PureRain Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My girlfriend, well not ex recently broke up(I broke up with her) I decided a few days later that her kissing another girl just to see what it was like wasn't worth breaking up. However, they didn't end up kissing because she was so sad about the break up. Also, she doesn't want to get back together now she says she needs time and space. I've been swamped with stuff to do because of finals. I'm in college so it takes a lot of my time up. I kinda freaked out when she came ot me and just kept crying and then I started asking for her back again and almost begging and I did for a couple days. After the first time she started kissing me and holding onto me again. She doesn't mind if i touch her like my girlfriend or anything but she just says that she 'can't' date. She says she needs time and space and we've done this twice in the two years i've been with her. The last time we did this was about 12 months ago. About a month after we broke up she started talking to me and wanting to do things, both non-sexual and sexual things. We never did anything like that before. Now we dated 11 months this time, she recently got off of birth control so we haven't been having to much sex lately just to be cautious. We've only been broken up for a week. I already miss her a ton, but today I told her that this is an all or nothing thing and that I was going to enjoy my life and I wont talk to her until she's ready to make her choice. She simply replied 'I need time to think. You're my first true love and i'll always love you' . I didn't reply but that really hurt because now i'm confused again on if I should let go. I'm the guy that took her virginity and her entire family loves me a lot. She's always seemed happy with me and always called me perfect even up onto the last week. I don't want to lose her and I want things to work. The worst part of all is she might be pregnant. About 3 weeks ago she was asking if I'd want to get married. I'm so lost right now, and she told me I changed. I'm not really sure how, but I want things to work. I'm going to follow the no contact rule like I have before. She has dated other guys during breaks but always either 'cheats'(not really cheating just cuddling with me) and breaks up with them or just flat out breaks up with them right there. She's been my whole life for 11 months and it's a very hard thing to deal with. Some of my friends have been trying to sleep with me and obviously I've been refusing. I don't know if trying to move on is the right thing to do or not.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Yours is a dysfunctional relationship at best. Don't go backwards in life. For right now, tell her to go away because you need to concentrate on finals. Once you are through exams sit & evaluate what's going on. Stick to your guns: all or nothing but think about how many times you want to ride this particular roller coaster. 1
Author PureRain Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Yours is a dysfunctional relationship at best. Don't go backwards in life. For right now, tell her to go away because you need to concentrate on finals. Once you are through exams sit & evaluate what's going on. Stick to your guns: all or nothing but think about how many times you want to ride this particular roller coaster. This is the first time it wasn't a mutual thing. The other times we both decided we needed a break. This time I got pretty attachted and didn't really want things to end this time around. Things were going great as far as I knew. Everyone she talks to thought things were going great too.
torturedartist Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My girlfriend, well not ex recently broke up(I broke up with her) I decided a few days later that her kissing another girl just to see what it was like wasn't worth breaking up. However, they didn't end up kissing because she was so sad about the break up. Also, she doesn't want to get back together now she says she needs time and space. I've been swamped with stuff to do because of finals. I'm in college so it takes a lot of my time up. I kinda freaked out when she came ot me and just kept crying and then I started asking for her back again and almost begging and I did for a couple days. After the first time she started kissing me and holding onto me again. She doesn't mind if i touch her like my girlfriend or anything but she just says that she 'can't' date. She says she needs time and space and we've done this twice in the two years i've been with her. The last time we did this was about 12 months ago. About a month after we broke up she started talking to me and wanting to do things, both non-sexual and sexual things. We never did anything like that before. Now we dated 11 months this time, she recently got off of birth control so we haven't been having to much sex lately just to be cautious. We've only been broken up for a week. I already miss her a ton, but today I told her that this is an all or nothing thing and that I was going to enjoy my life and I wont talk to her until she's ready to make her choice. She simply replied 'I need time to think. You're my first true love and i'll always love you' . I didn't reply but that really hurt because now i'm confused again on if I should let go. I'm the guy that took her virginity and her entire family loves me a lot. She's always seemed happy with me and always called me perfect even up onto the last week. I don't want to lose her and I want things to work. The worst part of all is she might be pregnant. About 3 weeks ago she was asking if I'd want to get married. I'm so lost right now, and she told me I changed. I'm not really sure how, but I want things to work. I'm going to follow the no contact rule like I have before. She has dated other guys during breaks but always either 'cheats'(not really cheating just cuddling with me) and breaks up with them or just flat out breaks up with them right there. She's been my whole life for 11 months and it's a very hard thing to deal with. Some of my friends have been trying to sleep with me and obviously I've been refusing. I don't know if trying to move on is the right thing to do or not. Your behavior sounds pretty desperate to me. Desperation will get you nowhere when dealing with other people, romantically or otherwise. You need to have some dignity if you want other people to respect you. Even if it's time to move on from this relationship, you need some time to yourself. I suggest you back away from this relationship, and refrain from starting any new ones. Concentrate on your life, hangout with friends (guy friends), and do some things that make you happy. Give yourself at least two months. Then re-examine the relationship you've described here. If both you and she have abstained from all the drama you mentioned above, you'll be different people, and have different attitudes towards each other. Things will be a lot more clear then. You have to be willing to let this relationship go, if that's what it's coming down to. Otherwise you'll just end up defiling yourself, causing her to lose her respect for you. It sounds like she may already have. You're still very young, and being in college, you're in a great environment to meet a woman with whom you might have a much more drama-free relationship with, after a little time to yourself. It's not the end of the world if this one doesn't work out.
