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So close!.. Everything perfect, except for one little thing!!

blombox

By blombox
in General Relationship Discussion

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blombox Member

blombox

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Have you ever experiences this? That everything was perfect in the relationship, like 99% perfect (the person of your dreams). But then one little thing screwed it up and you had to break up?

 

Ive been through this. I cant stand it. One of the saddest situations in my life. I would like to know if there are other people who also been trough this so I can relate.

 

It doesnt matter if you were the one getting dumped, or you were being the dumper. It also does not matter what the reason is (personality, looks, religion, children, you name it!)

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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The reasons you name are not "one little thing" they are huge things.

 

 

I would not break up over one little thing such as I don't like the way the other person squeezes the toothpaste or hangs the toiletpaper (the whole under v over debate) but if I didn't find the person physical attractive, I couldn't have a relationship with them. I might be able to give different religions a try but not everybody can. If one side wants kids & the other doesn't that's a huge level of incompatibility on a fundamental issue. I'm a big anti-drug person so even "a little week" is a non-negotiable deal breaker for me.

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

Posted
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The key to happiness in life is to stop expecting, and looking for, perfection.

Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

Posted
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Have you ever experiences this? That everything was perfect in the relationship, like 99% perfect (the person of your dreams). But then one little thing screwed it up and you had to break up?

 

Ive been through this. I cant stand it. One of the saddest situations in my life. I would like to know if there are other people who also been trough this so I can relate.

 

It doesnt matter if you were the one getting dumped, or you were being the dumper. It also does not matter what the reason is (personality, looks, religion, children, you name it!)

 

What is this "one little thing screwed it up" that you are referring to? The person did not flush the toilet after using it? The person did not throw out the garbage? The person forgot to pay the electricity bill?

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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That makes no sense. If the relationship is 99% perfect, than that one little thing in the grand scheme of things, IMO, is a non issue.

central Established Member

central

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If it really is a "little" thing, we can reach a compromise or solution.

 

If it's really not little, but instead an actual deal-breaker issue, then it is indeed cause for breaking up if there is no mutually acceptable solution to the issue. For example, an addiction would be a deal-breaker.

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blombox Member

blombox

Posted
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You guys are right, let me try again.

 

The entire relationship is above expectations. Beter then you could ever imagine. But then, one thing turns out to be a deal breaker. You love this person to death, and you are sure you can not find those other amazing qualities again. But, because of this you have to let go.

 

Just wanted to hear some stories.

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

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What's the one thing?

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

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Posted
You guys are right, let me try again.

 

The entire relationship is above expectations. Beter then you could ever imagine. But then, one thing turns out to be a deal breaker. You love this person to death, and you are sure you can not find those other amazing qualities again. But, because of this you have to let go.

 

Just wanted to hear some stories.

 

You are being very general in your posts, so the replies you're getting are general too. This post is almost exactly the same as your first post, but using slightly different words.

 

How about sharing your story first - as an example. Specifics would be helpful.

 

I can't imagine anything that would be a complete deal breaker if the relationship, and the person, was everything you ever wanted in every other way - but we're all different.

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iris219 Established Member

iris219

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I can't imagine anything that would be a complete deal breaker if the relationship, and the person, was everything you ever wanted in every other way - but we're all different.

 

Maybe OP found out the person was married or a drug addict.

 

I don't exactly know what OP means by "one little thing," so I assume it was actually one big thing.

 

Everything can seem perfect until one thing is revealed and then it's all destroyed.

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

Posted
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Maybe OP found out the person was married or a drug addict.

 

I don't exactly know what OP means by "one little thing," so I assume it was actually one big thing.

 

Everything can seem perfect until one thing is revealed and then it's all destroyed.

 

For some people those things may not be deal breakers - or at least they may not be deal breakers 'if everything else is perfect'.

 

In my mind, if somebody has a drug problem, a spouse, some nasty contagious illness, or even a significant criminal past (as opposed to being locked up overnight for being drunk and disorderly) that their long term partner doesn't know about then the relationship is not, by definition, '99% perfect'. I stipulate long term partner because if we're talking about the dating stage, or even very early in a relationship, that's still the infatuation period and, at that point, everybody is in fantasy land thinking that their new love is practically perfect!

 

If this 'one thing' comes out when a couple is half way along the road to a major commitment to one another, that indicates at the very least a lack of openness and honesty up to that point, which means the relationship is a long way from perfect.

 

Anything insignificant that comes to light is unlikely to be a deal breaker.

 

So I would like to know what exactly caused the rift in this otherwise fairy tale perfect romance that the OP is talking about. Then perhaps the rest of us would have a clearer idea if we've ever experienced something similar.

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Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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If you think you someone is 99 percent "perfect", even for you, then you are delusional.

