Want to Cheat on my Husband

[LisaSarah]

I am 30 years old and been with my husband for about 9 years. We recently had a child a little over a year ago. I am so incredibly bored of him... I almost feel like I am falling out of love with him. He is so concerned with making money and his job that everything else, like romance or interesting conversations have just disappeared. I feel like we never have 'real conversations' and that he doesn't really even care about what I truly want out of life. He just wants to live this simple life where we talk about nothing important, take care of our daughter, and work. Yes, I know what you think 'well that's life'. And I know logically that is true. But I just get so sick of talking about our daughter's eating habits and what bills need to be paid. I feel trapped and isolated and sometimes think cheating would be an excellent escape to this mundane life I lead. Someone new who will actually care about what I think and listen to my hopes and dreams. I guess I'm just feeling as though I let my life slip through my fingers in order to be in this relationship and have lost excitement for my future. Please know I wish I didn't feel this way and know I am being selfish, but I would appreciate any advice or some insight. Thanks.

[Jonah]

Best way to learn it its to go ahead and ride the merry go round. It won't take long before you would learn to ask the guy that asks you to bed: "then what?". Wishing for some kind of hint for a future of...anything, . even talking about what bill come next together. But no, what you Will get is more of the same blah blah blah about how sexy you are but he'll be gone before the dawn.

[LisaSarah]

I guess your right, like I know I shouldn't sacrifice my family for this...but I guess I just feel so lost within this life I have created or should I say the life I just let happen around me. I should have ended things years ago I suppose. It just upsetting that this is all there will be for me.

[harrybrown]

If you are determined to cheat, divorce him first, let him have custody of your child and be free.

 

Do not cheat before getting divorced. You think your life is bad now, wait until you drop a cheating bomb off on your family. You will blow up your and your families world.

 

Go tell him today that you want a divorce and to walk away. Then go cheat.

 

Maybe you will not get stds and be able to see your child from time to time, but the new guy will treat you like a notch in his belt. Who wants to have the responsibility of a family when you can have fun some of the time.

 

But you will not find as good a man as your husband. But you will find many that will let you be some on the side.

 

Good luck with it all, unless you want to communicate with your H and try counseling before blowing up your family's life.

[Friskyone4u]

How about getting your husband into counseling if he will not talk to you about your unhappiness. If you are honest with him and tell him the thought of an affair has crossed your mind BEFORE you do it that should get his attention.

Or you can have an affair and when you get caught you will not have any shortage of drama in your life. Other option is just get a divorce and see if you can find a Prince Charming that can keep you emotionally charged forever.

You are ar a point that most couples get to at some point. How they deal with it is different. But cheating usually is only a temporary fix. You have to make the choice but be prepared for the consequences. Most affairs do not end blissfully.

[Trufita]

Lisa, don't do it. Cheating is not the solution for your problems. You need to talk to your husband about how you feel (without mentioning the cheating idea, of course!). The man you fell in love with 9 years ago must be there still.

 

Cheating should never be an option. Try to make your relationship work again, try to save your marriage, and if after really trying both of you together, you see nothing is going to change, then consider divorce.

 

Best of luck!

[aliveagain]

I am 30 years old and been with my husband for about 9 years. We recently had a child a little over a year ago. I am so incredibly bored of him... I almost feel like I am falling out of love with him. He is so concerned with making money and his job that everything else, like romance or interesting conversations have just disappeared. I feel like we never have 'real conversations' and that he doesn't really even care about what I truly want out of life. He just wants to live this simple life where we talk about nothing important, take care of our daughter, and work. Yes, I know what you think 'well that's life'. And I know logically that is true. But I just get so sick of talking about our daughter's eating habits and what bills need to be paid. I feel trapped and isolated and sometimes think cheating would be an excellent escape to this mundane life I lead. Someone new who will actually care about what I think and listen to my hopes and dreams. I guess I'm just feeling as though I let my life slip through my fingers in order to be in this relationship and have lost excitement for my future. Please know I wish I didn't feel this way and know I am being selfish, but I would appreciate any advice or some insight. Thanks.

