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Two weeks NC, do I dare break it?


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searchforwhat
Posted

It has been 2 weeks since i last spoke to my ex and for some reason today I am losing my mind. I really just want her to call but I do not think that will happen. I was considering sending her an email just saying Hi, but I talked myself out of it.

 

I have a couple posts here explaining the details leading to the break up. In short, we were together for 3.5 yrs, I screwed up, didn't appreciate her, didn't listen, and when we were last fighting I went away for the weekend without telling her instead of going to her house to work things out. She got fed up with me hurting her and broke it off. I had bought an engagement ring in Nov and had planned on proposing after the new yr. We broke up the week before Christmas and I have been a mess ever since.

 

Two weeks ago we talked in person for 4 hours and I left everything on the table so I know there is nothing more I can say. She did say she loved me but I hurt her too many times in the past to get back together. I just want this to get easier. I really love this girl and I wish it didn't have to take her leaving me for me to realize how much I love her. She just wanted me to show that i loved and appreciated her as well as listen.

 

It is killing me that she is moving on and I can do nothing about it. I feel so helpless. I just wish she could know that these last two months have really made me open my eyes and I could be the man she wants. I feeling like this.

 

Should I send her an email saying hi or just keep NC? I am so lost.

Posted

I feel your pain. My opinion is that NC is the best. She knows how you feel. She needs to heal. If you keep on "trying" to make her comeback, it may be just out of guilt that she does. If she comes around, which she may or may not, it will because she felt for you and wanted to try again. You would want the latter. Be a better person, so when she does come back you'll knock her socks off with who you've become.

 

Drew

Posted

She left you... whether you deserved it or not. She made the decision to leave, she knows how you feel... you've reached out... it's in her hands now. Let her be the one to contact you. yes, NC sucks bigtime... but in your case, it can be effective. For the both of you.

Posted

I agree with the other posters.

 

You did all you can at this point. It's a long shot that she would come back to you. Women rarely return to the scene after suffering in a relationship. In laying our your cards on the table and being open to the possibility of reconnecting, you've shown to her what you feel and think.

 

The best thing for you to do now, is to let go and yes it's easier said that done. Yet, letting go, moving on with your life, what brings happiness to it is the best course of action thru the storm you are facing.

 

You have to have faith that course over rough waters thru the storm will get you where you want to go.

 

Be strong.

searchforwhat
Posted

yeah you all a right. I was having a real moment of weakness and really missed her terribly. I know this is going to take time and I have done everything to try and move on but it is just so hard.

 

I just wish she would give me the opportunity to show her what I have learned about myself through this. She always told me she never thought I considered her in my future. Truth is, I never thought that far ahead. Now I think about the future and how it is going to suck without her.

 

So, is the best way in going about this, just never contacting her again? That is really a depressing thought.

Posted

It's the only thing you really can do. You do not know how she feels, only she does. You may think you can say something that will make her change her mind, but in reality its her feelings that she currently has that dictates what she wants. The feelings you need from her is that she misses you and wants to work it out, not the guilty feelings that would be layed upon her with you contacting and maybe asking to work it out. Its been almost 3 months no contact for me, but she initiated that so my plight is dark and dim. It sucked and continues to suck but I now realize that it helps you get better. My ex was a great person for not stringing me along, or maybe she just wanted to get over me. Either way it is succeeding for me and probably for her. I was a jerk. I am not a jerk anymore, just a humbled man who now knows the wrong of his ways. I had trust issues and critisized. Nobody can be happy with that going on. Her friends called her strong, she said she was smart, I say she was both. Where is my time machine to go back and take what I know about me now and make it better? No such luck, I wish you luck my friend. If she comes back, take the pain you feel now and never forget it.

Posted

I was where you are now one week ago, i cracked and sent her a txt, she did not reply and so i sent another and in so doing undid any good i had up to then achieved, i saw her at the weekend in a bar and the look she gave me will haunt me for years, utter contempt is putting it mildly,

 

If i to had a time machine i would take back those txts and live with the little hope and respect for myself i then had, there is always hope my friend while you are percieved as being strong and respect for yourself and her wishes, i to had those days when i soooo wanted her to contact me, and on one such day i let myself believe that doing so was the right thing to do, it was not, and is not for you BELIEVE ME,

 

three and a half years is a long time, she is feeling the same way as you, maybe worse, but that will turn so quickly to contempt if you slip, i would hate anyone to have to suffer the look and subsequent feelings of total loss that i have since Friday, so be strong, and when at last you can look her in the eye at least you will know that she sees you with your self esteem and self respect intact, and that is assuming you guys don't get back together, these things do happen..

Posted

Yup. Do it. You're miserable not doing it, and who knows what'll come from it. If you don't, you'll wonder, "What if this? What if that? What if?" and if you DO do it, you'll at least stop wondering what's what. Hopefully.

