Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 OK, so it looks like I shouldn't even bother as there is no chance she'd say yes.
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 OK, so it looks like I shouldn't even bother as there is no chance she'd say yes. lol, just do it so you can get over this girl and not be what if. like I said odds are bad, but just do it.
normal person Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Is there any way better I can word it? I'd like a few pieces of input. I actually think it's worded pretty decently, to be honest. It's nice and succinct. You don't need the line about the movie, but you do need a good inside joke or something to keep it from seeming so sterile. Maybe something regarding the topic you were learning about in class. End the message on a high note. OK, so it looks like I shouldn't even bother as there is no chance she'd say yes. It's not like there's no chance, but I'd guess that it's an uphill battle assuming she's never shown interest in you prior. Best of luck.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) I actually think it's worded pretty decently, to be honest. It's nice and succinct. You don't need the line about the movie, but you do need a good inside joke or something to keep it from seeming so sterile. Maybe something regarding the topic you were learning about in class. End the message on a high note. It's not like there's no chance, but I'd guess that it's an uphill battle assuming she's never shown interest in you prior. Best of luck. Hmm, not the reply I was expecting from you, but I'm presently surprised. An inside joke about the topic we learned in class or the movie. We watched the second half of a movie that was about the genocide in Rwanda. The movie showed some really depressing and gruesome things. As I said she didn't come to class today and she missed the really bad stuff. I don't know if I could say "LOL, good thing you missed today and didn't see the little girl who had her fingers chopped off." Maybe I should just drop the part about the movie? Could I tease her about missing class again? Maybe say something that her friend Katy looked really lonely without her? Or maybe something like, "Let me know if you want to know how the movie ended" Edited May 8, 2014 by somedude81
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Oh well, sent the message. I seriously don't expect a reply, but at least I got it over with. What a lame semester this turned out to be.
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Oh well, sent the message. I seriously don't expect a reply, but at least I got it over with. What a lame semester this turned out to be. My semester was alright, but in terms of dating it was pretty lame. I got rejected by a girl I was sure was into me, then I got the number of this other chick, but I am not very optimistic about where its going with her.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 My semester was alright, but in terms of dating it was pretty lame. I got rejected by a girl I was sure was into me, then I got the number of this other chick, but I am not very optimistic about where its going with her. A number is some progress. Much better than nothing. I asked out three girls in person, two ended up having boyfriends, one gave me a runaround answer. I got pretty close to four other girls, to the point where I felt they would say yes to a date, and they all turned out to have boyfriends. I found out they were taken before I asked them out. There were a few girls I was interested in that I just couldn't get close to, either because our personalities didn't match, or I just waited too long. Overall I'm just frustrated that I've been single for five months and haven't gotten a single date. Somehow I'm going to have to figure out how to get dates outside of class, and OLD isn't exactly working for me. I've never been messaged by a girl or had one reply to me
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) A number is some progress. Much better than nothing. I asked out three girls in person, two ended up having boyfriends, one gave me a runaround answer. I got pretty close to four other girls, to the point where I felt they would say yes to a date, and they all turned out to have boyfriends. I found out they were taken before I asked them out. There were a few girls I was interested in that I just couldn't get close to, either because our personalities didn't match, or I just waited too long. Overall I'm just frustrated that I've been single for five months and haven't gotten a single date. Somehow I'm going to have to figure out how to get dates outside of class, and OLD isn't exactly working for me. I've never been messaged by a girl or had one reply to me Yeah somehow practically all girls at college have a boyfriend when I ask them out. The one who rejected me this semester also used that line too, and this was while she flirted with me for the whole semester and really went out of her way to come talk to me while in class and out, she took particular interest in my personal history, family and background. she serious failed big time if it was not her intention of leading me on. But I wouldn't be so upset if this pattern didn't keep repeating itself. Edited May 8, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me
Els Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Email is IMO a really, really bad way to ask someone out. Especially if you haven't already established rapport - for instance, if you two have been having close conversations or flirting via FB/email then it wouldn't be as bad, considering the girl's age. But email out of the blue - your chances are next to nil on that unless she already secretly likes you. But the boat's gone on that one so I guess there isn't anything you can do at this point. Just try not to use that method next time.