 

Actually, cheating will be a permanent escape, once you step over that line you can't go back. My suggestion, do something to save your family, "Talk To Your Husband", tell him how serious your issues are and come up with a strategy that works for the two of you. Do it together, bringing another man into your relationship won't save you, your just buying a ticket on a future train wreck. Be smart.

[whichwayisup]

I am 30 years old and been with my husband for about 9 years. We recently had a child a little over a year ago. I am so incredibly bored of him... I almost feel like I am falling out of love with him. He is so concerned with making money and his job that everything else, like romance or interesting conversations have just disappeared. I feel like we never have 'real conversations' and that he doesn't really even care about what I truly want out of life. He just wants to live this simple life where we talk about nothing important, take care of our daughter, and work. Yes, I know what you think 'well that's life'. And I know logically that is true. But I just get so sick of talking about our daughter's eating habits and what bills need to be paid. I feel trapped and isolated and sometimes think cheating would be an excellent escape to this mundane life I lead. Someone new who will actually care about what I think and listen to my hopes and dreams. I guess I'm just feeling as though I let my life slip through my fingers in order to be in this relationship and have lost excitement for my future. Please know I wish I didn't feel this way and know I am being selfish, but I would appreciate any advice or some insight. Thanks.

 

So you'd rather cheat and betray your husband who is providing for you and your child than talk to him, be honest and open, try to reconnect and bring some excitement back into the marriage, get one of the grandparents to babysit and you two go out on fun dates? Yes you are extremely selfish. You are just as much at fault at this as he is, you both have let 'life' get in the way and forgotten about why you chose to get married and be together.

 

Talk to him and set up a date night.

 

Do you love him?

[whichwayisup]

I guess your right, like I know I shouldn't sacrifice my family for this...but I guess I just feel so lost within this life I have created or should I say the life I just let happen around me. I should have ended things years ago I suppose. It just upsetting that this is all there will be for me.

 

Why did you get married? If you don't love him, then divorce and have shared custody. Or, get a child care and go work. You lost yourself but you let it happen.

[lovinDKT3]

Lisa, please read my story before you go down that path. The feeling you have now will be replaced my guilt, self hate and regret.

 

Instead communicate your needs and desires with him. Chances are if your bored he is too. Don't throw a bomb into your family home, it only hurts those closest to you.

[Quiet Storm]

Talk to your husband. Tell him you are bored. Take the initiative and do something different in the bedroom. My husband and I role play and make our own movies. I've been with him 22 years and never cheated.

 

I think if women actually told their husbands- I feel neglected romantically and its causing me to think about other guys. If he is working so much that he isn't romantic at all- maybe it'll shock him into seeing how bad things really are.

 

And I am not blaming him- there is no excuse for cheating. Him and your child deserve more respect than that. It's one thing to be bored and unhappy, but are you a liar and a cheater?

 

I think many men are blindsided. Although its never good to hear that your wife is thinking about cheating, its better than having a wife that's already crossed that line.

 

Also, there are other things besides affairs that can make life interesting. What do you love to do? Nurture your talents, learn new things, set goals, take risks... You don't have to cheat to find passion and excitement in your life.

[revelations]

LisaSarah,

 

I came across your post and figured that I would answer you. First of all don't cheat, if you have any or had any ounce of respect or love for your husband do not cheat on him. Read the men that have posted on here about what they went through when they found out about their wives cheating on them. Heck read what the women went through when they found out their husbands cheated on them. The pain you will be inflicting is probably the worst emotional pain that you can ever inflict on anyone. Did you ever stop to think what would happen if you caught an STD then gave it to your husband? How fair do you think it would be to your husband if you got pregnant and he was forced to pay child support for that kid. These things are real possibilities, and yes if you have a baby by the OM and your husband leaves you he would have to pay child support for the OM's kid. Is this something you really want to do to your husband? Do you resent or hate him that much? Put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself how you would feel about your husband if he did the same thing to you. At the very least he is a human being and does not deserve to be treated like that.

