Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 A bit of a weird story. I've had a pen pal for the past three years. We met on a dating website and our personalities hit it off instantly. Our first conversation online flowed so easily, it was like I knew him for years. After discussing details about our lives, we decided dating would probably not work so I suggested the idea of being pen pals. He was in the navy and a couple states away, and a couple years younger too. It seemed like a complicated way to start things off so we set things straight right away and agreed to right letters back and forth while he's in the navy. Letters turned into many letters. Many letters turned into phone calls. Phone calls turned into many phone calls. Many phone calls turned into skype calls. We got to know eachother very well over the course of 3 years. I told him some of my deepest secrets and we opened up to eachother. After all, we'd never meet, and so we knew our secrets were safe with eachother. Well about a month ago he asked me if I'd like to meet in person for the day. We took a bus from MD to PA and we spent the whole day in Philly. It was a bit awkward at first.. he was really shy and I could tell he didn't have much experience with girls. I'm 24 and he's turning 21 next month. I guess his age and with being in the navy, he didn't have much experience. The day got better and he started opening up to me and we had fun just like I knew we would. He was the same guy I've been writting letters to for 3 years, just as I imagined. When I dropped him off at the bus station, he hugged me like he didn't want to let go. I felt something exchanged at that point. Some kind of spark that went through both of us to make us realize maybe we could be more than friends. A month has gone by and we still talk every day. We send pictures to eachother every day to make each other laugh. Last night he called me and told me he had such a nice time hanging out with me that he'd really like to do it again soon and willing to take another 3 hr bus ride up to see me. He told me that he liked me more than a friend and that he'd like to give 'dating' a try with me this summer and see if it could work. He is everything that I've ever wanted in a guy. He shares my christian faith, he is well mannered and respectful. Very nice, and mature for his age. He's got his head on straight. He's sarcastic and funny and 'gets me'. He's what I'd want my future husband to be. To let this pass me by I'd feel crazy. But given the circumstances.. I feel like I'm just playing with fire. He's 3 hrs away in the navy with a very busy schedule. Next year he'll be shipped out to CA for the following next couple of years on the other side of the country. He's an awesome guy. But why start something that I know upfront is going to be difficult and painful if feelings were to emerge? Anddd finally, the age. I guess this bothers me a lot too. There's a huge gap between 20-24. I know he's mature for his age.. but I also know I did a huge amount of growing in those years. I asked him what his dating history was like and he proceeded to tell me about his 3 week relationship in 7th grade and a couple after that. At 24, I want to feel like a man can take care of me and think seriously about a relationship to the point where settling down for marriage in a few years would be something we both wanted. Is it possible for a 20 yr old and 24 yr old to be on the same page? I know when I was 20, I just couldn't wait to turn 21 so I could go out and party at the bars.
Ebman Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 You have an interesting dilemma. There is nothing wrong with seeing a guy that is younger than you. Being in the navy exposes him to discipline and structure. He will be very mature for his age in comparison to young and wild college boys. If you really love this guy and there is nothing holding you back in your current home town I would suggest relocating and taking a job in a city close to his base. Try it for a year. If it doesn't work then just be honest and tell him. But the way you wrote your story I reckon this upstanding young gentleman is worthy of a shot with you. 1
bluegreen Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Girl you crazy ? What a huge age difference you talking about this is not 12-20 years. You got cute smart decent guy that cares for you and you gonna let him go? ( and we all know how some guys can be cute in uniform ) Quit this silliness and before someone else snatches him good guys are not dime a dozen these days they are rare as diamonds ... 2
StanMusial Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Maybe he's got a girl in every port. To be honest it sounds like play-time fantasyland. Can't you meet someone that's going to be in your life more?
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Maybe he's got a girl in every port. To be honest it sounds like play-time fantasyland. Can't you meet someone that's going to be in your life more? He's still in the academy though - still in school. So he doesn't have girls at any port. Meeting someone like him that lived in my town would be convenient, yes. But I do agree that some times you need to make sacrifices.
FitChick Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 A lot of servicemen are very mature compared to the general population. If you moved to San Diego there would be plenty of company from Navy wives who are used to their men being gone for long periods of time. That's why it is often the wives who are cheating while the men are stuck at sea. When he moves to CA, tell him it all depends on you being able to find a job there. Then when you visit him, try to set up some interviews. In the meantime, why not see how it goes while he is only three hours away?
Grumpybutfun Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) The age gap isn't astronomical...if it were a younger woman there wouldn't be a conversation about this at all. As far as Him being in the Navy, yes, there will be a rigidity about his life that someone in the civilian sector wouldn't have. However as someone who has visited almost every port in the US and around the world, men in the Navy don't have women in every port anymore because the schedules due to National Security and heightened terrorism has made regular schedules impossible so I don't think I saw any of that in my twenty odd years in the submarine force and surface ships. He seems shy and reserved so whatever you do be kind. He is probably one in a million because he isn't carrying around a lot of baggage, but if you feel he is too young, inexperienced and complicated due to his service to his country, then let him go nicely because someone will snatch him up. There are worse things in life than someone who may not be with you twenty four seven. If he is a good man and you feel something, I would at lest give it a trial shot before making any rash decisions. Also, discuss this with him as he might have something to add. Best, Grumps Btw, I've seen men in their fifties not able to take care of themselves, let alone a woman and kids. I would trust my twenty one year old son to do what needs to be done in any situation, often over men who are my age. Edited May 8, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 2
crederer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Every gf I've ever had has been older. Whether it was a few months to 5 years. I've dated younger girls but was never able to get into it (too immature for my taste). I don't even know why this is an issue. We're talking a couple of years not a decade.
Omei Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Your relationship is very possible if you both want it bad enough, the things you're worried about are very easy to solve later down the line... Give the summer a chance!
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