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Yeah somehow practically all girls at college have a boyfriend when I ask them out. The one who rejected me this semester also used that line too, and this was while she flirted with me for the whole semester and really went out of her way to come talk to me while in class and out, she took particular interest in my personal history, family and background. she serious failed big time if it was not her intention of leading me on. But I wouldn't be so upset if this pattern didn't keep repeating itself. Oh it wasn't a line. I know for certain that these girls had boyfriends. I just waited too long to use my probing questions and got interested in them before I found out their status. As for feeling led on, don't. Some girls are just really dense and can't pick up that you are interested and that they are giving your conflicting signals. This year I had three women in relationships (one of them married) who were way too friendly and interested in my life. They had absolutely no clue what was going on in my head or how their actions and words were affecting me. It's almost as if when women enter in relationship, they believe that every other man out there loses his penis and just wants to be her friend.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Email is IMO a really, really bad way to ask someone out. Especially if you haven't already established rapport - for instance, if you two have been having close conversations or flirting via FB/email then it wouldn't be as bad, considering the girl's age. But email out of the blue - your chances are next to nil on that unless she already secretly likes you. But the boat's gone on that one so I guess there isn't anything you can do at this point. Just try not to use that method next time. I knew it was doomed from the start. I just didn't have the opportunity to do it in person. She didn't come to class today. And on Monday she was with her friend the entire time, and the same for last Wednesday. I had no opportunity to talk to her alone. Funny how you said secretly likes me. I asked my ex out over email and it actually worked, then the rest was history. Though I didn't know it at the time, she did secretly like me. She was actually dropping massive hints that I was too blind to see. But yeah, it was a secret to me. Though for this girl, nothing. I know that asking out girls through email is going to fail 99.9% of the time.
iiiii Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'd like a guy to invite me hiking. But, that only works because I DO like hiking, so it shows the guy has paid attention to my likes and preferences. Otherwise, dinner trumps coffee, but both are a bit boring. I think the best date is when you find out something your date likes to do (like the hiking example), and then you propose doing it. It makes you memorable, and shows you have paid attention to what the other person likes. Of course if I had already decided that I really fancied a guy and would like to get to know him, then just coffee would be OK too. If you must do coffee, then at least have a place in mind to suggest meeting up - somewhere a little more interesting than Starbucks, somewhere that the girl may not have been before, and where you already know the coffee and food is good. There's nothing less attractive than someone who is so indecisive that they makes YOU suggest where to go for the date. 1
clia Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 No I'm not going to ask if I can take her to a restaurant and have a waiter serve us. The only thing I want to do is get to know her. I don't need to spend $40+ to get to know somebody. I should be the main attraction. Not the fact that I'm spending money on her. No, I want to find out what she's interested in so I can plan something that meets her preferences. I'm sure there are a thousands things that she would enjoy more than dinner and drinks. I didn't do dinner with my ex till our 4th or 5th date. By then we were well established. Again, while you should do what you want for a first date, don’t stick your head in the sand. You should be aware of what other men – your competition – are doing, because that creates expectations. It is completely and totally normal to have drinks and/or dinner on a first date. I’m not sure why you think that is so boring. I love going to new places for drinks and food! Frankly, so do a lot of people. I did a lot of dating (both online and otherwise) in my mid-20s. I cannot remember ever having a first date with a guy where he took me to a restaurant where we had to order at the counter or just had coffee. Other than drinks at a bar and/or dinner at a sit down restaurant (which was the norm, but a guy could set himself apart by the place he chose), I was also taken to NHL games, MLB games and taken to comedy clubs. If I’m trying to decide whether I should date Guy A who is offering to take me out to a sit down restaurant for sushi and sake and Guy B who wants to take me to Baja Fresh, all else being equal, I’m probably going to choose Guy A. That’s what you are up against. Normal_person also raised a good point – I would not have gone anywhere even semi-remote with a guy I didn’t know – so that rules out hiking and a some beach activities for early dates unless you are right in the thick of it. You set the tone of the date from the beginning. Walking in to a restaurant at noon and staring up at a big menu on the wall to decide what kind of taco you are going to order is not romantic. That’s friend stuff. Your competition has made dinner reservations at X trendy restaurant. What is more romantic? I find your attitude a little strange. You are desperate for a girlfriend, yet you do not seem to want to have to actually date to get the girl. That seems like a surefire way to fail. At some point, you are going to have to suck it up. Somehow I'm going to have to figure out how to get dates outside of class, and OLD isn't exactly working for me. I've never been messaged by a girl or had one reply to me Did you ever revise your profile? You should have a good, clear picture that shows your face as your main picture. (Not a selfie, though!) Be smiling. What kind of girls are you messaging? I saw your post on one of the other online threads. You have to face reality – 22 year old sorority girls who are seniors in college are generally not going to go for a 32 year old guy who has no job and no degree. That’s your reality right now. You are going to be far more marketable once you graduate and get a job. That’s not to say that you have nothing to offer right now, though. However, you really need to adjust your expectations. Try for women 25-35 who are either non-traditional students like you or who have no college degree. You should be casting as broad a net as possible. You also might want to read back through some of your old threads. There are a lot of suggestions on how to meet women outside of OLD.
