christinaIUP Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I'm writing on here today, I guess just to vent a little after a huge fight with my bf. Im not sure I would like any advice on what to do, because I guess that I am a bit embarassed that I got myself in this situation, and I suppose Im also afraid at what you guys will say about this. Ive been with my bf for 3 years, moved to his hometown after college (which is about 4hours from my family) and been living with him for about 6 months. As far as my bf is concerned, I can say that he is a really nice guy, when he wants to. Sometimes i say that he does this dr jekyll and mr hyde type of thing where is he really nice one moment and really mean the next, there is no in between. last night we had his friend and his gf over for the game, and we were all talking. Well i guess that i said some things to his friends about him that hurt his feelings. I said that he was a tight wad and that i thought that he would rather have materialistic things in his life than have "the love of his life" Now let me explain why I said those things... When i first moved to his hometown, i moved into my own apartment. he was there all the time, and spend every night there, he ate dinner there and spent time with me there as well. You might as well say that we were living there together, but i was paying the rent/utilities/etc. Now while he was working, he saved his money(he was able to save a lot considering that he was basically living for free) and didnt contribute that whole year to any of my expenses even though he was living there. I asked him numerous times to help, he didnt, his excuse was, "im not technically living here, its your place, not mine" I eventually got sick of arguing about it, and let it go. Well we moved into a new apartment and we split the rent, which is good, but I feel that he should be contributing more. He hardly ever spends money on himself, he just bought a new surround sound system, and he felt guilty buying it! He has a ton of money sacked away and he made me pay for his dry cleaning the other day because he only had a ten and he didnt want to break it. He wont do our laundry at the apartment complex because its not free. He will take it to his parents house and do it there. Its little things like that, that make me sick, he says hes saving for a really nice car! Please! I wish i could have been able to save my money like him, but i had bills to pay! He has told me that all he has ever wanted in his life is this certain car, thats why he went to college. He just got a new job, which pays 2x more than mine and he tells me that he is unhappy bc it doesnt pay enough. He watches those lifestyles of the rich and famous shows and gets upset bc he doesnt have that stuff. I feel like he would rather have those things than be with someone who loves him. Am i stupid for feeling this way? Well, last night after his friends left, he wanted to get intimate with me, so I was sitting on the bed with him and I started to cry. I told him that i was tired of him hurting me, and I wish he was nicer sometimes and that during his "mean moment" he can really be cruel. well, he took that as "me turning him down" and claimed that i intentionally hurt his feeling and put him down by saying those things, and that now that i "turned him down" he never wants to have sex with me again!! he calls me at work and tells me that i treat him badly and i think of myself as the perfect girlfriend and that i do no wrong. I regret saying those things to his friends, and i apologized, but it didnt matter, sorry wasnt good enough. oh, and he says that bc i dont give him bjs, im not satisfying him and he may go elsewhere! I dont know... there is more to this "story" but if i told the whole thing, i would be writing a book, and i doubt anyone would read that. I dont want to go home tonight, cuz i know that there will be another huge argument, but i have nowhere to go. I left all my friends back home. OK, im done, thanks for reading...
Pocky Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 You always have some where to go. Don't let fear or pride stop you from doing what's right for you. If your expectations of life are so different, why are you in this relationship? If your future goals in life are so different, where do you expect this relationship to go? Do you think this is the type of relationship that will progress into a lifetime commitment?
very-confused-girl Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Please leave the guy ASAP! 1. He is a tightass - thats very bad for a relationship. It is nice if a person can manage money and has ability to save them, but what he has seems really like a bit of illness. 2. He is selfish and does not contribute on expenses - can you imagine that it would be different once you are married? No!!! Remember that with getting older people are getting worse. 3. He is using sex as a tool and he is requiring bjs in a very manipulative way - "you either give me a head, or I will go somewhere else" - he does not have a right to feel neglected because first of all he was the one who even refused having sex with you. You dont have to be treated like a doormat. Get yourself together and leave.
emopunk Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 This is just my opinion and it could be that I'm wrong... But I thought sex was the result of a relationship, not the cause of one. Sorry, but anyone who would use sexual frustrations as a reason for ending a relationship needs to re-evaluate his perspective in life... And along with that anyone who would shape his entire life around the acquisition of a car (the most notoriously poor investment,) gets upset because of watching the rich's lifestyles, and displays such openly manipulative tendencies... needs to seriously think about the pointlessness of his life. Money, possessions, power... all of it means absolutely nothing without love. You've tried to resolve the situation. You've given him time. You've given him your love. Has he reciprocated on an equal level? I think you already know the answer to that. There are men out there that will do for you what you have done for your boyfriend. I will not tell you to dump him. I will say I think you need to give your feelings and heart more consideration. Very-confused-girl had it right with "You don't have to be a doormat." And Pocky was right with " Don't let fear or pride stop you from doing what's right for you. " Do what you have to do to feel good about yourself again.
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