is not the best communicator and this makes things even harder and hence, require even more work. I have had two relationships in my past (1,5 years and 3years). Those relationships were very different, they felt way easier and didn't require as much work. HOWEVER they didn't work out..... So it makes me wonder.. What do you guys think: Relationships that require more work than others -doomed? Any experience? Cut my losses and leave?
todreaminblue Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Considering every person on the planet is flawed you have to understand that the person or guy you are with is going to have a flaw maybe you find hard to deal with. I find the easiest way to communicate with people who don't communicate well is to listen intently when they do speak.......don't bring anything new up and just listen to what they say however small it is, that is the way to get them to open up...this takes many talks........lots of time...over time you develop a level of comfortability and trust.....most people who dontcommunicate very well just have not been listened to so they hide what they say and when they find someone who shows an interest or an ability to just listen to them and take what they say to heart or mind...they open up they do communicate its just they have gotten used to not communicating.......ill give a physical example if you don't speak to anyone for a whole day, not one sound and you go to speak ......your voice is croaky and husky and unused to using vocals so you clear your throat and eventually your voice comes out normal again in fact even better clear as a bell because you have rested......singers use this technique a lot to make their voice stronger now imagine if you have not been able to communicate properly for years through no true fault of your own.....just not finding the right people to speak too.....someone understanding enough just to listen fro a while .......its going to take a little time to develop a style.....of communication that is open and honest the biggest way to get anon talker to talk is to make them smile first......simples.........lol like that one i dont know if you should cut your losses how do you feel about him at heart level....and how patient are you as a person and do you think you would be happy to devote time, effort patience understanding and compassion and an empathic ear in regards to building a communication that is open and honest one way to be accepting is to think of your permanent flaws one of the most difficult ones and realize that he has to deal with that so heck ...you can deal with what his is.....because his is not permanent its only temporary........best wishes.....deb
LustAppeal Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 There's not a single couple out there that doesn't go through it's rough patches... And you know what, some of the greatest relationships out there require the most work. Life and living is about self growth, problems are nothing but seeds ready for you to work on growing. This can be said within a relationship as well. Saying that, it's the couple that truly strives to grow and it's when both partners take time to grow individually that the relationship begins to grow. It takes two to tango right? If one partner is on a different beat, their steps could throw off the dance... If one partner misses out on classes or training, they may not know what to do. In a relationship the greatest teacher is you to your partner, and your partner to you. Both of you are nothing but students with open hearts. -Momma LustAppeal I love breaking into metaphors like this. Forgive me if it's confusing. 1
PogoStick Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Effort is required for any relationship to last. However, I consider it a bad sign when a relationship requires excessive work. Some incompatibilities are not fixable. 1
veggirl Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Of course all relationships take work, but in the honeymoon phase? I don't think so. They shouldn't. If things aren't easy and fun and carefree then, when will they be? The problem is people are drawn to the drama, and they think it = passion. Fights early on bond people, in a twisted way. If you knew your relationship was going to require this much conscious effort for the rest of your life, would it be worth it? Or too tiring? IMO there should be an easiness to a romantic relationship. It should be the primary comfort in your life, not the primary stress. 3
Hopeful30 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 You do realize it's more work for YOU, not more work for BOTH of you, right? I talk from experience when I say that if you're the one doing most of the work, it's never gonna happen. If he can't communicate, you will always be in the dark and have to work twice as hard just to have a normal relationship. I don't think it's worth it to be honest. 2
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm really curious about this and hope you guys are able to provide me with some insight. I am currently in a relationship with a man I am completely in love with. However the relationship has been requiring a lot of conscious work and communicating. We've only been together for 7months now and as beautiful as our best moments have been, we've had our "rough" patches, where things didn't have the harmonious flow. I know communication is extremely important and I've tried. But my boyfriend, unfortunately is not the best communicator and this makes things even harder and hence, require even more work. I have had two relationships in my past (1,5 years and 3years). Those relationships were very different, they felt way easier and didn't require as much work. HOWEVER they didn't work out..... So it makes me wonder.. What do you guys think: Relationships that require more work than others -doomed? Any experience? Cut my losses and leave? I don't think it's meant to be if after only 7 months, which is suppose to be your honeymoon phase, already you've had rough patches and communication difficulties. If you don't have what it takes to build harmony and a solid base to your relationship you won't make it long term. Right now you want to work through it because you are still experiencing the relation ship newness. When it will be 5-6-7 years down the road and you will have to deal with the same BS over and over and over but this time with a mortgage, work stress, the kids, the in-laws, and god knows what else....you won't think it was such a good idea after all.
Damaged217 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I guess it depends on what these "rough patches" are all about. The problems that have arisen so far...are they things you consider a big deal? Every couple is going to disagree about things and argue. But if both people speak with respect and can communicate about the issue and compromise, you'll have a healthy relationship. If one party can't communicate well or doesn't like to speak about their problems at all, then the relationship is going to be doomed. Even the little things will become much bigger problems due to a lack of communication. I don't believe in just running away from a relationship if something isn't working. If you really love this guy, I would be firm with him and tell him how you are feeling. Tell him that if he doesn't communicate, you can't fix things. And when things aren't fixed, they're going to fall apart. Give him the chance to improve. If he doesn't take it, well, you can at least say that you tried. And you can move on to someone who perhaps won't be so much work.
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