Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I will add a few more: - I am happy now, why change it? - Let's see what happens.. - Let's take things one day at the time 2
TXGuy Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Well, then, those "men" are idiots. It is as simple as that. If a man is so weak that he will bow to a woman's demands months after they met, then he deserves any punishment that comes his way. Caveat emptor, right. I suppose you also take the position that women who are stupid enough to allow themselves tobe strung along for years deserve everything they got.
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Lots of men get coerced into engagement months, sometimes weeks within meeting a woman. Really? Months or weeks within meeting a woman??? Well, by this notion, I would like to venture that MOST don't. Not that soon. I still don't agree that it equates with a lack of commitment. It just means he doesn't want to get married. I'll, of course, give you that. Again, I want to clarify that if both parties are fully aware that marriage is not an option, then fine. But, way too many men use the "specter" of engagement to "hook" the ladies. That's what I'm talking about. Commitment-phobes know how to use the right words, just enough action, to hook the ladies until they are revealed for what they are.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 If marriage is such a bad deal for men, I wonder why it is that divorced and widowed men remarry at a much higher rate than women? Studies have shown that married men are happier and healthier and live longer than single men. Financially it may not be as good for men but that is when there are children involved. Get a vasectomy. Exactly. And studies have also shown that women live longer if they are single. I am sick and tired of men thinking that they are forced to commit, to get engaged or get married. Nobody is holding a gun to their head to do anything. 2
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Exactly. And studies have also shown that women live longer if they are single. Really?! Sheesh, don't let my gf get a whiff of this....
Leigh 87 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I will add a few more: - I am happy now, why change it? - Let's see what happens.. - Let's take things one day at the time YES! And then sometimes, those guys will settle with you because they really like you but no in "that" way... My ex did just that! He said ALL those things:bunny: I made him laugh a lot, and well, laughing all the time is fun. And I bent over backwards for him so hey, of course he stuck with me. NOT all men who make excuses are averse to SOME day being in a relationship with you - they CAN decide to "put a label on things" as Andrew called it... And then they will ALWAYS realise that they can't spend the rest of their lives with you unless they don't want a great love story to begin with and would rather focus on starting a family and having a good provider, blahh.
RonaldS Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 My fiancee and I were having a discussion about men who are so afraid of commitment that they do whatever it takes to delay moving forward in the relationship. My fiancee was married to one of those men, and looking back, she wished she was able to read between the lines early on. I see a lot of women on this forum who are in unhappy relationships with commitment-phobic men who string them along. I can't bear to see so many great women dating such losers, so I would like to share my insights so that these women can be freed up to date truly quality men. After dating for a decent length of time 1-2+ years, when you bring up the idea of a future together (moving in, marriage, family, joint assets, etc), here are what his reactions truly mean: reluctant = no, never gonna happen maybe = no, never gonna happen no, and then yes = no, never gonna happen yes, but drags his feet = no, never gonna happen If a man really wants to be with you, he would jump at the opportunity to lock you down. Giving an ultimatum makes things WORSE! If a man doesn't want to be with you, forcing him will make him resent you, even if he reluctantly agrees with you. It's in our nature to behave badly when we are forced to do something that we don't want to do. The reason why men are unsure about big commitments is because they are waiting for a better woman to come along, and then break up with you. This way, he still gets his companionship while he waits for someone more desirable than you. This is how these men think, so by reading between the lines, you can save yourself a lot of heartaches. To all you players and commitment-phobic men out there, don't hate me for ruining your game. I have a soft spot for good women, and I get pissed when I see them get played. Peace. I don't really agree with that. At all. I really wanted to be with my XW, but there were reservations that delayed an engagement. We were together for 5.5 years before getting married. In hindsight, yeah....we never should have gotten married. But my not 'locking her down' within a year and a half had noting to do with a phobia of commitment. More like a subconscious feeling that something wasn't quite right with the relationship.
ltjg45 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Caveat emptor, right. I suppose you also take the position that women who are stupid enough to allow themselves tobe strung along for years deserve everything they got. Actually, I do. I have the belief that everyone should be responsible for their actions. Yes, that includes me.
