Gingerlee Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hello everyone! So, I've been doing really well in life recently. It's hard to think that this time last year I was a desperate wreck who clung onto my ex-boyfriends drunk phone calls and believed that he would come back to me if I continued to sleep with him. I have changed and matured so much over the past year, it's quite outstanding. I have been with several men and had a lot of fun and only now am I looking to settle again. I'm currently dating an older man and this time my heart is firmly in my chest and not on my sleeve, and we are on date three and have only just kissed. Now, on point. I was with my ex (J) for three years and a lot happened in those three years. We went through an awful lot together and unfortunately this turned the split very messy. I was pregnant with his child and he did not take to the news well at all. He threatened to cut all contact, never talk to me again and move away to London without so much as a goodbye. I stuck to my guns but unfortunately I had a miscarriage and I had to say goodbye to my little boy. At this point in time, J had moved on (without telling me) and while I laid in hospital bleeding to the point of near death, he was out with a new girl friend. He told me that fate had decided about our son and there was no point dwelling on the past. He didn't come to visit me in hospital, nor did he come to the blessing. I was desperate, sad and lonely and after a night of heavy drinking a month or so after the miscarriage, we started a physical relationship. We remained good friends through this time and often went out for walks together and to the beach and such. Suddenly it stopped. Everything stopped. He got into a new relationship with someone (she had the same name as me and all!) and within two weeks they announced she was pregnant. And he was blissfully happy about it. I messaged him, furious and heartbroken. He told me he was staying by her and they were going to be a family. I told him he was cruel and that I hated him for destroying my life. I couldn't understand why he was staying by this child (she was 17) that he had known two weeks but he wouldn't stay by his fiercely faithful and loving girlfriend of three years. He told me he hated me and blocked and deleted me from everything much to my surprise. I was a mess, but I'm grateful he did that now. (Though I wish it was me that blocked him!) It forced me to move on. Fast forward 9 months. J barely crosses my mind anymore, but I still have his mother on Facebook and she recently uploaded photos with her new grand-daughter. I pondered over sending him a congratulatory message but something is stopping me. I know we ended very badly, but the friendship I had with J was second to none, he was my absolute rock and best friend throughout our three years together, and I'd love to be just ... civil with him I guess. So, Loveshack-ers! What would you do in my situation? I still have him on Whats-app (for some reason, he never removed me from there) and I have been playing over what I would say to him. I moved on from him a very long time ago and no longer think of him romantically or even miss him in case anyone is going to accuse me of still having feelings for him. I asked a girlfriend who questioned why I would ever want to contact him ever again after what he did to me but I don't know.. I feel sad that my once best friend doesn't even want to be civil with me. I'm 98% sure I wont send any message. I just don't know what I'd want to achieve through it. If he ignored it or sent me abuse i'd be offended and hurt, but what would I expect if he did reply? Hmm.. Any opinions would be great!
FredJones80 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 No offence but he sounds like a right idiot. What he put you through I personally wouldn't give him the time of day. 7
Zahara Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I know we ended very badly, but the friendship I had with J was second to none, he was my absolute rock and best friend throughout our three years together, and I'd love to be just ... civil with him I guess. I feel sad that my once best friend doesn't even want to be civil with me. Pardon my harshness. You're either delusional or you're a sucker for abuse. You had a friendship that was second to none with this clown? You must have no friends or your definition of "friend" is seriously skewed. You were in the hospital bleeding out, mourning the loss of your/his child and he was out with his new girlfriend. This is your friend, the absolute rock? And when you're down and out, that's when your TRUE friends come to your aid. He was gone. He didn't give a shytt. THEN, with the benefits of sex, you both remained good friends through this time and often went out for walks together and to the beach and such. How nice -- for him. That's not a friendship. That was just him having you as a benefit because then he dumped your "friendship" and went off with someone else. Civil? Best friend? Really? 11
Itspointless Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hi Gingerlee, I am really sorry for your loss. What a hard time you had. In my honest opinion guys like him should be castrated. He doesn't sound like daddy-material or partner-material at all. Please never except such people in your life again!! 2
AnyaNova Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hi Gingerlee, I am really sorry for your loss. What a hard time you had. In my honest opinion guys like him should be castrated. He doesn't sound like daddy-material or partner-material at all. Please never except such people in your life again!! !!! (Though I hope she excepts them all the time, as in, exceptions to who is allowed in her life. I hope she never ever accepts someone like that into her life again!) so well said, and I really appreciate how respectful of the OP your tone is! 3
Haydn Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Yes, i have to echo that. OP you have had a terrible time and i feel so much for you. Time to turn the page completely. 2
LostInTheWild Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Ha...he will probably contact you again. No need to message him. Stay quiet. This is quite laughable. He thinks that's going to work out...lol. Child support is not cheap when you're paying for 18 years... Sit back and enjoy the show. I don't really believe in karma, but man, he's got it coming. 2
elseaacych Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Please block this loser and his family from all social media. You don't need this drama in your life. Be thankful you dodged a bullet with this one. Time to move on. 3
Itspointless Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 !!! (Though I hope she excepts them all the time, as in, exceptions to who is allowed in her life. I hope she never ever accepts someone like that into her life again!) Perhaps I am dyslectic after all, took me a really long time to notice
AnyaNova Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Perhaps I am dyslectic after all, took me a really long time to notice On the one hand I felt bad for point it out, like it was rude to. But I thought it made the point so incredibly well, and your point and message was so spot on, that perhaps you'd forgive me? 2
Author Gingerlee Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Hello everyone! I mulled it around the ole' noggin and decided against it once and for all. I'm not so delusional as to be naive to how he treated me, but obviously he was not like that in the three years we were together, but only at the end. Thank you all for replying! This predicament is sad, but you guys are right, he will get his karma in the end.
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