Imajerk17 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) I dunno, concerning ourselves so much with *where to take the girl* is skipping steps. We first need to figure out if the girl is (or at least, could be) interested in Somedude81. If the girl is into Somedude81, she would be happy meeting him at Starbucks and planning a day hanging out in her town. If the girl is NOT into SD81, then the best date idea is for naught. Dinner is generally a bad idea though. You're spending money instead of using creativity to plan something fun. So is coffee, only now you're saying you're too cheap to spend money for dinner. A better idea would be to buy sandwiches and bring a frisbee and have a picnic. As far as what to do now, you could: --email her asking how the test went for her, and her summer plans. Maybe the conversation will segue to an opening for you to ask to meet up. -FB friend-request her. Hopefully you have some hobbies and friends and some interesting stuff you are doing so you come across as a cool guy. (Hint, hint...) Then you can proceed as you would via email. I don't think either option is great, but you never know. Stranger things have happened before. Edited May 8, 2014 by Imajerk17 1
clia Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I dunno, concerning ourselves so much with *where to take the girl* is skipping steps. We first need to figure out if the girl is (or at least, could be) interested in Somedude81. If the girl is into Somedude81, she would be happy meeting him at Starbucks and planning a day hanging out in her town. If the girl is NOT into SD81, then the best date idea is for naught. Oh, I agree. But when he is asking the girl out he is going to suggest some kind of date activity. If these girls are being asked out by other guys (which they very likely are), those guys are probably suggesting more than lunch at a counter restaurant or a cup of coffee. I'm just warning him. He's obviously free to do what he wants. If he's going to do OLD, the girls he is pursuing are also being pursued by lots of other guys. Dinner is generally a bad idea though. You're spending money instead of using creativity to plan something fun. And oddly enough, most men take women to dinner on a first date. 99% of the women I know have no problem going to dinner on a first date -- especially if the guy picks a great restaurant. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant. Go ahead and get creative, but you can't go wrong with suggesting dinner, IMO. A better idea would be to buy sandwiches and bring a frisbee and have a picnic. I would personally hate to do this on a first date. To me, this sounds far more boring than checking out a new restaurant. It depends what kind of girls he is trying to date, though.
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Again, while you should do what you want for a first date, don’t stick your head in the sand. You should be aware of what other men – your competition – are doing, because that creates expectations. It is completely and totally normal to have drinks and/or dinner on a first date. I’m not sure why you think that is so boring. I love going to new places for drinks and food! Frankly, so do a lot of people. I did a lot of dating (both online and otherwise) in my mid-20s. I cannot remember ever having a first date with a guy where he took me to a restaurant where we had to order at the counter or just had coffee. Other than drinks at a bar and/or dinner at a sit down restaurant (which was the norm, but a guy could set himself apart by the place he chose), I was also taken to NHL games, MLB games and taken to comedy clubs. If I’m trying to decide whether I should date Guy A who is offering to take me out to a sit down restaurant for sushi and sake and Guy B who wants to take me to Baja Fresh, all else being equal, I’m probably going to choose Guy A. That’s what you are up against. Normal_person also raised a good point – I would not have gone anywhere even semi-remote with a guy I didn’t know – so that rules out hiking and a some beach activities for early dates unless you are right in the thick of it. You set the tone of the date from the beginning. Walking in to a restaurant at noon and staring up at a big menu on the wall to decide what kind of taco you are going to order is not romantic. That’s friend stuff. Your competition has made dinner reservations at X trendy restaurant. What is more romantic? I find your attitude a little strange. You are desperate for a girlfriend, yet you do not seem to want to have to actually date to get the girl. That seems like a surefire way to fail. At some point, you are going to have to suck it up. I think Imajerk17 is right here. If a girl already likes me, she's not going to care where I take her. Likewise if a girl doesn't already like me, it's not going to matter if I offer to take her to the hottest joint in town. I don't consider the initial coffee or lunch thing to be a date at all. It's just a way so I can talk to the girl for 15-20 minutes, see if anything is there, and then plan a first date. It's also a completely optional step. With my ex, I skipped going to coffee/lunch with her because we had been communicating over email and we were able to plan something we both wanted to do. She's the one who suggested the place we went to. The only real reason I invited girls to go to lunch with me was because I didn't have their