MalachiX Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 To all you players and commitment-phobic men out there, don't hate me for ruining your game. I have a soft spot for good women, and I get pissed when I see them get played. Peace. I'm sure they'll find some way to recover from the devastating blow you've just dealt them. 2
MalachiX Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 NOT all men who make excuses are averse to SOME day being in a relationship with you - they CAN decide to "put a label on things" as Andrew called it... Many men aren't making excuses but just being honest because they also see the damage in people who jump into things super fast. My roommate is a great guy but is one of those people who either has to be in a relationship or has to be doing the player thing. When he's in a relationship, he says, "I love you" at the drop of the hat and lets the relationship dominate his whole life. I think it's honest and healthy to take things one day at a time and see where things go. When I first started dating my current GF, I didn't know if this was going to be a "love" thing. Our first date felt awkward (despite some great online talks), and I worried that our careers and "places in our life" were too different. The more time I spent with her however, the more I found all this cool little ways in which we click. Since then, I've been honest and told her I don't want to rush anything because I feel good about our relationship and don't think we're in any hurry. I don't want to mess things up by moving too fast. In all honesty, I think I may be with her for a long time so I kind of want to savor the process of getting to know each other and growing closer. So far, this approach has actually been great. We've grown closer and closer but done a good job of maintaining our independence and sense of ourselves (she told me she used to have the tendency to let her relationships engulf her life and didn't want to do that again). We push each other to pursue career opportunities and continue to grow. In many ways it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I've met her family and she'll meet mine when they fly into town in a few weeks. We're also going away together soon. None of this has been rushed but rather we moved at a fairly slow pace and it's been wonderful. I think when you really click with someone, you can have faith that this is a relationship that will last and perhaps won't need to worry about "locking [him/her] down." We really didn't even have a "what are we?" talk. We both stopped talking to people online after our second date. At some point she told me that she wasn't seeing anyone else and I told her the same. A little while later I guess we just started referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. We didn't need a contract, a time-table, or a sit-down. I think if you're so concerned with a quota in a relationship you're in danger of worrying more about your "progress" than you are about the other person.
hotpotato Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Lots of men get coerced into engagement months, sometimes weeks within meeting a woman. I agree with you if they've been together a few years, and then gotten engaged, and the man still waits a further 2 years+. I still don't agree that it equates with a lack of commitment. It just means he doesn't want to get married. It means he doesnt want to get married...to her. When a man finds the right women, he will want to marry her. A public example is Johnny Depp. He dumped the girlfriend of 14 years. Supposedly he didnt want to gst married, but now hes trying to marry Amber Heard. 2
hotpotato Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Exactly. And studies have also shown that women live longer if they are single. I am sick and tired of men thinking that they are forced to commit, to get engaged or get married. Nobody is holding a gun to their head to do anything. Right. And on the flip side, if a woman feels like she has to coerce a man to commit then something isnt right. 2
crederer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 If marriage is such a bad deal for men, I wonder why it is that divorced and widowed men remarry at a much higher rate than women? Studies have shown that married men are happier and healthier and live longer than single men. Financially it may not be as good for men but that is when there are children involved. Get a vasectomy. Any study I've seen that shows that is funded or backed by a religious group. Just saying....
Author Phantom888 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Disagree. A true commitment phobe will not commit to anyone. My ex had never had a serious relationship before me and he hasn't had once since me, and he's perfectly happy alone. I am almost positive he will never marry or be in a serious relationship. That's a good point. CPs come in different flavors. I have known CPs who string along a girlfriend for years and would not commit, but once they break up, he marries the first girl that came along. This is the type of CPs that women think they can change. But sadly most of the time, they are just not the right match. 1
Author Phantom888 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I don't really agree with that. At all. I really wanted to be with my XW, but there were reservations that delayed an engagement. We were together for 5.5 years before getting married. In hindsight, yeah....we never should have gotten married. But my not 'locking her down' within a year and a half had noting to do with a phobia of commitment. More like a subconscious feeling that something wasn't quite right with the relationship. CPs all know full well the women they are with are not THE ONE, yet they stay with them, and make them think something great will come out of all this. Call it reservations or subconscious feelings, it's the same reason. You are actually agreeing with OP's post. 1
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