 

I hope you understand that right now you sound very selfish and narcissistic. Your upset because you have a new baby and your husband is busting his butt to make sure you and the new baby have what you need now and in the future. Because you have not had a "real conversation" you feel this means your entitled to cheat? Snap out of it and cut your husband some slack will you? A wife and a new baby that he has to make sure to feed and keep a roof over your head, he might just be under a bit of pressure, did you ever think of that?

 

Well if your honest with your post then your only thinking of cheating and have not done it yet. Trust me that goes a long ways with any husband. However I do understand, you want to have adult time with your husband. After all you've been at home all the time with the new baby and your life has drastically changed. However consider this, why not ask him to set aside a half hour to have a talk about you two as a couple? Maybe even suggest marriage counseling to him? Point is that you need to try and get him to focus about you two as a couple and what your lacking in the marriage. Try and express to him that you are not feeling wanted by him, maybe suggest a date night. You know something that married couples do were you get dressed up, go out to dinner, maybe dancing. Come home and bang each others brains out. However try and talk with him first. See if you can word it so that he gets the message.

 

Heck even if your husband refuses to listen or anything else at least you gave it a good try. If this is the case then file for separation and move out. Let him know that next you are going for a divorce, that should wake him up. After all you can wait a little longer before going out to get laid. The only thing that will happen by you cheating on your husband is that you will hurt him in ways you cannot imagine. How will you feel about listing to your husband bawling all night long after he finds out? Will you still feel justified in cheating on him when you watch him drop 40lbs because he cannot hold down food? Will you still feel that your life is slipping away from you when you watch his hands shake so badly from the anti-depressants he can't hold a cup of coffee? Oh did you know that most anti-depressants make it difficult for a guy to get a boner? Maybe you will be okay with him staring at the wall for a day or two, not moving or saying nothing?

 

These are some of the things that happen to people when they find out that the one closest to them has betrayed them in the worst possible way. Remember for you the worse possible thing that can happen is you have to file for divorce and wait a little bit before running off and banging some other guy. Cheating on him is by far the worse thing you can do to someone else. So ask yourself this, is your opinion of your husband so low that you are willing to torment him and break the very person that he is today? If the answer to this is yes then divorce him now. If the answer is no then at the very least get yourself into some counseling.

[janedoe67]

Don't. I wish I could articulate all the ways it will change your life.....and NOT in good ways. If you have a heart and a conscience cheating and the hurt it inflicts on you and others will just about kill you inside.

[SpiritualAlchemy]

You can do several things:

 

*Work on your marriage and reignite the romance.

 

*Have a frank discussion and open up your marriage with the love and support of your so - it worked for me.

 

*Cheat, and hurt your hubby and child, and all the mess that comes with it.

 

Seems to me that you are placing an awful lot of blame on your husband, who is working hard and providing for your future. He deserves a chance to work on your marriage, along with you, so talk to him, and don't be so ready to do the typical lazy bored housewife thing and cause massive pain to everybody!

[Furious]

I am 30 years old and been with my husband for about 9 years. We recently had a child a little over a year ago. I am so incredibly bored of him... I almost feel like I am falling out of love with him. He is so concerned with making money and his job that everything else, like romance or interesting conversations have just disappeared. I feel like we never have 'real conversations' and that he doesn't really even care about what I truly want out of life. He just wants to live this simple life where we talk about nothing important, take care of our daughter, and work. Yes, I know what you think 'well that's life'. And I know logically that is true. But I just get so sick of talking about our daughter's eating habits and what bills need to be paid. I feel trapped and isolated and sometimes think cheating would be an excellent escape to this mundane life I lead. Someone new who will actually care about what I think and listen to my hopes and dreams. I guess I'm just feeling as though I let my life slip through my fingers in order to be in this relationship and have lost excitement for my future. Please know I wish I didn't feel this way and know I am being selfish, but I would appreciate any advice or some insight. Thanks.

 

I doubt you will take advice to heart. You will do want you want to do.

 

In essence you are a coward. Please don't take this as beating up on you.

If you cannot communicate how you feel to your husband about how you feel then it's on you.