 

Screw no contact.

Posted

By the way, this is my member name, I cant log in on certain computers for some reason...whatever.

Anyway, I held off from doing anything yesterday. But today is a new day with more challenges.

 

This moving on stuff and NC is really tough. My brother set me up with someone and I am supposed to go on a date wed. I agreed to it but I am not really up for anything like that. Should I just suck it up and go or bail? I cant get my ex out of my head, I just have this urge to get in touch with her. Everyone tells me to just leave it be and I guess that is the right thing to do but I am the one dealing with the pain.

 

I guess in some way I feel like she may not really think I was genuine when we last spoke but who knows, i am just so confused. She told me she had gone out on a couple dates since our break which really tore my heart out, I have this horrible feeling she is already dating someone else. I just dont understand how people move on so fast. I just want to know what is going on in her life. How come she i so strong and can stay away from calling me?

 

I guess I am just rambling because it numbs the pain if only for a little while. Thanks to everyone for responding to this post and any other advice is appreciated.

Posted

Tom petty said it all with his song "wont back down".

 

Stick to your guns brother. keep NC going.

 

If she has a revelation and returns so be it.

 

I know its tough but you mustnt back down

Posted

Don't contact her, it just brings all those feelings back to the surface and you have to go through the whole process again. I'm currently on 4 weeks no contact after she was a complete bitch to me and well I dont have the desire to contact her.

 

Though when I see her on MSN my heart skips a beat and the temptation arises, so I blocked her and deleted her contact. She has other ways to contact me if she wants.

 

Be strong, find something else to fill your time. Like drinking with friends!

searchforwhat
Posted

My whole problem with getting over this is that I feel I caused the entire situation. She was a great GF and did anything for me. The problem was I did not appreciate her and kind of took her for granted. I broke up with her a couple times over the course of our relationship but always went back to her. I can understand how she wouldn't trust that I wouldn't hurt her again but I wanted to be marry her and I even bought the ring before this happened. Unfortunetly I made the big mistake of going away instead of to her house to work things out and she had enough.

 

Your guys have been great with the advice and I am going to let her be but I just wish she knew how I felt. She is really on my mind 24 hrs a day. Why is this so hard?

Posted

Oh dont play things over in your head, that only leads to you being hard on yourself. All those "what if's", you made mistakes and no doubt she did as well. Things can never go back to the way they were before so just accept that she's gone and you should just take this as a learning experience. Thats all life basically is, next time you'll know not to take someone for granted. The next relationship will be 10 times better and no doubt easier.

 

Yeah its hard to get over someone, especially when they are a big part of our life. But just distracting yourself is the only real way to do it, everyone says time heals all wounds, and its true. Its been 4 months since my split and only now has it started to get easier. Especially after the month of no contact.

 

I tried the whole lets be friend and contact thing, but i just got screwed around. It made me realise that if she really cared then she would be putting in as much effort as I was to make things work. Both people need to want it to work.

 

Hope what i've said helps.

searchforwhat
Posted

Yeah you are right, I have to stop putting myself through this. It is weird one minute I will be fine and the next I will be in a deep depression. Love sux!

 

Well my bro set me up with someone, so I have a date tomorrow night. I will strap on my happy face and see where this leads me. Hopefully somewhere alot happier than the place I am at. I will try and move on and stay strong. I gotta say, LS really brings me back to reality and all the posts help me realize this is not the end of the world and there are others going through the same pain as me. Thanks for helping me through this difficult time!

Posted

Yes new girls are a great thing to cause distraction, how confident are you about tomorrow?

 

Because I can also relate to going out with new girls after a break up, I screwed that up.

 

Do not talk about your ex, that just makes you seem like your wanting her to fill the gap. I kinda mentioned my ex every 3rd sentence on my first date with a girl called Heather. We went on one other date after that and then it was over. She was a nice girl i think i just scared her off.

Posted

search4what,

 

please don't place hope that this woman that you are set up with with end all of your depressed thoughts. That would be the worst thing for you to do as I tend to believe you will have an awful time regardless and run home crying and more eager than ever to contact your ex. Just go out and have fun. This breakup will not go away so easy. You need time to digest all the good things that are to be learned from it. I'd say that for the 3.5 years that you dated, that you need a good half a year to process it all. Don't get too involved before that as it will only come back to haunt you doubly.

Posted

upsetnhurt

Believe me, I understand that this is not going to go away with just one date, but I figure I have to start somewhere. I do not expect this to cure all my hurt feelings but I do need to start having fun again. My ex has moved on and I have to start doing the same or else I will drive myself nutz thinking about her.

