clia Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I actually agree with SJC -- she ignored the request to get tacos. If a guy you liked e-mailed you and suggested going out somewhere together, are you going to not respond to it at all? No way. You would at least say "Tacos sound great!" 4
Els Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Umm, yeah, I agree with SJC, too. Seems like she totally ignored the invite, and was just being polite. I don't think you should persist with this girl in particular, but do ask others. Also agreed with the general sentiment that you SHOULD know a few nice places to get dinner and drinks at, especially at the age of 32! You don't have even have to go to a bar if you don't want to, there are pubs and bistros in the city, I'm sure. And unless you're a teetotaller by principle, it wouldn't hurt to start getting to know your drinks a little bit. Edit: Whoops, just wiki'ed it and seems like pubs aren't a thing in the US?! Ah, well. I'm sure you get my point. Edited May 9, 2014 by Elswyth 1
clia Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Bars are loud and smokey. You won't catch me telling you to take a date there! Ever. For the record, I wasn't talking about one of these kind of bars! I just tend to use the broad term "bars" when I think of places to get alcohol. I was referring to more upscale type of places -- wine bars, craft breweries, there are lots of great restaurants that have nice bar areas up front, nicer sports bars, etc.
rester Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 When someone on this forum gets rejected it's always their fault. There was nothing wrong with his approach. If she was smitten for him do you think she would of said "He burried his question in the middle of his email and that's not direct enough for me" ? HELL NO, she'd of been doing cartwheels! His way of asking was enough of a social cue (another famous LS term). She addressed the entire email except his invite, it was a polite rejection. Don't listen to these people SD about your approach it'll just make you more insecure. When I was 17 I asked my first gf out over the phone after her friend told me she said I had to ask her out in person. When I asked her out on the phone she sighed like "you know you we're supposed to ask me out in person" but she still said yes because she liked me. Fair enough, but the purpose of this thread is advice for asking out girls. I stand by my advice. And it's good advice for much more than asking out girls. I think somedude would benefit by googling "asking for what you want". There is some good reading there.
Untouched Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 My semester is almost over. There is a guy in my Chemistry class that I kind of have a crush on. I WISH he would ask me out on the last day! Fingers crossed!
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 When someone on this forum gets rejected it's always their fault. There was nothing wrong with his approach. If she was smitten for him do you think she would of said "He burried his question in the middle of his email and that's not direct enough for me" ? HELL NO, she'd of been doing cartwheels! His way of asking was enough of a social cue (another famous LS term). She addressed the entire email except his invite, it was a polite rejection. Don't listen to these people SD about your approach it'll just make you more insecure. When I was 17 I asked my first gf out over the phone after her friend told me she said I had to ask her out in person. When I asked her out on the phone she sighed like "you know you we're supposed to ask me out in person" but she still said yes because she liked me. I actually agree with SJC -- she ignored the request to get tacos. If a guy you liked e-mailed you and suggested going out somewhere together, are you going to not respond to it at all? No way. You would at least say "Tacos sound great!" That's what I think. She knew what I was asking and if she had any interest in me at all, she would have said yes. The part where she said " yeah you're great!! and I will for sure see you at the final exam where hopefully everything goes well for all of us!!!" just sounds like she was trying to be excessively nice because she rejected me. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I also can't beleive the advice here. Yes SD, she rejected you. Unless you particularly enjoy getting rejected twice, I would stay clear. I would even go as far to say that asking her out again would come close to creepy territory. I also find it puzzling that there is so much discussion on over which medium to ask, what to say etc etc. All of that is completely irrelevant. Rest assured that when a girl likes you, she is going to jump at the chance. It's all very simple really. 6