 

I get the impression you are passive aggressive, instead of dealing with the issues in your marriage, you're looking for cheap validation.

 

Cheating is easy, a no brainer. Anyone can cheat and there are plenty of people out there who will sign up to be you're accomplice in deceit.

 

Your solution is a train wreck waiting to happen. The risk of blowing up your life, your husband's life and the precious child you brought into the world deserve better. Are they just collateral damage because you don't have courage to really either fix your marriage or leave it with authenticity.

 

Really....a husband and boyfriend on th side. Are you that special that one man is not enough for you. You want a one sided open marriage without giving your husband his reality. He gets no vote or say in his reality. It's apparent hs reality is insignificant comarped to the jostling you intend to engineer in getting all that you desire through becoming a cheater.

 

Hey...people fall out of love...but that shouldn't be a reason to also fall out of respect.

 

You may think cheating and staying married is a win win situation. It's a dysfunctional and short term solution. What it really is, is laziness. Making real decisions, having courage to fight for a better marriage is hard work and requires integrity.

 

Who are you...and who do you want to be. Your life is on your hands. You are the author of your story. You can write a beautiful ending or you can write a tragic ending. I hope you have the courage to write a beautiful ending.

[dichotomy]

Your husband is the only one you can have to talk to - to do things with? No good female friends, therapist , family, no social clubs or activities to involve yourself with?, health clubs, volunteer activities, school PTO?

 

Just dont rely on "another man" to provide all this.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I almost feel like I am falling out of love with him. ........I feel like we never have 'real conversations' and that he doesn't really even care about what I truly want out of life. ........I feel trapped and isolated and sometimes think cheating would be an excellent escape to this mundane life I lead. ......I'm just feeling as though I let my life slip through my fingers in order to be in this relationship and have lost excitement for my future.

 

Notice how many times that you used the word feel. I feel I'm falling out of love, well are you or do you just feel that way sometimes? I feel like we don't have real conversations, well do you have real conversations or have they slacked off.

 

I have concerns that you have somehow put him in charge of your happiness. It is good that you have recognized that there are issues, but you can't put the onus on him to fix the problem. Also cheating will not fix the problem, but will only exacerbate the problems. I would suggest that you have a very serious conversation with your husband and schedule some marriage counseling, so that you can fix the problem. Don't let this fester or sweep it under the rug, that will lead to disaster.

[beach]

If you're bored - go to Mommy groups or find a hobby or go to work!

 

Something that benefits your M and conversations instead of an affair that harms the M.

 

And get honest with your H - tell him you're tempted to cheat. He needs to know you are unhappy with the way things are now.

 

Change things that bring positive to the M.

[LisaSarah]

Thank you all for responding. I hear you all loud and clear. I guess my wanting to cheat has more do with my own unhappiness with my life and how it has turned out and I guess I'm trying to put all the blame on my husband. I feel like I have failed myself by not fulfilling many of my life dreams- which many I can't chase any longer now that I am a mother. I know that was my choice and I accept the consequences, but I think of my younger years and how I had all this time and opportunity and instead I followed my husband around while he realized his dreams and mine went out the window. Which again I know it is my fault but can't help finding myself feeling resentful.

 

Where my issues lie with him is that I guess I feel neglected in many ways and that he just takes me for granted. There was a point in time when I was crazy crazy about him. And I still love him very much. But I don't have full confidence that he has the same love for me that I have for him and it makes me feel bad about myself. It is a pretty sad epiphany to come to that the person your married to doesn't love you nearly as much as you love them. I know your thinking how can I love him but want to cheat on him- well I guess I just want that attention as pathetic as it is

 

Now that we have our child-sometimes I just feel like I might as well be invisible. Yes, we parent together but he is never really concerned what is going on with me or whats going on in my head. He would rather just avoid me than talk about anything. Then when I am so full that everything just bursts out, he'll say something like, "Well, I don't know what to say." Which makes me feel even ****tier because he doesn't even have the feelings to come up with a thoughtful answer.

 

I'm just feeling trapped. I don't know where to turn. I feel like I put all my effort into making him happy over the years and he only does things that serve both of our happiness. Nothing is ever just about me...maybe I am just being selfish again who knows. Or immature. I don't know, all I know is that I am not happy.

