goodguyclt Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hello everyone, This is my first post here and I simply putting my feelings out there to help with the healing process. My girlfriend had been together for 2 years on, 2 years off, and then another 3 years. Things ended in January of last year. It was strange how it ended. I had felt her drifting apart from me. She would always be busy, blowing me off, not making me a priority. I told her point blank that I didn't feel like I was a priority and she said "I'm sorry" and that was it. One Saturday I asked her if I could come over and she said "I don't feel good" I remember being hurt. I told her I hope you feel better. At that point, I decided to not call her. I decided if she has any desire to be with me she will call. She never did. There was my answer. I have always believed actions speak louder than words. Part of me wishes we had at least talked about it, but I know it wouldn't have made any difference and likely would have made it even more painful. She never really communicated how she felt, so it was unreasonable to believe all of a sudden she would be honest with me at that point. I decided to let it go because I did what I could do. We broke up before where she did the same thing. The difference that time I was crying my eyes out doing anything to get her back. I called her last summer and she seemed shocked that I called. I just called to see how she was doing. I didn't bring up the relationship, didn't ask if she was seeing anyone or anything. Emailed her at Christmas and she said she was stuck in airport in St. Louis which I thought was weird as her family is all local. I replied what what in St. Louis and got no response. I knew something was up. I emailed her on her birthday May 5th to wish her a happy birthday. I mentioned don't forget to get your free birthday dinner (restaurant we went to all the time gave free brithday dinners) and she mentioned there won't be one where she is moving to. Funny how she throws that bomb out there without any details. I replied asking where she was moving to and what prompted that. She said that during her travel for work she found love and is moving out there because he can't leave the city for work. I was stunned. I replied "I am happy for you. I wish you nothing but the best." While I knew it was over, this just really hurt badly. It was reliving it all over again. What hurts is how quickly she is moving on after all the time we spent together. I doubt she would have ever even said anything. It makes you miss them that much more. I know its not logical, as I know it wasn't meant to be. I guess its just the finality of the situation. The fact is that this is a good thing. I know she isn't coming back. I had been taking a break as I didn't want to just jump in right away. I need to get back out there. I now understand that no contact means no contact period. Those scars can get ripped open too easily. I guess I am glad that I know now. This was tough to write. Thanks for listening.
KaliLove Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you for posting your story. I hope this helps others who are struggling with NC. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. 2
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 This is a new beginning for you, mate. You'll see that this is the best thing for you because now you can move on, and let more amazing people into your life.
Zapbasket Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 One Saturday I asked her if I could come over and she said "I don't feel good" I remember being hurt. I told her I hope you feel better. At that point, I decided to not call her. I decided if she has any desire to be with me she will call. She never did. There was my answer. I have always believed actions speak louder than words. You guys were together FIVE YEARS and this is how she ended the relationship???!!!??? That is absolutely AWFUL. I am so sorry. After so much history together she owed you a forthright conversation. People are such cowards. This is one of the worst situations I've read on here. I can just imagine how much it hurts. That said, it sounds like perhaps a part of you was expecting this all along. Which, I surmise, is why you were able to just let it go this time, and not seek a conversation. I'm curious if looking back at your second, three-year go together a part of you was waiting all along for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop. This seems to be a pattern of hers. It's not going to go away with this new "love" she "found." She is frighteningly emotionally distant. Sorry, that's just really f*cked up. 1
sumathi Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 It is indeed sad that you have to undergo such a situation. It is very painful to forget the love you had for that girl. But why did you contact her after she had broken from you? You should have tried to forget her. Let bygones be bygones. Do not even think of her and do not try to contact. She does not exist in your life and so do not make your life unhappy by trying to contact her. You should move ahead in life and you will forget her as time passes. Good luck to you to find a better girl.
FredJones80 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 It is indeed sad that you have to undergo such a situation. It is very painful to forget the love you had for that girl. But why did you contact her after she had broken from you? You should have tried to forget her. Let bygones be bygones. Do not even think of her and do not try to contact. She does not exist in your life and so do not make your life unhappy by trying to contact her. You should move ahead in life and you will forget her as time passes. Good luck to you to find a better girl. In an ideal world. Reality isn't that easy. 1
Author goodguyclt Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 You guys were together FIVE YEARS and this is how she ended the relationship???!!!??? That is absolutely AWFUL. I am so sorry. After so much history together she owed you a forthright conversation. People are such cowards. This is one of the worst situations I've read on here. I can just imagine how much it hurts. That said, it sounds like perhaps a part of you was expecting this all along. Which, I surmise, is why you were able to just let it go this time, and not seek a conversation. I'm curious if looking back at your second, three-year go together a part of you was waiting all along for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop. This seems to be a pattern of hers. It's not going to go away with this new "love" she "found." She is frighteningly emotionally distant. Sorry, that's just really f*cked up. I'm glad I am not the only one who sees how emotionally distant she is. There were a lot of red flags on the way. You grow a certain attachment and look the other way to these things. When it is harder being blown off all the time versus letting it go, I chose letting it go. I knew I wasn't going to change her mind. To answer the question, why did I contact her after all that time? I wanted to have the opportunity to talk and end on better terms. I guess the thought process was calling her, I gave her the opportunity to maybe open up after several months had passed. I was not going to bring it up because if I did, any answer she would give would not be genuine. Of course she didn't volunteer anything. While it hurt like hell, I am glad that I know she is moving. This eliminates the thought of her being in geographic proximity and makes it easier to move on entirely. I know I will learn from this and will be better for it.
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