phone numbers yet. Also I assume most people would be hungry after dancing for an hour at a class that ends at 12:30. My plan was to get to know the girl a little bit in class, see how we connect. If it's good, I suggest we get lunch. Then we talk about our interests and hobbies. I make my intentions known then I get her phone number. It's mainly just a way to let me sit down and finally talk to her for longer than five minutes. Did you ever revise your profile? You should have a good, clear picture that shows your face as your main picture. (Not a selfie, though!) Be smiling. Oh yeah I did. Can I PM you a link to it and get your opinion? What kind of girls are you messaging? I saw your post on one of the other online threads. You have to face reality – 22 year old sorority girls who are seniors in college are generally not going to go for a 32 year old guy who has no job and no degree. The last girl I messaged actually listed men up to 30 in her profile. I've messaged women from 22-28. One thing I've noticed is that there are a ton of minority and/or obese women in my area. Which most likely results in the women who aren't minority and/or obese getting a huge amount of messages. That's probably why nobody is responding to me. That’s your reality right now. You are going to be far more marketable once you graduate and get a job. That’s not to say that you have nothing to offer right now, though. However, you really need to adjust your expectations. Try for women 25-35 who are either non-traditional students like you or who have no college degree. You should be casting as broad a net as possible. Trying to focus on women 25-35 who are either non-traditional students like me or who have no college degree actually seems like it's casting a very narrow net. I'm messaging anybody who I think is cute and seems like she would get along with me. I'm not going to contact anybody over 28 though. You also might want to read back through some of your old threads. There are a lot of suggestions on how to meet women outside of OLD. In all honesty, my old threads are massive. Usually they are about one issue, then advice gets thrown in there. It's almost impossible to find anything relevant. I should probably make a thread just to focus on dating advice and not talk about any of my issues.
clia Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I think Imajerk17 is right here. If a girl already likes me, she's not going to care where I take her. Likewise if a girl doesn't already like me, it's not going to matter if I offer to take her to the hottest joint in town. You have a very black and white perspective and the initial dating phase isn't about that. There is a lot of uncertainty. Obviously if she doesn't like you she isn't going to go out with you, period. But her agreeing to go out with you doesn't mean she necessarily likes you yet either. It may be that she is neutral about you. She doesn't know if she likes you yet, but you stack up enough to what she is looking for that she agrees to go on a date with you. It may lead somewhere, it may not -- it all depends on how your date goes. And you're right -- if she likes you, it's not going to matter that much anyway. But if you take her somewhere cool and fun, it may help her to like you more than she would by sitting in Starbucks with you for 15-20 minutes. That sounds horribly boring to me. Thinking back to the guy who I ended up dating for 2 1/2 years in college...I barely knew him. Met him at the bar and had only talked to him for a few minutes before I had to go. He asked for my number. For our first date he took me out to dinner and then we went country line dancing. To this day it is one of the best first dates I've ever been on and I remember it fondly. We were both 21 at the time. We had no idea if the relationship would go anywhere...but I'm glad he didn't take me out on a screening date first to make sure things would go anywhere. I don't consider the initial coffee or lunch thing to be a date at all. It's just a way so I can talk to the girl for 15-20 minutes, see if anything is there, and then plan a first date. This is fair for OLD, I guess, since you've never met in person. If you've already met the girl in person, though, I do not think most women will want to go through your screening process. They would expect you to take them out on a proper date if you have already met them and are asking them out. I've never had a guy suggest this who I met in person. You have to understand that the women you are going after likely have other options. But, in my experience most guys do more than this screening coffee shop date, even for the first meeting in OLD. For OLD, by the time you've hit the point where you have agreed to meet, you've likely exchanged a number of messages and have talked on the phone. Now you just need to find out if there is chemistry. So, I guess a 15-20 minute coffee date is okay for that. But in my experience, most guys suggest at least drinks for this "date zero." This may then lead on to dinner if all goes well. Honestly, if I was still online dating, I wouldn't deal with traffic and the hassle of going to meet a guy for a 15-20 minute pseudo-date at a coffee shop. I'd instead date the guy who at least invited me to meet him out for a drink or two at happy hour. The guys who suggest the 15-20 minute coffee date make it easy for me by weeding themselves out. I'm