 

I honestly don't even know if I could ever go through with it, I just posted to get some insight, which I thank all of you for.

[LisaSarah]

And BTW for everyone who thinks I am a bored housewife- I do have a job. And even if I didn't-just because I have a child, am married, and unhappy doesn't automatically mean I am a bored housewife. Yes. Joining a mommy group is suddenly going to solve all of my problems.

[beach]

Thank you all for responding. I hear you all loud and clear. I guess my wanting to cheat has more do with my own unhappiness with my life and how it has turned out and I guess I'm trying to put all the blame on my husband. I feel like I have failed myself by not fulfilling many of my life dreams- which many I can't chase any longer now that I am a mother. I know that was my choice and I accept the consequences, but I think of my younger years and how I had all this time and opportunity and instead I followed my husband around while he realized his dreams and mine went out the window. Which again I know it is my fault but can't help finding myself feeling resentful.

 

Where my issues lie with him is that I guess I feel neglected in many ways and that he just takes me for granted. There was a point in time when I was crazy crazy about him. And I still love him very much. But I don't have full confidence that he has the same love for me that I have for him and it makes me feel bad about myself. It is a pretty sad epiphany to come to that the person your married to doesn't love you nearly as much as you love them. I know your thinking how can I love him but want to cheat on him- well I guess I just want that attention as pathetic as it is

 

Now that we have our child-sometimes I just feel like I might as well be invisible. Yes, we parent together but he is never really concerned what is going on with me or whats going on in my head. He would rather just avoid me than talk about anything. Then when I am so full that everything just bursts out, he'll say something like, "Well, I don't know what to say." Which makes me feel even ****tier because he doesn't even have the feelings to come up with a thoughtful answer.

 

I'm just feeling trapped. I don't know where to turn. I feel like I put all my effort into making him happy over the years and he only does things that serve both of our happiness. Nothing is ever just about me...maybe I am just being selfish again who knows. Or immature. I don't know, all I know is that I am not happy.

 

I honestly don't even know if I could ever go through with it, I just posted to get some insight, which I thank all of you for.

 

You love him?

 

 

Ummm, someone who loves their H doesn't show them that love by cheating.

 

I think you're back peddling.

 

Just tell your H this isn't the life you want - he has a right to know you plan to disrespect and disregard him.

 

If it needs to be about you - then you shouldn't have had kids. Don't have more.

 

You have a cruel way of loving someone.

[lovinDKT3]

And BTW for everyone who thinks I am a bored housewife- I do have a job. And even if I didn't-just because I have a child, am married, and unhappy doesn't automatically mean I am a bored housewife. Yes. Joining a mommy group is suddenly going to solve all of my problems.

 

Lisa, trust me when I say I understand. I was there. I followed my guy and gave up one thing after another. You are ahead of me, it took me having an A losing my marriage and many hours of therapy to understand I was unhappy with me and it wasn't my husband or marriage.

 

Talk to him. Be honest and force him to HEAR you. I've been lucky, after 5 years my love has allowed me a second chance.

 

What I'm saying is allow him a chance to make it better before you put your marriage on ddeath row.

[LisaSarah]

i see how what I said you can feel that way but I do love him but I feel as though I keep trying to pull feeling from him that aren't really there. Which in turn makes me feel bad and then I think maybe if I was with someone else I wouldn't feel that way. And when he doesn't respond in a certain way towards me I start to feel as though my feelings are fading for him. Like I said I don't know if I could ever actually go through with cheating on him. I think I am just looking for someone to pay attention to me. It is not about sex at all. I wish I just had someone who actually cared about what I had to say or how I felt.

 

There is much to our story that I am not telling because I don't know if it relevant or not. Ultimately I just need to let him know how serious my thoughts have come but I wish it didn't have to come to this to get him to show me he cares. It makes it seemed forced to me. But I will try and talk to him and I am not trying to be cruel- it has just crossed my mind which I thought I could come on here and get an outsiders view on things since these thoughts are not usual for me.