Smilecharmer Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Umm, yeah, I agree with SJC, too. Seems like she totally ignored the invite, and was just being polite. I don't think you should persist with this girl in particular, but do ask others. Also agreed with the general sentiment that you SHOULD know a few nice places to get dinner and drinks at, especially at the age of 32! You don't have even have to go to a bar if you don't want to, there are pubs and bistros in the city, I'm sure. And unless you're a teetotaller by principle, it wouldn't hurt to start getting to know your drinks a little bit. Edit: Whoops, just wiki'ed it and seems like pubs aren't a thing in the US?! Ah, well. I'm sure you get my point. Haha, we have bars too. We just don't call them pubs. Drinking and hanging out is a thing here. He should know a few fun ones. Edited May 9, 2014 by Smilecharmer
hasaquestion Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I also find it puzzling that there is so much discussion on over which medium to ask, what to say etc etc. All of that is completely irrelevant. Rest assured that when a girl likes you, she is going to jump at the chance. It's all very simple really. Yes! This whole exercise of deciding "how to ask girls out" is just an incredible display of futility. Seriously. If someone likes you, they'll like you pretty much regardless of what you say, or how you say it. No one cares what you SAY. People care about what you ARE. If you must try and "get a girlfriend", allocate your effort accordingly. BE attractive and interesting. 2
rester Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Yes! This whole exercise of deciding "how to ask girls out" is just an incredible display of futility. Seriously. If someone likes you, they'll like you pretty much regardless of what you say, or how you say it. No one cares what you SAY. People care about what you ARE. If you must try and "get a girlfriend", allocate your effort accordingly. BE attractive and interesting. It's not irrelevant because it's specifically what somedude is asking for in this thread. What has a better chance of getting the results he wants, a direct question, or a passive invitation in an email? I understand that he was rejected. My point is that it would benefit him to be more direct. It helps to get a foot in the door. I'm thinking of talking to her before the test, and inviting her to have lunch with me once it's over. If there are any better ideas, please share them. Just remember this is a girl I've only spoken to with one time. ... I'd appreciate any advice for what I can do on Wednesday. I'm just not sure how and what to ask. I was just more concerned about how to ask.
Valen Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Yes! This whole exercise of deciding "how to ask girls out" is just an incredible display of futility. Seriously. If someone likes you, they'll like you pretty much regardless of what you say, or how you say it. No one cares what you SAY. People care about what you ARE. If you must try and "get a girlfriend", allocate your effort accordingly. BE attractive and interesting. That's the truth. If you want the girl of your dreams you have to be the man of her dreams.
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 That's the truth. If you want the girl of your dreams you have to be the man of her dreams. What if she isn't the girl of your dreams?
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 It's not irrelevant because it's specifically what somedude is asking for in this thread. What has a better chance of getting the results he wants, a direct question, or a passive invitation in an email? I understand that he was rejected. My point is that it would benefit him to be more direct. It helps to get a foot in the door. For the record, I asked out three girls in person this semester. Though I didn't try to get them to go to a bar with me. That still seems really odd. "Hi, you barely know me. But lets get drunk. We can walk to the bar from my place."
Valen Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 What if she isn't the girl of your dreams? It means you missed the point entirely. If you want a certain girl, you have to be the type of guy she wants.
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 If you want a certain girl, you have to be the type of guy she wants. And how would I know what that is?
