Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I'm confused. I can pretend that I didn't ask her out and that she didn't reject me?
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm confused. I can pretend that I didn't ask her out and that she didn't reject me? Exactly. 'We should get together' isn't asking. So, try again! 2
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm confused. I can pretend that I didn't ask her out and that she didn't reject me? Well, you didn't ask her out. Not really much pretending needed.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Though it wouldn't have been too hard for her to say, "Sure that sounds good." Yes I will see her on the final and I may have one to two minutes to talk to her before the test. That's it.
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Though it wouldn't have been too hard for her to say, "Sure that sounds good." Yes I will see her on the final and I may have one to two minutes to talk to her before the test. That's it. That's plenty of time to have a conversation and ask her out.
rester Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Though it wouldn't have been too hard for her to say, "Sure that sounds good." Yes I will see her on the final and I may have one to two minutes to talk to her before the test. That's it. Yeah, but passiveness is not as attractive as assertiveness. One says that you are confident, the other that you are insecure. You gave her insecure and an easy way out.
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Though it wouldn't have been too hard for her to say, "Sure that sounds good." Yes I will see her on the final and I may have one to two minutes to talk to her before the test. That's it. Well then, you've laid the groundwork. 'I'd like to take you for those tacos I mentioned.'. Have a specific place, day and time in mind. Good luck! 1
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Another thing I want to talk about, people keep suggesting getting drinks. I don't have any experience at all with going to bars and getting drinks. None. I'm not a bar person. The most I ever did was go to the nice Mexican restaurant close to where I live and get margaritas with my ex. While she was talking to her friend she told a little story where she ran into another girl from the while she was at Main Street where all the bars are in this city. So I do know that she goes out for drinks and I'm guessing she has a favorite bar or two. I know of a couple of bars that are fairly close to where I live, but I've never been to them. To basically sum it up, I have no idea what to invite her to or when.
rester Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Another thing I want to talk about, people keep suggesting getting drinks. I don't have any experience at all with going to bars and getting drinks. None. I'm not a bar person. The most I ever did was go to the nice Mexican restaurant close to where I live and get margaritas with my ex. While she was talking to her friend she told a little story where she ran into another girl from the while she was at Main Street where all the bars are in this city. So I do know that she goes out for drinks and I'm guessing she has a favorite bar or two. I know of a couple of bars that are fairly close to where I live, but I've never been to them. To basically sum it up, I have no idea what to invite her to or when. This is why you need to get out more by yourself or with the friends you say you don't want to put effort into making. You mentioned in another thread that you had never been to a sit-down restaurant before, unless it was with your mother or grandmother. That really stuck out to me that you don't do much on your own. Try out different places so you know what you like and what you don't. Look for bars and restaurants near your apartment, and go to them. Sit at the bar and get a beer. You don't even need to talk to anyone if you don't want to. If you don't like the place, don't go back. Experiment more. Try a new restaurant with food you've never tried before. Bring a book if you feel weird about it. Baby steps. Pick one new place a week or even just one a month and go there for dinner or a drink. When I moved to my new town at the age of 36, I didn't know anybody and had to get out there and meet people. I would go out for a beer and people would talk to me, and I would go home. I never made lasting friends this way, but I was able to find places that I liked to go to, so that when I did make friends, I had suggestions for fun places to go to. Bars can be intimidating places if you're not used to them, but they are mostly friendly and you can get a good idea of the clientele from online review sites. 2
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I know of a couple of bars that are fairly close to where I live, but I've never been to them. Sounds like time for a research trip. Go to them. Then you won't have the excuse that you've never been, and if you invite this woman (or any other woman) to one of these bars and she says "what's it like?" you'll be able to tell her. Is it a wine bar? Do they specialise in craft ales? Is there a microbrewery on site? Is the place clean or are all the tables sticky with nearly-dried beer? Is there a huge TV screen showing sports? Is there a pool table or a juke box? Is it full of young adults or older adults? This is one excuse you can eliminate, if you want to. 1