not saying you have to do any of this -- I'm just throwing it out there. It's also a completely optional step. With my ex, I skipped going to coffee/lunch with her because we had been communicating over email and we were able to plan something we both wanted to do. She's the one who suggested the place we went to. You already knew your ex from dance class, though. I would hope you wouldn't put her through a coffee shop screening process! The only real reason I invited girls to go to lunch with me was because I didn't have their phone numbers yet. I understand that, but there was no reason why you couldn't have asked them out for a date that weekend rather than asking them out for lunch at the last minute. If they say yes (or even if they are busy but seem receptive), you get the phone number. Also I assume most people would be hungry after dancing for an hour at a class that ends at 12:30. They probably are, but they also probably have other plans for lunch. That's the problem with asking someone out at the last minute. My plan was to get to know the girl a little bit in class, see how we connect. If it's good, I suggest we get lunch. Then we talk about our interests and hobbies. I make my intentions known then I get her phone number. It's mainly just a way to let me sit down and finally talk to her for longer than five minutes. This is so long and drawn out. Dating is a numbers game. You waste time by going through all of these steps before asking for her number or asking her out on a date before you have any idea if she is even interested. Ask her out from the get go. Find out about her interests and hobbies while you are on the date. That is the entire point of dating. If it doesn't go well, so what? You went out for the evening and got some dating practice. You overthink everything way too much. Just go for it. Oh yeah I did. Can I PM you a link to it and get your opinion? Of course. The last girl I messaged actually listed men up to 30 in her profile. And you are over 30, so you don't meet her criteria. Don't message girls if you don't meet their criteria and then expect a response back. Yeah, you might luck out, but odds are against it. I got really annoyed with men who were older than my stated age range messaging me. I've messaged women from 22-28. You should at least go up to your own age. One thing I've noticed is that there are a ton of minority and/or obese women in my area. Which most likely results in the women who aren't minority and/or obese getting a huge amount of messages. That's probably why nobody is responding to me. Yep, those girls are getting lots of messages. That's why you have to bring your A game. You might try broadening the distance you are searching as well. Your area is full of good looking women. Trying to focus on women 25-35 who are either non-traditional students like me or who have no college degree actually seems like it's casting a very narrow net. It's far broader than only going up to age 28. I'm not going to contact anybody over 28 though. Why not?
Imajerk17 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) And oddly enough, most men take women to dinner on a first date. 99% of the women I know have no problem going to dinner on a first date -- especially if the guy picks a great restaurant. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant. Go ahead and get creative, but you can't go wrong with suggesting dinner, IMO. I guess it depends how one looks at things. Some people would look at the fact that most people do something and think that is a good reason to do that thing. I myself look at fact that most people do something, and think it is a very good reason NOT to do that thing. It's not like "most men" are all that successful with women anyway. As for myself, I did a lot better with women when I made it a point to NOT do dinner on the first date. If it leads there after you do something else and it is clear you both like each other that's fine. But don't start there. That said though SD, a 20-minute "evaluation chat" over coffee (or even worse, at Starbucks) is not gonna cut it either. I never did that even when I was on Match. As you already met these women in person it makes it even more of a horrible idea. It's as clia said--you are only adding steps and convoluting the process. Hell if it is between that and a traditional "dinner date" I'd actually go with the dinner date. You want the first date to be long and involved enough enough so that you and she can bond. This is what I would suggest: --Find out what you both like in common and do it. Hiking on a popular trail where there are a lot of other people around is a fine first date activity. I've done it before. Or maybe you could go salsa dancing. --Offer to drive to her town and get lunch, and then she can show you around. Or meet at her town for drinks and you and she can bar-hop. You get the first round but she can get the next. You show your chivalry by (a) doing most of the driving to meet up, and (b) checking out places online in her area, so that you come across as a man with a plan. --A restaurant is OK, as long as it is this terrific hole-in-the-wall place that no one knows about. Edited May 8, 2014 by Imajerk17 1
Anela Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm messaging anybody who I think is cute and seems like she would get along with me. I'm not going to contact anybody over 28 though. Why not?? ...