 

People that go down a check-list and perceive someone to be perfect on paper, then perceive them to be this fantasy because they're so into them in the honeymoon phase, then like to pretend that one or two things caused the demise have no perspective of the big picture and given enough time they would understand that it was never that simple.

 

But that's young love for you, don't blame you.

Poppyolive Established Member

Poppyolive

Posted
Posted
You guys are right, let me try again.

 

The entire relationship is above expectations. Beter then you could ever imagine. But then, one thing turns out to be a deal breaker. You love this person to death, and you are sure you can not find those other amazing qualities again. But, because of this you have to let go.

 

Just wanted to hear some stories.

 

I sort of feel like that with my ex as I'm sure he does too...

We had a great friendship, love, relationship...common interests, goals, desires...all the beautiful things. We worked hard on fighting fair and resolve, we'd been through a lot...death of best friend....except be had issues with alcohol. He drank like a teenager....every 2-3 months there was a big fight over his annoying drunk behaviors.... If would take a while to resolve, work through it...me hurt him ashamed...it broke a great thing down....it became a tiresome cycle...he walked away. I had more fight he didn't. Which I took as its something he cannot change right now.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Little things are not deal breakers. If the thing is a deal breaker for you, by definition it's not little. If it is a deal breaker, no I would not stay. That's why they call it a deal breaker.

 

 

Can you be more specific about what's bothering you in your relationship?

Targetlock Established Member

Targetlock

Posted
Posted

there is always a but, nobody is perfect.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
Have you ever experiences this? That everything was perfect in the relationship, like 99% perfect (the person of your dreams). But then one little thing screwed it up and you had to break up?

 

Ive been through this. I cant stand it. One of the saddest situations in my life. I would like to know if there are other people who also been trough this so I can relate.

 

It doesnt matter if you were the one getting dumped, or you were being the dumper. It also does not matter what the reason is (personality, looks, religion, children, you name it!)

 

Your past posts indicate that you broke up with your gf because you couldn't stand her looks anymore and it turned you off, even though you loved her.

 

Not judging you, but did her looks fade? What changed from when fell for her to ending with her for your own reasons? They obviously are valid to you.

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blombox Member

blombox

Posted
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Ik first of all, some people are already judging be before they know anything. Second, its the way you look at the 99%. If the 100% stands for if a relationship is going well or not, then its only possible to break up below the 50% or something.

 

But if the 100% stands for a entire person with all its charactaristics, 1% can be a dealbreaker.

 

With me i knew a girl who was really amazing in every other area, but she was really really lazy. Like insane lazy. She came late, never wanted to do anything etc. First, we talked about it to try to see of we could find a compromise. But I just kept feeling so bad and irritated by it that is was just impossible to keep it going.

 

Being last is only a really small part of who someone is. Everything is amazing, but 1 charactaristic can be a dealbreaker if its destructive enough.

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

Posted
Posted
Ik first of all, some people are already judging be before they know anything. Second, its the way you look at the 99%. If the 100% stands for if a relationship is going well or not, then its only possible to break up below the 50% or something.

 

But if the 100% stands for a entire person with all its charactaristics, 1% can be a dealbreaker.

 

With me i knew a girl who was really amazing in every other area, but she was really really lazy. Like insane lazy. She came late, never wanted to do anything etc. First, we talked about it to try to see of we could find a compromise. But I just kept feeling so bad and irritated by it that is was just impossible to keep it going.

 

Being last is only a really small part of who someone is. Everything is amazing, but 1 charactaristic can be a dealbreaker if its destructive enough.

 

I'm not sure why you think that people are already judging you. Nobody has said anything that relates personally to you because we don't know you and we don't know your story - that's why we're asking for details.

 

Whichwayisup brought up a previous post of yours to try and understand your situation and hopefully nudge you into sharing something we can actually relate to in some way.

 

Most people don't consider their partner, or their relationship, to be 100% perfect, even if they love them to bits and couldn't imagine ever wanting to leave them - me included. My guy and I are an 'almost perfect fit' for one another and, although we're both kind, caring, decent people who are also lucky enough to be attractive, fit and intelligent, we're still a very long way from perfect in terms of both looks and personality. We both know that and we love and accept each other as we are because we make a great team.

 

Being lazy is definitely not a small part of someone's personality. As you have discovered, it permeates everything they do (or don't do) in life. If you fall for someone whose lifestyle choice is literally poles apart from yours eg fitness fanatic/couch potato, homebody/socialite, active/lazy it's always going to be a recipe for disaster.

 

The trick is to find a person who fits your way of life and your way of thinking. That doesn't mean you have to be identical, but it does mean you need to complement one another. If you find someone who is compatible with you in most areas, any minor imperfections just come with the package and are very unlikely to be deal breakers.

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