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 This is why you need to get out more by yourself or with the friends you say you don't want to put effort into making. You mentioned in another thread that you had never been to a sit-down restaurant before, unless it was with your mother or grandmother. That really stuck out to me that you don't do much on your own. Try out different places so you know what you like and what you don't. Look for bars and restaurants near your apartment, and go to them. Sit at the bar and get a beer. You don't even need to talk to anyone if you don't want to. If you don't like the place, don't go back. Experiment more. Try a new restaurant with food you've never tried before. Bring a book if you feel weird about it. Baby steps. Pick one new place a week or even just one a month and go there for dinner or a drink. When I moved to my new town at the age of 36, I didn't know anybody and had to get out there and meet people. I would go out for a beer and people would talk to me, and I would go home. I never made lasting friends this way, but I was able to find places that I liked to go to, so that when I did make friends, I had suggestions for fun places to go to. Bars can be intimidating places if you're not used to them, but they are mostly friendly and you can get a good idea of the clientele from online review sites. No no, I said, "Before I started dating my ex, I've never paid at a sit-down restaurant." It's just not something I'd do on my own. Now that I remember, I've been to one actual bar by myself. I think it was around 9 pm and it was pretty dead. I heard that the bar was pretty popular and they play live music, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out. Is going to a restaurant and sitting at the bar good enough? The Mexican place I mentioned has pretty good food and a huge selection of drinks. If I invite her out for drinks, what day and time should it be at? BTW, that restaurant is within walking distance of my apartment and so is the other bar....
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 BTW, that restaurant is within walking distance of my apartment and so is the other bar.... Great. Go to the bar now. I'm off to bed. I expect a review of the bar in the morning.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Great. Go to the bar now. I'm off to bed. I expect a review of the bar in the morning. That's the one I wrote about.
rester Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) Another thing I want to talk about, people keep suggesting getting drinks. I don't have any experience at all with going to bars and getting drinks. None. I'm not a bar person. The most I ever did was go to the nice Mexican restaurant close to where I live and get margaritas with my ex. While she was talking to her friend she told a little story where she ran into another girl from the while she was at Main Street where all the bars are in this city. So I do know that she goes out for drinks and I'm guessing she has a favorite bar or two. I know of a couple of bars that are fairly close to where I live, but I've never been to them. To basically sum it up, I have no idea what to invite her to or when. Nobody can give you bar experience over the internet. It's something you just need to get out and do for yourself. If you have bars fairly close to where you live, but you've never been to them and want to see what they are like, you will need to go to them to see what they are like. If you want the experience, you have to get the experience on your own. Without knowing what type of bar they are, my advice would be to muster up the courage and just go. Nothing bad is going to happen if you don't like the scene and decide to turn around. The first step is to walk in the door. Next step is find a seat and order a drink. Knowing the bars that I go to, there will likely be no college girls age 20-28 there. That's fine. You're there for the experience and not for picking up women. Have a drink and leave. That's some experience. Do this five times in the next month and you will have more experience. It will only cost you $5-$10 each time. I should add that if you're not a bar person, there's nothing wrong with that. The goal is to find places that you DO like so you don't have to resort to coffee dates or the dinner dates that you don't want to do. If it's experience with bars that you want, you need to go to bars to gain that experience. Edited May 8, 2014 by rester
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 If you can afford to eat with her, do the Mexican place. You've got the tacos covered, and sure, you can eat at the bar if you like. Mexican places tend to have an ala carte menu, so if you (or she) aren't up for the full plate with beans and rice, there ya go. And you got your Margaritas. You could do it late afternoon, if you like, doesn't have to be dinner time. Bars are loud and smokey. You won't catch me telling you to take a date there! Ever.
sillyanswer Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Bars are loud and smokey. You won't catch me telling you to take a date there! Ever. Smoky? ugh. Didn't you ban that yet?
sillyanswer Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 That's the one I wrote about. What about the other one? You said there were 2 near you.