[LisaSarah]

Thanks lovinDKT. I read your thread and do think our situations are similair. I will talk to him and try to work through this. I mean its not like I even have anybody in mind. I don't want to destroy everything....I just want to be happy and maybe I was being extreme in thinking what would make me happy. Deep down I know it is disappointment with aspects in my life and my marriage being one of them.

[oldshirt]

To all of you in the chorus singing "tell your husband" please understand in her mind she HAS told her husband hundreds of times - it's just that he hasn't heard the message or understand what she is really saying deep down.

 

 

With a one year old at home he probably hears a hundred complaints a day. While she may think she has communicated her issues with him, in his mind all he is hearing is whining and complaining and the frustrations and challenges of a new mother.

 

 

There are some things men suck at and some thing women suck at. Men suck at reading women's minds and interpreting their indirect communication styles and subtle hints about what they want.

 

 

Women suck at dealing with issues directly and stating things in simple matter-of-fact and to the point manner and making themselves understand by their male partners.

 

 

To Lisa - we all feel this way from time to time, men and women alike. It's understandable.

 

 

Keep a few things in mind -

 

 

- men don't understand hints, indirect hidden messages or subtle innuendos etc. You have to come right out and say it. and if you are going to deluge your man with a dozen complaints and whines at the end of the day, you have to specify which one you actually want him to do something about along with what you want him to do about it.

 

 

- He is probably feeling disconnected and dissatisfied with many things about your marriage as well. That gives you some common ground and a place to start.

 

 

- Many men are brought up that having a career and home and a family IS their wife's dream and that their job is go out and slay dragons all day and come home with a paycheck. What may have seemed like his life dreams that he's been pursuing for years is actually so that he can have the status and resources that he can support a wife and family. How fair is it to him that he believes he is working this hard to support a home and family and child which he believes is YOUR dream, to have you turn around and wrap your legs around some slickster in a bar because he is at work earning money to support his family and you are feeling a little lonely at the time??

 

 

- I agree with the other posters who have said that one man cannot completely fulfill ALL of your wants, needs and desires. Your husband may be a great husband and father but he will never be a great girlfriend, coach, mother, grandmother, brother, your father etc etc. It's not fair to judge him on a standard of fulfilling all of your needs. You have a responsibility to meet some of your own needs or to seek out other friends and family in a nonsexual manner to get out and pursue a more fulfilling life for you. If that means joining a gym, a mother's group, a professional group, a charity, a biker gang, whatever, so be it.

 

 

- and most importantly I urge you to do everything in your power to make him "HEAR" you. If that means saying, "I am really in need of some more romance and sexuality and attention or I'm afraid I'm going to jump that guy down the street with the biceps and spikey blond hair that jogs by the house everyday" then do it and mean what you say. Don't try to act like everything is hunky-dory when it isn't. Don't talk in riddles or in subtle innuendos or hints. Come out and say you are starving for attention and romance and adult interaction. Come out and say that you have many other hopes and dreams besides changing diapers and cleaning up puke.

Talk about future plans and dreams like you did in your early days. Let him know that you are still a healthy, vibrant woman and have more on your mind that child-rearing and paying bills.

 

 

- if you have to do something drastic like cut him off from sex for six months or pack up the baby and move to your parents or an apartment to get him to the table to really listen to you, then do it. Hopefully he will catch on long before that but some don't (and I'm speaking from personal first-hand experience here BTW)

 

 

- however realize if you do step out and cheat, your marriage and your relationship with him, his family, his friends and possibly even your friends and family will never be the same even if you do reconcile. He will never look at you are treat you with the same degree of warmth, respect and reverence ever again. He may stay with you due a young child and an upside mortgage but if you think he is cold and distant to you now, you ain't seen nothing yet. And the chances of your OM actually falling in love with you and stepping up to the plate to be with you and a child that's not his, is infinitesimally small. Guys that bang frustrated young mothers are truly only out for a quick and easy fck (again speaking from personal first-hand experience from my younger days)

 

 

Please don't beat around the bush and address this very serious situation directly.