 

If this ends up being a disaster, well so be it. I don't really know the girl so if it doesn't go well I am sure I will have more practice down the road. I may have had some weak moments and I anticipate many more but I am a strong guy and I will get through this. Thanks for your thoughts.

searchforwhat
Posted

So I had my blind date last night. It was fun and we had alot to talk about but it is just so hard to not think about my ex. I don't know if I am ready to date at this point but I guess I have to try.

 

I didn't go home crying nor was I more eager to call my ex although I would love to talk to her. I guess the date did not make me feel any worse nor did it make me feel any better. I still feel like shyt but I will remain dealing with this by myself.

Posted

If your going to be here alot i suggest you register here so you get notification when someone replies to your thread, just click the register link at the top.

 

I guess this new person isn't really your type then, while on my first date with this girl I didn't think of my ex at all, the thoughts were just gone and then once I got back home that I thought about her. If i don't get that wow factor on a first date then I usually only give it one more try just in case the person was being shy.

 

Try going on as many dates as possible with as many different people, they'll be someone out there who'll be able to make you forget about the ex.

Posted

Maintain NC.....I broke it with mine and felt like an ass shortly afterwards....he was curt and cold....I agree with the other posters....if you dont contact them you maintain the front of being diginified and strong....and the ex has time to miss you...you have spelled out how you feel...now give her time to think about all that you have laid at her feet......when you have moments of weakness.....do what I did..come here and read and post.....LS is great....:D hope this helps....good luck to you...Be strong you can do it!

searchforwhat
Posted

Sukotto

 

I guess you didn't notice, but I am a member. I have trouble logging in on one of the computers I use. When I am logged in it is under search4what, when I am not it is searchforwhat.

I may try one more date with this girl, not sure. I was a little sad when I got home after the date because I was thinking about the ex. You are right though, I have to just keep trying until I find someone I really connect with. I have a feeling subconsciously I wont let that happen for a while. Dates do numb the pain for a little while though.

 

Almathea,

 

Thanks for the advice. I really do like coming to LS because it gives me the strength when I do have those moments of weakness. The constant reminder to stay strong and keep my pride really goes a long way. Thanks!

Posted

ok i really really dont think that the no contact thing is a good idea. the fact is she said that she still loves you but you hurt her too many times etc.

 

no contact will not chnage her opinion on this and WILL NOT get her back.

 

what will change her opinion is actions and words. tell her you want to meet up and then really make her understand that you saw how much of an idiot you were. and things really wouldnt be like that again. if you can get this through to her then if she still loves you she will go back with you. i suspect her friends are tellin her to stay away which could be a problem so when you ask her to see you make it for as soon as poss like the next day so that she doesnt have a chance for her frinds to talk her out of it.

 

telll her to just give you a chance. thats all your asking.

 

yes no contact is very very good sometimes but its not the answer to everything and in this situation will not help at all becuase she needs to se that you really do care about her and are really bothered about wanting to be with her. not calling her is not gonna make her see that is it.

Posted

PAH!!!! To your first post I say...... Women..... PAH!!!!!

 

You've made your mistake.... your paying the price........ now move on........ and don't make the mistakes again............. if she really loves you....... really really really.......... and she finds out your with someone else......... she'll do anything/everything she can to win you back............ women are like that............ they're bi-polar...... gosh... and it's what ruins them (at times).............

 

Not 'hating' on the ladies............. but you guys do tend to make things harder than they are.

Posted

This is EXACTLY what I'm going through right now, so I don't know how helpful my advice would be

my ex broke up with me b/c I didn't appreciate her in the past but during the final months of

our relationship I started to change and started doing all the things she wanted me to do b4.

we dated 4 a year and a half. she said I didn't appreciate her and that I was a jerk to her alot of the time. I

called her about a month ago and spilled my heart again, but haven't heard from her since. I want to call so bad

for V-Day but I'd die b4 I do. but should I?

 

Thats the question we both have. Does the ex need to know how much we care, b/c we never really showed it

b4? I never really appreciated her till she left, I see things so clearly now and I want to let her know.

 

But I'd say whatever you do if you do write her try to keep your cool, DO NOT mention the relationship

try to just ask how she's doing, it's the simple things like that she wanted, and she still wants. The truth maybe

that she wants them from someone else, b/c when she looks in your eyes all she can see is how you

hurt her before, and she resents you. Holla back keep me updated.

Posted

Stressful

I really want to believe that calling her and telling her to just give me a chance will work, but I know it wont. We broke up a few times during the 3.5 yrs and she gave me chances then. Last we spoke, which was three weeks ago I asked for a chance. I don't think anything has changed in that time.

 

I was really close to calling her last night but instead called my brother for some support. He went through the same thing not to long ago so he has been very helpful. I think if today wasn't valentines day I would consider reaching out to her but I am going to pass. Maybe I will try later in the week. I am almost scared to call and find out she is happy with someone else while I'm here pining over her. The saying, what goes around comes around, is so damn true.

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