FredJones80 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 There has been a lot of posts about birthdays here recently and its pretty odd, mine is tomorrow (well 14 minutes) I'm not really that interested in it, 1) because I'm a bit too old to care like normal and 2) its come pretty soon after my LTR has ended so I'm pretty much caring about nothing other than that at the moment. Anyway... I expect nothing from my ex.. no message, no card. Its probably for the best, but, I wondered. Would you prefer to be contacted or not? Just out of interest. Either way I'll be upset, if I receive something it will upset me because its "contact" and if I don't I'll be upset because its the reality of the situation, so for me I can't really win either way. You? 2
STM206 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 You nailed it - it's like you can't win either way. Deep down I know if I got a "happy birthday" message I would feel excited, and hopeful for a few days... "Wow, he remembered, wow he's thinking about me" Until the reality set in again - he still hasn't come back. My birthday is in a few weeks and I'm dreading it - I would like to think I would be out having the time of my life, but I have a feeling it'll be the first birthday where I could care less. Hang in there, your next birthday will be even better because you'll be celebrating with someone who loves you unconditionally. Until then, treat yourself to a self love day! 2
Author FredJones80 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 You nailed it - it's like you can't win either way. Deep down I know if I got a "happy birthday" message I would feel excited, and hopeful for a few days... "Wow, he remembered, wow he's thinking about me" Until the reality set in again - he still hasn't come back. Exactly Hang in there, your next birthday will be even better because you'll be celebrating with someone who loves you unconditionally. Until then, treat yourself to a self love day! I don't know if a year would be too soon, guess we'll see then. For now I don't think about the future as melodramatic as that may sound, just trying to make it through each day. 1
Survivor12 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Although you say that it doesn't mean that much to you, you have made a conscious decision to be upset--self-fulfilling prophesy. Of course, a break-up, rejection, unwanted changes, etc. cause negative emotions, but even though you may not be aware of it, you are LOOKING for reasons to feel worse. You are planning on it. Ask yourself--Why is that? How about planning to do something that will distract you from your grief instead of focusing on it? Spend some time with a friend, buy yourself a gift, go see a movie...treat yourself! Will it make the pain of the breakup go away? Of course not--but you'll feel a lot better than if you sit around throwing a pity party for yourself. Last year, a few days before my birthday, my father died. A day hasn't passed since then that I haven't thought of him and missed him. But you know what, this year, I'm not spending my birthday grieving. Will I still think of my dad? Of course. Will I miss him? Absolutely. Will I have a wonderful day? I have no idea because it hasn't happened yet, but I will make the best of it because making myself even sadder isn't going to bring him back. I urge you to TRY to do the same. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 IMO - Nothing is best!! Can't hang on to 'nothing'... 1
STM206 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Although you say that it doesn't mean that much to you, you have made a conscious decision to be upset--self-fulfilling prophesy. Of course, a break-up, rejection, unwanted changes, etc. cause negative emotions, but even though you may not be aware of it, you are LOOKING for reasons to feel worse. You are planning on it. Ask yourself--Why is that? How about planning to do something that will distract you from your grief instead of focusing on it? Spend some time with a friend, buy yourself a gift, go see a movie...treat yourself! Will it make the pain of the breakup go away? Of course not--but you'll feel a lot better than if you sit around throwing a pity party for yourself. Last year, a few days before my birthday, my father died. A day hasn't passed since then that I haven't thought of him and missed him. But you know what, this year, I'm not spending my birthday grieving. Will I still think of my dad? Of course. Will I miss him? Absolutely. Will I have a wonderful day? I have no idea because it hasn't happened yet, but I will make the best of it because making myself even sadder isn't going to bring him back. I urge you to TRY to do the same. You need to be my life coach. 1
arrcee1138 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 My birthday passed about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I blocked her from contacting me (phone, email, social media) a long ways before since I knew if I got something from her it would set me back. So I guess not, I didn't want to hear from her on the day nor would I want to hear from her again. 1
KaliLove Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 If you block her, you won't know either way. That's the best option. Happy birthday by the way. 2
SCJACK Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My ex broke up with me on my birthday. I'll be hurt every bday regardless of if she says it or not, yay!
