Mrselfdestrukt Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hi all, Bit of background - divorced after a 20 year marriage; met at 17 - never did the 'dating thing' back in the day (in fact, until recently, never been on a date in my life). Until recently. Met someone online back in Feb; after a few weeks of intermittent chatting online (with gaps of a few days between messages); we agreed to meet. It was my first ever date, and to say I was 'bricking it' is putting it mildly. The date was good, we met for a drink, then on for a meal. We left the evening with a peck on the cheek - exchanged numbers, and agreed to do something again. At the time, I was aware that she was extremely busy with work, and was soon to embark on a fortnight's holiday; so knew the second date would be a little while away. But then I never heard anything further from her until the end of April. No text message / no e-mail - nowt. Her message was asking about arranging a second date. Which we had over the weekend. Another few hours of chatting, wandering the streets, a couple of drinks etc. Again, ending with a peck on the cheek, and an agreement for a further date in June / July (due to more work / holiday commitments). Although she has agreed for the next date to be spent at my place for the weekend, exploring my local town. My questions (after that ramble) - should I be concerned about the huge gaps of no contact? - the gaps between dates are cool; but to hear absolutely nothing, in this technological age (even a "Hi, how's your day?") I find a bit odd. Also - about the whole dating thing; I think I'm doing ok (I suppose I must be, after 2 successful ones); but I'm worried that I'm doing it wrong - just chatting about inane stuff and having a drink in a bar etc. Is this how dates usually go? - and how will I 'know' if we're moving out of 'meet up pals' territory? Or am I overthinking a bit too much? (Oh, perhaps I should say - I think she's great!) Thanks all
Dallers Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 The big warning sign here for me (correct me if I am wrong anyone) but it is the two pecks on the cheek. You proceeded in your first date from a drink to a meal, in dating terms that is very impressive so if things were going that good you really should have tried physical contact and gone in for the kiss. Why did you not? Work is a very poor excuse for distance, she was probably looking around for a better option didn't find one and came back for a second date. It happens. However, on the second date you really should have pushed for a proper kiss. After two pecks on the cheek you are being dangled over the friend-zone. I think you are doing fine but need to hurry up and make this physical with her, she is probably into you but you need to now make it clear what your intentions are. We all overthink so do not beat yourself up and we all make these mistakes it is part of being human so just proceed with a flirty chat, another date asap, head in for the deal breaker. Good Luck.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I honestly used to think that people that were "too busy" were just flaking but my life is manic right now Im working 4 jobs, got my kids and a house to run and Im texting this guy and I simply cannot make any plans to meet at the moment. The odd evening I do get I wouldnt have any time to get ready so we are literally waiting for me to get some free time. I expect he's going to get bored and move on but I really cannot help it and if there's one thing I have learnt its not to give up on your own life for someone else x Id stick with it for now but just makesure u are on the same page... some things are worth waiting for x
Author Mrselfdestrukt Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Dallers - reason for the 'peck on the cheek' thing; I think I'm generally overly cautious (being too much of a gentleman); not wanting to presume to much until the signals are very clear. Letmoc - yes, I have sent the odd message (simple 'Hi, how's your day' stuff - generally no reply, or if so - a few weeks after the message was sent). HBN - I have no problem at all with the extended gaps between dates - we all have very busy lives to lead;(and I would consider her to be worth waiting for). It's the complete absence of communication between them which is the thing which has me scratching my head. Particularly, as on our most recent date, her phone was glued to her hand for most of the day (using various apps to navigate etc). Thanks for all of your replies.
letmoc Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm going to go with married or in a relationship on this one.
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Letmoc - yes, I have sent the odd message (simple 'Hi, how's your day' stuff - generally no reply, or if so - a few weeks after the message was sent). Not normal. I also go with married. Mrselfdestrukt: I have the same background as you. Met my ex-husband at 17, never dated and found myself single at 40 with no dating experience. I made all the possible mistakes just like a 16 year old. Unfortunately we have to go through this to learn. If you are new to dating and online dating, read on here and learn a few basic rules. It will help.
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