Author somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) Hah, she replied to my email. Here's what I sent her Hey Michele, You missed class again, Katy looked so lonely without you It was cool talking to you this semester though I wish I had more time to get to know you. We should get together for tacos or something when finals are over. We finished the move and professor wanted us to think about how leadership things that he talked about in class applied to the people in the documentary. There will be a few questions about that on the test. ---------------------------- And her reply to me. I know i am so sorry! I have been so busy taking care of my grandmother that i have had no time for myself. I figure it was just a movie and she needed me so I thought to help her instead. I appreciate the email telling me whats going on and the notes as well. I have been so crazy busy haven't had a chance to look at me email until now. yeah you're great!! and I will for sure see you at the final exam where hopefully everything goes well for all of us!!! haha have a great weekend !!! good luck with all your finals ------------------------------ Such a sweet rejection. Really cool girl too. Oh well. Edited May 8, 2014 by somedude81 1
rester Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Hah, she replied to my email. Here's what I sent her Hey Michele, You missed class again, Katy looked so lonely without you It was cool talking to you this semester though I wish I had more time to get to know you. We should get together for tacos or something when finals are over. We finished the move and professor wanted us to think about how leadership things that he talked about in class applied to the people in the documentary. There will be a few questions about that on the test. ---------------------------- And her reply to me. I know i am so sorry! I have been so busy taking care of my grandmother that i have had no time for myself. I figure it was just a movie and she needed me so I thought to help her instead. I appreciate the email telling me whats going on and the notes as well. I have been so crazy busy haven't had a chance to look at me email until now. yeah you're great!! and I will for sure see you at the final exam where hopefully everything goes well for all of us!!! haha have a great weekend !!! good luck with all your finals ------------------------------ Such a sweet rejection. Really cool girl too. Oh well. I thought you weren't going to see this girl again. If you're going to see her at the final exam, why didn't you try to ask her out in person? I know it's scary putting yourself out there, but you are still noticeably afraid of rejection, and it shows in your email. Your invitation to tacos was very passive. You buried it in the middle of your email and didn't ask her a question, thus allowing her to ignore it. Learning to ask for what you want in an assertive way will do wonders for you in all aspects of your life. You could have phrased your email something like this: Hey Michele, I'm somedude from your <whatever> class. It was cool talking to you this semester though I wish I had more time to get to know you. I was hoping to get a chance in class to ask you this, but missed my opportunity. Would you like to go out sometime once finals are over? I'm not saying that she would have said yes, but I think it would help you to be more assertive in asking for what you want. It's not an easy thing to do all the time, but there are plenty of books and online resources that you can read to learn how to develop that skill.
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yea, Dude, you didn't really ask her. 'We should get together for....'. If she was going to reject you, you made it easy for her. She can say that she thought you were talking niceties. You have to find a way to get to the point!
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 In all honesty, I hate the idea of first or second dates where all you do is sit down and talk in a restaurant. That's boring. I agree, but sometimes it's what the woman might be comfortable with if it fits her idea of what a good first date might involve (but perhaps those women aren't a good match for you.) Some people like the 'drinks' part of a first date to calm the nerves etc. I've had first dates walking along the river, walking along the canal, in the park, indoor climbing, outdoor swimming. Of course if you don't know anything about them because you haven't really talked to them then you won't know if they like swimming or climbing, but the other suggestions are fairly harmless (and cheap - cost == ice cream).
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Oh well, sent the message. I seriously don't expect a reply, but at least I got it over with. What a lame semester this turned out to be. Are you measuring the lameness of the semester on how many dates you get, or on what you learn?
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Hah, she replied to my email. ------------------------------ Such a sweet rejection. Really cool girl too. Oh well. Since you didn't really ask her out I think you can pretend that she didn't really reject you. This means you can ask her again next time you see her. Make it a specific invitation. "Would you like to go for a drink on Friday? I know this great bar near xyz. It's called abc. Do you know it?" Make sure you can answer questions like "what kind of bar?" and, of course, "what time?" Give it your best shot. That's all you can do.
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