Elle1975 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 There has been a lot of posts about birthdays here recently and its pretty odd, mine is tomorrow (well 14 minutes) I'm not really that interested in it, 1) because I'm a bit too old to care like normal and 2) its come pretty soon after my LTR has ended so I'm pretty much caring about nothing other than that at the moment. Anyway... I expect nothing from my ex.. no message, no card. Its probably for the best, but, I wondered. Would you prefer to be contacted or not? Just out of interest. Either way I'll be upset, if I receive something it will upset me because its "contact" and if I don't I'll be upset because its the reality of the situation, so for me I can't really win either way. You? Yes. He would contact me, crawling back to me on his knees, asking for forgiveness. He would have waken up that morning realizing what a mistake he made. He would wish me happy birthday, and everything would be good. In reality? No. He won't wish me happy birthday. Don't think he'd even remember when I was born anyway. I am not wishing him anything either. His is coming up in a month. I answered a post about it already; I am going to spend the money on.. little me. Maybe make-up. Or cloths. We'll see The good thing about being single is.. it's all about me now. Don't have to think about him anymore.
KaliLove Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My ex broke up with me on my birthday. I'll be hurt every bday regardless of if she says it or not, yay! No you won't. Eventually (probably even by your next birthday), it won't even matter anymore. 1
Always Pondering Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Happy Birthday OP! Also, I do not know which I'd prefer because I think it wouldn't matter that much to me. My birthday was in January and my most recent ex didn't wish me happy birthday so I doubt next time it would hurt at all if I am even thinking about it by then. I celebrated my birthday with friends and was very happy, but when I went to bed and was alone I was sad that she didn't wish me a happy birthday. Shortly after, I don't really remember the hurt. If it does hurt you, just remember it's only temporary pain and it'll go away very easily. Just make sure you spend your birthday with someone you love--whether it's family or friends or both!
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My ex broke up with me on my birthday. I'll be hurt every bday regardless of if she says it or not, yay! That's one cold, ice queen right there... But, how can you be too sad about losing someone who could do that to you??
Author FredJones80 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Thanks for the birthday wishes and replies
Author FredJones80 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Thank you, not much partying, I lost more than my gf when we split, I lost my life, have to rebuild it all from scratch now... this will be a birthday I never want to repeat. Anyway thanks for the wishes, they're appreciated, you lot are about the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. 2
Ordinaryday Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 as much as I would LOVE for the dumper to come back and say they want to give us another shot... I have thought long about it and realised that ANY contact outside of that will just bring up old memories and set me back... I can see how getting a "happy birthday" text from the dumper might at first seem nice because you would know that they at least still think about you and you are still in their thoughts, which would at least be validation that you meant something to them, but if I got one it would get my hopes up that they want me back (even if intellectually I KNOW they didnt) and when I realise that they dont, it is nothing but a text before they go back to ignoring me... well that would hurt more and I would resent them for sending it, thinking "why would they hurt me by sending that? why?". so it is best for both if nothing is sent.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you, not much partying, I lost more than my gf when we split, I lost my life, have to rebuild it all from scratch now... this will be a birthday I never want to repeat. Yeah, my last one (42) was like that too. Uneventful, unpleasant and something I don't wish to repeat. However, I know this October will be much better. So, there's always that!!! Hang in there!!!
Author FredJones80 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 just wondering..did ur ex send u a greeting ? I was actually coming back here to update. The answer is no, no message, no card, nothing. I know from an outside view that is probably the best outcome but tbh for me it was horrible, actually moved me to tears. I know its pointless getting one from her because we aren't together any more but with it being pretty recent that we split up and after spending so long together it would of made me feel that at least I mattered. Its not even like our ending was bad, I was very amicable, didn't argue, didn't call her names, left her with 99% of our joint possessions. Just seems horrible that she couldn't even send a card. Ah well, you don't always get what you want, we've learnt that.
Ordinaryday Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I was actually coming back here to update. The answer is no, no message, no card, nothing. I know from an outside view that is probably the best outcome but tbh for me it was horrible, actually moved me to tears. I know its pointless getting one from her because we aren't together any more but with it being pretty recent that we split up and after spending so long together it would of made me feel that at least I mattered. Its not even like our ending was bad, I was very amicable, didn't argue, didn't call her names, left her with 99% of our joint possessions. Just seems horrible that she couldn't even send a card. Ah well, you don't always get what you want, we've learnt that. maybe she has moved on but dont be so negative... maybe she just respects you enough to understand that the best thing for you to move on is for her to leave you alone and allow you to heal. it may not be that, but dont be so negative
flyingfree_hope Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 for my case, my ex sent me the bday text in the evening rather than midnight as usual, I bet he must have struggled for sometime before sending it. But trust me, it doesn't feel good for me receiving the text because all I wanted to hear from him is that he would apologize & reunite, not such breadcrumbs. I felt even worse than ever and broke down to tears... so maybe it's for the best that she didn't send you any. at least she might have be considerate enough not to disturb you.
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