Author PureRain Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Your behavior sounds pretty desperate to me. Desperation will get you nowhere when dealing with other people, romantically or otherwise. You need to have some dignity if you want other people to respect you. Even if it's time to move on from this relationship, you need some time to yourself. I suggest you back away from this relationship, and refrain from starting any new ones. Concentrate on your life, hangout with friends (guy friends), and do some things that make you happy. Give yourself at least two months. Then re-examine the relationship you've described here. If both you and she have abstained from all the drama you mentioned above, you'll be different people, and have different attitudes towards each other. Things will be a lot more clear then. You have to be willing to let this relationship go, if that's what it's coming down to. Otherwise you'll just end up defiling yourself, causing her to lose her respect for you. It sounds like she may already have. You're still very young, and being in college, you're in a great environment to meet a woman with whom you might have a much more drama-free relationship with, after a little time to yourself. It's not the end of the world if this one doesn't work out. I recently found out she's been feeling suicidal and since we broke up she hasn't eaten at all. I thought she was just sick. My sister sees her daily and told me that her hair is falling out and that she doesn't seem normal anymore. My mom and sister are concerned that the depo shot finally wore off all the way and the huge flux in a hormone change after 4 years is mentally and physically screwing her up. I'm even more confused on what to do now. I can't ignore her because then I wont know if she's going to live. I knew she cut herself and she never told me why. She didn't used to until she quit birth control. I'm not sure if something is going on in her life. She doesn't really talk to her friends very much now either. Overall i'm not sure if it's over or if what she said was true and she just doesn't feel good enough for me right now. Between when I posted this and now she asked if we could get back together after I finished college because she's to worried she's screwing up my education. I'm even more confused now as to how to feel. My mom and sister tell me to talk to her and that she needs me, but I can't deal with just being friends especially if she's going to keep kissing me and getting jealous of other girls.
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 This is the first time it wasn't a mutual thing. The other times we both decided we needed a break. This time I got pretty attachted and didn't really want things to end this time around. Things were going great as far as I knew. Everyone she talks to thought things were going great too. If your relationship is so up and down, it's a sign that it won't work. Too many people are relationships where they break-up and get back together again and again and think that a sign or an indication of perseverance. It's not. It's a sign of dysfunction. Concentrate on your school, yourself and don't get back on that roller coaster.
Author PureRain Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 If your relationship is so up and down, it's a sign that it won't work. Too many people are relationships where they break-up and get back together again and again and think that a sign or an indication of perseverance. It's not. It's a sign of dysfunction. Concentrate on your school, yourself and don't get back on that roller coaster.I knew I was getting into something like this when I started dating her, she's been medicated since a very young age and she's a very normal person when she's medicated. However, the doctors often switch medications on her for her 'health'. I'm also confused if it's her or her medication that's throwing things off. I told her she can't keep listening to her mom, and that her mom wasn't a doctor or pychologist that understood how things work. For the first time she agreed she'd get help and I'd go with her. Right now i'm trying mostly based on what my sister and grandma thinks. They've done similar things to their husband, and my mom did something similar to my dad. I think if we only have a fall out every half a year to a year that's not the worst thing in the world. It at least keeps excitement in the relationship because we always 'start over'. An update on what's going on: She stopped by to see me this morning and decided to make out with me, she seemed extremely thrilled. I'm ready to let go if this happens again and she knows it. She's told me that she's really sorry for everything and that she's going to stay away from me unless I start focusing on me again. I am focusing on what I want, I still want her, but I'm putting school first and that seems to make her really happy and me happy. We both agreed to put school first from now on and work on things during breaks from school. If things don't stay better I will leave and for good. I've told her this is the last time I can do this. She was my best friend prior to us ever dating. I know you shouldn't date friends because there's always that worry of breaking the friendship up. She's what I've always wanted aside from these really bad episodes. I know i'm probably just being stupid, but I can't bring myself to say no. I really appreciate everyone's support and help and I'm very grateful. I was ready to let go, but everyone in my life that's important to me has told me not to.
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 She needs genuine medical care. Whatever is wrong is waaaaaayyyyyy beyond what a caring lay person can fix.
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