MidwestUSA Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Smoky? ugh. Didn't you ban that yet? Where I am, some municipalities have tried. Then gone out of business.
rester Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 If you can afford to eat with her, do the Mexican place. You've got the tacos covered, and sure, you can eat at the bar if you like. Mexican places tend to have an ala carte menu, so if you (or she) aren't up for the full plate with beans and rice, there ya go. And you got your Margaritas. You could do it late afternoon, if you like, doesn't have to be dinner time. Bars are loud and smokey. You won't catch me telling you to take a date there! Ever. I agree with everything you've written in this thread, except for the last line there. Where somedude lives, smoking isn't allowed in bars, and they don't necessarily have to be loud. My girlfriend and I go to bars regularly before dinner, just for a drink or two. We choose bars that aren't too loud, and people have to smoke outside. It depends on what you're looking for. Some people aren't bar people, and that's fine. I'm giving somedude advice about bars because he brought it up. Myself...I prefer bars because I like to go to them, and if my date doesn't like that, I will know it up front. I don't spend time in coffee shops, and would never consider taking a date there.
sweetjasmine Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Smoky? ugh. Didn't you ban that yet? Some of the more civilized states in the union have entirely banned it, but the rest are behind. I don't know about your town specifically, SD, but if it's anything like a typical college town in a fairly densely populated area, there have to be some gastropubs and some more relaxed wine bar or microbrew type of places that attract a quieter crowd. If my crappy city has them, they must be out where you are. Those are nice places to go grab a drink, since they're usually a step above cheapo joints in ambiance but still pretty cheap if you just get a drink and a snack. So go explore. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) I agree with everything you've written in this thread, except for the last line there. Where somedude lives, smoking isn't allowed in bars, and they don't necessarily have to be loud. My girlfriend and I go to bars regularly before dinner, just for a drink or two. We choose bars that aren't too loud, and people have to smoke outside. It depends on what you're looking for. Some people aren't bar people, and that's fine. I'm giving somedude advice about bars because he brought it up. Myself...I prefer bars because I like to go to them, and if my date doesn't like that, I will know it up front. I don't spend time in coffee shops, and would never consider taking a date there. That's cool. We're a bit behind the curve on the smoking thing, sadly. I'm all for Dude finding what works for HIM (and her). I'd love to find a good hole in the wall with a munchie menu that was smoke free. Edited May 9, 2014 by MidwestUSA
Author somedude81 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) So what should I actually say to her on Monday? I'm getting confused about all this stuff. What place and time is preferred. Edited May 9, 2014 by somedude81
contact1 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Eh I think the timing of asking is going to be bad. Right before the final? Her mind (an SD's for that matter) would be on the actual exam. But since it is the last day, may as well go for it. SD, for a date idea, if you live near the LA/Santa Monica area, there are some locations that have a bunch of food trucks. Took my wife and kid this weekend, we went to bunch of different ones, had some grilled cheese sandwiches, bbq, pizza, and lobster tacos, and then headed to the beach for a walk. It isn't all that expensive when you are sampling everything and makes for a really awesome experience. 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 So what should I actually say to her on Monday? I'm getting confused about all this stuff. What place and time is preferred. "Hey, I'd like to take you out. When are you free?" Once you get a yes, you can say "Great. I know this awesome Mexican place that serves great tacos. Lets meet up there." If she gives you her number tell her you will call her later that evening and then do so, setting up the date as you would in person, as I outlined above. Good luck!
SJC2008 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 When someone on this forum gets rejected it's always their fault. There was nothing wrong with his approach. If she was smitten for him do you think she would of said "He burried his question in the middle of his email and that's not direct enough for me" ? HELL NO, she'd of been doing cartwheels! His way of asking was enough of a social cue (another famous LS term). She addressed the entire email except his invite, it was a polite rejection. Don't listen to these people SD about your approach it'll just make you more insecure. When I was 17 I asked my first gf out over the phone after her friend told me she said I had to ask her out in person. When I asked her out on the phone she sighed like "you know you we're supposed to ask me out in person" but she still said yes because she liked me. 5
Recommended Posts