defeated87 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 me and my so have been together for a little over 10 years and married for a good portion of it. I will start with the discussions we have involving past partners and relationships. I am completely accepting of the past but am a very strong believer in honesty, with my so knowing this it became a big contributer to where we are today, the list grew larger of past partners and I began to feel beat. she bagan hiding phone calls and text messages from her most recent ex boyfriend and I had to face that individual and herself to explain my hurt and anger about the issue. years later so lost a very amazing job due to an emotional affair with a coworker, phone calls text messaging, visiting and hiding all of this while pretending to be happily married to me. I forgave her of this issue only to promise me her whole heart. two years ago she did it again with a childhood friend after reconciling over facebook, they began talking and within a months time sent close to 9000 text messages and filed for divorce while I was in the dark about the situation back. I finally figured it out and confronted her about this and she had removed text messages and phone calls. we had a sit down and she told me she was on love with him and wanted to move away and give me full custody of our children. two years later we are still together and married, the issue is now I feel defeted and emotionally broken, unsure that I want to continue the marriage as I feel hurt. im looking for opinions on what people think of this problem.
Author defeated87 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 cant be the onlyn problem since it has been a reoccurring issue with the last being at fault of a facebook reconciliation.
TheBladeRunner Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) we had a sit down and she told me she was on love with him and wanted to move away and give me full custody of our children. "Run Forrest RUUUUUUUUN!" This is a huge red flag, she'll give up her kids for the OM??????? That is what I call going completely nucking futz. This is the hazard when after DDay you try to "work it out" then it continues. The same thing happened w/ my WXW but I got out of there as soon as I discovered the second A. So sorry this is happening to you. As far as FaceBook goes? That's how I discovered 2 of the 3 A's. FaceBook causes a lot of problems IMO. As far as feeling broken, I get it. This will pass with time. I went through the same thing for less time, but when our SO betrays us, sometimes there is no way back. At least not for me there wasn't. Edited May 5, 2014 by TheBladeRunner Adding
Author defeated87 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 I understand and feel the same way. If my children werent involved I would be long gone but am unsure of what direction to take as the kids are my world. cant stand the thought of not tucking them in and.missing out on the joyful laughter. 1
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 You've lost trust in her and that's a cornerstone of any successful relationship. Why are you together two years later after she said she was going to give you custody of the kids and move away? You guys haven't sorted out her cheating issue. Get thee to couples counselling if there's any hope of the marriage being saved. But once trust has gone, it's hard to get it back.
beach Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 She hasn't earned your trust - therefore she's ruined the M. You are still the Dad - whether you D her or not.
TheBladeRunner Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I understand and feel the same way. If my children werent involved I would be long gone but am unsure of what direction to take as the kids are my world. cant stand the thought of not tucking them in and.missing out on the joyful laughter. This was hard for me as well, to be honest I would rather see my daughter 100% of the time rather than the 50% I get now. They say kids are resilient, I think they are to a degree. It took time, but the custody arrangement has worked well with my daughter over time. It's never the same, but you and your kids can adjust.
Author defeated87 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 honestly still together for the kids, but I now feel that it is only going to hurt the kids with them being apart of this unhappy marriage. The OM has since passed away and I felt that would be a change in her life for the better of our marriage but the hurt has never gone away and the emotional stress is beginning to be a major issue with me.
Techie Artist Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Whoa! The OM passed away? Did she seem to want to come running home and "undo" all the mess after that? How has she been with caring for your children since?
Author defeated87 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 SO has always been remorseful and apologetic, but its happened more than once. This time he passed and shes seemed to try to hang on to me but the emotional damage has been done. As far as our children she has been an amazing mother, I on the other hand feel like ive done all of the work and put this heart on the line one time to many. IMO its a big mess and I dont know what direction to go from this point, trust again and have the potential of a replay or move on and live life. All I really want is to be happy again in life!
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