Valen Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 And how would I know what that is? You shouldn't be concern with that yet. You should focus on improving yourself first. Become that attractive guy who is interesting. To look your best, all you gotta do is dress well and work out in the gym. To be interesting, you have to have done some interesting things in your life. If all you do is sit in class, then go home, watch tv, play games, and read LS forum all day, it isn't very interesting. Have a life and you'll have a wife as some would say. Remember even if you know what a girl wants but if you are not it, it will be fruitless. And the point of dating is to find someone who wants what you have to offer. Fortunately, most girls want the same thing: A good looking charming, confident guy who isn't afraid take the lead, who can make her laugh all day as well as be completely honest with her, who is accomplished and driven to succeed. So instead of focusing on what to say to a girl or how to act around one. Focus more on becoming that guy women wants and dating will become a lot easier. They will respond positively to anything you have to say. 2
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 You shouldn't be concern with that yet. You should focus on improving yourself first. Become that attractive guy who is interesting. To look your best, all you gotta do is dress well and work out in the gym. To be interesting, you have to have done some interesting things in your life. If all you do is sit in class, then go home, watch tv, play games, and read LS forum all day, it isn't very interesting. Have a life and you'll have a wife as some would say. Remember even if you know what a girl wants but if you are not it, it will be fruitless. And the point of dating is to find someone who wants what you have to offer. Fortunately, most girls want the same thing: A good looking charming, confident guy who isn't afraid take the lead, who can make her laugh all day as well as be completely honest with her, who is accomplished and driven to succeed. So instead of focusing on what to say to a girl or how to act around one. Focus more on becoming that guy women wants and dating will become a lot easier. They will respond positively to anything you have to say. The bold is the only thing that actually matters. It also almost contradicts everything you said in your first paragraph. There are many, many men who get women who aren't accomplished or have led an interesting life. From what I am figuring out, the most important thing is actually knowing how to talk to women. Everything else is almost completely irrelevant. 1
sillyanswer Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 It's friday night. Great time to go and check out a new bar that you've never been to before to see if it would be good for a future date (unless you already have a date tonight, in which case do that instead). 3
hasaquestion Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 The bold is the only thing that actually matters. It also almost contradicts everything you said in your first paragraph. There are many, many men who get women who aren't accomplished or have led an interesting life. From what I am figuring out, the most important thing is actually knowing how to talk to women. Everything else is almost completely irrelevant. No it doesn't. And your inability to see that is basically your problem in a nutshell. People judge you based on what you bring to the table. Being intelligent, well read, having an interesting life and being accomplished - those are things you can bring to the table. You claim that there are "many, many men who get women who aren't accomplished or interesting". Well clearly, you are not one of them. So what are you going to do about it? You need to stop worrying about composing texts to girls who aren't interested in you, make some good friends and live a little. 1
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) No it doesn't. And your inability to see that is basically your problem in a nutshell. People judge you based on what you bring to the table. Being intelligent, well read, having an interesting life and being accomplished - those are things you can bring to the table. You claim that there are "many, many men who get women who aren't accomplished or interesting". Well clearly, you are not one of them. So what are you going to do about it? You need to stop worrying about composing texts to girls who aren't interested in you, make some good friends and live a little. By learning how to talk to women. I'm sure I could have gotten this girl to go on a date with me if I actually knew what to say to her. Hell, if I was better at communicating with women, I'm sure my ex wouldn't have left me. Edited May 9, 2014 by somedude81
hasaquestion Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 By learning how to talk to women. I'm sure I could have gotten this girl to go on a date with me if I actually knew what to say to her. Hell, if I was better at communicating with women, I'm sure my ex wouldn't have left me. See, but this is not really true. And even if it were true, why would you ever want to be in a relationship whose success is predicated on you using some exact precise correct combination of words every time you open your mouth? And regardless, wouldn't the best way to "learn how to talk to women" be to, get out in the lab and go to a bar tonight with some friends? What are you planning to do tonight? 1
normal person Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 For the record, I asked out three girls in person this semester. Though I didn't try to get them to go to a bar with me. That still seems really odd. "Hi, you barely know me. But lets get drunk. We can walk to the bar from my place." What's weird about that? That's what people in their 20s do. They go to the bar, drink, get uninhibited and bond. They reveal things about themselves. They take chances. They form connections. It's public and safe. It's fun. It's what many people look forward to all week. It's the norm. If you refuse to join the party, you're only hurting yourself. I'm kind of baffled that you're this desperate for a girlfriend and you haven't tried looking in the one place you're certain to find crowds of uninhibited, single girls looking for men. You know what I think would be weird? "Hi, you barely know me. But why don't you come along with me on a hike deep in the woods where no one can hear you scream?" 4
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